


Give To Pressure

by citadelsushi



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, Cover Art, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual fShenko, F/M, Gun Violence, Historical Inaccuracy, Mass Effect AU, Slow Burn, Violence, content note: will involve dark themes and whump, will update character and content tags as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-04-21 00:54:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 84,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22020823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citadelsushi/pseuds/citadelsushi
Summary: For years, Cerberus has controlled small western towns on the outskirts of civilization with money and fear mongering. Including Vancouver. When a U.S. Marshal comes to town with news of Cerberus's growing influence, he and town SheriffDavid Anderson decide that action must be taken.Frustrated by the injustice he witnesses in his hometown, freshly sworn in Deputy Sheriff Kaidan Alenko is eager to help. But when Anderson tasks him with finding and recruiting The Shepherd, a notoriously cruel and mysterious outlaw, Kaidan finds his moral boundaries pushed to their limits.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Comments: 238
Kudos: 89





	1. Root and Stem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork by the wonderful [shepofships](https://shepofshipsart.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.

  
  


Kaidan looked up at the thundering sound of approaching hoofbeats. He paused his digging to lean against the top of his shovel and dragged his sleeve across his forehead, wiping sweat from his brow only for it to return the moment he lowered his arm. This time of year, heat clung to every remaining second of daylight. A cloud of dust galloped toward him, dirt and humidity obscuring the sun into a hazy orange orb. At it’s head, a thick sorrel with an equally thick rider. 

Behind him, a small voice he recognized as Shane’s piped up. “I bet it’s the Sheriff!” 

Kaidan looked over his shoulder just as Jon slapped the back of his brother’s head. “It’s not the Sheriff, lunkhead.”

“You don’t know! No one ‘round here goes that fast for nothin’ ‘cept the Sheriff.”

“The Sheriff’s horse is a bay. That ain’t no bay.”

Shane turned ‘round and punched Jon square in the chest. 

Kaidan held a hand between them, voice stern despite his grin. “Enough, you two.” 

The neighbor boys quieted their squawking to jump onto the fence, leaning eagerly over the top railing. Kaidan looked on at a distance, squinting into the rapidly sinking sun as rhythmic pounding drew nearer. 

“Big Tom says Mary says she saw The Shepherd only ten miles outta town.” Shane leaned forward far enough his feet lifted from the bottom railing. “Says there was four riders an’ one wore a red rag. Maybe they came to Vancouver.”

Jon guffawed. “Mary can’t tell a skunk from a barn cat and Big Tom ain’t much brighter.”

“He swore it.” Shane jutted his chin proudly. “Said one horse had two red handprints on his chest and everythin’.”

“You ain’t know nothin’. It couldn’t have been The Shepherd. Mary’d be dead by now if it was.”

Out of retorts, the younger of the two boys stuck out his tongue. Jon made to hit him again, but Kaidan pinched the collar of his shirt and plucked him off the rail with a chuckle. “You two get on home, now. You worked long enough today.” 

The boys groaned in protest, but knew well enough that if they argued, their chores tomorrow would include cleaning sheaths. Through his peripherals, Kaidan watched them kick dirt as they left, tails tucked and heads down, grumbling and taunting each other the entire way, but his primary focus was on the approaching cloud of dust. It was nearly upon him. Close enough he could recognize the rider as Wayne Summers, a man who only ran after cattle and women. Neither of which prompted his urgency that evening. 

The man pulled hard on his reins and the sorrel’s nose shot straight up in protest. Rider breathing as heavy as his mount, the pair skidded to a clumsy halt directly opposite of him.

Kaidan tipped his hat in greeting. “Wayne, how are ya’ now?”

“No time for pleasantries, Deputy.” Wayne’s face was round and red as a tomato. His disheveled appearance and shortness of his breath, however, were not due to overexertion as was the case for his horse. Panic seeped into his voice. “There’s trouble in town. At the saloon.”

Kaidan’s heart beat a little harder in his chest. He looked over his shoulder to the paddock where his mare grazed, white tail flicking lazily at passing flies, then back to Wayne. “I’ll saddle Pepper and -”

“No time!” Wayne blurted, then shook his head sheepishly. “Apologies, Deputy. It’s just…” he swung a leg over the saddle horn and jumped down, flipped the reins over his horse’s head. “It’s Cerberus.”

_ Cerberus _ . The name kicked like a mule, knocked the breath from his lungs. 

Chores would have to wait. Kaidan dropped his shovel and ducked through the fence, taking hold of the reins Wayne thrust at him as he straightened. He flipped the reins back over the mare’s head and stepped into the stirrup.

“I’ll bring her back ’round your place soon as this is finished.” Kaidan promised as he swung into the saddle.

“I know you will, son.” The old man’s nervous fingers worked at the buckle around his hips, pulled his holster free and held it up to Kaidan. “You’re gonna be needing this.”

Kaidan’s jaw clenched at the dangling revolver, his eyes instinctively darting to his childhood home. His mother had always hated guns. With a deep breath, he swallowed his reservations and accepted the weapon. Deft hands wrapped the belt around his waist and fastened it tight. He withdrew the revolver, checked that it was loaded, then secured it once more in its leather holding.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

With a solemn nod of thanks, Kaidan kicked the mare into a lope and left Wayne standing in his dust. She was a stocky thing, almost as wide as she was tall, but she had heart, and her steady breathing as she carried him into town was the only thing keeping him remotely calm.

Cerberus had been present in Vancouver since he was a child. Back then, he had been too young to understand what the corporation was. His father had always told him they were nothin’ more than a group of dumb cowboys with yellow sashes and a penchant for bar brawls. Told him that so long as he gave them a wide berth, they’d give him no trouble. And Kaidan had believed him. Right up to the day his father sent him away at their behest. It wasn’t until he returned home, a decade later, that he learned what Cerberus truly was: a noxious weed, sinking poisonous roots into good soil and leaching it for all its worth. 

Burts of frenzied screams echoed from the town center, pierced Kaidan’s eardrums as he drew closer. Struck fear in his heart. Among them, one deeper voice, booming with intimidation. Though he couldn’t make out words or figures yet, he knew it was Cerberus. He had seen this sort of thing before. Been subject to it. And he’d be damned if he didn’t do something to stop it now.

As he turned onto Main Street, he shouted, “Make way!” 

Everyone in town had ceased their daily work to gather around the saloon, eyes glued to the situation unfolding. They still had a mind about them to jump out of the way as he came careening in, his heels pressed firmly into the mare’s belly. He didn’t slow her up at all when he vaulted off the saddle, one hand atop his head to keep his hat in place. The horse continued on a straight path, through the clearing in the crowd and out the other side. Leaving him standing firm in the middle of the action.

A stranger, taller than Kaidan and thin as a fence post, loomed over a scrawny young man, curled in on himself. He drove the boot of his toe into the kid’s stomach, eliciting a round of shrieks from the crowd. “Come on, kid! This all you got?” He let out a sinister laugh. “You claim you survived your entire town being slaughtered, but you can’t even stand up in a fight?” He laughed again, pulled back his leg in preparation for another swing. “I’m callin’ your bluff, kid.”

“Enough!” Kaidan roared.

The man froze. A sort of curious shock clouded his sharp features. “Who the hell are you?”

Kaidan spared a glance at the surrounding crowd. Dead silent. Some backed away, seeking shelter in case of gunfire. He inflated his chest. “Deputy Sheriff Kaidan Alenko. Step away from the kid.”

Narrowed eyes stared back at him. “You know who I am, boy?”

As if the dozens of folk standing meagerly by, paralyzed with fear, wasn’t clue enough. The thin man squared up with him, exaggerating the motion to draw attention to the silken yellow sash he wore around his waist. Brandished it like a badge of honor.

Kaidan bit back the urge to spit. “I know enough.”

“You don’t know shit,  _ Deputy _ .” His hand drifted toward the revolver at his side. “Why don’t I teach you a lil’ somethin’?”

Kaidan’s hand hovered over his own gun, fingers twitching with trepidation. Heart thumping against his rib cage. He was accurate. And fast. With a little luck, he could shoot the revolver from Cerberus’ agent’s hand before the man even had a chance to pull back the hammer. He held his breath, waiting for the other man to make the first move. 

A nasal voice cut sharp through tension. “Gentlemen!” Mayor Udina half-jogged down the town hall steps, weaseled his small frame through the crowd. “Gentlemen, surely there is no need for this kind of violence. In the middle of our fine town, no less.” He ushered his way to the Cerberus pawn, thought better than to reach out for him. “I assure you, mister, our young deputy here is just feelin’ a little big for his britches.” Udina leveled a rodent’s stare at Kaidan. “Ain’t that right, Alenko?”

Neither man moved a hand away from their weapons. Kaidan’s brows knitted together. Not the least bit surprised, yet somehow still disappointed. The mayor all but clung to the Cerberus agent, a gold watch chain dipping into the pocket of his elaborately patterned silk vest. Silver rings glittered in the sunset. He had always placed his interests over those of the town, and Cerberus’ ever growing presence was treating him well. 

If he went to draw now, Udina would be blocking a clear shot at his hand. Kaidan would have to risk shooting Udina, or take aim at Cerberus’s torso and kill him where he stood. Doubtless, Udina - crafty bastard he was - positioned himself in such a way to force Kaidan into that exact predicament. Hometown advantage used against him.

“Deputy,” Udina growled a warning, “stand down.”

The thin man’s lips stretched into a smug grin. Udina had just handed him the win. But it wasn’t pride that kept Kaidan’s fingertips hovering a hair over his revolver, it was the boy still lying on the ground, petrified, nose bloodied and dripping with snot. Spots of vomit smeared down his chin. The kid deserved justice. The townsfolk of Vancouver deserved to live free of fear. And if Udina wouldn’t protect the townsfolk from Cerberus, Kaidan would. 

Just then, two horses rounded the far corner onto mainstreet. Silver stars reflected golden light from the riders’ chests, shining beacons of hope. Kaidan felt himself exhale. He dropped his hand to his side, shoulders sinking with relief. Cerberus’s agent followed suite and turned on his heels, glaring, straining to see who else dared intrude on his public display of cruelty.

“Alright, show’s over!” Sheriff Anderson shouted gruffly from beneath a thick black mustache as he reined his horse to a halt. The massive bay’s chest snubbed right up to Udina’s back. “Everyone go on about your business!”

A heavily greyed man, deep lines of work and war etched on his face, pulled up beside him on a lean, black horse. His ice blue eyes unforgiving as he took in the scene, the jagged scar that cut vertically down his cheek twitched as he watched the crowd begin to reluctantly disperse. An encircled star stood proudly on the breast pocket of his breast. A U.S. Marshal.

Kaidan had never been so relieved. “Anderson, I-”

“Not another word, Alenko.” Harsh brown eyes pinned him in place. “Get that boy up and throw him in the drunk tank for the night.”

“Sir-” Kaidan stammered.

Cerberus won out with a raised voice. “Now hold on a minute! That boy wronged me in that there saloon. Talking crazy and stole my drink. It was a fair fight he picked with me and I expect to see it through.”

“No fair fight ever ended with a man curled up like a babe.” The Marshal spoke. Voice like molasses crawling over a bed of rocks. Louder at room volume than the thin man’s was at a howl.

“That’s the Jenkins’ boy.” Anderson nodded at the kid. “His folks just died in the next town over. I’m sure he didn’t mean nothing by it.”

Thin man shot a look at Udina, expectant.

“Boy aside,” Udina peered up at Anderson by the point of his nose, “your deputy nearly killed a man over a simple bar fight!” 

The Marshal said, “I saw no weapons drawn.”

“I’ll worry about my deputy, Udina.” Anderson’s stare fell heavy on Kaidan, who dropped his stare to the dirt, shamed. He turned back to Udina and gave a pointed look at Cerberus’ agent. “You worry about your men.” Disdain oozed from every word. Udina huffed, but Anderson ignored him. “Kaidan, I gave you an order.”

Forcing his chin up, Kaidan stepped forward and knelt down next to the boy. He reeked of booze and urine, and when Kaidan touched his shoulder, he whimpered. “Hey, come on, kid. Let’s get you somewhere safe.”

The thin man watched with predatory eyes as Kaidan helped the boy up and limped him toward the jailhouse. As they climbed the jailhouse steps, he heard Udina offer to buy the man a drink. Anger sour on his tongue, he swallowed his contempt and focused on getting the kid inside. He didn’t speak as Kaidan guided him into an empty cell, only grunted in pain as he eased him down onto the stiff prison mattress. Kaidan laid him down, helped him left weak legs onto the bed. Neither had the energy to worry over his boots or soiled clothing. 

Floorboards creaked behind him and Kaidan straightened. Anderson and the Marshal stepped into the jailhouse, speaking quietly to one another, seemingly uninterested in Kaidan’s presence. Or what had just transpired. Anger bubbled forth. He pulled a thin blanket up to the kid’s chin and stepped out of the cell. He pulled the door shut with a loud clang, forcing the men to acknowledge him.

He started toward them, forced himself to speak much more calmly than he felt. “Anderson, Sir, this is all wrong. That man…”

The way the two older men looked at him silenced him, his words trailed off and drifted away on Anderson’s exasperated sigh.

“Kaidan, this is U.S. Marshal Steven Hackett.” Anderson gestured toward the grey haired man and moved behind his desk. He pulled a bottle of whiskey and three glasses from the bottom drawer. “An old friend of mine. A good friend.”

Anderson poured a generous amount of liquid in each glass. He handed one to Hackett, then to Kaidan, who only accepted the drink after Anderson thrust it into his hand insistently, before taking a seat. The chair creaked as he settled into it with all the weight of a man who hadn’t rested in years. He took a long, slow sip.

Hackett swirled his beverage around the glass. “Do you know why I’m here, Kaidan?”

“I don’t suppose it’s a friendly visit.” Kaidan answered, hazarding a glance at Anderson, who huffed a laugh.

“You suppose right.” Hackett set his glass on the edge of the desk, untouched. “Cerberus isn’t a localized problem. They’ve been spreading for a long time. Years. We’ve been keeping an eye on them, but now… their methods are getting more severe, and they’re popping up East of the Mississippi.”

Kaidan’s grip on his glass tightened. Subconsciously, he leaned away from the two men. Appalled. These men who were supposed to uphold the law. To serve and protect. To deliver justice. Who he depended on to teach him how to do the same. “You’ve known about them for  _ years _ ?” He sneered. “And you’ve done nothing?”

“Now, Kaidan,” Anderson held up a hand to stop him.

But Kaidan wasn’t finished. “No! Years? You let Cerberus terrorize people into poverty and illness, to force them to work their hands to the bone and take everything for themselves? No protection. No justice. And you care now? Because they’re headed East?”

“That’s right.” 

Hackett’s confirmation only incited him further. He stepped toward the Marshal, finger raised in accusation. Just as he was about to jab the older man in the chest, Anderson lurched from his chair and caught his wrist, jerked it away and held fast.

“Damnit, Kaidan, listen to what we’re trying to tell you!”

Red hot shame crept up his neck just as it had outside. Embarrassed that Anderson had to scold him like a child. He took a deep breath, corralled his temper, and took a step back from Hackett. 

Satisfied for the moment, Anderson sat down once more and breathed a heavy sigh. Completely exhausted already. “Hackett and I have been working together on this for a long time, kid. There aren’t many of us left, lawmen who don’t accept money from Cerberus. But that doesn’t mean we don’t still have to play their games.”

“The whole system is corrupt.” Hackett’s hands were clasped behind his back. “You know how hard it is to convict a man of anything when the judge’s salary is paid by Cerberus?”

“Damn hard.” Anderson grunted.

“So we’ve been watching. Learning what we can, biding our time.” 

Kaidan leaned back against the wall, forcing composure. “What changed?”

“We are out of time.” Hackett answered with a hint of regret. “If they’re spreading that far East, they’ve amassed quite a following. And money to back them.”

“Then why don’t you do something about it?” Kaidan scoffed. “You’re a marshal. Federal jurisdiction.”

Hackett furrowed his brow. His lips pressed into a thin line. “Greed is a powerful thing, Deputy. Most of the marshals are just as corrupt as your Mayor Udina. I can’t lead an army of one.”

“Steven is doing exactly what he needs to be doing.” Anderson interjected. “Working this from the inside, keeping us in the know. Keeping us safe.”

_ Safe.  _ Kaidan scoffed again and took a swallow of whiskey. It tasted as bitter as he felt. If kids being beaten in the streets by an untouchable man was their idea of safe, he’d hate to see their idea of danger. 

“Yes, keeping us safe.” Anderson’s voice sharpened to a point. “Just like how we saved your ass out there.” He pointed to the door. “You have any idea how stupid that was? Being a man of the law isn’t going to keep Cerberus from going after you. Or your folks. You made yourself a target, Kaidan. Again.” Kaidan flinched, but Anderson pressed on. “And now your survival depends on whether or not Udina and that Cerberus son of a bitch believe I’ll teach you how to shut up and look the other way.”

Old wounds opened, Kaidan took another sip of whiskey. A long one. And let it sit in his mouth, burn his tongue with its oaky, stringent flavor. Once again, his innate desire for righteousness had landed him in a shit situation. He looked across the room, where the kid lied on a rough bed of straw, still curled in on himself and mumbling incoherently. Words only the drunk and terrified would understand. Finally, he swallowed.

“So what do we do?”

Anderson’s face fell, but Hackett’s lips twitched agreeably. “Not we. You.” Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “We need you to operate outside the law, Alenko.”

Kaidan’s stare fell to Anderson, who nodded, then back to Hackett. “What exactly does that mean?”

“We want you to find The Shepherd, and her band of outlaws, and convince her to help you take down Cerberus.” Hackett sounded almost bored.

Kaidan felt his jaw drop, his mouth agape and useless. No words came to him. Silence filled the jailhouse. The Shepherd was nearly as much a mystery as the driving forces behind Cerberus. Wanted posters listed the title all over towns for miles, but no one had ever been able to bring them in. The only information displayed read:

_ WANTED ALIVE _

_ “THE SHEPHERD” _

_ FOR MURDER, ROBBERY, AND HORSE THEFT _

_ OF MODERATE HEIGHT, BLUE EYES _

_ $1,000 FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO ARREST _

_ $8,000 FOR CAPTURE _

The drawing that accompanied the words was crude, a face largely obscured by a wild rag and a flat topped hat, a set of piercing eyes being the only visible feature. They might as well have been a ghost. Tales that accompanied the title were as fearsome as the bounty was large. Even the most notable bounty hunters that chased after The Shepherd always gave up in favor of easier prey. 

Kaidan shook his head, blinked rapidly, working their words over in his mind. “Wait…  _ her _ ? The Shepherd is a woman? You know?”

Anderson and Hackett exchanged a look he couldn’t comprehend, and stared at each other for a long moment, speaking some silent language of blinks and subtle expression, before Anderson broke eye contact with Hackett and found Kaidan instead. 

“That’s one thing I know about her, yes.”

Every moment of his afternoon was a shotgun shell to the chest. “So The Shepherd is another criminal protected by the law?” The older lawmen’s silence confirmed their guilt. “She’s a murderer and a thief. Why would she help us?”

Anderson winced. “This one is different.”

“Then call her in. Ask her to do it yourselves. I don’t want any part of this.”

Hacket shook his head. “Not an option. We can’t incriminate ourselves. Cerberus is going to want to settle the score with you now. It makes the most sense for you to skip town.”

“This is the right call, Kaidan.” Anderson agreed.

Kaidan was reeling. “No. Anderson, Hackett - Sirs, there’s got to be something else we can do. Do this the right way.”

“Son,” Anderson swallowed the rest of his drink in two gulps and set down his glass. He stood from his chair and faced Kaidan head on, rested his hand on his shoulder. Heavy with duty. “The other day, when we were talking, you compared Cerberus to something. What was it?”

Hackett looked on curiously as Kaidan answered, slow and suspicious. “A noxious weed.”

“And how do you get rid of noxious weeds?”

“You rip them out.” Kaidan felt dread begin to well in his stomach. “Root and stem.”

Anderson’s grip on his shoulder tightened. “And then you set them on fire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who read this chapter! I've been working on this fic for some time now and have finally started to share. As someone who normally writes short ficlets, it's been a challenge to take on a fic of this length, but incredibly fun to write. Should you choose to stick around for updates, I plan to update every 1-2 weeks depending on how life goes.


	2. Leaving Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you all enough for such a positive response to the first chapter. Your comments and kudos helped me churn out another 2 chapters this week! This chapter is a little shorter, so the next update will be next week.

Every angle from which Kaidan analyzed his new assignment seemed sharper than the last. Anderson was right, as much as it pained him to admit, that no legal dealings would be enough to free them from Cerberus’ grip. They were too deeply ingrained. Too well funded. Their presence loomed over the entire town, ominous and dark as any summer storm. Willing to strike down whoever was bold, or stupid enough, to raise an arm at them. Kaidan felt it earlier that evening, standing against the thin man with the yellow sash. Alone amongst dozens of his people, no one else foolhardy enough to join him in opposition. Consequences of disobedience were too great.

As he sought out Wayne’s thick sorrel mare and walked her home, Kaidan had tried to think of ways around it. He had taken his time brushing her out, erasing any evidence of labor from her coat, all the while trying to come up with a strategy that kept him in Vancouver. Kept him operating within the restraints of the law. Each idea shaky at best, and shot down by Hackett’s voice echoing in the back of his mind.  _ Not an option. _

He had chewed on it all evening and, still, it was a hard concept to swallow. No matter how hard Anderson and Hackett had tried to spin it in a positive light, he was expected to leave town and become an outlaw. To find the unfindable. To convince a woman who had been wanted for years to join forces with the very organization that offered money for her capture.

Even if he was able to find her, even if she granted him audience, Kaidan doubted she would be anything less than hostile. Stories about The Shepherd passed through towns like folklore. She was more a myth than a person. Tales of her villainy ranged from single handedly robbing speeding trains, killing every living creature in the vicinity in the process, to setting fires to homes while their inhabitants slept inside, laughing as they burned alive. Rumor had it, she killed everyone who crossed her path. It was the only way she had evaded capture for so long. Anyone who saw her face, died.

Except for those selected to join her flock. Over the years, she had formed a small posse of criminal cohorts, each with a wanted poster of their own. Their crimes equally abhorrent, their witnesses equally dead. Joining their gang became something amateur thieves aspired to. Rowdy kids who didn’t know better committed petty crimes in the name of The Shepherd. Sometimes, Kaidan heard stories of low life nobodies running off in search of The Shepherd, hoping to be accepted into her band of misfits. But they never returned. And the number of reported followers never increased.

Even if some good did come out of working with The Shepherd, and Kaidan doubted any would, the law partnering with an outlaw would only give credit to her misdeeds. Essentially grant pardon to her crimes. Recruiting her was repulsive. No amount of Anderson’s vague assurances that The Shepherd was somehow better than every other lawless vermin riding free of consequence would change his mind.

“Kaidan? Is that you?” His mother’s wary voice sounded, interrupting his thoughts just as flickering candlelight illuminated the hall outside his bedroom. 

Kaidan froze. Suddenly a boy of ten, scared to be caught out of bed after curfew. He sounded just as young as he answered, “Yeah, ma’, it’s just me.”

Around the doorframe, his mother’s head appeared. Her hair rolled and pinned in place for the evening, a thin shawl pulled tight around her shoulders. She held the candle in front of her and squinted into his room. In the shifting shadows of light and dark, her deep brown eyes landed on his bed, and the bed roll he was preparing there. 

Kaidan felt his heart break as anguish washed over her face. “Ma’, I have to go.” 

Moisture flooded her eyes immediately. Her eyelids fluttered furiously, barely keeping tears at bay. She never let a single tear fall. “Honey, no.” 

Kaidan swallowed the enormous lump in his throat and left his things. He turned to face her and gently pried the candle holder from her hand. He set it on the bedside table and took her trembling hands in his. “I…” Kaidan choked on his words, his eyes dropping from contact. How could he explain to her what was at stake? What he had to do? That, once again, he had forced his family into separation.

“Kaidan, please.” She pulled her hands free of him, cupped his face with every bit of tenderness and warmth she had in her body. Pleading. “We just got you back.”

His eyes squeezed shut and he sighed. Whispered, “I know.” Deflated as the air left his lungs, most of his courage leaving with it. Not for the first time in his life, Kaidan wished he was capable of just letting things go. Keeping his head down and his mouth shut and just getting by. 

Warm hands fell from his face and he opened his eyes at their absence. His mother was hugging herself now, staring up at him with knowing, moistened eyes. It was a secret talent of mothers, he knew, to be able to see everything their children did. For his mother, it was more an art than a talent. She didn’t just see him, she saw  _ through _ him. Always. And though despair made up most of her expression, there was pride there, too. And loss, deep and dark, as she resigned herself to the fact that, whatever the reason, she couldn’t stop him.

“You’re just like your father.” 

Kaidan forced a subtle quirk of his lips, brief as it was. “You’ll tell him for me?”

She inhaled deep and nodded. “Should I tell him when you’ll be coming back?”

His heart dropped to the floor so quick it nearly dragged him down with it. He could no longer meet her eyes. His mother choked a sob and clasped her hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking with effort to keep silent. Just as quickly, he felt like a teenager again, his actions causing his mother’s grief. And he wanted to vomit. He had already been gone from them for so long. When he had finally returned, his mother’s hair had turned grey and her body malnourished. His father had suffered a gunshot wound that nearly cost him the use of his leg. Now, he relied too heavily on a cane to work the garden or the cattle on which they so desperately relied. By the time Kaidan returned from this journey -  _ if  _ he returned - likely as not, his parents would be gone. Yet here he was, about to leave them subject to Cerberus’ cruelty. Again.

Clarity struck him. 

Cerberus was to blame for all of this. They were the reason he was sent away as a kid. They were the reason his parents, and the entire town of Vancouver, had fared so poorly over the last decade. It was Cerberus who shot his father for doing his job, for doing what was right. Cerberus agents who stole every scrap of food they produced, every coin they made, to fulfill their role in bettering humanity.

In that moment, Kaidan felt himself grow taller. Sense of purpose renewed. He reached forward and captured his mother in his arms, pulling her into him and hugging her tightly. She was so small, so frail that for a moment he felt as if he might crush her.

“Shh, listen,” he rocked her slowly, side to side, “I hid money under the floorboards in the bathroom. Every penny I made while I was at Aunt Beth’s. It ain’t much, but it will keep you and dad fed and the neighbor boys paid. They’re good kids, they’ll take care of the chorin’.” He pulled back and stared down at her, his voice grave. “Anderson will keep Cerberus away from you. He promised me that. But if they come askin’ for me, you tell ‘em I skipped town in the night and you didn’t see nothing. You understand?”

Moisture shining in her eyes, she nodded. 

Of course she understood. She’d known what Cerberus was long before him. She’d been through this heartache before.

Kaidan pulled her back to him. “I love you, ma’. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

She wrapped her thin arms around him, her embrace stronger than he’d ever felt. A hug he would feel even after he left their home. Deep in his bones. The last one they might ever share.

***

Stars peeked out between clouds overhead. The steady, hollow thumping of Pepper’s shoes on packed dirt the only sound as they moved through the dark. Under the blue light of night, the mare’s grey coat shone like the moon brought to Earth. Kaidan couldn’t help but smile and reach forward to give his horse a pat on the neck. The trip on which they were about to embark would be trying for them both, and he was grateful to have a dependable partner to carry him through.

The mare was the first horse he had purchased with his own money. Months and months of savings spent at auction on a malnourished nag with feet so long they curled up at the ends. Aunt Beth had told him he was a fool. Vince, the farrier’s apprentice, had griped about the backache it would give him to bring her hooves into good health. But she was gentle and her eye was quiet and her dappled coat, dull and dirty as it had been, was the most beautiful horse hide Kaidan had ever seen. Good food and proper care had since transformed her into a solid, shining mount. And while she held many opinions about being put to work, he couldn’t imagine himself a better matched horse.

He shifted in his saddle and checked once more that all of his belongings were secured. He had loaded the mare down with about as much as she could comfortably carry for a long distance. Mostly provisions - his mother had forced him to take enough cured meat to last him a week - and ammo. A change of clothes, a warm jacket, camp wear, and a bedroll tied behind the cantle. His hunting rifle secured in a leather scabbard and two revolvers loaded and fastened in the holster around his waist, all gifts from his father. As prepared as he could possibly be to waltz off into the unknown.

Now that he was closer to main street, people bustled about. Two streets over, upbeat piano music played and a fiddle screeched in delight. Laughter and cheers roared, the kind brought about only by being deep in one’s cup. Kaidan smiled a little despite himself. He had never been one for crowds, but any sound of cheer and civilization was a comfort tonight. He couldn’t know when he might hear that again.

Kaidan bumped Pepper with his heel and she turned down the side street that would lead him to the jailhouse. One last stop. One last goodbye. He and Anderson had been cross with one another when he left earlier that evening, and Kaidan couldn’t leave in good conscious knowing their last words had been spoken harshly.

Lamplight glowed through the windows of the jailhouse. Anderson would still be inside, writing in his journal and nursing a cup of coffee, as he always did when a cell was occupied. On a normal night, Kaidan would be sitting there beside him, ready to follow him into the fire should something go wrong at the saloon. But tonight was no normal night. 

Kaidan dismounted and tied Pepper loosely to the hitch rail behind the old wooden building. It was quieter, this side of the street. Quiet enough that Kaidan could hear voices emanating from beyond the thick plank walls. Urgent voices, hushed voices, punctuated with bursts of volume as the speaker lost control. Kaidan frowned, cocked his head as if it would make the voices clearer. Cautiously, he ascended the stairs, worn wood groaning under his weight despite his best efforts to remain silent. He winced at each creak, praying the voices inside wouldn’t hear his approach.

He could hear them clearly, now. Anderson, and the gruff voice of Marshal Hackett.

“...nothing you could’ve done, David. They would’ve shot us both.”

Anderson grumbled. “At some point, fear of death has got to stop being a reason to do nothing.”

“You die and this town has nothing left.”

A heavy sigh. “That might already be the case, Steven.”

Kaidan could feel the sorrow in Anderson’s voice. So deep it made his heart sink. Before he lost his nerve, he pushed through the swing door, just to nearly fall back against it when confronted with the scene inside. Both men whirled on him, hands on their weapons. Between them, the kid from earlier, Cerberus’s victim, lay face down on the floor in a pool of black blood. The back of his head a crater. Bits of bone and brain splattered in a halo around him. Bile rose in Kaidan’s throat.

Anderson eased off his revolver and stepped forward, arms outstretched. “Kaidan, son, you can’t be here.”

“What happened?” Disgust and rage molten beneath a thin crust of control.

Hackett answered. “Cerberus.”

Anderson’s clapped his hands over Kaidan’s shoulders, eyes searching his in earnest. “You need to go. Now, Kaidan, before they realize you’re not home and come lookin’ for you here.”

Mind racing, Kaidan nodded, but his eyes were locked on the dead kid in front of him. “Why?” Anderson looked at him like he was dense, so Kaidan looked to Hackett instead. “Who was he? Why did they feel the need to kill him?”

“Skinny son of a bitch couldn’t let it go.” Anderson shook his head.

Hackett stared hard at Kaidan. Almost impressed. “He was talking about ‘adjutants’. Wouldn’t shut up about it. Said they killed his family. Wiped out his entire town.”

“Poor kid. I knew his folks.” Anderson stepped back from Kaidan and spared a remorseful look at the body. “Said he got away ‘cause he was out checking the hogs. They didn’t see him. But he saw what they did to his parents. His kid sister…” Anderson pounded his fist on the edge of his desk, knuckles white.

Kaidan looked between the two living men. “Adjutants?”

“A rumor, so far.” Hackett was deadpan. “Monstrous creatures, large as a bear and meaner than a mountain lion. No one I know has ever confirmed their existence.” A quick glance to the dead boy. “But that Cerberus fella’ sure didn’t want that rumor to spread here.”

An invisible, crushing weight settled on Kaidan. Suddenly, even standing took every bit of strength he had. The boy on the floor couldn’t have been a day over eighteen. A child, murdered in cold blood after watching his family, his entire town, perish. His pulse pounded in his ears. His chest heaved. His suspenders felt like one hundred pound straps over his shoulders, immobilizing. Panic threatened to overtake him.

“Alenko,” and just like that, Anderson was back at the forefront, left hand gripping his shoulder, “this is what we’re facing. All of us. We already knew the stakes. But you can do this.”

Hackett took one step forward, his hands clasped behind his back in militaristic fashion. “Find The Shepherd. Together, you take Cerberus down.”

Kaidan nodded. Quickly at first, in synch with his rapidly beating heart. Then slower, a sense of cold calm washing over him. Find The Shepherd. Find Cerberus. Save Vancouver. Save his parents. He could do this. He had to do this. “What if she won’t listen?”

“Make her listen.” Anderson’s right hand pushed something hard against his left breast. “Take this. And remember, the Shepherd is different from others you’ll run into on the trail, but she’s just as dangerous. Maybe even more so. And the company she keeps…” Anderson sighed, “watch yourself, Kaidan.”

Anderson pulled his hand away and stepped back. Kaidan caught the object he had pushed into him in his hand and turned it over. A sheriff’s star. He looked up, jaw clenched with purpose. “Thank you, sir.”

Anderson nodded, offering a small smile of appreciation before any trace of happiness dropped from his expression. “Now go, kid. Ride due East, past that big gamblin’ bar, to the barn by the creek. Tell the man there I sent you. He’ll point you in the right direction.”

“I’ll get it done, Anderson.” Kaidan looked past him to the Marshal and gave a formal nod. “Sir.”

Hackett nodded in return.

With one last, long glance at the Jenkins’ kid, Kaidan straightened and turned his back on the older men. With every ounce of power of will he had, he kept his shoulders back and chin high as he exited the jailhouse, slowly descended the steps, and climbed onto his horse. He spun her ‘round, pointed her East, and left town at a gallop.


	3. Double-Edged Shield

Kaidan woke before the first hint of sunlight peeked over the Eastern hills. He was content watching Pepper graze as sunrise crawled across the sky in pastel shades of pink and orange, inching ever forward to chase away the dark. Seated on a stump, he stoked a fire just large enough to provide him with some coffee to chase down his meager breakfast. They had ridden well into the night before he had stopped to set up camp. It was an easy journey physically, the large grey mare had hardly worked up a sweat despite the sticky midnight heat, but mental exhaustion hit him hard. Every step of the way, Vancouver pulled at him. His mother's fearful stare an anchor he dragged behind him for miles. 

Even now, he glanced over his shoulder. Duty and family pulling him in opposite directions. 

With a groan, Kaidan stood and splashed his remaining coffee over the coals. Wallowing wouldn't bring about any good for anyone. He was doing this for his family, he had to remember that. And by leaving, he had a chance to do more for them than he ever could by staying. Anderson and Hackett had made that perfectly clear.

He packed up camp somewhat leisurely, refused to admit to procrastination as he took his time spreading out the coals and coiling his bed roll extra tight. Aside from standing obediently, Pepper paid him no mind as he brushed errant bits of dirt and plant from her hide and saddled her. The grass was lush and plentiful and she seemed just as reluctant as he to head out into their uncertain future. But the passage of time was inevitable. Once his gear was loaded and all trace of them having been there adequately kicked away, they rode into the rising sun. 

They avoided roads and kept to the hills, roving among valleys and rounded peaks. Thigh-high grass rippled in the wind, a sea of green dotted with mid-summer flowers that bloomed in vibrant yellows and purples and whites. Overhead, the sky shifted from peach to a brilliant blue. All of the clouds from last evening faded into whisps. Pepper grabbed the occasional bit of grass as she plodded along. Kaidan sighed, at peace. It was so serene that, for a moment, he felt as though he were simply out on a ride to clear his mind.

He clung to that feeling even as he scanned his surroundings at each hilltop, narrowed eyes searching for anyone who might be following his trail. At times, Pepper’s head popped up, ears trained on a sound too fine for Kaidan to hear. And he would stop and wait and listen. His hand reaching for his rifle. But after several seconds of held breath and frazzled nerves, the mare would deem whatever she had heard as unworthy of further attention, and they would continue. 

By the time Kaidan first caught sight of the barn by the creek, it was well past mid-day. He urged Pepper into a lope and she responded enthusiastically. Her hooves kicked up clumps of soft dirt and grass as they flew down the hill. Horses in the surrounding pastures lifted their heads and snorted at their presence, running to the fence line that separated them and pacing it anxiously. A few stablehands milled around the property, forking hay and picking manure. One, a young girl with red hair bound in braided pigtails, dropped the chicken she held and dashed into the main barn. From a distance, Kaidan couldn’t tell if her squeal was one of delight or fear. 

No one greeted him as he pulled up to the front of the barn. The working hands barely looked up from their chores. On high alert, Pepper looked on at the pastured horses who so desperately wanted to meet the new arrival, each of them with chests pressing against the fence, ears perked forward and nostrils blowing wide. Kaidan ducked under her head in order to secure her to the hitch rail. 

“Don’t get yourself in trouble, lady.” He chuckled at her, patting her neck before turning toward the open barn doors.

Inside was dark and dusty and smelled of hay, with no hint of manure or ammonia. Kaidan looked about, impressed. He was keenly aware of how much work and care it took to prevent a stable from reeking of manure and horse piss. Especially one with as many stalls as this. His spurs chimed as he walked down the main aisle, wide enough a troika could pass with room to spare. The establishment was massive. Old, but well tended. With as few staff as Kaidan had seen, he reckoned the owner had more love for the place than money to throw at it.

From further down the aisle, the small girl with braids reappeared. She trailed behind a man with equally red hair, both her hands clutching his pant leg. A short beard covered the lower third of the man’s face and his green eyes regarded Kaidan suspiciously. Lingered on the Sheriff’s badge he wore over his heart. 

“What can I do ya’ for, fella?” He approached with a stiff legged gait. Braces surrounded each of his legs, creaking crudely with each step.

Kaidan made an effort not to stare, but he sensed it was in vain. The man seemed well aware of, and annoyed by, his efforts. “I’m looking for someone. I was told you could help me.”

The man barked a laugh. “I ain’t in the business of finding folks, mister. You want information of comin’s and goin’s, you best find the nearest brothel. Those ladies and gents have all the gossip you need.”

“I don’t want gossip.” 

“Well unless you want a horse or supplies for one, I got nothin’ for ya’.”

Kaidan frowned, looked over his shoulder outside, to where Pepper still stood at attention. He was hesitant to show his hand too soon. If this man wasn’t who Anderson had intended him to meet, he very well could be associated with Cerberus. Though, Kaidan supposed, the man likely figured the same about him.

“You the only man workin’ here?” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The red headed man stopped his approach, the small girl following thudded into his behind. “You surprised to see a cripple runnin’ a place like this?”

“No!” Kaidan shook his head. “That’s not…”

“You listen here, mister,” the man reached for a pitchfork on the side of the aisleway, pointed the forks at him and continued forward, “I'm not good. I'm not even great. I'm the best damn stable master you'll find on  _ either _ side of the Goddamn Mississippi and if -”

“Easy, now. I don’t mean no harm.” Kaidan held his hands up in front of him in surrender, but stood his ground.  _ Hell of a start _ . “David Anderson sent me.”

The man recoiled. He kept the pitchfork gripped tight in his right hand and stared at Kaidan, hard. For several heartbeats, neither moved. Then, the man turned to the girl behind him. “Hilary, go finish gatherin’ the chickens.” The child nodded and scampered off in the opposite direction, choosing to go out the back rather than run past the stranger. Once she had gone from sight, he turned back to Kaidan. “Who are you?”

All cards on the table, he answered, “Kaidan Alenko. I work… worked with him in Vancouver.”

Fear flashed across his features. Masked over just as quickly. “He alright?”

“Yeah, he’s doin’ just fine.” Kaidan nodded, reassured by the man’s reaction. “You got a name?”

“Jeff.” He moved closer with as much caution as he would if approaching a snake. “Anderson has never sent a messenger before. What’s going on?”

Kaidan shot a wary glance at the pitchfork the man still grasped, tines aimed at his thigh. “Cerberus is getting more violent.” Jeff scoffed, unconvinced of Kaidan’s credibility. “A marshal came to town and they-”

“What marshal?”

“Steven Hackett.”

“Ah shit.” Jeff’s pitchfork clattered to the ground. “Shit. Shit, shit shit.” He started to pace in short, rapid steps as Kaidan stared, dumbfounded. “Just great. ‘Be friends with the law, Jeff.’ ‘They’ll keep the kids safe, Jeff.’” He threw his hands haphazardly as he spoke, a lower pitched, crude imitation of his own. “‘They won’t ask you for nothin’ dangerous.’” He paused, shook his head, face in his palm. “Shit.”

One of Kaidan’s brows rose damn near to the brim of his hat. “I haven’t asked for nothin’, yet.”

“Yet.” Jeff parroted. “But that’s what’s coming next, ain’t it?” He bent down and retrieved his pitchfork, stabbed the tines into the dirt and leaned against the handle. His once aggressive tone was now edged with humor as he asked, “What do the old men need that they couldn’t ask for themselves? A cavalry? My right arm?”

It was disarming enough that Kaidan felt the corners of his lips turn upward, only just. “They told me you could point me in the direction of The Shepherd.”

Jeff laughed. Genuine, but dark. As if Kaidan had quite literally just asked for his arm. He drew out the exaggerated laughter long enough that Kaidan shifted uncomfortably between one leg and then the other. Unintentionally, after nearly a minute, he cleared his throat. Only then did Jeff straighten, wiping an invisible tear from under his eye.

“You’d have better luck askin’ for all the horses in this barn. No one knows where to find The Shepherd.”

“Anderson seemed awful certain you would”

Jeff scrutinized Kaidan shrewdly, as if he were an animal on the wrong side of the fence with no gates open and no rails broken. An annoying puzzle he had to solve. “Even if I did,” he started boldly, “have even the smallest idea of where they might be, why in the hell would I tell you?”

Kaidan blinked in disbelief. Anderson had given him no more than his name to bring to this man, and he wasn’t biting. “I’m just tryin’ to get rid of Cerberus. Anderson thought she would help.” He shrugged. The truth was all he had to offer. “You’re the only lead he gave me.”

A look of recognition washed over Jeff’s face. Just as it had back in the jailhouse, when Kaidan had caught on to Anderson referring to The Shepherd as something other than a figurehead. He remained defensive, but a cutting humor returned to his voice. “I can’t take you to her, I’ve got work to do here.”

Relief. Kaidan lurched at the opportunity. “Just point me in the right direction.”

Jeff laughed. “Easy there, Deputy. That badge on your chest ain't a bulletproof shield. If you go lookin’ for her on your own, she’ll prolly kill ya’.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

A real grin, a flash of something that resembled respect gleamed in his eye. Or perhaps, just a twisted sense of humor. Followed by a moment's hesitation before Jeff made his decision. “Alright then. Follow me.”

Kaidan followed the man down the aisle, their pace slow as the leading man's leg braces stiff joints squeaked. Horses munched happily on hay in the immaculately cleaned stalls they passed. Kaidan glossed over each one appreciatively. Buckskins, blacks, and the rare grey. The stock was thick necked and long maned, their short backs and long legs all brushed to a shine.

Absentmindedly, he asked, “The girl, Hilary? She your daughter?”

“Hell no. Kid sister.” Jeff suddenly stopped and turned. He caught Kaidan eyeing one mare in particular, a grey with a black colt suckling at her teet, and offered his second genuine grin. "Thought ya' weren't here for horse flesh?"

"I'm not." Kaidan answered, a smile ghosting his lips as the colt stamped his foot and struggled for a better angle, "just admiring, is all."

"Andalusians." Jeff nodded at the mare. "Spanish horses. They use 'em for bull fighting over there, but I breed 'em with Thoroughbreds. That cross'll get you the bravery and movement of a Spanish horse, and the speed and endurance of a Thoroughbred. Hell of a horse."

"I can see that."

Jeff seemed pleased. He led them only a few feet further, to the empty stall second second to last in the aisle, and stepped inside. Kaidan looked on as Jeff pointed out the window there, North, across the creek. 

"That stand of aspens over there?" Kaidan nodded his understanding. "That's where they went. Left yesterday, so your timing's good. Shouldn't be too hard to catch up."

"I appreciate the help, Jeff."

Jeff chuckled, shook his head slowly. "Don't go thankin' me yet. The Shepherd doesn't take kindly to folks following her tracks."

Kaidan's lips pressed into a thin line. "For an acquaintance of hers, you don't seem too trusting of her." Neither had Anderson.

"The Shepherd is more than an acquaintance." Defensive, he crossed his arms. "I trust her just fine. It's you we have to worry about."

Kaidan tilted his head in each direction to stretch his neck, and rubbed at the base of his skull."That's…reasonable, I s'pose. Why tell me where they are, then?"

“If you mean her harm, she’ll kill ya’ long before you get the chance.” Then, uncrossing his arms, Jeff added, “Besides, anyone who drops Hacketts name that easily is prob’ly someone I don’t want to stab with a pitchfork. Do me a favor, though, will ya’?" He waited until Kaidan nodded before he said, "If ya' do catch up to her, don't tell her Jeff sent you. It's Joker."

"Joker?" Kaidan's brows pinched together, and Jeff nodded in response. With no further explanation given, he obliged. "Alright then. Joker it is."

***

Down the hill in a small stand of aspen, The Shepherd and her flock milled around a campfire. At a glance, the four seemed as harmless as any small group of travellers. A man with two long, black braids tended a small fire and the spit of meat roasting over top, while a dark haired woman arranged bed rolls around the fire. Near the horses, a man with a thick handlebar mustache ran a cloth over their saddles. And beside him sat a woman with a braid long enough it touched the ground, cleaning the rifle laid across her lap. 

But Kaidan had been watching for hours. And the longer he watched, the clearer it became that he had, in fact, found who he was looking for. The man tending the fire kept it hot, but the flames low, and only a thin column of smoke rose. It dissipated completely before reaching the tree tops. No one would spot them by way of smoke. The dark haired woman, once finished arranging the sleeping area, set to marking a perimeter around camp. A wire strand wrapped around trees, and every few feet, she placed something round on ground, covering it with dirt. Kaidan counted seven obstacles placed before his attention was drawn to the mustachioed stranger and the woman with the braid. They exchanged several words and a laugh before the man left the rig he was tending to and disappeared into the trees, a rifle strapped to his back. An arsenal large enough for ten men was scattered around the woman left behind. 

With a groan, Kaidan rolled onto his back. His shoulders ached from the strain of lying on his stomach, flat in the dirt, for so long. Sooner or later, he knew he would have to make contact. But until he was ready, he couldn’t risk being spotted. He had gone so far as to remove his hat, hanging it on his saddle horn to better obscure himself from view. Pepper stood a ways off, tucked safely behind a large cottonwood. 

Truthfully, he hadn’t a clue what it would take for him to be ready to initiate a meeting. As he lay there, he had a sinking feeling that Vancouver was waiting on him. Depending on swift action that he wasn’t taking. After three days of anticipation, he was finally toe to toe with The Shepherd, and he was hesitating. It wasn’t fear for his life, exactly. He had grown used to the feeling that he might die at the hands of this mysterious outlaw. It felt more like a fear of falling. He stood at the edge of a great precipice. One more step and he would tumble into the abyss, eaten up by whatever monster lay at the bottom. If he went down to meet these people, there would be no turning back. 

So, he waited. Staring up at the cloudless sky, hands folded over his abdomen, Kaidan contemplated the different ways he could leave himself a way out. Indirectly get word to The Shepherd without revealing himself. Notes. Signs. An ambush, say his piece and retreat. But nothing he could fathom granted him a way out that wasn’t also cowardice. Or foolish. 

Kaidan didn’t hear the approaching footsteps. He only heard the solid metallic clunk of a bolt pushing a round into the chamber. He startled into a seated position, arms thrust behind him, to find a rifle pointed at his chest. At the opposite end, the man from camp with the handlebar mustache stared down the sights.

The stranger demanded, “Who are you?” 

If he hadn’t been relying on his hands for support, Kaidan would’ve held them up in surrender. As it were, he was stuck, the revolvers on his hips rendered useless. “Kaidan Alenko.”

The man nodded at the star on his chest. “You a law man?”

“Deputy Sheriff. From Vancouver.”

The man narrowed his eyes. His lip twitched under his mustache, made it look as if each handlebar were capable of independent movement. His expression, however, remained completely unreadable. “Up.”

Slowly, his eyes never leaving the deep blue stare of the man aiming at his heart, Kaidan rose to his feet. Had Anderson not told him The Shepherd was a woman, Kaidan would have pegged the man before him as the outlaw. A few inches taller and lean, he held himself with the lethality of a trained killer. 

“Guns. Now.” The stranger nodded at his holster. “You try to draw on me, you die slow.”

Kaidan didn’t doubt for a second that the stranger was a man of his word. Cool dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Somehow, he kept his voice from shaking. “Easy, now. I ain’t trying to spend any bullets here.”

Again, the stranger’s mustache twitched. 

Just as slowly as he stood, Kaidan’s hands went to his waist. Without looking, he unfastened his holster and tossed it gently to the feet of the other man, then held his hands palms forward once more. 

“See? No one needs to get hurt.”

The stranger regarded him coldly and cocked his head, the action birdlike in it’s apathy. A hawk just before picking entrails from its prey. “You and I don’t get to make that decision.”

“Who does?”

“You know who.”

Kaidan swallowed hard. Mustache gestured for Kaidan to turn around, but he paused. “I can’t leave my horse.”

“The grey? Yeah, I saw her. She’s tied. We’ll send someone for her after we decide what to do with you.” He gestured again.

So much for leaving a way out. 

As Kaidan started walking down the hill on which he had been perched, he heard the mustachioed man retrieve his holster from the ground before falling in line behind him. Even now, knowing he was following him, he struggled to hear the man stalking behind. Unease crashed over him. When Kaidan had spotted the man leaving the outlaw camp, he had assumed he was going off to relieve himself. Not a one of ‘em had given any indication they knew they were being watched. They had given him no reason to suspect they knew he existed. And yet, this man had gotten the jump on him easier than a cat chasing a blind mouse. Humiliation crept up his neck and reddened his cheeks. He had completely lost any chance he had at an even playing field. He was outmatched, outnumbered, and unarmed. On a death march into a wolf’s den, his mission would end before it truly began. 

The two men walked the rest of the way silence. Kaidan, unwilling to dig himself any deeper, and the mustachioed man’s aim on his spine unwavering. They navigated through the trees carefully, high stepping over deadfall and aspen shoots. Mustache didn’t need to give direction. Kaidan had plotted several different routes down to the camp while he had been watching, and he took the most direct of them now. As the trees started to thin, Kaidan slowed. They were close. Very close. The smell of roast rabbit and smoke drifted by his nose on a breeze. Surrounding aspen quaked, round leaves shimmering delightfully in the sun. Horses stomped in irritation, kicking at nagging insects on their bellies. 

“Keep going.” The man behind him commanded. “Two steps to the left and over the wire, or you blow up the both of us.”

Kaidan looked down at the perimeter the dark haired woman had been setting. A disturbed patch of Earth directly in front of him. “Appreciate the tip.” He answered, sarcasm unintentional but thick.

The mustachioed man answered with a jab of his rifle and Kaidan lurched forward, feet scrambling to the left to avoid falling on top of the buried object. He watched his feet as he carefully stepped over the wire and took a dozen more steps. When he looked up again, he froze.

In front of him stood an enormous figure. Olive skin darkened by exposure and dark eyes piercing. Three evenly spaced scars marred one side of his face and neck, old and jagged, the tearing of flesh having never healed correctly. Black braids draped over each bare shoulder. His immense size had been disguised by distance. Kaidan had to crane his neck to meet his eye. The man snarled.

At the giant’s side, the dark haired woman appeared. Unless Anderson had also fabricated The Shepherd’s wanted poster, she wasn’t who Kaidan needed. Her eyes were round and deep brown, wide with curiosity over a dainty nose and full lips. She was young, much younger than the American Indian at her side and likely a few years younger than he. She wore a cropped jacket, rich purple and embroidered with silver swirls, over a white blouse, and the waist of her trousers cut high against her ribcage.

She spoke with a heavy Spanish accent. “He’s a sheriff?” 

Kaidan almost smiled at the pleasant melody of her voice.

“Deputy sheriff.” Mustache corrected.

The big man huffed. “Should’ve killed him when you found him.” 

“We don’t kill law until we know whose side they’re on, Wrex.” The mustache replied.

Recognition hit Kaidan so hard he almost felt giddy. Wrex was a name with which he was familiar, often printed on wanted posters alongside The Shepherd’s. And if the brute was Wrex, that meant Mustache had to be Archangel. To know who he was dealing with brought some comfort, even if he was surrounded by men wanted for murder.

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder. From where he stood now, he could see the hill on which he had been lying. He could hardly tell a rock from a patch of dirt from this distance. Genuinely curious, he asked, “How’d you know I was up there?”

Archangel stepped to his side and, with the tip of his gun, flicked the badge on Kaidan’s chest. “You were lit up brighter than a whore house at midnight up there.” Wrex laughed, the unidentified dark haired woman’s expression shifted to one of mild annoyance. “It’d be more a wonder if we hadn’t seen ya’.”

“Alright, then.” Kaidan nodded, slow to accept that he was responsible for his own demise. “What’ll we do now?”

A new, feminine voice answered, “That’s yet to be decided.”

All heads turned to the source. From the far side of camp, the woman Kaidan had seen earlier cradling a gun in her lap stepped out from behind large white tree trunk. Short in stature, but as large in presence as the giant man with the scars. Blonde hair gathered in a loose braid at her neck, rogue strands poking out beneath a black hat. Her eyes - blue eyes - locked on his as she stalked forward, silent and predatory among the scarce grass. An angry scar cut across her cheek, underlined her right eye and crept over the bridge of her nose. Around her neck, a blood red silk scarf. And in her hands, a rope.

“Are you The Shepherd?” Kaidan glanced around uncomfortably as the other three strangers chortled.

She ignored him, looking to Archangel expectantly. “His horse?”

“Tied her over the hill.”

“Tali?”

“On it.” The dark haired woman replied, dashing off immediately.

Kaidan locked her name away and watched her go out the corner of his eye. The Shepherd was looking at him again and he found it impossible to glance away fully, even for a second. “I’ll take that as a yes?”

“Yes.” She hissed. “Hands.”

An order, not a request. Kaidan scanned her features, a slab of stone. No forgiveness. No leniency. No sympathy. And how could he refuse? He got the feeling Archangel had a hair trigger, as far as Kaidan was concerned anyway, and Wrex could probably break him in half as easily as a bull could break fence. Though, watching the woman’s eyes narrow with deadly impatience, he got the feeling that it wouldn’t matter if those two men weren’t there at all. 

He held his arms in front of him, wrists together and elbows pressed against his stomach. Without another word, the woman flipped the rope in hand into a Tom fool’s knot, slipped each circle over his wrists, and cinched down tight. She wasn’t outright cruel in her work, but she was thorough, and began to tie a series of knots he would never be able to untie without full use of both hands. 

“I didn’t come here to bring you in, if that’s what you’re thinkin’.” Kaidan offered.

The woman was indifferent, but Archangel laughed. “God be praised,” he mocked, “you had us all worked up in a lather thinkin’ we were done for.”

A faint grin graced The Shepherd’s lips, and Kaidan swore he heard her exhale a laugh, but her actions didn’t falter. 

Brows pinched and irritation leaching into his voice, Kaidan continued. “I came after you to ask for help.” 

“That’s a new one.” Archangel mused.

Wrex snorted. “You’re confused who you’re dealing with, kid.”

“I ain’t confused.” Kaidan asserted. “Neither was Joker when he put me on your trail. Or David Anderson when he told me to come lookin’ in the first place.”

If he hadn’t been looking so closely, Kaidan would have missed the sudden clench of the woman’s jaw. She finished her ministrations and looked up at him from beneath the wide brim of her hat, cold blue eyes afire with searing heat. Kaidan swallowed, his tongue dry and longing for the moisture of words he could not take back. 

“Those his?” Finally, she broke eye contact. Looking past him to Archangel, she nodded at the holster he had taken from Kaidan, now secured around his waist. 

Adrenaline surged. That holster was his. Those revolvers were his, and his father’s before him, and he’d be damned if this scum would take that from him. For the first time, Kaidan struggled. There was no sense fightin’ the rope around his wrist, so he whirled, threw up his arms and pushed the end of Archangel’s rifle straight into the air. Caught off guard, Archangel stumbled back. Kaidan darted forward, intent on knocking the man flat on his back and wrestling his weapon from him. 

Before he could follow through, a boot heel to his side ruined his plan. Knocked off balance, Kaidan veered sideways, bound arms useless as he fell to the ground. He landed on his shoulder with a loud grunt and immediately scrambled, searching for the source of the attack. The Shepherd stared down at him as he lied in the dirt as if she were watching a worm. Insignificant and inferior. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She was smug as hell. Kaidan said nothing, seething, and forced himself into a seated position. She glanced over to Archangel. “You good, Garrus?” 

A short nod. Only his ego was wounded. Kaidan could take pride in that, at least.

“Good.” She held out her hand and Archangel -  _ Garrus _ \- quickly undid the holster and handed it over. She examined it closely. The fine stamping of the leather, dark and supple from years of hard use and tender care. Kaidan bit back a snarl as she withdrew one of the revolvers and dropped the holster at Garrus’s feet. She turned the gun over in her hand appraisingly, then, she dropped suddenly into a squat. Hovering menacingly inches from his face, she asked, “Just what kinda help did ya’ think you’d find here,  _ deputy _ ?”

Flushed with anger, Kaidan clenched his jaw. “The kind to go after Cerberus.”

Behind her, Wrex snorted again. 

She held up a finger to silence him. “What business you got with them?”

“I ain’t got business with ‘em.” Kaidan felt himself wanting to shrink away from her. Intensity radiated from her as it did from the sun. A giant ball of fire to which he had gotten too close, and now there was no escape. He would burn here, pinned by her stare. “I want to protect my people. I want them out of Vancouver.”

Something flashed across her eyes then, too sudden to tell if it cooled or fueled the fire burning within. But she leaned back slightly and she sighed. Kaidan felt himself inhale. And then she swung her arm and the butt of his revolver slammed against his temple. Everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will always use these notes to say thank you for reading, so, thank you!  
Next update in 2 weeks.


	4. If You're True

“You should have killed him.” Wrex spoke gruffly, thick arms crossed over an even thicker chest. 

Garrus returned a pointed stare, bars of his mustache twitching. “You want him dead so bad, be my guest.”

Avory Shepard squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head back, rolled it from side to side until it cracked. “There’s still plenty of time for that.” She leveled her chin and looked between the two men. “If that’s what it comes to.”

“If?” Wrex snarled. “What’s all these ifs? He’s watchin’ us. He’s armed. We oughtta kill him just like we do all the others.”

“He  _ was  _ armed.” Avory corrected. 

“Do you really think he’s a Sheriff?” Tali piped up, settling onto the ground beside Garrus. Receiving three questioning stares as she did, she offered, “He’s still unconscious. You hit him real hard.”

Avory shrugged. “Couldn’t risk it. He’s a squirrely one.”

“That badge is real.” Garrus refocused the conversation. “Fake ones are made of tin and shit. You could crush ‘em with a sneeze. He said he’s a deputy in Vancouver.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Wrex said.

Avory ignored him, looked between Garrus and Tali instead. “Would explain how he knows Anderson.”

“If he knows Anderson,” Tali looked hopeful, “we can trust him, right?” 

Garrus held his tongue, looked to Avory for an answer. She sighed heavily, leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees, her middle finger coming to trace her bottom lip absentmindedly. Desperately, she wanted to believe that was true. 

While Anderson wasn’t always generous with his bounties, in all the years she had known Anderson, she had known him to be nothing but kind. Not always an upstanding lawman, or he would’ve hanged her ass a dozen times over by now. And he wasn’t infallibly honest, or he would’ve allowed her image to be painted on every wanted poster across the West. Right alongside Garrus, who he sheltered under the alias Archangel, and Wrex, whose given native name would make him a target for his heritage alone. Somehow, he even managed to keep Tali off the map entirely. 

Everything he asked of her was born of compassion for his people. And all he asked in return was honesty and discretion. From day one, he never questioned her methods, harsh as they may be. He never sent her into a trap, never crossed her. Never once demanded blind obedience. Never asked anything of her that he wouldn’t do himself, if not bound by the constraints of his society. Anderson was a hell of a lot better man than most folks, and Avory trusted him with her life.

Sending an agent on his behalf, however, was new. Avory looked over her shoulder at the man, sagged awkwardly against a tree in his stupor. He was closer in age to her than Anderson, and he was certainly inexperienced in dealing with the likes of her. The gear stowed on his horse told them little. Everything he had with him was well cared for, but old, and lacking the stink of wealth that Cerberus agents carried. Goin’ off his food stores, he intended to be away from town for several more days. And while he was armed, his weaponry indicated a preparedness for hunting game and self defense, not war. Or to attempt to bring in four fugitives. At first glance, he was no threat. But it was precisely that which made her suspicious.

Avory turned back to face her crew, all three of them awaiting her judgement. “Anderson has always done right by me. By us.” She made a point to make eye contact with each of them. Especially Wrex, who managed to soften a fraction as she spoke. “But I don’t know this fucker from a hole in the ground. If he hadn’t dropped Anderson  _ and _ Joker’s names, we’d be draggin’ his naked ass behind a horse for the next ten miles.”

A faint blush graced Tali’s cheeks. Wrex snorted an appreciative laugh and Avory allowed herself a small smile.

Garrus gazed upon them as if they were children. “ _ But _ …”

Her trace smile vanished. “But he did use their names. So he stays alive until we find out what’s goin; on.”

Tali frowned. “You can’t go about your usual routine of making people talk if there’s a chance he’s on our side.”

“Back to the ifs.” Wrex stretched out his legs with a kick of dirt. “If ands and buts…”

“Were coconuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.” Tali finished, exasperated but sporting a grin. “We know, Wrex.”

“She’s right.” Garrus looked from Tali to Avory. “You want him to talk, you’re gonna have to hold yourself back from concussing him further.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Avory conceded.

She cast another glance at their captive. Either he was telling the truth, Anderson truly had sent him to Joker and he had pointed him in the right direction, or he was clever enough to discover her arrangement with Anderson and had extorted both him and Joker into divulging her whereabouts. Avory couldn’t decide what was worse. The latter would be a quick fix: kill him and send a rider to ensure the safety of her contacts. The former, however, was bound to be a thorn in her side.

What she really wanted to do was ride back to Joker’s stable for a direct answer, but they couldn’t afford to spend two days backtracking. They were behind schedule, had spent too much time near Vancouver and resupplying from Joker. Staying still this long already had a fire burning under her ass. For that reason alone, she found herself hoping she could just kill the intruder and move on.

She exhaled sharply. “We’re gonna have to bring him with us.”

“He’s going to slow us down.” Garrus’s steely stare met her head on.

“He has a horse.” Tali bordered on condescending, but Garrus’s feathers remained unruffled.

Wrex added, “No way you gonna let him ride with us, Shepard.”

“Stayin’ here another day will slow us down. It don’t matter if he’s on foot or on a horse, he ain’t gonna run if he needs us for somethin’.” Avory tipped her head to Wrex, a sideways glance and a grin to match. “If he does, he dies. We can’t waste anymore time ‘cause of him.” Wrex grunted his approval. Tali seemed equally satisfied. But Garrus’ clouded eyes still weighed on her. She kept her eyes locked with his as she spoke. “Tali, Wrex, find us somethin’ for dinner, will ya’?”

Tali asked, “Enough for the stray, too?”

“No.” Avory answered. “If he eats anythin’ tonight, it’ll come from his stores, not ours.”

With a nod of understanding, the two rose from their seats and strode away. Both were quick to put distance between themselves and Avory and Garrus, who stared at each other in silence.

Once they were out of ear shot, Avory stuck her arms out behind her and leaned into them, her legs stretching out before her and crossing at the ankles. “Let’s hear it.”

Garrus cocked his head and sighed. “Shepard, you know I’m behind you every step of the way…”

“ _ But _ …” She mocked, and pulled a cigarette and a match from her breast pocket and pinched it between her lips.

“ _ But _ ,” he repeated, “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

Avory lit a match off the sole of her boot and lit the cigarette, and took a deep breath of sweet tobacco rather than admit to her own doubts about her decision. She and Garrus had been travelling together for years, nearly as long as she had been with Wrex. Ever since a tip from Anderson sent her after a surgeon in a distant town in which the Vakarian family resided. Protected by Cerberus, the leaders of local law in their pocket, Garrus had strict orders not to touch the man. So, unimpeded, the surgeon was allowed to slice people open in bathtubs, harvest organs like a human farmer. For the greater good, Cerberus had argued. 

Avory had found it hard to see how torturing dozens of innocent people with medical experimentation did any good at all. And Garrus had agreed. Had turned his back on his family, his law, his life, to join The Shepherd.

In all the time they had spent together since, he rarely questioned her judgement or her methods. In fact, he was often as in favor of swift, brutal justice as she and Wrex. Sometimes even more so. But all that time together meant he was as familiar with her as he was with their gang’s methods. And the problems that arose if they strayed from them.

Garrus filled the space her silence created. “Not every Deputy has an appetite for this kind of life, you know.”

“Oh, Garrus,” An eyebrow arched, sly lips curling as she exhaled a cloud of smoke. “You worried a new guy’s gonna steal your title?”

He breathed a laugh. His voice dripped with honey and vinegar. “Please. There can only be one Archangel.” 

“I don’t know,” Avory shook her head with a laugh, “all that talk about protecting people. And he’s feisty. Almost knocked you on your ass”

“A lucky break. He’s not stylish enough to compete.” Garrus twirled the end of one bar of his mustache. When he continued, humor left his voice. “If he’s going to ride with us to Clay, we need to consider what to do with him… after.”

They had been in sync so long now that Garrus could already sense where her train of thought was headed. The man slumped against the tree was not the first person to find them, and he wouldn’t be the last. Though the others who sought them out lacked the same connections, and always wanted to join their group to make a name for themselves as outlaws, they all ended the same. A bullet in the chest. Bodies left to feed the scavengers. None of them skilled enough to join the flock. Not a one could be trusted not to turn on them if they were sent away with their lives.

The deputy would be no different. 

Even if he was true, an acquaintance of Anderson’s sent to recruit their help, he could not yet be trusted. The man knew too much already and bringing him along to Clay, while the only option Avory could see as viable, would further increase the risk to her people if he survived. Their operations, their hole-up spots, all would be exposed if they kept him around. Not even Anderson knew so much. 

Until they were able to finish their job in Clay, his life would hang by the thin strand that was his possible connection to Anderson. Avory owed her friend that much. But in the end, letting him go free would leave them vulnerable. Turn him into a loose end, always lurking, always a threat that could bite them in the ass. In the end, even if he was true, even if he was a friend of Anderson’s, she would have to kill him. And in doing so, possibly kill her relationship with Anderson. And the fragile partnership she held with the law he represented.

Another puff of her cigarette. “You’re assuming he makes it to after,” she said flatly. At Garrus’ impatient stare, she added, “He ain’t another stagecoach robber lookin’ for a payout, Garrus. Mentionin’ Anderson and Cerberus like that? I need to decide if he’s tellin’ the truth or not and if we wait it out here, we miss our opportunity in Clay.”

“You’re right.” He tipped his chin at where the man in question still lied. “Hell, he’s been out this long, you might not need to make any sort of decision. You might’ve already killed him.” Garrus slowly pushed himself to standing, stretched his neck as he said, “I’m gon’ go help with dinner. You comin’?”

Avory’s brows pinched together as she looked over her shoulder at the deputy, still folded into the same uncomfortable position, eyes still tightly closed. She pursed her lips and stood, cigarette dangling between her lips. “Yeah, be right there.”

She heard Garrus respond, heard his footsteps carry him away, but her focus was elsewhere. She stood there, puffing on her cigarette, for several long seconds. Lost in her thoughts of Anderson and suspicion, locked on the stranger in camp. 

Avory snapped out of her fog. Long, purposeful strides carried her to the unconscious man in a flash. She stopped at his side, staring down, eyes narrowed into slits. He gave no sign of awareness. With a swift draw of her leg, she hauled back and drove the toe of her boot square into his thigh.

“Ah! Shit!” The man yelled and jerked onto his side away from her. His eyes snapped open and found hers. Anger primed in amber eyes.

She snorted, satisfied, and pulled the cigarette from her mouth. “I knew I didn’t hit you that hard. No way you were out that long.” She flicked ash at his feet. “How long you been listenin’?”

Through tight lips, he said, “Long enough to know you ain’t gonna kill me yet.”

Avory allowed herself a smirk and dropped to one knee beside him. He flinched only slightly at her sudden movement. At once, she found herself both slightly impressed and a little annoyed that he wasn’t more reactive. Though his body remained perfectly still, save for the steady rise and fall of his chest, his eyes scanned her form with professional efficiency. Her shoulders, her waist, her thighs, her calves. Only when he found she was visibly unarmed did he meet her stare again, his face still contorted in a scowl. 

She inhaled. “Name?”

“Kaidan Alenko.”

“Well, Kaidan Alenko,” she blew a cloud of smoke in his face and his nose wrinkled in disgust, “you’ve got a hell of a knot on that temple of yours. You gonna be able to hold yourself up on a horse?”

“I’ll manage.”

“Good. We leave come mornin’. I reckon I ain’t gotta tell you what happens if you try somethin’ stupid before then?” He gave a disgruntled nod. “Dandy. Now,” Avory shifted backward, planting her ass in the dirt and crossing her legs, “I’m gonna need you to tell me more about what you’re doin’ here.”

Alenko stared at her for a few seconds, judging whether or not she would hit him again for moving, before he pushed off the ground. With bound hands, he awkwardly maneuvered himself into a seated position. “I told you. Anderson sent me to you for help in going after Cerberus.”

“Right,” she said, disbelief bordering on mockery, “Cerberus. Who you claim you ain’t got business with but want my help fightin’.”

“Trust me, if Anderson and his Marshal friend hadn’t given the order, I’d never have wasted time on you.”

Avory was careful to keep her face mostly plain, her usual mixture of vague intrigue and a promise of violence the only configurations allowed purchase on her expression. If she wasn’t so used to guarding her reactions, she might have widened her eyes at the hostility in his voice. 

Yet she sensed all that contempt wasn’t just for her. It was too hot, had been simmering for too long. And the disdain with which he spoke of his order, and even Anderson and the Marshal, let her know that knowledge of her existence beyond a name on a wanted poster was new to him. She was a wrench in his plan, not the end goal. Avory relaxed an inch.

“Trust is a lot to ask for, Alenko.” She took a long drag. “Why you? Why isn’t Anderson here himself?”

“Cerberus is getting bigger. Worse, especially in Vancouver. I…” Doubt flashed as his eyes dropped to the ground, but only for a second before he recovered. “A kid came to town, said his whole town got wiped out by Cerberus and some kind of creature. Called it an Adjutant. I tried to help… I provoked ‘em and they killed the kid. It was only a matter of time before they would be gunnin’ for me. Hackett said it made the most sense for me to leave town.”

In thought, Avory worked over each knuckle with the thumb of her left hand, popping each joint once and then going back over them, again and again. Every time they met up, Anderson updated her on the Cerberus hold in Vancouver. The last she heard from him, only a few days prior, Cerberus had a strong foothold but were sticking to the basics. No increase in patrol, no abductions, no public executions. She doubted that much had changed so soon. But if Hackett had made an appearance, he had to have brought news with him. And if Anderson and Hackett had conspired to send Alenko her way, she would be a fool to kill him.

Hackett was her oldest contact in law enforcement. A gruff old bastard keen on getting things done no matter the cost and keeping his hands clean of the mess. He was not the type of man to be refused. Avory had assumed his involvement at Alenko’s first mention of a Marshal. Was not the least bit surprised. In truth, she found herself relieved. Accepted his name as confirmation that she had made the right decision to bring Alenko along to Clay.

“Adjutants are a rumor. Somethin’ Cerberus made up to scare more people into submission.” A tactic with which she was familiar. She exhaled, bit back a chuckle at the way Alenko attempted to avoid the smoke by turning his head. “Going after Cerberus to protect your people? Gettin’ them out of Vancouver,” she stilled her hand, knuckles spent, “you even know what that means?”

“I’ll do what I have to do.”

Alenko spoke with conviction, jaw set firm, but Avory could see it in his eyes that he didn’t know to what he was agreeing. What Hackett and Anderson had signed him up for. Sending him to her was as good as sending him to hell. If her contacts believed it was time to move against Cerberus, nothing good lied ahead. She would lead him through a tunnel of carnage and pain and horrors only man could think to inflict on another. A tunnel that, even if they survived, had no light at the end.

Avory blew out a breath, flicked the butt of her cigarette to the ground before ordering, “Hands.” 

Cautious but hopeful, Alenko offered her his bound wrists. She set to work untying the thick web of knots with which she had secured him earlier. He asked, “You’re going to help?”

“Yes.” She felt him shift across from her, eager. “But first, you help us with something we need.”

“What?”

Almost to the end of the knots, Avory paused and met his stare. “We’re robbing a bank.” 

A pause so intense even his breath halted. “You can’t be serious.”

She almost wanted to laugh. “Can’t I?” 

Avory held his stare as emotions dashed across his face, shifting like shadows under a veil of disdain. He glanced at her shoulders, tested the rope around his wrists to find it nearly loose. Calculating. Avory's eyes lit up. She saw his intent before he acted. 

  


Alenko jerked one wrist through the rope and lunged forward, aiming for Avory's shoulders. She unfolded her legs and reached for the knife concealed in her boot, brought it with her as he tackled her to the ground. Impact knocked her hat off her head, stole the breath from her lungs. By the time he was on top of her, hands pressing her shoulders into the dirt, her blade was at his throat.

His eyes widened in surprise and he made to pull away, but she grabbed his collar with her other hand and held tight. Ensuring that anywhere he tried to go, he would carry her with him. He tested it again, lifting her off the ground with him as he shifted. A mountain lion, teeth and claws sunk into her prey. If he felt fear, he did well to hide it. He sunk back down, resigned, the weight of him pushing her hard against the Earth. Rocks and sticks dug into her back, and her shoulders ached under the pressure. Physical discomfort paled in comparison to her anger.

Avory was seething. "You better fucking listen close, Alenko. The only reason you are alive right now is because of Anderson. And after this bullshit, I barely give a fuck about that." She pressed the blade harder against his throat, watched his pulse beat faster and faster there. One move and she could slice him open, let free the blood in his veins and bathe in the spray. One move, and she could be done with him and all future problems he was bound to cause. “You want my help, you do what I fuckin’ say.”

Alenko swallowed against the cold steel, flesh dragging over the edge. “I don’t want your help.”

“And yet, here you are.”

"I ain’t some kid tryin’ to join your flock.” He spoke carefully, avoiding too much animation for fear of causing the knife to bite. But there was no dampening the disgust in his voice. “And I sure as hell didn't come out here to help you commit crimes."

"That's exactly what you came here for." She sneered. "To ask for my help doin' something you don't want to do. 'Cause it ain't clean. 'Cause it ain't  _ right. _ 'Cause your law and order can't get shit done but wants to pretend its failure is better than us outlaws."

"Acting with integrity ain’t failure." Alenko snapped. Eyes burning with hatred. “We set up the law to keep scum like you away from good, innocent people. So you can’t murder and rob to your heart’s content. Civilization was built so people like you would get left in the dirt and tossed out with the pig shit.”

Avory barked a scornful laugh. “A lot of good that did ya’. Your law drove away people like me and let Cerberus waltz in and own the place instead.”

“I’ve heard the stories about you. Burning people alive. Torturing people.” He grew bolder against the edge of her knife as she mocked him. Flecks of saliva fell on her face. “Not even Cerberus does that.”

“You ain’t got any fucking idea what Cerberus does.” Ice coursed through her veins, her tone taking on an unsettling coldness as her eyes narrowed to slits. She knew Alenko could sense it, as if her skin was suddenly frozen to the touch. Even in the summer heat, she watched goosebumps rise over his exposed forearms, creep up the length of his neck. "If you're too far up your own silver star wearin' ass to rob a goddamn bank, you should've stayed in Vancouver and let Cerberus kill you.” She pressed her knife harder still against his neck, watched as the sharpened edge drew a thin line of red across his skin. “They'd have been quicker about it."

For a few heartbeats, neither moved. Kaidan stared down at her, thick brows pinched in deliberation. Close enough his breath was hot on her face. She could practically see his mind at war with itself, weighing his options. 

"I help you rob one bank, and then we help Vancouver?"

Self-righteous as he was, he wasn’t a complete idiot. 

Avory snarled, "That's what I said."

"What's to keep you from going back on your word? Killing me after this robbery?"

"You're just gonna have to trust me." Avory gave her best wolfish grin.

A scuffle off to the left interrupted whatever retort Alenko opened his mouth to give.

Garrus shouted, “Shepard!” 

Followed by the unmistakable click of a bullet being pushed into the chamber of a rifle.

Avory didn’t need to look to know that Garrus’s rifle would be aimed at Alenko’s head. Apparently, neither did Alenko, because he didn’t even try to look. Refused to take their eyes off each other. Avory was far too stubborn to grant Alenko victory. For a second she thought Alenko might not turn his head for fear of opening his throat on her blade, but the heat in his stare quelled that thought. He was as stubborn as she. Neither would concede anything, not even a staring match. As if whoever looked away first would forever be the lesser. If she weren’t so annoyed, Avory would have laughed. 

"We're good, Garrus.” She raised a brow at Alenko, daring him. “Aren't we?"

Alenko stared down at her, furious but controlled. "Yeah. Yeah, we're good."

In the space of time it took to light a match, Avory pulled her blade from his throat, tossed it aside, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She captured his left ankle between her feet and pressed hard against his heel, twisted it. Quick and hard and damn near the breaking point. The sudden pressure forced him to roll away, off of her and into the dirt. Momentum carried her with him, rolling until she came out on top, straddling his waist. Just as quickly, she pushed off of him to stand and, in one fell swoop, retrieved her hat and knife from the ground. She placed her hat on her head as she took a step backward.

Alenko sat, spun himself around in the dirt so that he was facing her. For a second, he looked as if he wanted to stand. But one tilt of the head and quiet  _ tsk, tsk _ from Avory, and he settled against the tree.

Heated stare locked on Alenko, she asked Garrus, “Do me a favor, would ya’? Tie this moron back up before I gut ‘im. To the tree, this time.” Casually, she wiped blood from her scraped elbow on the leg of her pants. Flipped the blade in her hand and secured it once more in the sheath hidden in her boot. “He lost the privilege of freedom, tonight.” Avory spat at his feet. "Welcome to the pig shit, Alenko."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork (that I'm obsessed with) by the wonderful [shepofships](https://shepofshipsart.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	5. Yellow Bellied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, so this was a week late, but it's also about twice as long as any chapter I've posted so far.

The Shepherd maintained a brisk pace. Their horses’ strides long, their heads low and swinging. Temporarily placated by the safe return of his mount, Kaidan patted Pepper’s sweat soaked hide. Grey hairs plastered flat against black skin, they clung to his palm when he pulled his hand back. Instinctively, he moved to hook his thumb in the belt of his holster, but his hand fell to his thigh in its absence. His weapons were still in possession of The Shepherd. Knowing his father’s belongings were carelessly stuffed in her saddle bags made his skin itch with impossible need. But there was no getting those back, yet. Not while he was surrounded by all four of them. Like outriders protecting a stagecoach. 

Despite his skin crawling, Kaidan decided having Pepper back unharmed was paramount, and for that, he was grateful. He was also grateful that The Shepherd rode in lead. With Wrex at her side, pack mule following close behind, they paid him no mind. After their altercation in the woods, and her subsequent punishment of leaving him tied to a tree all night, forcing him to eat his meager baked bean dinner without the use of his hands, Kaidan was determined to keep as far away from her as possible. 

Back at camp, when he had tackled her in the dirt, he had no intention of harming her. Or escape. Kaidan had accepted that he was damned to work with these outlaws as long as it took as he feigned unconsciousness, listened to them discuss his fate. But he had not been prepared for how hot his blood would run in response to the outlaw. Face to face with infuriating arrogance, he had intended to prove he wasn’t yellow bellied. That he was not a rented mule for her to beat and frighten into subservience. That he would not do her bidding.

Everything he had ever been told about criminals and gangs dictated that respect was taken, not earned, with strength and blood. And he thought, maybe, if he was able to assert himself, overpower her, scare her a little…

A foolish thought. Kaidan’s actions hadn’t instilled a modicum of fear in the woman. On the contrary, she had seen him coming before he was even sure himself if he was going to act, and she was excited. He could see it in her eyes. Eager for action. And then, as soon as she knew she had him, she grew bored. Impatient. A cat that lost interest in a mouse as soon as it died. A killer for sport, not survival. It was in those few moments of heat that Kaidan knew; whoever Sheriff Anderson thought this woman was, he was wrong. The Shepherd was every bit as wicked as the stories told. And now he was her hostage.

“Does it hurt?”

Kaidan jumped at the voice and looked to his right, where Tali appeared next to him. He frowned, puzzled. All of him hurt. His wrists rubbed raw from the rope that had bound him. His neck burned, pinched somethin’ fierce by the awkward position in which he had slept against the tree. Impressions of bark pressed so deeply into his skin, he swore he took some of the tree along with him. 

Then, Tali nodded at his neck, and Kaidan realized his fingers were at his throat. Tracing the thin, shallow line made by the pressure of The Shepherd’s blade. It was hardly a cut at all, just enough to sting. Just enough to serve as a grim reminder. As long as he was with The Shepherd, he lived on borrowed time.

“No. No, I uh…” Kaidan dropped his hand, cleared his throat. “My neck is fine. My head has had better days.”

Tali smiled. A genuine smile, tinted with the faintest of sympathies. “You look like a rattlesnake laid her egg under your skin.”

Kaidan stowed away his concern over the pain his recent bout of unconsciousness would later cause and breathed a laugh. “Feels like I got bit by one.”

As threatening as the three others in the group were, Tali was remarkably disarming. She faced straight ahead, long black hair cascading down her back. Perfectly poised atop her short grulla horse, long legs wrapping around its sides. He reckoned she was similar in age to The Shepherd and Garrus, and him, but her skin didn’t bear years of wear and tear as theirs did. This world was still new and exciting for her, a childlike glint of wonder in deep brown eyes. Though no innocent kept a sawed off shotgun strapped to her thigh, Kaidan couldn’t fathom what circumstances stranded her with the company she currently kept.

“How did…” he lost his nerve when she looked at him, changed course and nodded at her horse, “how do you keep her mane like that?” 

Tali beamed. “You like it? It takes a lot of time. I usually braid it, so it doesn’t get tangled, but I didn’t have time before we left camp.” She reached forward and patted the thick mass of black hair, long enough it touched the mare’s chest. “I’ll have to spend extra on it next time we stop. All this sweat. Poor Chiktikka.”

Kaidan smiled at the pleasant trill of her accent. He would gladly listen to her talk all day. “She’s beautiful.”

“And strong.” She asserted. “And very fast, for having such short legs. She’s brought me a long way.”

An opening. Kaidan couldn’t resist. “How long have you been following The Shepherd?”

Tali looked at him through her lashes, eyes twinkling with sly amusement. “You can just call her Shepard, you know.”

“Right.” Kaidan dropped eye contact. He’d rather call her by her title than her name. Even a last name seemed too intimate, too personal for someone so savage. 

“A couple years.” Tali said, either oblivious to or choosing to ignore his plain dislike of the woman. “Met her down in Mexico. She accepted a bounty from my father and when it came time for her to leave, I left with her.” A small laugh escaped her lips, the memory eliciting a laugh clearly not meant for him. “Garrus and Wrex were already partners of hers, but I didn’t meet them until we came North.” 

His eyes widened in disbelief. Both at the notion of The Shepherd being for hire and at Tali’s - at anyone’s - ability to stick by someone so horrible for so long. “You followed her all the way up here? From Mexico?”

Tali bristled, her perfect posture suddenly rigid and defensive. “Shepard may be rough around the edges, but she knows what she’s doing.”

Sarcasm leached into his voice. “You follow her because she’s good at robbing banks?”

A scoff. “Don’t be so dense, Kaidan. It takes more than being a thief to inspire a following. You haven’t seen her in action. She’s good at a lot of things. Really good.”

“I wasn’t… ” Kaidan shook his head, a pounding in his temple making it impossible to think in full sentences. “The only thing I’ve seen her inspire is fear.”

“She’s good at that too.” Tali pursed her lips, then. Digesting the thought before admitting, “You’re right, her first impressions have room for improvement. But Cerberus aren’t the only ones out here. We meet a lot of bad folks on the road. You can’t be kind to everyone.”

“I reckon there’s a wide line between kindness and brutality.”

A defensive edge undercut the informality with which Tali spoke. “I wouldn’t call anything she did to you brutal.” 

_ Compared to her normal acts of violence, _ he wanted to say, but thought better of it. Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose. “What’s the story with Wrex? He’s an American Indian, ain’t he?”

“Blackfoot.” Tali nodded. “From further North.”

“What’s he doing down here? Away from his tribe?”

Tali shot him a warning glance. “I’m not an informant, Kaidan. You’re going to be riding with us awhile. If you want to get to know them, you’ll need to ask directly.”

Kaidan sat deeper on his pockets. Truthfully, he was hoping to avoid contact with Wrex and Garrus nearly as much as he was with Shepard. Other than the obvious desire both had to kill him, they hadn’t been outright cruel. Wrex had been kind enough to spread an insect repelling plant along Pepper’s belly, but that was for her, not for him. Kaidan hadn’t the gall to ask him about the two red handprints on his gelding’s chest. 

Kaidan turned in his saddle to look at Garrus, who avoided him entirely. He rode behind them, his lanky black horse obediently staying yards back, the horse’s ghostlike bald face and blue eyes a perfect match to his rider’s haunting expression. Garrus kept his rifle in his scabbard, but even from this distance, Kaidan knew his hand rested on the stock. Ready to draw and blow a hole through Kaidan’s back at the slightest sign of trouble.

Kaidan settled forward again, looked over to Tali. “I’ll settle for stayin’ in the dark.”

“Suit yourself, Kaidan. But I won’t always be around to keep you company.”

“I don’t mind being alone.” Tali shot him an offended glare and Kaidan's tongue tied. “I mean, it’s nice talkin’ to you. You’re nicer than them. You’re nice, in general, I s’pose. But especially compared to-”

Tali laughed, loud enough that Shepard and Wrex turned to look. “Anyone ever tell you to take your foot outta your mouth, Kaidan?”

“All the time.” Kaidan breathed a laugh, warily waiting to see if either rider would come back to investigate. When they dismissed him, he continued. “Next time we stop, you think ya’ can help me with Pepper’s mane? Seems she rubs out half of it every summer.”

“Sure.” Tali smiled warmly. “It will take years before it’s as nice as Chiktikka’s, of course, but I can get her started.”

“Appreciate it.” Kaidan paused, looked to Garrus and then back up to the lead two. Neither party was listening that closely, as far as he could tell. Still, he lowered his voice slightly. “Say, Tali, that perimeter you set up at the last camp. What was that?”

“Dynamite.”

“Those rounds in the dirt? They were so small.” 

“It’s a mixture I created.” Tali was cautious, but beaming. Clearly proud of her accomplishment. “As potent a stick of dynamite, but a quarter of the size. Much easier to hide that way. I set up to a trip wire to detonate.”

“That’s… impressive.”

“Shooting it makes it blow, too, obviously. It’s the same stuff we use to open safes in banks. But sometimes it’s too strong. With you here, we should be able to avoid using it this time”

Kaidan raised a curious brow. “Too strong? Didn’t realize strong dynamite was a bad thing.”

“One time I got the mixture wrong and it blew out an entire wall in the bank. Explosives are tricky. Not many people I know make them as well as me. Anyway, we could hardly get what we needed because it was buried in rubble.” Tali laughed and patted Chiktikka on the rump. “Chiktikka did good though, barely flinched. She’s bomb proof.”

“You weren’t in the bank with them?”

“No, Shepard likes for me to stay away from flying bullets as much as possible.” Tali narrowed her eyes, suspicious. “Haven’t you heard the plan for this?”

Kaidan shook his head, shrinking back a little as if he had done something wrong. “No. I didn’t know there was a plan to know.”

Tali frowned, quirking her lips before looking straight ahead. She inhaled a deep breath and cupped a hand to the side of her mouth. Kaidan held up a hand to stop her, but it was too late. She hollered, “Shepard!”

As soon as the first syllable left Tali’s lips, Shepard spun her horse around. She charged directly at them, fringe of her sunbleached chinks flapping, and closed the distance in the span of several seconds. Just as Kaidan thought she might run into them head on, she veered to the side. Collecting the thick buckskin stud, she turned him on his haunches and sidled up beside Chiktikka. Their movements were completely in sync, her hands still and contact on the reins light as she maneuvered the animal, as if she directed him with her mind rather than her body. 

Shepard barely acknowledged Kaidan’s presence, a quick glance to ensure he wasn’t holding her companion under duress, and her attention was on Tali. The miniscule bubble of respect he felt rising at witnessing her horsemanship popped, and Kaidan felt his blood begin to simmer.

Shepard’s horse tossed his head, annoyed that he was no longer in front of the herd. “What is it?”

“Kaidan doesn’t know the plan.”

Shepard blinked. Looked at him once more. It was brief, but telling. “Was gonna wait ‘til we got closer.”

Kaidan felt his hatred for the woman resurface, blood a roiling boil. She expected him to turn yellow and run. “Only a few more miles until Clay. Now’s as good a time as any.”

Tali looked between them, caught in the middle of their searing contempt. However, she didn’t seem the least bit put off. Used to Shepard’s prickly nature, he reckoned. “He should know what we’re doing if we want him to be of any help.”

Shepard’s jaw was clenched, her hands tight on her reins, but the rest of her remained eerily calm. Kaidan found it puzzling how she could simultaneously appear to be as calm as a cow chewing its cud and as eager to strike as a coiled snake. Completely unpredictable in which side she would favor until it was too late.

“You and Tali go inside. Separately.” The calmer part of her nature spoke, but her words were clipped. “Wear that badge, tell ‘em you’re picking up money for Cerberus, and they’ll let you in the safe. Tali is there as a customer, nothing more.” Shepard’s sentences shifted to orders. Tali visibly deflated at her assignment. “To encourage everyone to play nice when Wrex and I come in to take what we need.” She tipped her head back, gesturing to Garrus. “He’ll be roosted somewhere high. Watching.”

“You expecting trouble, Shepard?” Kaidan couldn’t hide the loathing in his voice.

Tali shot him a scolding look. 

“Always.” Shepard answered, gunmetal eyes piercing in their intensity. “But Garrus is a hell of a sniper.”

The threat was unmistakable.

Tali edged her way into the conversation, forcing Kaidan and Shepard to break their staring match. “You get them to open the safe, we don’t have to blow up the entire building. Everyone behaves, no one has to die.”

“That means you too _ . _ ”

For Tali’s sake, Kaidan ignored Shepard’s threat and asked, “Won’t someone in town recognize I’m not one of them?”

“Clay’s a big place.” Tali answered.

“Cerberus is big there, too.” Shepard said. “Townsfolk are so scared of them, they won’t ask questions if they think you’re there on their behalf.”

Kaidan bit down on the inside of his cheek, holding back biting words. He looked to Tali, who gave no indication of being bothered by what Shepard said. What she admitted. Using Cerberus and the fear they sowed for personal gain was despicable. He looked back to Shepard, who stared at him, eyes narrowed into something he couldn’t place. Something that lied between hate and insolence. A challenge. Kaidan wasn’t willing to start another argument with her again so soon, so close to Clay, but he did nothing to hide his resentful expression. 

“You got a problem with that,  _ deputy _ ?” 

“More than one.” 

As before, when they lied in the dirt with her blade at his throat, Kaidan watched as an icy veil of cold indifference fell over Shepard’s face. He swallowed against the chill. Waited for her to threaten his life. To finally decide he wasn’t worth the trouble and kill him, right then and there. But she didn’t. Without another word, eyes shooting daggers of ice into his heart, Shepard urged her mount into a lope and left them.

Somehow, the silence felt worse.

***

Kaidan's spurs chimed with every step, the familiar noise suddenly deafening in a crowd of strangers. Tali hadn’t been lying, Clay was a big place. At least twice the size of Vancouver. Its main street buzzed with vibrant energy in the heat of the afternoon sun. Already, the saloon was so full that its patrons spilled out onto the front porch. Upbeat piano music and drunken songs filled the air as beer splashed recklessly from glasses.

Based on appearances, Clay was also twice as wealthy as Vancouver. Folks bustled about in fine clothing; silk and satin and elaborately designed dresses with bustles large enough to smuggle a small donkey. Kaidan put forth extra effort into keeping his back straight, his chin up, his chest out. Matching the outward confidence of the surrounding men even as he self-consciously pulled at the hem of his simple tan vest. Save for a few feminine giggles and one offer to enter the saloon for a bit of afternoon delight, Kaidan went largely unnoticed. 

As he approached the bank, he subtly scanned the crowd, the roof line, searching for any sign of Shepard or the rest of the group. Anxiety sparked in his belly and spread along his entire body, nerves vibrating. He hadn’t spotted anyone yet and, although he knew that was part of the plan, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were setting him up. Leading him into Cerberus’ den only to abandon him there.

A small part of him wanted to disappear into the crowd, grab Pepper, and run for home. Shepard had returned his holster to him for the robbery, he could escape and handle Cerberus in Vancouver on his own terms. If only he could convince Anderson and Hackett to stand beside him, that he had found The Shepard and she was simply too volatile, too violent to be a viable option. Unfortunately, he had a sinking feeling that without Shepard, Anderson would likely turn down any ideas he had about how to clear Cerberus from Vancouver. 

A larger, smarter part of him knew that having his guns back meant nothing. The Shepherd had placed a target on his back and, somewhere, Garrus was perched on a roofline. Waiting. One wrong step and he would aim for a bullseye. 

A smaller, petty part demanded he not give Shepard the satisfaction of being right about him. Kaidan didn’t do anything half-assed. With one boot already stuck in the mud, he had to see this mess through. In the end, whether Shepard helped or not, he would make it back to Vancouver. Even if that meant goin’ along with her schemes for the time being.

Kaidan stepped through the front doors of the bank to find it nearly as busy as the main street. Only two tellers worked the desk and lines formed from each woman to the back wall. Three guards were posted throughout the lobby, each of them armed. He was relieved to find not a single yellow sash in the building. And even more so when she spotted Tali, now dressed in a simply shaped but extravagantly decorated purple dress, standing in one of the lines. In her gown, she blended seamlessly with the rest. Tali met his eye and looked away just as quickly, encouraging him to do the same.

Summoning every bit of nerve he had, Kaidan inhaled a deep breath and stepped directly up to the counter. There was some disgruntled babbling behind him, but when he turned around and gave his best threatening scowl, chest pushed out to display his badge, the crowd hushed. Tali gave a nod of approval, just a small tip of her chin. Enough that it suppressed some of his nausea. 

Kaidan leaned one elbow on the counter. “I’m picking up a deposit for Cerberus.”

The teller was a young woman, dressed in much simpler skirts than the townsfolk. Red hair twisted into a bun and loose curls framing her face, she nervously looked to her coworker, then back to Kaidan. “I didn’t think we had one scheduled for today.”

“We weren’t supposed to, but you know how they are.”

“I’m afraid I do.” The girl smiled meekly. “I’ve got a real long line here, though, mister. I’ll need some time to take care of these folks before I can get into the safe for a deposit that large.”

Kaidan felt himself falter, mind racing. He only had a few minutes to make this work before Shepard went to Plan B. Which, as Tali had informed him, often involved large scale destruction. “Miss,” Kaidan leaned a little closer, “I appreciate you doing a fine job for these kind people, but you and I both know, Cerberus don’t wait for folks like them. I need that deposit now.”

The girl's eyes widened in fear and she looked once more to the other teller for help, but the other woman was determined to stay out of it. She pretended Kaidan wasn’t there at all. “I uh…okay, mister, I just don’t want anyone gettin’ riled up, is all. I ain’t tryin’ to make Cerberus angry.”

The fear in her voice was gut wrenching. He reached out, covered her shaking hand in his. “I know, Miss. Let’s just get this done quickly and I’ll get out of your hair.”

She nodded and Kaidan withdrew his hand. “Follow me, Sir.” 

A few patrons exited the bank in a fit of anger as the girl left her post and stepped around the counter. Kaidan ignored them, and Tali, as she led him through throngs of people toward the back of the bank. The security guard nearest the safe eyed Kaidan skeptically as they approached, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“You’re new.”

Kaidan met his eye. “Last guy mouthed off to the wrong person.” He sounded more menacing than intended, surprising even himself, but he accepted it as beneficial at that moment. 

The guard huffed and his arms fell to his sides. “Seems to be a lot of that going on lately.”

The teller shrank under the predatory eye of the guard and Kaidan felt himself grow strangely protective over the young woman. He turned his back on the guard, sheltering her from his stare. 

The door to the safe was a massive, heavy thing, and took considerable effort for the teller to swing it open. “Alright, sir. It’ll just take one more minute.”

“Thank you, Miss.” Kaidan tipped his hat to her and she blushed faintly before dipping into the safe to retrieve the money.

Kaidan hooked his thumbs in the best of his holster as he waited, turning his back to the safe so that he could look out over the bank lobby. Tali was near the counter now, pushed back a few places when the two lines had merged into one. It pained him to admit that Shepard had been right. Playing into these people’s fear of Cerberus, using his badge as a manipulation tactic, kept the crowd calm. And quiet. None paying more attention to the robbery than a stray in the streets. In fact, they actively avoided looking his direction. As if the taint of Cerberus on him would turn them to stone.

And then, amidst the calm civilization of the bank, Wrex and The Shepherd thundered in on a stampede of chaos. 

Coming through the back door, they marched directly to the counter. 

Gun scanning the crowd, Shepard shouted, “Everybody down!”

Red scarf pulled high over her nose, black hat pulled low so the only visible feature was a pair of notorious ice blue eyes. Wrex busted in beside her, black scarf obscuring his face. He wore a shirt and a buckskin vest, his hair pulled back into a single braid. Both armed to the teeth, cradling shotguns. Both, immediately recognizable despite their hidden faces.

“Shit! It’s The Shepherd!” The guard next to Kaidan yelled, going for his holster. 

Adrenaline did him a disservice and he fumbled for his weapon.

Shepard took one step forward, leveled her shotgun, and pulled the trigger. Kaidan jumped. The man collapsed to the ground, a massive hole punched through his abdomen. The other two guards grabbed for their weapons and Wrex put them down just as quickly. A chorus of screams filled the bank. From behind, the red headed teller emerged from the safe to see the commotion. Both hands grasped the back of Kaidan’s shirt, hiding behind him, her entire body shaking.

“Now, now. Everybody shut the fuck up.” Shepard turned and aimed her weapon at Kaidan. “Sheriff, I’m gonna need you to get on the floor, too. Nice and slow. Now.”

“Everybody! On the ground!” Wrex’s deep voice grumbled at the patrons, “Anyone else goes for their gun, they die.”

Kaidan remained standing as everyone in the bank looked to him, waiting for heroics worthy of a town sheriff associated with Cerberus. Woman clinging to his back for safety, his eyes narrowed into slits, he wished he could take this back. Wished he hadn’t been a willing participant to these people’s misery. Wished he could scream at The Shepherd. Everything had been under control until she arrived. He could have waltzed out with a bag of cash without anyone being any the wiser about his true motives. Now, three men were dead.

From among the crowd, Tali’s accented voice rose. “Please! Just listen to them! I don’t want to die!”

Her false hysterics were convincing, and when she started to lower herself to the ground, those surrounding her followed her lead. Still, Kaidan hesitated. Furious that he had gone along with this, this terror and needless death that The Shepherd caused. The exact reason he hadn’t wanted to seek her out.

Shepard called his bluff, lowered her weapon from Kaidan’s chest to point it at the nearest citizen. A middle aged man who immediately dropped to his belly and covered his head with his hands, sobs shaking his entire body, too fearful to produce a coherent plea for mercy. 

One brow arched, she challenged, “What’s it gonna be, Sheriff? Am I gonna have to kill everyone in this goddamn building?”

“No!” Kaidan shouted, then softer, “No. I’m listenin’. Just let me get the lady away from the blood.” 

Fuming, he turned to the woman behind him and took her hands in his. He guided her to the side, avoiding the guard’s blood as it pooled on the wood floor. Once they were out of its reach, he guided her to the ground. Lying on his belly only after glowering at an impatient Shepard once more.

The woman cried beside him as Shepard stepped over the down bodies, frightened into obedience, each one shaking as she approached, and into the safe. Wrex stayed at the door, casually reloading and sweeping the barrel of his gun over the crowd, finger on the trigger and ready to murder anyone who dared move. Kaidan met Tali’s eye across the room, and she subtly nodded her head at him again. He took that to mean it was going well, but it did nothing to ease the queasiness in his stomach. 

No one was bold enough to so much as speak as Shepard stuffed bundles of cash into a sack. Much, much more than the teller had counted. The only sounds came from sniffly noses and quiet, tremorous cries. Many of which originated from the teller lying next to Kaidan.

“Take it easy, Miss.” Kaidan soothed, placing a hand on her trembling shoulder. “So long as we play along, no one else will get hurt.”

She sniffled, eyes squeezed shut, she shook her head rapidly. “When Cerberus finds out I opened the safe for The Shepherd...” 

“You didn’t open it for The Shepherd, you opened it for me. For Cerberus. There was nothing you could have done.”

She shook her head again, tear filled eyes opening. “They won’t understand. They’ll take us both for this.”

“Take us?” Kaidan stared, dumbfounded. The woman was absolutely terrified. Convinced she would be held responsible for the robbery. So afraid of Cerberus she hadn’t noticed the dead man’s blood had seeped closer and was now soaking into the sleeve of her blouse. Grave with conviction, he said, “I won’t let that happen.” 

Pitifully, she whispered, “You can’t stop it.”

Kaidan knew her words weren’t meant to insult, the girl was completely, hopelessly distraught, but the truth of it still stung. Even with his revolvers at his hips, he was as helpless as she. Though he had followed orders and played along, three men had died when not a drop of blood should have been spilled. Brought here by Cerberus, forced to the ground by The Shepherd, Kaidan had no control over any of it. He was caught between each of their biddings. Either direction, a death sentence. 

Shepard emerged from the safe with a sack of cash slung over her shoulder, full to bursting. “Alright, let’s get out of here.” 

She didn’t spare a glance at him or at Tali as she began to navigate her way back to the front door.

“Ah, about that.” Wrex grumbled, jerked his head toward the window.

Kaidan pushed himself up on his elbows for a better view. He couldn’t see very well, as the other folks lying on the ground held the same curiosity, but he could see well enough. Just outside the window, main street was empty. In place of townsfolk, a massive assembly of yellow sashes gathered. 

“Fuck. Well that’s gonna complicate things a bit, ain’t it?” Shepard said to Wrex, leaning against a solid beam of wood between two windows. “Archangel didn’t signal?”

“He did a minute ago. More showed since then.”

Shepard’s head fell back and she sighed. “Goddamnit, Wrex.”

“It’s been weeks since we had a good fight, Shepard. I had an itch.”

“And you had to make it my goddamn problem?”

Wrex shrugged and Kaidan could hear the grin in his voice. “Gun fights are more fun with a friend.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Shepard spun on her heels and raised her voice to address her captives. “Alright, folks. I suggest you all run out the back now ‘fore things get loud.” Murmurs rippled through the crowd, no one brazen enough to stand. “I said now, damnit!” Gun pointed straight into the air, she shot a shell through the roof. “Go!”

At that, the crowd accepted her permission and quickly scrambled to their feet. Kaidan stood, barely avoiding being trampled, and helped the teller to her feet. Neither followed as, squashed into a single herd, the rest of the townsfolk filed out the back door. They pushed and fought against each other like cattle being pushed through a chute, screams of terror ringing out for fear of not making it out before The Shepherd changed her mind. 

Tali stood as well, soothing the front of her dress as she approached Shepard. Shepard swung the bag off her shoulder and held it out to Tali. “Take this to the horses, set up a defensive line and if anyone so much as looks at you funny, you blow ‘em sky fucking high.”

The teller clung to Kaidan’s arm, pulled at him. “Come on, mister. We need to go. Cerberus will take care of them and then they’ll come for us.” Shepard was staring at him now, annoyed, as she pumped the spent shell from her shotgun with one hand. Another tug at his sleeve. “Mister, come on!”

He turned to the young woman and gently pulled her hand free from his shirt. “You need to run. Leave town. Don’t let Cerberus catch you.”

She looked up at him, eyes wet and nose red from crying. Shock washed over her delicate features, then disgust. A look all too familiar. “You’re with  _ them _ ?” She recoiled from his touch, backed away. “You… you… you’re wicked! They’ll take me for this!” She gathered her skirts, pointed him with one shaky finger. “Damn you. Damn you right to hell!”

Kaidan reached for her, the inexplicable need to explain overtaking him, but she was gone, spun around and running out the back door. Frantic sobs following her as she ran. His hand fell, empty. Just as it had years ago. So hauntingly similar, it stung.

Tali appeared at his side, one hand securing the bag of money over her shoulder, the other fumbling under her skirts. “If she lives, she’ll understand. One day.” When she withdrew her hand, she held a revolver. “Make it back to camp alive, alright?” She didn’t wait for an answer. After she pulled back the hammer, Tali dashed out the back door.

He stared after them both, feet feeling nailed to the floor. A pounding in his head. 

“You done playing charmer over there, Alenko?” It was Shepard’s voice. He turned slowly, dazed, to find she was no longer looking at him. Hunched down against the wall, peering out the glass, her full attention was on the Cerberus group outside. “Time to put those revolvers ya’ like so much to good use.”

Kaidan took a deep, shaky breath, willing himself to steady. The teller was a stranger. Everyone in the town of Clay was a stranger. But he knew Cerberus, knew that threat was real regardless of location. Knew that his parents were still subject to their abuse back home. And he knew the only way back to them alive was to follow Shepard through the yellow sashes out the front door.

He crept up, positioning himself between Shepard and Wrex. A quick peek out the window, he counted at least twenty men. “What exactly is the plan here, Shepard?”

“We kill them before they kill us.”

Kaidan bristled, her answer deadpan, as if he was a moron. “There’s almost thirty of them and only four of us. We’re never going to make it back to Vancouver if you get us all killed.”

“Three of us will make it out just fine.” Shepard bit back. 

“If you had just stayed out of this, I could’ve taken the money outta here and no one would have suspected a thing.”

Wrex said, “Ceberus already knew somethin’ fishy was goin’ on. Some little piggies squealed.”

Kaidan replayed events in his mind, trying to remember if anyone who left the bank after his arrival mentioned being suspicious. 

“You want to take out Cerberus?” Shepard interrupted him. “A damn good opportunity to thin their numbers just presented itself. Buck the fuck up, cowboy.”

Wrex chuckled next to him, deep and mocking, muffled under his scarf.

Outside, a gun went off. Kaidan looked through the window to see one man holding his gun straight in the air, the barrel still smoking. “Alright, you pieces of shit. I give you to the count of ten to come out with your hands up. After that, we start shootin’.” 

“Ten? That’s generous.” Shepard mused as she reloaded her shotgun, adjusted the bandolier strung across her chest.

Wrex chuckled.

Kaidan asked, “We’re facing them head on? Not much of a strategy.”

“One…”

Shepard looked at him then, piercing eyes still the only visible feature behind her scarf. “I find the best strategy is to have more bullets than the other guy. I go first. Then Wrex. You,” she paused, eyeing his still holstered weapons, “try not to die.”

“Two…come on now, folks! You know you’re outnumbered!”

An angry groan rumbled in his throat. Kaidan pulled both revolvers from his hip.

“Three…”

The red rag covering Shepard’s face wrinkled as she smiled beneath the silk.

“Four…Richards, take Pat with you ‘round back.”

Shepard was out the door before Kaidan could fully register she had stood. Two shotgun blasts fired immediately. A string of curses and a hail of bullets from Cerberus followed.

“Goddamnit, it is the fucking Shepherd!”

Wrex moved next. Lumbering out the front door and charging directly at a group of four men to the left, clustered closely together. They were reloading, revolvers already spent trying to hit Shepard. Wrex crashed into two of the men, knocked them to the ground while he pumped lead into the other two. Smashed the butt of his gun into the skulls of the remaining two with a sickening  _ crack _ .

Shepard had dropped her shotgun and grabbed the two revolvers from her hips with cold calculus. Twelve bullets found their marks as she fearlessly side stepped across the front porch of the bank, actions practiced and smooth as butter. She only sought cover to reload. 

Cerberus scrambled. Wrex and Shepard pushed forward hard and fast, forcing the gang back. Corralling them tighter. Cerberus reloaded and sprayed lead across the street. They were decent shots, but horribly disorganized. Panicked. No thought was given to their comrades, no attempt to cover one another as they reloaded or sprung for cover. Shepard and Wrex, on the other hand, worked together seamlessly in battle. They were a nonstop barrage of violence from which Cerberus could find no shelter.

Inside the bank, still in cover, Kaidan’s knuckles turned white. Sweat coated his palms. At the fringes of his vision, a small hole of light appeared. Blinding at the edge. He blinked, willing it to fade. Hoping in vain that it was stress triggering the aura. He wasn’t expecting a gunfight of this magnitude. Anderson had told him that one day, he wouldn’t be able to rely on his pinpoint accuracy. That he would have to cut loose and kill in order to save himself. To save others. 

A needless warning. Kaidan wasn’t naive. He knew this. Was prepared to kill a man if it was necessary. But now, caught in furious and murky waters, Kaidan was not prepared to kill for The Shepherd.

“Shit! They’ve got a sniper!”

Wrex’s laughter rolled like thunder, loud enough to rise above the sound of gunshots. 

Kaidan watched as a Cerberus woman dropped to the ground. Both Shepard and Wrex remained in cover.  _ BOOM _ . Another fell.  _ BOOM _ . And another. He looked at the rooflines and found a small beam of light, squinted, checked twice that it was, in fact, the sun reflecting off the metal barrel of Garrus’ rifle and not the growing spot of distortion blocking his sight. Cerberus spotted it too.

“Someone get him, goddamnit!”

Several agents in yellow sashes split off from the main group, ran toward the back of the building on which Garrus was posted. Shepard shot two before they rounded the corner, but three dashed out of sight.

“Damnit!” She yelled. “Wrex, you got eyes on ‘em?”

“Nothing!” Wrex shouted.

“Fuck.” Shepard crouched and ran back across the porch, sliding feet first to a stop beside her abandoned shotgun. She grabbed two shells from her bandolier, hastily pushed them into the chamber. It was then she caught sight of Kaidan, in the exact same position as when the gunfight started. Her eyes turned to ice. 

Her voice froze over with contempt as she spat, “Fuckin’ coward.”

Kaidan’s jaw fell slack, justification on the tip of his tongue, but she was already gone. Disappeared into the shifting spectrum that now blocked half of his vision.

Wrex popped out of cover when he saw Shepard step off the front porch. Shotgun at the ready, she strode directly for the remaining group of Cerberus. Huddled behind a wagon for cover, pinched between two buildings, they were fish in a barrel. Their ammo had to be running low. Panic ruined their aim. Any bit of cooperation they might have had, destroyed. It was every yellow sash for himself, and Shepard was bound and determined to extinguish every last one. Wrex came up alongside the opposite side of the wagon. They had the gang completely surrounded. 

The Shepherd and her crew had turned the tide in their favor. Once outgunned, they now stood to claim victory. Amidst the heart stopping silence, Kaidan could hear the Cerberus soldiers pull their triggers, but no gunshots followed. Their chambers were empty. Then, they shouted their surrender.

Shepard and Wrex continued forward.

Kaidan dashed outside of the bank. “Wait!” He shouted, holstering one revolver to hold up his hand.

It was too late. The wagon blocked his view, but he heard the pleas for mercy. He heard the gunshots. Four. Ten. Too many to count in rapid succession. Bodies fell with heavy thuds beneath the wagon. Piling higher and higher until Kaidan couldn’t see the last two fall at all. Bile stung the back of his throat.

“See, this is why I like fighting with you, Shepard.” Wrex was downright jolly. “Why shoot someone once when you can shoot them forty-six times?”

Shepard lacked the same enthusiasm. “Find Tali, get the horses. I’m going for Garrus.”

Kaidan looked up. Even with half his vision blocked, he could still see Garrus from his position. He stood at the edge of the roof now, rifle at ease, gazing down at their victory. 

_ He doesn’t know _ . 

“Archangel!” Kaidan shouted, capturing his attention. His own voice made him wince.

Cerberus was already on the roof. Three of them made it to the top and closed in, circling around him. Garrus whirled, positioned his rifle. Kaidan aimed his revolver and - 

_ BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. _

Three shots perfectly placed. Guns shot clean out of the hands of each of the Cerberus agents. The sound of each shot pierced his brain, rang loudly in his ears. Kaidan watched as the three paused, staring at their hands like witchcraft had disarmed them before they charged at Garrus. Their pause gave him time to prepare and he shot two of them immediately. Behind the third, Shepard appeared, her arm hooked around his throat. He kicked and scratched and struggled for air to no avail. Shepard dragged him to the roof edge and with a quick side step and a kick, tossed the man over. His scream brought to an abrupt end by collision with the ground.

From so far away, Kaidan couldn’t hear what Garrus and Shepard said to one another. By the way they clasped hands and exchanged brief smiles, he assumed they were just happy to see the other still standing. Then, by the way they looked down at him, he assumed they weren’t nearly as happy with his survival. 

The two disappeared from view as they made their way to the back of the building and down the stairs. Kaidan stepped onto the street, now completely deserted in the wake of their battle. Though the gunshots had ceased, no one came out of hiding. Eerie silence replaced the sounds of battle. Blood stained the dirt. Flies swarmed to the corpses. Main street, so alive just an hour prior, now littered with the dead. A city made a graveyard. 

Kaidan covered his nose with the black silk around his neck, tried in vain to block out the scent as he crossed the street. Cautiously stepping around The Shepherd’s victims.

As he neared the body Shepard had pushed off the building, he was alarmed to find the man still alive. Half of his vision blocked by the aura, Kaidan had to turn his head to take in the full scene. The man’s limbs twisted at unnatural angles. Blood poured from his ears. His chest jerked with each breath, shallow and inconsistent. He wheezed, his eyelids fluttering uncontrollably. In shock, near death. Beyond help.

“Alenko!” Shepard’s voice made him jump and he turned to find her standing only a few feet away, Garrus at her side. Her eyes hard. Her revolver aimed at his heart. 

Kaidan lifted his hands in surrender. 

Whatever test this bank robbery was meant to serve, he had failed. Witnessing the death left in her wake, he would gladly fail again than to take part in the horrors she caused. 

He thought to beg for his life - he had a family to get back to, to protect- but the words caught in his throat, his tongue too thick to speak. He had just watched this woman viciously slaughter dozens of unarmed men without a second thought. Even if he could get the words out, anything he could think to say would surely be a waste of breath. 

He thought to close his eyes, to conjure warm images in his mind’s eye for comfort before he met his end, but his eyelids were frozen open. Shepard’s finger slipped to the trigger. Kaidan inhaled. The last air to fill his lungs before he joined the Cerberus agent on the ground. It tasted bitter. 

He would not close his eyes. 

He would not look away. 

If The Shepherd were to kill him, he would not die a coward.

He watched from outside of himself as, at the last fraction of a second before squeezing the trigger, Shepard dropped her aim and sent a bullet through the skull of the man lying at Kaidan’s feet. 

Unceremoniously, she ordered, “Let’s go.” 

Confusion wracked him. He blew out his breath in a short burst, like he had been punched in the stomach. 

Impatient, Garrus’s eyes never stopped moving, searching for further signs of trouble.

Shepard held the same air of urgency as she marched toward Kaidan. “Hurry the fuck up.” She reached out for him, grabbed him by the shoulder and delivered one last lingering look of annoyance before urging him in front of her. “Start runnin’, moron.” 

Kaidan stumbled forward as she jabbed the barrel of her gun into his back. Then, vision blurred and head pounding, Kaidan ran as fast as his feet would carry him from the town of Clay. Praying to any god who might listen to let him escape before his impending migraine took full hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! 
> 
> This is absolutely a self-indulgent little niche fic, so I'm super flattered people are reading at all.


	6. Partial Truths

Tali and Wrex waited for them at the edge of town. Already mounted and holding their mule and three other horses ready. Avory swung onto her mount, Normandy, and scratched his thick, buttermilk neck enthusiastically. His warmth under her hand like coming home. Garrus did the same, his pat for Mako more clinical in appearance, but Avory knew he was every bit as in love with that bald faced horse as she was with Normandy. Alenko climbed aboard his mare more cautiously, though she stood perfectly still. Not so much as a swish of her tail or a toss of her head as he clumsily mounted. Avory watched, face twisted in judgement. He looked like he was getting on a horse for the first time in his life.

“My Lord, Kaidan, you look horrible.” Tali noticed too, looked to Shepard for answers. “Was he shot?”

Avory shrugged. “Don’t see how he could have been. Coward hid almost the entire time.”

“I’m fine, Tali.” Alenko’s words slurred slightly, his face contorted in the usual scowl with which Avory was familiar, but he said no more.

Wrex spoke before Avory could spout something else antagonistic. “If you all are finished shootin’ the shit, I suggest we leave before the law in that town washes the piss out of their pants and comes lookin’ for us.”

“What a way with words you have, Wrex.” Garrus drawled.

She snorted a laugh.

Featherlight touches of her spurs in his sides sent Normandy lunging forward. Ever eager to be ahead of the herd, he stretched into a full gallop. The others fell into formation behind. Tali and Chiktikka led the pack mule, Buford. At her side, Wrex and Aralakh, his thick spotted draft cross. Wrex’s mental preparation before each Cerberus run, two red handprints, the color of death among his people, standing stark against the gelding’s speckled black and white chest. To signify the enemies Aralakh had knocked down in battle, and the ones Wrex promised to bloody himself. 

Garrus brought up the rear with Mako, gluttons for punishment always taking a more difficult version of the same trail. Sandwiched in the middle, Alenko sat atop his grey mare looking more and more like death warmed over as they rode. And they rode hard.

Miles stretched ahead of them, many to be covered before they reached a safe place to hole up for the night. Avory welcomed the lack of conversation, no sound other than the heavy footfall of running horses and steady rhythm of Normandy’s breath. She let him run as fast as he wanted for as long as he wanted. Relishing the breeze whipping through her hair, tears pulled from the corners of her eyes as wind rushed by. With no one ahead of her to see, she smiled into the wind. She needed this. This small taste of freedom only found on the back of a horse.

Clay hadn’t exactly gone to plan, but robberies rarely went on without a hitch. It worked out better, she reckoned, that they had gotten a chance to take out so many Cerberus agents in addition to stealing all of their cash. After their little visit, Clay would likely be free of Cerberus shit for a day or two until they had a chance to send reinforcements. By then, she would be long gone. Ready to hit the next outpost.

At least, that would be the usual plan. Go from town to Cerberus occupied town, stirring up shit and making life hell for those yellow sash wearing bastards. They were a huge organization with no shortage of agents, but few of them were worth what they were paid. Most of them ended up canon fodder for her and her companions. Lowlifes who signed up for riches and glory, so caught up in Cerberus’ “do what’s right for humanity” bullshit that they didn’t care who was harmed in the process. So long as they got paid. Avory was more than happy to poke the bear, to hit Cerberus where it hurt as often as possible. To teach those pieces of shit that by agreeing to Cerberus’ terms, by putting on the yellow sash, they were also signing their death warrants. But now that Alenko was with them, those plans would change.

Alenko comparing her to Cerberus, saying she was somehow  _ worse _ than them, hadn’t dealt the amount of damage he had hoped for. In fact, it had only convinced her further that he was in way over his head. And his behavior at the bank had only confirmed her suspicion that he would be nothing but trouble on this endeavor. Part of her had been ready to dispose of him at the bank, to sink her last chambered bullet into his skull rather than to waste it on the good-as-dead man she had pushed off the roof. If he hadn’t bought Garrus those few precious extra seconds, she would have rid herself of him for good. Friend of Anderson or not.

Alenko was a liability. Untrustworthy. He despised them, despised  _ her _ . Her lifestyle, her methods. Without giving a second thought to  _ why _ that might benefit him. Why Anderson worked with her for all these years. Why he had sent Alenko to find her now, when the shit was really starting to stink. Not that she would be willing to waste time explaining herself to him. There was no point. His holier than thou mind would never accept that her ways had merit, even though he needed her to solve his problem. And that pissed her off to no end. Especially now, as he flopped on top of his horse, skin pale and eyes haunted. Turned into a pile of mush just from seeing a few dead bodies. It was pathetic. 

Normandy eventually slowed to a more sustainable pace, all of the horses behind blowing appreciative breaths through their noses for the break, but kept along at a brisk walk. Avory turned around to check on the group. To her surprise, Alenko’s mare had surpassed Tali and Wrex, but he looked worse than ever. Both hands on his saddle horn for support, his head down, hat obscuring his face. Behind him, Wrex kicked Aralakh up into a lope and sped past Alenko. He didn’t look up.

“Shepard,” Wrex reined his mount to a walk beside her, “we have a problem.”

Not one to be passed, Normandy pinned his ears, snaked his neck to bite at Arlakah. She snorted and issued a mild correction. “Alenko? Yeah, I see that.”

“Tali and I were talking. We think he’s having a migraine.”

Avory knitted her brows. “A what?”

“A very strong headache.”

Her head fell back so far, the brim of her hat pushed against her shoulder blades and lifted off her head. “A headache?” She groaned, righting her head and her hat. “Has he never had a long night with whiskey before? Everyone gets fucking headaches.”

“A  _ strong _ headache.” Wrex caught her eye, a dangerous gleam in his. “A woman in my band suffered from them, too. Lost her vision, sometimes. Would be sick for days. Daylight was so painful she had to stay beneath layers of cloth to block the sun.”

Avory nodded impatiently and sighed. “Great. This fucking guy.” She glanced over her shoulder at him, then back to Wrex. “Are you telling me we have to shelter him until this passes?”

Wrex nodded. “Unless you want to strap him to the mule and make him suffer.”

She pursed her lips. Truthfully, she preferred that to letting Alenko cause another delay in travel. But Buford was already loaded heavy and the way Wrex looked at her, scars wrinkling over his lips, made it clear that ignoring the severity of his migraine would be taken personally. 

“Fine. We’re almost there. Think he can stay on his horse another thirty minutes?”

“Seems tough. He’ll make it.”

Avory snorted, incredulous. Wrex spun Aralakh on his haunches and loped back to Tali. She watched him go, his seat glued to his horse’s back with all the ease of someone born on horseback. Blackfoot were known for their equine talent and Wrex, despite his size, was no exception. Out of her group, he was the only one she would allow to ride Normandy. 

Spurring Normandy forward into a rocking lope, she cast one last glance at Alenko. His horse kept pace without any visible direction from him. A stocky dappled grey, she travelled smooth and calm despite the unbalanced rider on her back. Clearly having been in this situation before. Avory wondered just how many times.

The next few miles went quickly. Upon reaching their destination, a low, rocky alcove nestled in the hills and surrounded by cottonwoods, Avory held up Normandy and waited for the rest of the group to catch up. Alenko managed to lift his head as she spoke, but only just.

“Tali, the usual perimeter. Garrus, start a fire and lay out the bedrolls.” Avory paused, catching the way Alenko grimaced in pain with every word. “Wrex, you know what this -” she gestured in Alenko’s direction, “-is. Get him situated. Away from the fire. I don’t want to have to watch what I say all fucking night.”

If she didn’t know better, Avory would have sworn she saw gratitude befall Alenko when she finished speaking. Though, if it was, it was likely due to the fact that she was no longer bellowing orders rather than the orders themselves.

No matter, the group dismounted and parted ways to complete their tasks. Wrex attempted to assist Alenko off his horse - an amusing tustle that resulted in Wrex taking an accidental boot to the shoulder before Alenko reached ground and vomited - and guided him to the deepest part of the alcove. Avory collected the horses and mule and led them to a grassy bed by a slow flowing creek. There was enough graze that they wouldn’t wander, so long as the lead mare was hobbled. 

Practiced hands made quick work of unsaddling each animal, stowing the tack amongst the trees for shelter. Buford, the mule, was so happy to be free of his load that he dropped to the ground and rolled immediately. Avory watched him try, and fail, to roll completely over his withers with a smile. As much as she loved the adrenaline of a good gunfight, she found nothing quite compared to the sights and sounds of horses happily scratching their backs and grazing after a long day of hard work. 

For a few minutes, she stayed there, watching them graze and groom one another while she mindlessly puffed on a cigarette. Then, with Chiktikka hobbled, she removed her chinks and tossed them on top of her saddle, and left the horses to eat in peace and walked back to the alcove. Tali had returned from the perimeter and was setting up camp, while Garrus tended to a boiling pot over the fire. Spices filled the air, earthy and light and tickling to the nose, and Avory’s face lit up. 

“You makin’ us something special, Garrus?” She looked around as she approached. Wrex and Alenko were nowhere to be seen. “How’d you know I was tired of jerky and canned peas?”

“I’ve known you a long time, Shepard. And for all but the first five minutes of that, I’ve known you hate eating anything green.” Garrus looked up with a wyly grin. “Sorry to disappoint, but you’re still having peas for supper.”

Tali laughed.

Avory scrunched up her face. “Then what are you making there?”

“Something Wrex and Tali put together.” Garrus answered. “Said it’s to help Alenko.”

She couldn’t help but groan in response.

“A mixture of ginger, lavender, and peppermint.” Tali stepped beside Avory, wafting the fumes to her nose. “He’s setting him up further away. Said even the sound of the fire was too loud.”

As if planning a prolonged stay wasn’t bad enough, Alenko was also using up their rare stores. Avory sighed, struggled to keep her eyes from rolling. In the process, she locked eyes with Garrus, who looked equally annoyed. “You believe this migraine shit?”

“Wrex believes it.” Tali answered confidently. “And you saw him, Shepard, he looks like death.”

“Could be a ploy to keep Shepard from killing him. She was pretty angry after that business at the bank.”

Avory snorted. Angry was an understatement.

“He saved your life, didn’t he?” Tali quipped. 

“Yes,” Avory admitted, “he bought Garrus a few extra seconds so we could kill the fuckers. But he hid for all but the last three minutes. Didn’t shoot a single person.”

What she didn’t admit was how surprised she had been that Alenko had managed to get off three shots so accurately in such a short fraction of time. There was no way his aim was an accident. Shooting the gun out of a man’s hand took a great deal of skill. Skill that he possessed but, beyond all reason, didn’t use to kill a single one of the almost thirty men they had faced. 

“I rarely shoot people, Shepard.” Tali said. “You still keep me around.”

“That’s ‘cause we like you.”

“You didn’t when I first joined you.”

Garrus laughed, ignoring the daggers Avory shot at him. “That is true, Shepard.”

She looked angrily between her two supposed friends, half a mind to drag her bedroll away from the fire and go sleep with the horses. Then she wouldn’t have to listen to Garrus’s sleep-talking. Or Wrex’s snoring. 

“Come on, Shepard.” Tali trilled at her sour expression. “When you caught me following you off my father’s ranch, you tied me up, threw a bag over my head, and tossed me on Buford to carry me back.”

“Now I know I should’ve left you there.”

Garrus laughed, sharing a grin with Avory.

“But I grew on you. Kaidan will too. With time.”

Avory narrowed her eyes. “Why do you like him so much?”

Hands on hips, Tali shot back, “Why do  _ you _ hate him so much? Compared to the usual filth we come across, he’s more than decent.” 

Avory paused, one hundred reasons spilled forth from her mind, but none of them quite cleared her lips. “I don’t care enough about him to hate him.” Tali’s eyes pressed her to continue. Garrus looked down at the pot of boiling herbs like he longed to jump in and melt into nothing rather than be a part of this conversation. “And it ain’t about hate, it’s about trust. He’s playing nice with you now, Tali, but don’t forget why he’s here. He’s using us. He needs someone to do his dirty work for him ‘cause he’s too good to do it himself.  _ He _ hates  _ us _ .”

“Anderson uses us, too. You get along with him just fine.”

Eyes flashed with anger. “Anderson ain’t some yellow bellied green horn. He understands what Cerberus is and why we do what we do and the way that we do it.”

A log split in the fire, but it was the hostility in her voice and not the crack of splintering wood that was deafening. 

It was Hackett who had come across Avory at her lowest, damn near a decade ago, on her knees and up to her elbows in spilled blood. Both on the hunt for the dwindling numbers of The Reds gang, Avory beat him to the last of them.  _ Vengeance has its place _ , he had told her,  _ outside law’s definition of justice _ . Placed a card in her hand, Anderson’s name scribbled on a dirty scrap of paper, and let her walk. 

Hackett had seen something growing in her, something deep and unstoppable and terrifying in its ferocity, and he had embraced it. Given it time to bloom. Molded it to his will and gave her resources to do his bidding. Hackett used her, was not so embarrassed as to try to hide it. In that use, he had given her the comfort of purpose in revenge, and so Avory accepted her position.

But Anderson, Anderson didn’t use her. He worked  _ with _ her. Anderson showed her kindness. Showed her that there was humanity left hiding in the hearts of men she least expected. Anderson led her to believe that maybe,  _ just maybe _ , she was something more than a monster. Her oldest friend who still drew breath. Before his interference, she was blinded by her rage, and would have gladly ridden to hell in a blaze of gunpowder and lead.

Garrus dragged her from her heated fog. “Aim like that, he could’ve shot us off that roof.”

She hated that he was right. Hated even more that she knew he wasn’t done. “Don’t lead me to water, Garrus, make me drink.”

“Maybe Alenko  _ is _ too green to know what Cerberus is capable of.” Avory raised a skeptical brow, and he continued. “He only said they was gettin’ worse in Vancouver, not what they were doin’. We ain’t got any idea what he knows.”

Avory plucked a cigarette from her back pocket and lit up. Being unaware of Cerberus’ treachery was a foreign concept, one she had not considered. The bastards had been a part of her life for so long already, she couldn’t imagine a life where their deeds were undiscovered.

“No decent man alive would pass up the chance to fight Cerberus if he knew.” Tali anxiously wringed her hands together. Looked to Avory, bolder than her hands belied. “The way you’ve all been treatin’ him, it’s no wonder he wouldn’t fight for you.”

Avory chewed at her cigarette. Cracked every knuckle on her hands twice. “You’re right. He don’t know who the real enemy is. Us or them.” She sucked in a long drag. Watched smoke drift away on exhale. “We’ll just have to show him.”

***

Two days after the robbery in Clay, Avory sat beside the fire in waning sunlight, passing a bottle of whiskey between herself, Tali, and Wrex. Garrus chased the occasional swig with a bite of jerky, but chose to abstain from playing Buffalo. Too juvenile, for his tastes, he claimed. But Avory knew the truth - Garrus was terrible at Buffalo. Early in the game, each did well enough to remember to take the bottle and drink with their non-dominant hand. As time went on and the liquid in the bottle dwindled, however, it got harder and harder to remember.

“Buffalo!” Avory shouted, sporting a giant smile and pointing. “Left hand! Chug, Wrex.”

“Damn you, Shepard.” He growled and switched the bottle to his right hand and chugged, three full swallows, as was the rule.

Garrus chuckled, his laugh reverberated with a deep drawl. “At this rate, we’re going to run out of booze before dark.”

“We could switch to a different game.” Avory accepted the bottle from Wrex in her left hand, took a modest sip. “Before Wrex drinks himself to death.”

Wrex belched in response, which forced her into a small fit of laughter. Garrus made a disgusted noise.

“We could play ‘drink the whiskey’.” Tali quipped.

“Nah,” Avory offered the bottle to Tali, who reached with her right, then quickly switched hands and grabbed the neck with her left. “That’s not as much fun.”

“It’s efficient.” Tali took a sip, passed the bottle to Garrus.

“I have an idea.” Garrus took a generous drink, his line of sight shifting to just over Avory’s head. “Why don’t we play ‘true or false’?”

Tali, Avory, and Wrex groaned simultaneously.

“If I have to listen to you three brag about being living legends one more time…”

“We play that too much.”

“Too easy.”

Garrus crossed his arms against their complaints. “I know it’s an old one, but maybe Alenko here can breathe some new life into the game.”

All at once, they twisted in their seats to see Alenko standing behind them. Some of the color had returned to his face, but a sheen of dried sweat still sat on his skin and plastered thick black curls of hair to his forehead. Avory felt herself lengthen, pull her shoulders back and set her jaw. Disappointed by how his presence put her on edge, and so abruptly ended their game.

“Kaidan!” Tali said, rising to her feet. “You’re feeling better? Here, sit.”

Wrex grumbled defensively. “Of course he is.” 

Alenko shuffled awkwardly closer to the fire, beside Tali, avoiding Avory’s gaze as they both sat. “Yeah, I uh…” he dragged the back of his hand across his brow, “I feel drained, after, but whatever that was helped a lot. I appreciate it, Wrex.”

Wrex only nodded in acknowledgement.

“Is it always like that?” Tali asked. 

Avory sighed, looking to Garrus to share in her annoyance. To her great displeasure, he was more focused on Tali, twirling an end of his mustache between his fingertips. “Bottle, Garrus.” She grabbed the whiskey and took a long swig. Then, one arm thrust behind her for support, she settled in, intent on finishing the bottle.

“The headaches?” Alenko noticed her demeanor, his unusually sheepish gaze fluttered from her to Tali. “It uh… they’re hard to predict. They get worse with stress. Or trauma.”

Avory took another swig, met his stare down the neck of the bottle. When she lowered the bottle, licked amber from her lips, and plainly asked, “You blaming me for that?”

Everyone looked to her. Waiting for something more hostile.

Alenko answered, “Not entirely. Likely would’ve happened anyway. Probably woulda been shorter without the thump on the head, though.”

“Good to know.” Apathetic, she took another swig.

Tali continued her line of questioning. “Do they happen often?”

Now, Avory listened more closely. She might not care how badly his head hurt, but how often these came about would affect their planning.

“Every couple of weeks, maybe. Sometimes more. It really depends on a lot of different things.” He rushed his words, looking every bit as eager as Avory felt to discuss anything else. “Anyway, you don't have to worry about me. Fully functioning human being here. I ain’t tryin' to interrupt nothin’.” He glanced around at the various stages of drunken glaze in their eyes. The bottle cradled in Avory’s lap. “You all playing a game?"

Garrus looked to Avory. "True or false?" Another question hung in the air, one he didn’t have to say aloud for her to understand.

"Sure." She sat forward, looking at Alenko. "It's simple enough. Everyone gets a chance to ask the bottle holder a question. If it's true, they drink. If it's false, they pass the bottle to the person who asked the false question."

"It ain’t about just askin’ questions. It’s about making assumptions about your companions, calling them out on their bullshit. Seeing how well you really know one another. Like so," Garrus chimed, took the bottle from Avory and passed it to Tali. "Tali, true or false, you ride a grulla mare."

Tali shot him a nasty look before taking a taste of whiskey. "That's not fair, it's an obvious fact."

"I'm just giving Alenko an example of what not to do." Garrus exuded dry wit.

Avory's lips curl into a modest smile. "You ride a mare because you appreciate their work ethic and loyalty. She’ll work twice as hard for you as any gelding."

Tali gave Avory a gracious smile, raised the bottle in her honor, and took a swig. "See, that's worth drinking to."

"Mares.” Wrex griped, earning himself a dirty look from Tali. And a curious one from Alenko. “Too many opinions for a horse. Not worth the trouble." Stretching his legs, he took his turn. "Let's see…you left home to ride with Shepard because you weren’t ready to take over your father’s legacy."

"True again." Tali happily took a sip, then looked to Alenko. "Your turn, Kaidan."

Alenko hesitated, looked around the fire at each one of them, all staring back expectantly. His gaze lingered on Avory, to which she furrowed her brows. She didn't recognize the expression he wore, softer than any he had offered her yet. More thoughtful. She decided she didn’t like it.

"Pitter patter." She said, arching an impatient brow.

He cleared his throat. "Alright, what about…your favorite color is purple."

"False!" Tali thrust the bottle at him, a drunken smile crooked on her lips. "My favorite color is  _ lavender _ , which is a different color from purple."

Garrus chuckled while Avory booed.

"They're the same family!" Avory argued.

Wrex groaned, "That was almost as poor a question as Garrus'."

"They have different names, so they are different colors." Tali shot back. "Now, Kaidan, it's your turn to hold the bottle."

Kaidan gingerly reached for the glass. "This should go quickly. None of you know me very well."

Tali was first to accept the challenge. "You take a lot of pride in your mare. That’s why you want to learn how to make her mane grow as long as Chikitkka’s."

Garrus couldn't hide the dejected twitch of his mustache as Alenko lightheartedly grumbled at Tali and took a modest swig. 

Avory adjusted her seat. "Alright, he’s got the hang of it. Enough with the easy questions." 

Wrex caught the look in her eye and leaned forward, mumbled under his breath, “This ought to be good.”

Gone was the thoughtful expression from Alenko’s face, a hard edge of guarded fear crept to replace it. 

Avory said, "Your holster and revolvers were a gift from someone you love."

He blinked at her, silently took a sip.

Wrex stated, "You've never been with a workin' gal."

He chuckled with amusement when Alenko drank to answer true, but the deputy's eyes didn't leave Avory’s. This was no longer a game for her, he had picked up on that quickly. Regret sat heavy on his brow, his once fatigued and sloppy posture now tense with uncertainty.

Garrus spoke next. "You entered law enforcement to follow in your father's footsteps."

Bottle at his lips, Alenko paused. "What if it's only partially true?"

"Partial still counts." Tali answered.

Wrex scoffed. "It didn't when he said your favorite color is purple."

"Purple and lavender are  _ different colors _ ."

Avory issued the final ruling, "Partial counts."

Alenko drank. "How many questions are you allowed to ask?"

"As many as it takes to get a false." Garrus said.

"I've got one." Tali cleared her throat and sat tall, "Both your parents are living."

He tipped the bottle back.

"Cerberus did something to you, personally." 

Quiet fell in the wake of Avory's assumption. In her peripheral vision, she saw Tali look to Garrus, as if he wasn't already aware of where these questions would lead. As if he had suggested the change of game innocently. She whispered something to him, and whatever he whispered back sobered her. 

Alenko drank. 

"You don't like bounty hunters." 

Again.

"Anderson didn't tell you we worked together until just before you left town." 

Another drink. 

"And he didn't tell you what kind of work we do together." 

Another tip of the bottle. 

“You know nothin’ ‘bout how much sick shit Cerberus is capable of.”

A quirk of his brow, unsure of whether or not to drink. 

Hesitation damned him. “It’s true.” She said. “Take the fucking drink.”

Lips parted in rebuttal, but her stare left no room for debate. Grudgingly, he obeyed the rules of the game. But the way he met her challenge ignited a fire in her. One that no longer cared about gathering information, only thirsted for victory.

“That woman at the bank, the teller. You felt responsible for her even though you’d never met before.” 

Another sip.

Mocking, she said, “You wanted to be her hero.” 

Hesitant drink.

"You've never killed a man."

He had been holding the bottle to his lips, ready to swallow more and more liquor as she rapid fired questions at him. But her last gave him pause. Alenko lowered the bottle and extended it to her. "I believe it's your turn to hold the bottle."

Avory was genuinely surprised.

"Maybe we should call it a night." Garrus interjected, making to stand.

Tali acted in agreement, but Wrex sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. Better than anyone, Wrex knew how entertaining this game got when Avory held the bottle. Her wanted poster had been around almost as long as his, the stories spun about her as wild as any herd of mustangs. And Avory never declined a challenge. Especially not one so blatant as Alenko offered.

"No," she took the bottle. "Let's see what our new friend thinks he knows."

All eyes fell on Alenko. To his credit, he didn't falter. "You wanted to kill me at the bank."

Avory barked a laugh, so sudden that everyone else jumped. Maybe it was the liquor. No one else seemed to think it was as funny as she did. She took a sip. "I kinda still want to. Do I need to drink again for that?"

"But you won’t because I’m close with Anderson. And you consider him a friend.”

“Partial. Anderson is a friend.”

Wrex snorted a laugh as Avory took another drink. She shot him an appreciative look.

Alenko pressed on. "You've murdered hundreds of men."

Avory cracked a smile. "Partial. Haven’t kept count. And not all men." Whiskey tasted as sweet as watching Alenko's stare darken felt. If he wanted to play games with her, she would not lose.

Kaidan let it roll off his shoulders like smoke. Bitter, but annoyingly controlled, he said, "You burned down a home while people were still inside."

"Partial." She took a pointedly small swig. "Inside when the fire started. I shot them as they ran outside to escape."

Enjoying the way he soured, she left out the rest. How it was a home occupied by Cerberus agents who had killed the rightful homeowners. The entire family, executed. How they had carelessly tossed their bodies out into the snow, eyes already plucked by scavengers by the time she arrived. How they hadn’t even spared the youngest, a boy too young to walk. Recalling his small frame, half buried in ice, pudgey bare feet stripped of their boots and flesh turned black from cold, brought bile to the back of her tongue and ice to her heart.

"You feel no remorse for the people you kill."

She took another sip. The bottle was nearing empty.

Every person she had ever killed deserved to die. As many times as Avory had ended a life, she hardly felt the sting anymore. Long gone were the days when she agonized over every drop of spilled blood, screamed in the middle of the night when demons came haunting. Wrestled her subconscious over whether fighting for survival, achieving her goals, meant she was a monster. There was no time for such things anymore. She had chosen to follow a path to darkness long ago, and in the cold, black of night, she reigned supreme. 

"That red wild rag you wear…” Alenko jutted his chin at the tattered silk ‘round her neck, “it's to remind you of someone. Or something you've done."

Garrus and Tali tensed. Wrex cast a sideways glance. 

Something she had done, someone she had lost. Somewhere she began. Instantly, her expression froze, giving nothing away. Refusing to give an answer to him so easily. “Someone or something. Choose one.”

A second’s pause. Alenko answered, “Someone.”

Avory stared down the bottle at him as she sipped, long and slow. Suddenly wary of his intent, creeping closer and closer to striking a nerve. 

“That someone… it was someone you felt responsible for. ”Inflection leaving no doubt he meant to throw her own assumption about him in her face. So calm. Collected.

Bastard.

She felt the crack in her composure like a fissure being ripped into the Earth. Too vast to conceal with her usual hardened expression. Avory tipped back her head, drained the remaining liquor in a single swallow. Reveled in the delicious burn for the few precious seconds it lasted. Then, she held up the empty bottle, swirled it to show it was empty. 

Sheer force of will kept her voice steady as she announced, “There’s the end of it, friends. Afraid we’ll have to postpone the rest of the game until we get another bottle” She set the empty glass on the ground beside the fire and stood. “I’m callin’ it a night. We’ve got an early mornin’, tomorrow.” 

Tali sighed in relief. Even Garrus, who knew the game would turn into an interrogation, seemed glad it was over. Secretly, Avory was too. Alenko was more astute than she had expected, and his hunch about her wild rag had rattled her more than she would ever admit. If they hadn’t run out of liquor, she would have been too stubborn to quit. And if the game had continued, she didn’t doubt he would have continued to dredge up more nightmares he had no idea existed. 

Fortunately, she had drunk enough that her face felt numb and her limbs tingled. The warmth of the whiskey coursing through her bloodstream was sure to sing her a pleasant enough lullaby to coax her into a dreamless sleep, despite the foul memories trying to claw their way through a drunken fog.

Alenko, even with bags under his eyes, remained rigid in his seat as the others started to move away from the pit. More questions trapped behind tight lips, gaze hot on her face. He knew he had been on a winning streak, wanted it to continue. If she didn’t detest him so much, she might have respected his talent for the game. Tension lingered, burning as hot as the fire smoldering between them. Avory considered picking the bottle up again and throwing it at his head.

He dared ask, “What’s tomorrow?” 

He sounded hopeful, and she knew he was hoping they would ride for Vancouver.

“You and I are going back to Clay.” Any trace of hope he displayed vanished. She couldn’t help but be pleased. “We leave at first light.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm super appreciative of anyone reading along.


	7. Doctored Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: from here on out, this story will contain dark themes such as medical whump, body horror, inaccurate medical information and graphic descriptions of violence. Please don't read if those things are troubling for you.

“It will be fine, Kaidan.”

Watching Shepard fasten her chinks, fully loaded bandolier across her chest and shotgun slung over her back, Kaidan found it hard to believe any part of this day would turn out fine. 

Sensing his apprehension, Tali added, “She always dresses like she’s going to war.”

“So I’ve noticed.” Though she allowed him to wear his own holster and keep his rifle on his saddle, he felt grossly unprepared in comparison. “She said we were only going to scout.”

Garrus appeared from behind, hand sliding over Pepper’s hindquarters so as not to startle her. “It is. But sometimes even a scout can go wrong. You ought to know that by now.”

Malice was not his intent, but his tone still chided. Kaidan had not forgotten how easily Garrus had snuck up on him that first day. 

“Let’s hope this isn’t one of those times.”

“Here.” Tali produced two small rounds from her jacket pocket. “Take these with you. In case things change.”

Kaidan eyed her gift cautiously. Dynamite rounds. “Not sure the explosives are makin’ me feel any better.”

“More prepared, then. No detonator, they won’t explode unless you shoot them.” Tali smiled at his obvious alarm. “Don’t be so cautious, just take them.”

“Okay, sure.” Kaidan accepted the rounds, securing them in his saddle bag. Her vote of confidence was enough to ease some anxiety. He tipped his hat in thanks. 

Now mounted, holster fastened around her hips, Shepard reined her tall, buckskin mount in front of him and Pepper. Short backed and thick, the horse’s black mane lay thick on both sides of his neck. The tan of his hide shone like white gold in the dawning light. Dapples fell across his abdomen like giant snowflakes, followed the line of his flank and down, until his legs faded to black. Kaidan hadn’t the opportunity to truly appreciate the horse before now. He was a stunning animal, reminiscent of the Spanish horses he had seen at Joker’s stable.

“You about ready?” Shepard’s cool gaze extinguished any thought of voicing his appreciation. 

“Been ready.” Kaidan replied shortly. He’d been waitin’ on her for a number of minutes.

She didn’t care for his answer, or the truth, apparently. Her focus turned to Garrus. “I aim to be back by this time tomorrow. If I ain’t, assume trouble and do not follow. Those springs where we camped after Saleon, remember ‘em?”

Garrus nodded, mustache twitching at the name. “Of course.”

“We meet there. And Garrus? Be careful. No unnecessary risks. If somethin’ looks-”

“Shepard, relax.” Tali rolled her eyes. “I’ll set the perimeter wide.”

“We’ll be fine.” Garrus said.

Despite the reassurances, Shepard remained hesitant. 

“I don’t want fine. I want alive and intact.” Only then did she spare a glance for Kaidan. The concern lingering on Shepard’s face, one Kaidan could only describe as matronly, set a wrinkle in his forehead. Her eyes falling to his chest - his badge - momentarily. “Still playin’ the good guy?”

He brushed off the goading bitterness of her question with his own short reply. “Don’t need the badge to be a good man.”

“Huh.” Almost a scoff. “Surprised to hear that comin’ from you.”

Kaidan frowned, unsure of her implication.

Tali sighed beside him, and to Garrus she muttered, “At least we’ll get some peace and quiet with the two of them gone.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Garrus aimed a grin at Shepard.

Her glare, Kaidan noticed, held substantially less exasperation when not pointed in his direction. Though her tone was laced with annoyance, it was light, jestful, when she said, “You’re right, you’ll get a break from me talkin’ and get to listen to Wrex instead.”

Tali grinned. “I bet ya’ if I bring out the fiddle, he’ll sing.”

“On second thought,” Garrus stated, “why don’t I go and you can stay?”

Shepard snorted. “That’s what I thought.”

A fly trapped on a wall in a room he didn’t want to occupy, Kaidan rubbed at the back of his neck. It seemed Shepard’s goal, when not being an outright bastard, was to ignore him completely. Being ostracized was nothing new for him, he had always been a little different. Had been kicked to the outskirts of social events many times as a boy. It had its benefits, sure, like being able to sneak away for some time alone without being hounded as to why. Or when he simply wasn’t interested in what the rest of the children were doing, which was often. But the inherent loneliness, the feeling that he was just too different to be welcomed, always stung. Regardless of the company doing the excluding.

“Let’s go, before we waste any more light.” Shepard motioned for Kaidan to follow with a quick tilt of her head. “Try to keep up.”

Tali and Garrus stepped clear just in time for Shepard to spin her mount. Energy coiled in his haunches as his front legs crossed over one another, then released in a snap. The buckskin surged forward, tail up and breaking wind in time with each hoof fall. Clumps of dirt flew into the air. One pelted Kaidan’s arm.

Pepper pulled at the bit in response, impatient to follow. Prideful ambition welled in Kaidan’s chest, dizzying in its intensity. A subtle lean forward was the only permission Pepper needed to take leave, her hooves digging into dirt faster than her body could go at first, grunting with effort as she propelled them forward. 

Competition between the two horses pushed them harder than either rider. Like thunder they rolled across forested hills and splashed through creek crossings, neither horse breaking pace. Shepard looked over her shoulder and, for a fleeting moment, Kaidan glimpsed a genuine smile. Just as quickly, it was gone. Molded into something more dangerous than gleeful. She turned back, touched a spur to her horse’s side and he veered sharply to the right. Straight for a collection of deadfall.

Kaidan gathered his reins and collected Pepper, eyes locked on the rapidly approaching obstacles. He had his mother’s blood - in his veins ran a competitive streak as wide as the Swan Range was long. He wouldn’t be bested. Neither would Pepper. However, he would not match the reckless abandon with which Shepard charged the fallen trees. Three strides ahead, she and her horse leapt over a massive trunk as if it were six inches tall. Kaidan sat deep, held Pepper back, counting strides to his approach, and followed over with gusto. 

Shepard led them over four more of the same before they cleared the stand. Horses near lather, she brought them to a large clearing atop a hill, and eased the stud to a walk.Kaidan did the same, rating pace at her side. Their horses blew out their noses. Even Kaidan lifted the brim of his hat, wiping a thin layer of sweat from his brow. On his left, Shepard seemed mostly unphased as she looked off into the distance, ignoring him again.

They hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words since the previous night. When she had explained the rules of their game, Kaidan had been hopeful, excited even, to discuss anything other than his migraine. Yes, it had been brought on by Shepard clubbing him, but it was he who had been left vulnerable. Made out to be a weak fool. Falling victim to a migraine after the bank job was the worst imaginable timing. He had half expected them to leave him behind, lying in the makeshift tent crafted for him by Wrex. Bait for the wolves. 

It had taken no more than three minutes for any excitement he felt over being included in a drinking game to vanish. Shepard had gone straight for the throat with her assumptions. Made it perfectly clear that he was a nuisance to her, an intolerable child to be babysat. Doubtless, his bout of misery only cemented her perception of him. And while he didn’t much care what a ruthless killer thought of him, he had a mission to accomplish. One that, sadly, required her assistance. So he had taken the bait, let her crawl under his skin and fester until she held the bottle instead of him. He wasn’t proud of the way he acted toward her, but she was so goddamn irritating. Every time she glared at him, he found his carefully constructed control crumbled a bit more.

“We should be riding to Vancouver, not back to Clay.” He didn’t dilute his displeasure. The volume of his voice sharp against the quiet calm of horses breathing. “If you ain’t going to help me and Anderson, just let me go on back on my own.”

Shepard’s stare was withering. “You’re an impatient son of a bitch, aren’t ya?”

“Not usually, no.” Kaidan snapped, her belligerence succeeding once again in making his blood run hot. “Unless I need to be.”

Her tone, however, froze over. “You won’t shoot a man, not even Cerberus, but you think you’re gonn’ go runnin’ back to Vancouver and handle them on your own?” A grim laugh. “Anderson probably sent you away so he could handle them without havin’ to worry about you gettin’ in the way. It’s the only thing I can figger, honestly. Don’t know why he made you my problem, but - ”

Kaidan forced himself to rein in the anger, determined not to give her the satisfaction she derived from provoking him. “That ain’t true.”

“No?” She arched an eyebrow. “Then why the hell would he send you so far away?”

“I already told you why.”

“Right.” An insolent quirk of her lips, a slight roll of her eyes. “‘Cause Cerberus is gettin’ worse. You said yourself you don’t know what they really do, so what good are ya’?”

_ What they really do. _ Kaidan soured. 

What they did was stroll into Vancouver decades ago and claim everything the town produced. Every lick of grain, meat, cloth, and liquor, confiscated. Sold back to the townsfolk, just enough to survive, for their continued labor. 

What they did was execute any person who dared oppose them and pay handsomely to those who licked boot or who proved valuable. And when they solidified themselves as an organization not to be trifled with, when the executions dropped to almost zero, they occupied themselves by terrorizing the people they controlled. Cerberus held all of the power, and no honor. 

“I know they’re shit, ain’t that enough?”

Gravely, Shepard answered. “No.”

“Then why the hell are you keeping me around? Why not just let me leave? I ain’t got any interest in you or your flock.”

“And let you make a mess of things in Vancouver before we get there? No fuckin’ way.”

Kaidan clamped his mouth shut, surprise having stolen his words. He licked his lips before asking, “So, you do intend to help?”

Exasperated, Shepard’s head fell back and her chest inflated with a deep breath. “Yes, dumbass.” She rolled her head forward and looked at him. “But just like I won’t let you go back on your own, we ain’t goin’ back until I know you can handle it. Or at least do somethin’ in a fight other than hide. I ain’t dyin’ because of you.”

Kaidan wanted to point out that he had saved Garrus’s life at the bank despite being half blinded by the beginnings of a migraine, but decided there would be time for that later. For now, he didn’t want to ruin the meager progress he had made in discussing their plans. He had enough of being kept in the dark. 

“What’s in Clay that’s going to help? We robbing the general store this time?” Still, he had a hard time keeping snide remarks at bay.

She replied with forced indifference. “No robbing, just watching. Maybe some killin’, we’ll see what kind of mood I’m in.”

Kaidan snorted. “Of course. You ever get tired of murderin’ folks?” 

Progress be damned, he couldn’t help himself.

Hostility flashed behind blue eyes, narrowed defensively. “I murder folks that need murderin’, so no.”

“I heard a story once that you tortured a man for six days. Fed him nothin’ but horse shit before you cut into his stomach and showed him his own guts.” His heart beat wildly against his chest, words forming before thought. The sensation almost as frightening as recalling the story itself. “He need that, too?”

Shepard’s breathing was steady, her jaw clenched tight. She looked at him for a long while, studying him, squinting so hard one eyelid started to twitch. “Where did ya’ hear that story, Alenko?” 

“Around. Does it matter?”

“It matters. Did you hear it from Cerberus?”

Kaidan pushed through his disgust to find the memory. It was years ago, when he still lived with his aunt. Cerberus made a habit of it, there, sowing horror in children. There was one, in particular, who liked to sit in the saloon at night, scarin’ the shit outta younger kids. Took pleasure in knowin’ their folks couldn’t do a damn thing about it. 

“It’s true, ain’t it?”

If he didn’t know better, he’d think she looked a little paler, a little distant. Almost haunted. “Did he also tell you Cerberus created that type of torture?”

He balked. “That doesn’t make it-”

“Answer the question, Alenko. Did he tell ‘em that when Cerberus does it, it’s for the betterment of humanity? To learn how the human body works? That they have the medical equipment to keep a person splayed open and awake for  _ days _ while some sick fuck studies their organs? Or did he leave all that out?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I wanted to show the bastard just how full of shit he and all his buddies were. But the so-called doctor I cut open died almost immediately.” Shepard cocked her head. “Funny, how less interested he was in intestines when it was his that were spilling out. His death was painless compared to what he put his patients through. He was lucky I didn’t have the same medical equipment he did, or I’d have really made him suffer.”

Kaidan spat, “That’s sick.”

“It is. And you know what’s worse? That was only one of Cerberus’s doctors. Found out later, they have a bunch of the bastards. The sack of shit I killed didn’t even make a dent.” 

She turned away from him, leaving him staring at her profile, mouth agape. What was there to say in response to something like that? Thoughts raced so fast they tripped over one another, blurring into a jumbled mess of half-finished incoherence. Wrapping his head around Cerberus employing doctors, conducting sick experiments, was as difficult as teaching a donkey to lead. They were awful, corrupt soldiers of a faceless organization. They were bullies and thugs, intent on pillaging to appease their greed. But nothing he’d ever seen led him to believe they were anything more sinister. No, that was something too dark, too out there to simply accept without proof from the mouth of a criminal. Let alone The Shepherd.

The Shepherd who, only a couple days prior, promised no one would get hurt at the bank if he played along with her demands, then killed three guards as soon as she arrived. 

The Shepherd, who hadn’t hesitated to pull the trigger on men who pleaded for their lives. 

The Shepherd, who had every intention of pulling that same trigger on him until some unknown change of mind took hold of her and spared him. 

“That’s why you made me drink?” He asked and Shepard shot him a questioning glance. “Last night. The sick shit Cerberus is capable of? You said I didn’t know.”

“And I was right, wasn’t I?” Smug even when she grew completely exhausted of him.

While Kaidan didn’t -  _ couldn’t  _ \- wholly believe her, he didn’t wholly disbelieve her either. “About that, sure.” He hated giving her vindication. “If it’s true, that is.”

“It’s true.” She snapped.

The set of her jaw and certainty in her voice tipped the scale slightly in her favor. Sarcastic, he quipped, “Well you are a trustworthy sort to get news from.”

Shepard looked at him like he was the stupidest man alive. “Why the fuck would I lie?” 

Kaidan blinked. He had no answer. She sure as shootin’ didn’t care what he thought of her, had no qualms about divulging the sick nature of her actions. It was possible, he reckoned, she wanted to motivate him to kill a Cerberus agent. Just as she had lured him into robbing the bank with the promise of keeping others safe. But if she thought crafting horror stories would be enough to expose that side of him, there would be no need for her to drag him back to Clay. 

Unable to wrap his mind around her accusations, he followed a different thread. 

“So, what? You’re some sort of… vigilante? You target Cerberus? That’s why Anderson thinks you are so special?”

“Aww,” Shepard quirked her lips, “Anderson thinks I’m special? What a fella’.”

Kaidan pressed on, ignoring her sarcastic mirth. Pieces of the puzzle started to come together. “That’s how you know each other, then. He feeds you information about Cerberus and you kill them because his hands are tied. Hackett too.”

Shepard took a deep, measured breath as she studied him. Face puckered as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Seconds stretched on in silence, until Kaidan thought she wouldn’t answer him at all. Then, finally, she released her teeth’s hold on her cheek and said, “Partial.”

He blinked at her. “You gonna elaborate on that at all?”

“No.” 

Kaidan’s brows knitted together. Shepard leaned forward and scratched the neck of her horse. Retreated to a plane of existence where she didn’t have to deal with him. He stared after her for a moment, tip of his tongue burning with further questions, before he dropped the matter.

Kaidan sighed to himself and gazed over the massive expanse of land that stretched before them. Before, when they were leaving Clay, he hadn’t the chance to look around and enjoy his surroundings. The pain in his head had been too strong and he had spent most of the ride with his head down and eyes closed, trusting Pepper to navigate. 

Now, he was pleased to find himself in a stretch of meadow, wide and long, a shallow ocean of green. They travelled alongside a drainage, a steep dirt drop off into a seasonal creek that had since dried up. Sparse trees dotted the horizon, but it appeared the alcove in which they had been taking shelter held the largest stand of trees for miles. As beautiful as it was, the lack of shade was less than ideal. The sun was high enough now that it beat through the cool morning fog and the first beads of sweat formed beneath his shirt. 

They rode on in silence, their horses staggered, each more or less pretending to be alone. Kaidan didn’t want to argue, didn’t have the energy for it even though he had so many questions. Every time Kaidan thought to speak up, Shepard seemed to sense it and urge her mount faster. Her patience ran thin, especially when it came to him, and he reckoned she had already had enough. 

Even at normal volume, her voice sounded unnaturally loud after hours of quiet. “There. We get up there and we’ll have a good view of the town.”

After being trapped with rampant thoughts for so long, Kaidan was actually relieved when Shepard pointed to a rock outcropping to the East. Kaidan followed her eye. It was tall, but narrow. A tower of rock, shrubbery growing scarce and replaced with moss as it rose.

A question hung on the tip of his tongue, doubtful that she truly intended to just  _ watch _ . But, he had learned quickly that asking Shepard anything only led to a fight. “After you.”

Metal horse shoes scraped against rock as they climbed. Sure footed as they were, the terrain was steep and their horses dug in to power up the incline. Ahead, Shepard leaned forward, giving her horse every advantage she could to make it up to the top of the outcropping. Kaidan did the same, muttering praise and encouragement to Pepper along the way. 

Elevation gain was mild, despite the way their horses huffed and puffed, but it was enough to grant them a perfect view of Clay. From the top, Kaidan could see the whole town splayed out before him. Far enough away to hide them from view, yet close enough he could still make out most details. A living map. Signs on shop buildings, a stock yard full of sheep and pigs, and along the main street and down every side corridor, dozens of yellow sashes. 

“How is that possible?” Kaidan asked, already beginning to take count of the Cerberus agents. “We were here three days ago. You killed all of them.”

“Never seems like enough.” Shepard tore her focus away from the town to look at him, her expression a hardened mask. One hand rested on her thigh, thumb cracking each knuckle, one by one. “Clay is one of their most profitable towns. Lots of livestock. Lots of people. Our little bank adventure was bound to bring in reinforcements.”

He raised a brow. “So you steal from Cerberus, too?”

“Almost exclusively.” 

Bitter disgust filled his mouth. “And when they come lookin’ for the culprit, you split and let the townsfolk handle the fallout?”

She turned her full attention to Clay, spoke to him as an afterthought. “Townsfolk are as scared of me as they are Cerberus. They don’t get much blowback. Cerberus don’t like to hurt their own profits. It evens out.” Abruptly, Shepard reached behind her and pulled a pair of binoculars from her saddle bag, offered them to Kaidan. “Look, see the doctor’s office?”

Given their recent conversation, the mere mention of a doctor sent a queasy shock through him. He inhaled and lifted the binoculars to his eyes. A moment for his vision to adjust to the glass and he was able to find the building of which she spoke. Two Cerberus agents stood guard at the front, but the door on the side of the building was wide open and unattended. “Yeah, I see it.”

“They must have just gotten back to town.” A sense of controlled urgency rose. “Look, they’re still hauling people out.”

He squinted into the binoculars. Sure enough, two agents in yellow exited the side door, team-carrying a body. Limp, pale, but not lifeless. The man’s arms flailed weakly and his lips moved frantically. Begging. Kaidan’s jaw clenched. He dropped the binoculars and looked at Shepard. “Why?”

Shepard glared at him and pushed his arm, nudging the binoculars back toward his face. “Don’t look at me, keep watching.” Kaidan reluctantly listened, and she continued, “The doctor in that building is real, prob’ly took in all the test subjects after we left town. Now, Cerberus is reclaiming their property.”

Kaidan paled. 

“Cerberus, they… you were tellin’ the truth?

For the first time since meeting, Shepard regarded him with something other than animosity. It was brief, not quite warm, and unrecognizable on her normally hardened face. But for a moment, she looked human. “Fucked up, ain’t it?”

“You know one of their doctors is down there? Why haven’t you gone after him yet?”

“I didn’t know. The other day was the biggest hit we’ve made in Clay. We’ve scouted before. Never saw anythin’ that pointed to one being here.” Kaidan lowered the binoculars, found Shepard staring at the town below, something awfully similar to remorse hanging on her tongue. “But if a doctor is here... ” She looked at him then, frowned to find him watching her again instead of through the glass, then immediately looked back to town. “Today might be the day, so keep your eyes in those fucking binoculars or give them back.”

“Ya’ know, saying ‘please’ once in a while wouldn’t kill you.” Kaidan raised the binoculars again despite Shepard’s attitude, not too prideful as to ruin a chance at finding someone so vile. She, too, was not so petty as to waste time antagonizing him. Not with more tantalizing prey on the line. Through the glass, Kaidan watched as two more groups of Cerberus carried two more bodies out of the doctor’s building. “Four on thirty wasn’t exciting enough for you?”

“I like a challenge.”

There was no question or doubt in Shepard’s voice. If he looked at her, Kaidan knew he would find the same focused mask, ignoring him and fully intent on murderous mayhem. To some degree, he could get behind the blind need to interrupt Cerberus’s operation. The more bodies he saw carried from the building, the more he came to realize she had been completely truthful with him. And it filled him with disgust. And rage. But the carefully crafted restraints he had placed on those powerful urges held firm, and his practical mind screamed at him. A suicide mission, here and now, benefited no one.

“That’s not a challenge, that’s a death sentence.”

“Not for me, it ain’t.”

Kaidan scoffed. She reeked of hubris. “You’re not invincible, Shepard, no matter what the stories say. There’s over fifty…” His tongue failed him, words falling short in his throat. Trapped behind a massive lump of dread. Being carried out of the side door, wrapped in a tattered blanket, was the teller who had opened the safe for him just three days prior. Red hair a messy version of the same twist she had worn that day; the only color left on her person. His mind froze and sped up at the same time, his heart suspended in limbo in his chest. 

Shepard took notice of his distress. “What is it?”

“It’s…” He tracked their path, around the back of the neighboring building, through an alley, to a small shed with a heavy door. Another Cerberus agent opened it from within as they approached, granting them access. “... it’s the woman from the bank.”

Shepard was confused. “And?”

“We need to help those people.” His face went slack. Kaidan dropped the binoculars, dazed, and handed them back to Shepard. 

Shepard raised a brow, “Now you want a death sentence? Because some woman who batted her eyes at you is down there?”

“That’s not - that doesn’t matter.” He couldn’t tell Shepard the truth. That in the short time he had spent with that teller, he had told her he wouldn’t let Cerberus take her. At the time, he hadn’t even known what it meant, but he had promised. And now, here he was, safe from harm’s way, and she was down there. Being tortured by the very people he promised to protect her from because of something he did. No, Shepard was too heartless to understand the immense guilt that weighed on him in an instant. “Do you want help catching that doctor or not?” 

His heart was racing, his stomach coiled into a tight knot. 

“I don’t need your help.”

“I didn’t say you needed it. I said I’m offering it.” Kaidan lifted his arm, pointed at the small shack to which Cerberus was carrying the bodies. “They’re going into that shed. Looks like a cellar. There.”

Shepard studied him, gaze flicking from him to the small shack at which he pointed. 

Kaidan’s chest heaved, arm suspended midair. 

“I’m going to kill that doctor.” She said. “Alone.” Kaidan opened his mouth to argue, his arm fell, but Shepard cut him off. “Don’t say a fuckin’ word, dumbass. You ain’t got a clue what you’d be walkin’ into down there.” She paused, took a deep breath and locked her eyes on the shack. “I can get down there and kill that fuck, but you need to know that anyone they have cut open right now will die.” She looked at him again, eyes searching his, deep with fervor. “I will not be able to take anyone out. It’s just the way it is.”

Kaidan’s breath slowed. Somehow, the sincerity with which Shepard spoke was strangely calming. This wasn’t just her ego, this was utter confidence in her own abilities. “What can I do?”

“Stay here and wait.” Shepard backed her horse several steps before pivoting on his haunches to turn down hill behind Pepper. 

Kaidan shook his head at her back. “Shepard, I’m not going to stay here and do nothing”

She halted her horse. “You willing to kill a man? Again?”

Kaidan blinked at having that admission thrown back in his face. It was ten years ago, but that day, that moment, was as clear in his mind as any recent memory. The horror on Rahna’s face, his mother’s face, his knuckles torn and bloody… he blinked again, trying to erase the images.

Shepard scoffed. “That’s what I thought. You can’t help me if you’re not willing to kill anyone. Why you won’t kill Cerberus pieces of shit makes about as much sense as trying to milk a damn cat, but it is what it is. Stay here, we’ll both be better off.”

“Wait,” Kaidan called after her, causing her to stop her horse again, annoyed. He reached into his saddle bag as he turned Pepper, produced the two explosives Tali had sent with him. “I can be a distraction.”

Shepard’s eyes widened, her head cocked in surprise. “That…” Her lips curled, a lopsided grin worthy of the devil himself. “That can help.”


	8. Brutal Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic depictions of violent and human experimentation.  
Chapter art by the wonderful [shepofshipsart on tumblr](https://shepofshipsart.tumblr.com/)

Avory never knew fear had a smell. But there it was, assaulting her nose, so strong she could taste it. Every time the cellar door swung open, out wafted a terribly abhorrent mixture of blood and rot. Potent grain alcohol clung to it as an astringent aftertaste, burning her throat. It was all too familiar. Her eyes watered despite herself and she wished she could say without doubt that it was due solely to the sting of chemicals in the air. 

Just beyond the door, a Cerberus guard stood on the steps leading underground. The gatekeeper. At least one she would have to take out, and no guesses as to how many she would have to dispose of in the lab. Most of the agents who carried patients down returned to the surface, but some stayed down below, and if this lab was anything like the last one she had entered all those years ago, there would be several stationed as guards for the doctor.

Some might leave after hearing the explosion Alenko would set off as a distraction, but she would be lucky if she encountered less than six agents. And she wouldn’t be able to use her guns. No, in order to prevent drawing attention back to their true purpose, she would have to kill swiftly and silently. In and out. Kill the doctor and bail. If there was time, she had told Alenko she would evacuate the lab, rescue anyone she could, but Avory knew better than to hold her breath on that account.

In the distance, an explosion burst. A large one. Large enough that the ground rumbled beneath her feet, and she smiled. Alenko must have found the grainery. It was on the far side of town, and the most flammable building in Clay. The resounding boom was bound to draw Cerberus attention far away from the lab.

Sure as shit, behind her, feet fell heavy as Cerberus agents ran down the main street. The explosion must have been felt underground, too, because four agents burst forth from the cellar door. Avory crouched, made herself as small as possible in her hiding place as they ran past. As suspected, they were too concentrated on making it to the source of the commotion rather than securing their post, and they failed to notice her, crouched behind a deposit of barrels and crates.

Avory’s nerves sang with anticipation, that familiar rush of adrenaline that set fire to her entire body, turned her brain to ash and left only instinct and muscle memory to guide her. Knife in hand, she crept out from behind a barrel, scanning every direction for lingering agents, and upon finding none, sprinted for the cellar door. She grabbed the handle and pulled hard, expecting it to be secure. In their haste, Cerberus had left it unlocked, and it swung open violently.

“What’re you doin’ back-” Inside, a Cerberus guard stared at her, shocked. He had expected someone he knew. “Oh fuck!”

He fumbled for his weapon. Too slow. Avory grabbed the back of his neck with her left hand, drew him in close and brought her knee into his groin. He folded in on himself with a groan, hands instinctively covering his package, his weapon forgotten. She wound her fingers in his hair, pulled back his head, and plunged her knife into his throat. Blood flowed from the wound, around the handle and over her right hand. Screams came out as drowned gurgles, his voice severed by her blade. Avory held fast until the last of his life was drained from him and his body slumped to the floor. She went down with him, securing him from falling down the flight of stairs into the cellar, and with a quiet grunt, pulled her blade from his neck and wiped it clean on the dead man’s shirt.

“One down.” She whispered to herself.

No sound came from below. She took that as a good sign that no one had heard her first kill. Slow as molasses, holding her breath, fearful that one creak of the wooden steps would give her away, Avory tiptoed down the stairs. Darkness pressed in around her. Walls of moist dirt lined her descent, trapped the exceedingly vile odors in the narrow corridor. Her stomach twisted in knots and she gagged forcefully, stifled the sound against her palm.

At the bottom, around a corner, candlelight flickered. Avory swallowed the vomit at the back of her mouth. This was it. Another lab. Another doctor. After years of waiting, she was finally getting another shot. All reason and experience screamed at her to tread carefully, to gather a count and make a plan before springing her attack. But slow and cautious had never been her style. At her core, she was a vanguard, charging head first into threat after threat, caring not about the destruction she left behind.

Unable to contain herself any longer, Avory leapt down the final three steps to the landing. Full view of the lab. Victims lied on tables in the dim light, legs and wrists strapped, completely helpless. Most of them unconscious and ghostly pale, seemingly near death. Tools scattered around them, stained with viscera. In the far corner, a glimpse of a white coat caught her eye and all of her hatred focused on that target. A quick scan of the rest of the room. Five agents, yellow sashes around their wastes, gawked at her. Men and women in various stages of alarm and realization. 

She left her telltale red wild rag around her neck. There was no need to hide her face from these people; none of them would leave the lab with their lives. For death rode not on a pale horse, but a buckskin. And her reputation preceded her. Dawning realization shifted to fear and then to dread. They each knew their fate.

For the space of one breath, Avory allowed herself a smile. 

Relished in their fear. 

Then she darted forward. 

The nearest to her was hesitating, hand on his gun but not yet drawing. She took advantage. Grabbed his wrist, spun into him, knife plunging into his abdomen behind her. He let out a strangled cry. She stabbed again. And again, until his opposing grip on her waned to almost nothing. 

Another agent pulled her gun. Avory spun, shielding herself from gunfire with the agent draped over her back. Two shots. Three.

Then, a voice. Female. Loud enough to cease fire. “No guns, you fools!” Avory peeked around her human shield, found it was the lab coat talking. “We cannot risk the patients!”

Lady luck smiled on her tonight.

Avory shrugged off her shield, too close to death and too heavy to be useful any longer. One agent stayed at the back of the lab, shielding the doctor. Three more closed in on her, including the one who had just been shooting. Each reached for their knives rather than guns. Metal glittered in candlelight, three blades pointed in her direction. She dipped her chin, dug in her heels, and reversed the grip of her own knife. Muscles taut in anticipation, she licked her lips, bared her fangs. Feral.

The hair trigger agent charged first, knife arm outstretched like a medieval joust. Avory could have laughed. She sidestepped, trapped her arm against her side, kicked her knee and the woman dropped to the ground. Avory stomped on her hand, knelt on one knee, and wrenched her knife from her fist. She spun just in time to find the other two running at her now. Avory hurled Cerberus’ own knife at the left, blade finding its target in his shoulder. Stopped in his tracks, he clutched at his injury.

Avory’s grip on her knife tightened and she stood as the man on the right continued his charge. He raised his arms, both hands on the handle, intent on driving his knife down into her chest. She raised her own arms, crossed at the wrists, and blocked his downward force with a grunt. A small window of opportunity. She dropped her own knife and wrapped both hands around his wrist before he could stab at her again. 

They wrestled for control over his knife hand. He was strong, much stronger than her, and with both of his hands fighting her now, it took every ounce of strength to keep his blade at bay. Roaring in effort, she drove the heel of her boot down his shin and onto his foot. Just enough to distract him. She twisted his hand so that his knife pointed back at him. Charged forward into him until his back hit the far wall of the lab. The resulting pressure forced his own knife into his heart. He dropped, clutching the knife protruding from his chest. 

Avory crouched, grabbed the knife from the chest of the man she had just stabbed, and sunk it once more into his neck. Ensured there was no chance of him getting up again. Quickly, she whirled to get eyes on the remaining two agents. Avory looked between them, panting. The woman was standing again, unarmed. And the agent with the knife in his shoulder had recovered from shock enough to be approaching once more. Quickly. 

Avory threw the knife into the woman’s thigh, who howled, and faced the man just in time to catch his blow to her cheek. Her entire head turned sideways, she staggered backward, jarring sensation vibrating through her jaw and down her neck. The man kept after her. He swung again and she ducked. Again, and his knuckles gnashed against her jaw with a crack. Her vision flashed white and she stumbled. Another swing, Avory managed to block with her elbows. The precious few seconds it bought her enabled her to crouch and deliver three blows of her own, two to the man's gut and one uppercut to his nose. 

As he stumbled, Avory reached for the handle sticking out of his shoulder and twisted it, tearing screams of agony from his throat as she carved a hole in muscle and flesh. Down to the bone. He stepped frantically backward, trying to escape the pain, but she went with him. Try as he might, he couldn’t shake her. Then, Avory pulled the knife from his shoulder and, with a fluid jerk, sliced his throat. His body crashed to the ground, arterial blood shooting into the air.

She turned on her heels. The woman agent was kneeling, knife jutting out of her thigh, her hands wrapped around it. Struggling to find the courage to pull it out. Avory strode toward her, lifted her foot, and stomped onto the handle. The woman’s screams were enough to curdle blood as she forced the knife further into her leg, driving the tip against bone. Avory lifted her foot again, kicked the woman over by the shoulder, and stood over top of her. Both hands on her knife handle, she plunged it into her chest and twisted. Waited until she coughed blood before withdrawing.

Avory stood and turned to face the back of the lab, chest heaving. Adrenaline kept her rigid despite being exhausted. Blows to the head had her ears ringing. Blood of her victims dripped off her hands and onto the floor. She licked her swollen bottom lip and tasted metal. She couldn’t be sure if the blood there belonged to her or Cerberus. It both fueled her and made her stomach turn. One more. Only one more and she could kill the doctor and be done with this wicked place.

“Impressive.” The doctor clapped, slowly. “I’d heard the stories about The Shepherd, but I have to admit, I always thought they were a bit exaggerated.”

Avory scowled, clenched her jaw only to immediately regret it. “Glad you enjoyed the show.”

“A bit gruesome, for my taste, but… yes. Entertaining stuff.” 

“Gruesome?” Avory lost control over her voice, stepped forward. The Cerberus agent standing between her and the doctor readied his blade. “I’ll fuckin’ show you something gruesome, you sick fuck.”

The doctor laughed, adding fuel to Avory’s fire. “Now, now. I understand your anger. Our work can be frightening to someone who doesn’t understand our goals. Who can’t see the big picture.”

Avory glanced around the hell hole in which she stood. Tubes connected victims to machines. Dark fluid, like sludge, pumped into and out of them. Their flesh was no longer human, but shades of yellow and blue and green that didn’t exist in the living. She’d seen this sort of thing before, been lectured about their goals. Being subjected to it again incensed her. 

“I understand plenty.”

“Do you?” The doctor raised an eyebrow. “Truly?” 

Truthfully, Avory didn’t. She couldn’t understand how anyone could subject innocent people to such torture, never would, but her patience was wearing thin. Any hatred she could think to spew burned up before it reached her tongue. 

The doctor accepted her silence as victory, and continued. “What we’re doing here is  _ revolutionary _ . With Cerberus’s research,  _ my _ research, we will be able to prolong human lives by years. Even decades!” The doctor clenched her fists, enthused. “Imagine! Imagine what power we would have if we could bring the dead back to life! One organ at a time, it can be done!”

Avory looked around again, unease warring with rage, making her skin crawl. Each patient wore a thin cloth gown that hid most of their injuries from view. Upon closer inspection, she could see thin black lines bleeding through the material. Suture lines. Zig-zagged across chests and abdomens, seeping infection from necrotic skin. Avory clenched her jaw. Realized most, if not all, of these people held dead organs inside of them.

The first doctor she killed had been testing the human nervous system. Insisted on keeping his patients awake during surgery so they could tell him what they felt, how much agony they were in as he dissected them. In the name of science, he had said. The second was equally heinous, collecting folks to be living gardens for his organ crop. Transplanting their organs into the bodies of injured Cerberus agents or the sick. For humanity, he had said.

Standing in front of her was a doctor just as sick, but her eyes were wilder. Spit collected at the corners of her mouth as she spoke. Completely unhinged. Experiments conducted in the name of a more advanced society, when all around them was the destruction of humanity. 

“I gotta hand it to you, doc,” Avory started, and the deranged doctor actually looked pleased for a second, as if she had changed the tide, “this is the most fucked up bullshit I’ve ever heard.”

The doctor laughed. Genuinely humored. “You’d make an excellent test subject. The Shepherd. So strong. So willful. You’ve been on Cerberus’ wish list for a long time. Imagine what we could learn from you.”

“Get fucked.”

“ _ Tsk, tsk _ .” The doctor wagged a finger. “Such language. Benjamin, bring her alive, if you would.”

Cerberus’ last henchman growled, stepped forward as the doctor stepped back. Avory quickly retrieved her knife from the ground and met him, stride for stride, hands balled into fists and knife gripped tight in her right. He swung high, she blocked with her left. Right arm swung wide and her knife slashed through the flesh on his side, came up and threw his extended arm away. 

He came at her again, swung hard, knuckles connected with her temple and sent her reeling. In a flash, he was on her, both hands wrapped around her throat. He lifted her into the air. Feet dangling, toes reaching desperately for solid ground. Avory tensed her neck, trying in vain to protect her airway from his crushing force. Her mouth fell open, gaping like a fish out of water. Eyes wide as her lungs shriveled and burned. 

“Shepard!” A familiar voice called behind her. Alenko’s voice? That couldn’t be right. He wasn’t supposed to come to the lab.

Avory chalked it up to oxygen deprivation. Desperate, she kicked at the man’s hips, his chest, his legs. Unintentionally, one kick found his groin, and he grunted. Released her just enough that she was able to draw a strangled breath. Enough air to remember that she still held her knife. Wildly, she swung her right arm and stabbed her knife straight down into the top of the man’s head. It stopped when the tip hit his skull, unable to go any further. 

But he dropped her then, his hands immediately going to the weapon lodged in his scalp. Avory seized the opportunity, wrapped her hand around his, steadying her target, and then slammed her fist onto the top of the handle. A sickening crack as the tip of the knife cracked his skull. Another slam and it wedged deeper. Once more and it sunk into his brain. Writhing, he collapsed. His gurgling, inhuman.

“Shepard!”

Avory whipped around and saw that Alenko had, in fact, found her in the lab. He stood at the bottom of the stairs. Horrified. Whether his expression was caused by their surroundings or her actions didn’t matter. She couldn’t find it in her to care. Turning away from him, she bent over, leveraged the man’s skull against her boot and, with great effort, pulled her knife from his skull. Thick chunks of brain matter oozed from the hole in his head and spilled onto the floor.

“You can kill me, Shepard, but my work will live on. Cerberus’s work will continue.” Though she tried to control it, fear crept into the doctor’s voice as Avory stalked toward her. “You cannot stop humanity’s progress.”

Avory flipped the knife in her hand. Stretched out her jaw, her neck. “Shut the fuck up.” 

Before the doctor could so much as hold up her hands to protect herself, Avory drove the blade down. Sunk it deep into the doctor’s left eye. Watched as the life faded from her right. The woman’s body slid itself off her blade as she fell to the ground. Avory’s upper lip raised in disgust at the fluid left on her blade, and she wiped it on the woman’s jacket. The carnage vibrant against the doctor’s perfect white coat.

“Shepard!” Avory turned again, prepared to face Alenko’s judgement, but instead found that he was hovering over one of the patients. Eyes darting frantically between the body and the tubes connected to it, hands hovering, shaking. “I need a hand with this.”

One last glance at the doctor’s body. As she stared down at her, Avory struggled to find any sense of pride in her accomplishment. Struggled to feel much of anything. Perhaps because she had been too merciful in her killing, hadn’t given the good doctor time to suffer for her sins. Perhaps because the doctor was dead, but her voice lived on, echoing in her mind:  _ Cerberus’s work will continue _ . Six more Cerberus agents and a twisted fuck of a scientist wiped from the Earth, but it felt empty. Just as it had after the second doctor. After the first. As many Cerberus pawns as she killed now, she would always be too late.

Avory shook her head, sheathed her knife, and stepped over the dead bodies on the floor to go to Alenko’s side. The body he stood over was white as cotton, flesh completely drained of all blood. Barely alive, her breath slow and wheezing. Eyes open, but unseeing. The only remaining recognizable feature of the bank teller whom Alenko inexplicably cared for so much was a mess of vibrant red hair. 

He stared down at her in horror, tracing the source of each tube on her body to the machine. She knew he was searching for ways to disconnect her. Ways to save her. Avory had been in that position once herself, long before she was The Shepherd. So long ago it was hard to remember a time when Shepard wasn’t her name.

“Alenko, we can’t do anything for her.” Though she tried to dig up some empathy, her statement was still just that, a statement. Matter of fact. No platitudes would soften the blow.

He shook his head, not looking away from the teller. “We can pull these out. There’s bandages there, we can…” He trailed off as the hope in his voice waned. 

Her condition was helpless, as was that of every other patient in the cellar. The doctor’s experiments were a failure. And in her failure, dozens lost their lives. Avory exhaled audibly as she looked around. It didn’t matter how much time they had, these people were all too far gone. Rotting away with every breath. And if they didn’t hurry, Cerberus would soon discover them, have them pinned, and it would be too late for them, too.

“Alenko,” head pounding, Avory pinched the bridge of her nose between two bloodstained fingers, “there ain’t nothing we can do. All these people are already as good as dead.”

He refused to look at her. “She’s not dead yet.”

“She might as well be.” Now, he looked at her, brown eyes wide and vulnerable. “We, on the other hand, need to get the fuck out before Cerberus comes back and traps us down here.”

Alenko shook his head, his struggle plain but his reasons a mystery to her. “I can’t leave her - any of them to suffer.”

Avory took a deep breath, chewed at the inside of her cheek. “Okay.” She had been here before, too. Only, she had been staring down at someone she knew, someone she loved. And she had been alone, unable to pass off the burden to anyone else. “Okay. Then we end it. I’ll end it.” He looked at her, shocked, yet somehow grateful, even though she reckoned he hated her almost as much as Cerberus at that moment. She nudged him forward, closer to the woman’s head. “Say somethin’ nice, I’ll do it quick.”

Alenko blinked at her, then down at the woman. He tentatively ran a hand over her forehead, stroked her hair as Avory stepped around to the other side of the bed. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. I never… “ The sorrow in his voice took her by surprise, and she watched him as she unsheathed her knife. His face contorted in despair, so deep, so gut wrenching, she could almost see the ghosts that haunted him. “I never meant for this.” 

Avory placed the tip of her blade at the base of the woman’s skull, paused, and looked up at Alenko once more. “You ready?”

Alenko shook his head no, and Avory felt the sting of annoyance. Until he said, “I should do this.”

“You don’t-”

“Give me the knife.” It wasn’t an order, but a plea. “It’s my fault she’s down here. I need to do this.”

She couldn’t argue. Avory flipped the knife, handed it to him handle first. His hand trembled as he accepted the blood soaked weapon. He leveled it at her neck, and one more apology fell from his lips as he sunk the knife deep into her neck and twisted. Neither moved as they waited, watching as her breath turned to sighs, and ceased altogether.

“She’s gone.” Alenko said, weakly. He pulled the knife from her neck and handed it back to Avory, eyes still locked on the teller’s red hair. 

Some foreign desire to offer comfort nearly overtook her, but sense ruled more powerfully. Avory sheathed her knife and stepped away from the bed. “Come on, we need to get out of here.” 

Alenko nodded reluctantly and followed behind as she hurriedly started back up the stairs. She wanted out as quickly as possible. To get far away from Clay and Cerberus and the stench of the cellar.

Five steps up, she stopped, turned to face him. “You still have that other explosive Tali gave you?”

Alenko nodded, stare blank. He pulled it from his back pocket. “Here.” 

Avory took the round, jogged down the steps and set it on the basement landing. Then she ushered him quickly up to the exit of the cellar. There, she stopped him, pulled out her revolver, and took aim. She looked at Alenko. “You want to do the honors?”

Alenko met her eye, coming back to reality somewhat. Wordlessly, he accepted the revolver from her and leveled it down the stairs. Clicked the hammer back. Squeezed the trigger. Perfect aim hit the small target on his first try. It exploded violently, blowing them both backward onto their asses, and the cellar collapsed in on itself.


	9. Bait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add a scene and split this into two chapters at the last minute, so it's a bit messy and a day late. But it's up!

Kaidan was an empty shell.

After he destroyed the granary, watched yellow sashes run from the city center to the source of the explosion like ants flushed from an anthill, he had been optimistic. It had only taken one of Tali’s rounds to do the trick and he still held a second, he could cause another distraction to buy them enough time to rescue Cerberus’s victims. To save the teller. To right some of their wrongs. 

He had been so sure that his plan would work.

Such thoughts seemed foolish, now.

Now, as he rode along in silence beside Shepard, the terrible knowledge of what Cerberus did in the shadows clouding his mind. Now, having become responsible for another death, and unable to prevent a dozen more. Kaidan looked at his hands, blood caked across his knuckles, and could still feel the unnatural coolness of the bank teller’s forehead against his palm. Could still feel the stench of her burning his nostrils. He hadn’t even known her name, but he knew her lifeless eyes would haunt him for the rest of his days.

“Hey, Star Boy.” Shepard’s voice was softer than usual. Or perhaps he was just that disconnected. “Don’t reckon you have any hiding spots out this way?”

Kaidan shook his head. “Reckon I don’t.”

Sounding more tired than angry, she muttered as she surveyed the land. “'Course not.” 

They couldn’t go back to camp at the alcove. Cerberus had been hot on their heels as they fled Clay. She had killed two of them from horseback, her aim flawless, her focus unwavering even as bullets whizzed by their heads. The remaining two had peeled off and retreated, but she couldn’t risk leading them to her flock. Kaidan understood, was grateful, even. After what he had seen, what he had done, he couldn’t fathom having to face the others and pretend everything was normal. 

Being stuck with Shepard seemed fitting. Hands bloodied, flecks of red splattered across her face, Shepard didn’t so much as bat an eye at what had transpired. A cold hearted killer, through and through. Driving knives into skulls like a nail into wood with as much sentimentality as choosing a campsite for the evening.

They reached a creek, narrow and deep and near black in it’s reflection of the stormy sky above. It’s calm babbling over river rock would sound soothing under normal circumstances, but as it were, the cool washing ripples grated against his ears rough as sandpaper. It was too clean. Too peaceful for the likes of them. 

“Hold up here a minute.” 

Shepard stopped and dismounted, trusted her horse to remain obediently beside her at the creek’s edge as she crouched. Kaidan stayed a few feet back, watched as she removed her hat and set it on the ground behind her, then submerged both arms into the cold water. She scrubbed at her hands, the red taint of blood soiling the water, then washing away with the flow of the creek. Like nothing had ever happened. 

Once her hands were clean, she cupped water into her hands and splashed it over her face. Fingertips searched for traces of gore and rubbed them away, wincing as she combed over bruised and broken flesh.

When she was finished, she stood and turned ‘round to face him. “I get it all?”

Her clothes were still splattered with blood, but amongst the grime of travel, it more or less blended in. And though she had managed to clear away all of the stains from her skin, she still looked like she’d been trampled by a herd of cattle. Abrasions covered her cheek and lower jaw and her right eye was beginning to blacken. Her bottom lip split and swollen, freshly bloodied from being scrubbed, and her neck as red as a turkey’s wattle. If he looked close enough, he could make out the purple shadow of a thumbprint over her windpipe.

He nodded. 

Kaidan had reached the cellar just in time to see the Cerberus agent lift Shepard into the air by her throat. A mess of bodies already on the floor, necks ripped open, chests treated like living pincushions. Stepping over them, wading through pools of blood, Kaidan had learned that her confidence going in was well deserved. The woman was a weapon, well oiled and sharpened to a razor’s edge, and she knew it. Kaidan had drawn his gun, prepared to shoot the man’s leg in order to save her, but not even lack of oxygen could stop Shepard’s brutality. 

“Good. I spotted a homestead up a bit further.” Shepard dried her arms on her chinks, retrieved her hat from the ground, and climbed back onto her horse. “Reckoned I oughta try not to look like a butcher if we’re gonna ask these folks for shelter.”

“You think that’s a good idea?” Kaidan’s throat felt thick. “Risk leadin’ Cerberus to innocent folks?”

“Better than stayin’ out in this storm all night.”

Kaidan’s gaze turned upward. Dark clouds rolled overhead, sweeping over the sky with increasing speed. Grey had almost overtaken the blue, now, and they sat directly beneath the edge of the storm. Land splayed wide open around them, trees sparse and immature and of no use for shelter. In the distance, lighting cracked across the sky and a hazy fog of far away rain obscured Clay from view. The entire valley was socked in, cloaked in the eery grey-green light of a powerful storm.

“And if Cerberus manages to find us,” Shepard turned her mount to follow the creek and looked over her shoulder at him, her attempt at a smile not reaching her eyes “I’ve still got plenty of bullets.”

Kaidan dropped eye contact and nudged Pepper to follow along. Doubtless. Shepard had insisted on not shooting anyone for fear of drawing attention back to the lab before she could kill the doctor. Somehow, she had managed to knife her way through all six of them and come away with nothing more than scrapes and bruises. Part of him, a part he wasn’t quite prepared to acknowledge, was impressed. Faced with the same challenge, Kaidan wasn't sure he'd produce the same outcome. 

Coming to terms with who Shepard was, what she did, what  _ Cerberus _ did, was hard enough already without risking civilians. More civilians. 

Kaidan reined Pepper to a halt. “We can’t bring those folks into our fight.”

Shepard huffed, didn’t bother to check that he was following. 

He called at her back. “I ain’t goin’.”

The distance and rise of volume in his voice managed to penetrate her thick skull and she stopped, spun her horse on his hindquarters. “The hell you ain’t.”

Emboldened, he said, “If Cerberus is still following us, we can’t bring them to their doorstep.”

“If Cerberus is still following us,” Shepard moved toward him, expression souring, “we’ve got another fight on our hands and I’d rather do that with a roof over our heads and a place to cover, wouldn’t you?”

Kaidan glanced to the sky. In the distance, thunder growled, low and ominous. Moisture hung thick in the air and a warm breeze swept over his skin. “We’ve got time before the storm hits. We lure ‘em out.”

“‘Cause a sudden change of direction just as we find shelter ain’t gonna make it damn clear what we’re doing?”

“We’ve changed direction a dozen times already to keep ‘em off our tracks. One more ain’t gonna alert them to anything.” Shepard narrowed his eyes, studying him, and he felt a sneaking suspicion that she was as confident in his ability to lay a trap as she was that Cerberus could spot one. “I’m not going to that house until we’re certain they’re off our trail.”

“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that?”

Kaidan huffed a sardonic laugh. “If that ain’t the pot callin’ the kettle black.”

She spared another look over her shoulder to where the homestead stood alone. A steady plume of smoke rose from the chimney, giving it the appearance of populating the sky with more and more drab grey clouds. 

Resigned in frustration, she returned her attention to him. “Fine. Go set up under that cottonwood like you’re makin’ camp. I’ll be on the other side of the hill and shoot ‘em as they come in for a closer look.”

He studied the lay of the land. Her plan made sense. The cottonwood to which she pointed sat low in the valley, an easy target for anyone coming from the surrounding hills. If Cerberus was following them, they would come from the East, making the hill to the South a perfect crevice from which to scope. Whoever would be at the tree would be a sitting duck. So long as Cerberus found the trap too tempting to pass up.

Kaidan shook his head. “They won’t come in for me. I don’t match the description.” Upon finding her scrutinizing him, he added, “Unless you want to hand over the red silk and your horse.”

Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t immediately curse him. “You expect me to trust you not to leave me down there or shoot me yourself?”

“I would’ve left you in Clay if that’s what I wanted.”

She pursed her lips as she searched his eyes intently, looking for any sign of betrayal. “I should fucking kill you.”

“Be my guest.” Kaidan squeezed Pepper with his heels, sending her into a trot toward the Southern hill. 

He took a brief second to pray to the maker that he read Shepard’s bluff correctly as he gave her a clear shot at his back. Behind him, she growled loudly in discontent, and he fought off a satisfied grin. 

Situated atop a hill, hidden from view in three directions by the landscape, Kaidan watched as Shepard dismounted beneath the cottonwood. Even at a distance, he could see anger radiating from her like heat from desert sand. Her movements were abrupt and jerky, and he rolled his eyes as she petulantly kicked a rock across the ground. Her touch was minimal but kind as she removed her horse’s bridle and hung it over his saddle horn. She pulled her bedroll from his back and laid it beneath the thickest section of branches, settling with her back turned to the East, leaving her horse to graze freely. Kaidan’s brow creased at that. No hobbles, no tie of any sort to keep him around. Nothin’ to grab onto if she needed to make a quick escape.

Kaidan felt a spike of anxiety. If things went south, her horse would be free to run for safety. If Kaidan failed her, at least her horse would have a chance to escape Cerberus’s grasp. Shepard was a good shot and a hell of a fighter. But where she sat, Cerberus would see her long before she would be able to get eyes on them. Kaidan was all that stood between her and an early grave. 

Cerberus appeared over the Eastern hill before the thought could trouble him further. 

They had been much closer than they anticipated. Kaidan drew his rifle from its scabbard and peered through the scope, his breathing slowed damn near to a halt. Cerberus spotted Shepard and hesitated, only a second, before heading down toward her. Not so much as a thought to touch their weapons. Kaidan allowed himself a breath.

They were taking the bait. 

And they were just as cocky and incompetent as they needed to be for this to work.

Kaidan kept their heads in his sights, rifle following every step of their descent. Twenty feet from Shepard and they were almost in range for Kaidan to take a shot. She had to hear them, had to know how close they were, but a quick glance at Shepard told him she hadn’t moved an inch. Right hand on her thigh, revolver in reach, she waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, a window of opportunity opened. Kaidan fired off one shot, clear through a Cerberus agent’s hat. Shepard whirled, both revolvers in hand. The sudden outburst of activity spooked Cerberus’s horses. One reared, one dropped his belly to the ground, and they both spun away. 

Kaidan fired another shot into the ground behind them, encouraging their bolt.

Shepard opened fire. 

Five shots and both Cerberus agents went limp.

One fell from his saddle. The other, his foot caught in the stirrup, was dragged away at a gallop. His arms limp overhead, his head bouncing across the ground.

Kaidan cursed under his breath and urged Pepper into a lope. When he reached Shepard, she stood over the body, his hat in her hands.

She held it up for Kaidan to see. “Hell of a shot, Star Boy.” 

“I missed.” He lied.

“I saw you shoot in Clay.” She peered at him through the hole in the hat. “This wasn’t no accident.” She dropped the hat to the ground. 

There was no denying he was an excellent marksman. Shooting had been a favorite pastime of his as a child. Though his mother hated guns, thought them barbaric, his father took great pride in teaching him how to shoot, how to clean his weapon, how to carry it safely. Every day as a boy, Kaidan would rush to finish his chores so that his father could take him out for target practice, shootin’ at stumps and tree branches set against a large dirt berm. 

As he got older, the targets got smaller, faster, more unpredictable. Until kaidan was able to shoot a pebble tossed into the air and keep it suspended as he emptied all six rounds in his revolver. In all his years of carrying, Kaidan had never used those skills to kill. Only to disarm and hinder. For his father had taken extra care to instill in him the most important lessons in gun handling: _ keep your finger off the trigger until you’re sure you’re gonna shoot, and never aim a gun at somethin’ you don’t want dead. _

Fighting came more slowly, born of necessity rather than entertainment. When roughhousing turned to self defense, his father had schooled him in brawls too.  _ Every man ought to know how to defend himself, _ he had said. Had taught him the proper way to throw a punch, and to block them just as well. Had told him he didn’t know his own strength during all their matches. Kaidan had always thought it to be a platitude. Simple fatherly encouragement. Until the day he learned it was true; he had no idea what he was capable of until he lost control.

When Shepard killed, she was the picture of control. Vicious, as wild as a bobcat backed into a corner, but the way she ripped through her opponents in the cellar was anything but mindless. It was her against Cerberus. Life or death. And she had slashed her way to the top as easily as drawing breath. A fury so powerful that Kaidan doubted it stemmed from self preservation alone. Yet, somehow, she managed to rein it all in as soon as the doctor was dead. Sucked all that rage back inside quickly enough that when she had reached his side, she was no more volcanic than a puddle of water. 

Even more surprising, she hadn’t frozen over completely when it was over, as he had grown accustomed. Remembering it now, he almost couldn’t believe how  _ warm _ she had appeared. In the most dismal of circumstances, surrounded by misery, her willingness to perform such an act of mercy was frighteningly tender. And he was grateful, though it made his stomach twist, to have been the one to put the red haired woman to rest. To grant her the smallest of comforts in her final moments.

None of that warmth remained with her now.

Lightning cracked above. Fingers of light reached across the sky as if a ghoulish hand above stretched out to grab them. Shepard dropped the hat just as large, heavy drops began to fall, slow and cold on his skin. Pepper shook her entire body in response. Ears laid back, Shepard’s horse shook his head and struck out at the liquid assault. 

“Damnit. I hope you’re fuckin’ satisfied.” The weather took the brunt of her hostility. As she took hold of her bridle and slipped it over her horse’s head, Shepard asked, “You good for a run?”

He nodded. “Let’s beat this weather ‘fore it gets bad.”

As she mounted, Kaidan squeezed Pepper with his heels and she surged forward, surpassing Shepard’s mount. He thought he heard her holler as he went by, but between the pounding of hooves below and ominous thundering above, it was hard to know for certain. They sped across the plains, rain pelting them like hail, straight toward the modest homestead that stood stark amongst the grass. 

A barn sat just behind the main cabin, fences and buildings in various states of disrepair. A herd of goats bleated as they came in close, running frantic circles around an old dairy cow who chewed her cud while watching them through half-closed eyes.

As they reached the start of the exterior fence, Kaidan eased Pepper back to a walk. Shepard did the same, her hardened stare focused on the cabin. Kaidan spotted the way the fingers on her right hand twitched, longing for the familiar comfort of a revolver.

He cleared his throat. “Maybe it’s better if I go up alone.” Shepard shot him a look through the water dripping from the brim of her hat. “You might’ve washed the blood off, but you still look like the disagreeable sort. Best not to scare the folks we’re seekin’ help from.”

“Ya’ think? In my experience, a bit of scarin’ helps.” Shepard shot him a teasing glance and he stared flatly back, unamused. More seriously, she said, “I’ll go. In case  _ they’re _ the disagreeable sort.”

Kaidan wasn’t about to hang back again. He swung a leg over his saddle. "Ya' know, not everyone is out to kill every stranger who crosses their path."

She snorted, dismounted her horse. "You don’t get out much, do ya’?"

Any argument to persuade her that he wasn’t the naive child she thought him to be died on the tip of his tongue. He carried no delusions about how the world worked. There was corruption and hatred and greed he’d seen all his life. And Cerberus was proof of evil if anyone ever needed it. But there was plenty to the contrary to which Shepard was blind. 

"I bet there's more good folks out there than you think." The bite in Kaidan's voice crept back naturally. He tied Pepper to the fence and found Shepard staring at him, a single brow kinked, one thumb tucked in the waistband of her chinks. "What?"

"You're on."

“I don’t follow.”

Shepard pointed to the house. "I bet you the homesteader in there points a gun at us and tells us to get the fuck off their land."

It was Kaidan's turn to raise a brow. His first instinct told him to brush her off, ignore this new challenge that was, likely as not, just another way for her to irritate him. But the way she stood there so casually, a picture of confidence, as if there wasn't any way she could possibly lose a bet to  _ him _ , set fire to his blood. 

He couldn't resist. "Alright, sure. I bet they grant us passage and give us shelter."

A hint of a smirk. "Whatta ya' placin' on this bet?"

Kaidan pushed back the brim of his hat and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. He didn't have much to offer, and what he had he wasn't willing to bet on the actions of a stranger. Though, he reckoned Shepard wouldn't care for his possessions anyway. If she wanted, she could have helped herself to them days ago. Nor was he interested in anything she owned. No, what he had in mind, he reckoned, would be a far more costly bet for her than anything she carried.

"If I win, you have to tell me anything I want to know."

"Fuck no." Lightning cracked overhead and Shepard's horse spooked sideways, pulled the reins tight in her hands. She hushed him, scratched his neck while he pawed at the ground and bobbed his head. 

Despite himself, Kaidan felt a smirk pull at his lips. Instantly banished it. “Not that confident?”

“Too broad.” She leveled a stare, then, as she tied her horse to the fence beside Pepper, she said, “If you ask me  _ anything _ and I don’t know the answer, I can’t deliver. You want information, ask and maybe I’ll tell ya’.”

Kaidan crossed his arms, the coolness of his rain-damp shirt making him shiver."Fine. You have to start calling me by my name. Not dumbass, not Star Boy. Kaidan Alenko."

She pursed her lips. "That's what you want if you win?" He nodded. She scoffed. "Dull, but okay.” Shepard turned and started to the cabin. Kaidan shuffled to catch up. When he was at her side, she said, "when I win, you have to cluck like a chicken every time you wanna talk for the rest of the night."

"A chicken?" He had expected her to choose something more humiliating, or harmful, like eating a spoonful of dirt or stripping him of his boots for tomorrow's ride. "Deal."

She smirked and held out her hand to him as they walked. Skeptical, he eyed her a moment before shaking her hand and accepting the terms. 

Just then, the front door to the cabin burst open, nearly flying off its hinges. In the threshold, a young woman stood tall, deep brown hair twisted into a bun at the nape of her neck and a rifle in her hands. Her pale blue skirt rustled around her ankles. Wind blew the door against the exterior wall, slamming against it over and over and over. 

"That’s far enough!" The woman hollered above the rain.

They stopped on a dime. 

Kaidan held his hands up in surrender.

Shepard leaned toward him and muttered in smug amusement, "What did I tell ya'?" 


	10. Homesteading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one bed...

Shepard was a blur of action as she drew both revolvers from her hips, aimed each at the women's head. Hammers cocked, she shouted, "You shouldn't be pointin' that thing at people unless you know how to use it.”

The woman hardened, pumped the lever to chamber a bullet. 

Shepard dropped her chin, called her bluff. Took one step forward. Then a second. And a third. She snarled. “You ain’t fixin’ to do shit.”

On the porch, the woman looked from Shepard to Kaidan, sights of her rifle swinging between the two. “I mean it. Take one more step and I shoot you both dead.”

Shepard barked a laugh. “I reckon we’ll see about that.”

“No one’s shootin’ anyone!” Kaidan darted forward as Shepard lifted her foot for another step. When the woman on the porch trained her sights on his chest, he stopped just beside Shepard. Hands still up, he stepped in front of her, ignoring the curses she muttered under her breath. “Miss, we don’t mean any harm. Just lookin’ for some shelter ‘til this storm passes.”

The woman spat, “Bullshit. Ain’t no one come to someone’s home lookin like  _ that, _ ” she jerked her chin at Shepard, still loaded with enough guns and ammo to take on another Cerberus outpost, “just wantin’ shelter.”

Shepard stepped around him, aimed her guns once more. “Out of the way, dumbass, you’re gonna get us killed.”

“Shepard,” exasperated, Kaidan stepped in front of her again, forcing her to lower her weapons, “shut up.”

She cursed behind his back, but she kept her guns at her sides. “Fuckin’ dullard. You so proud you’d rather die than lose a bet?”

Kaidan longed to kick at her like a scornful mule, but wasn’t fully convinced she wouldn’t shoot him in the back for doin’ so. Instead, he focused on the homesteader. “I swear it, Miss. My hair trigger friend and I had a rough day and just wanna sleep out of the rain.” Kaidan pulled his hat from his head, held it to his chest. Shepard snorted darkly at the gesture. Rain against his scalp sent a shiver down his spine. “We won’t be any trouble and we’d appreciate it an awful lot.”

Slowly, the woman lowered her rifle, aimed at his legs rather than his chest. “Who are you?”

“Kaidan Alenko. Deputy Sheriff in Vancouver.”

“Long way from home.” She eyed him warily. “And your friend?”

Shepard stepped out beside him and, with a mocking bow, she said, “Mary Sue LaRue, how do you do?”

Her taunting grin could have provoked the gentlest of dogs to bite. The homesteader scowled and raised her rifle again. At the first sign of movement, Shepard took aim as well, wielding her revolvers as naturally as if metal was welded to bone. 

Kaidan sighed heavily and peered at Shepard, “Can you not be a bastard for one second?”

“She fucking started that one.” 

“You want a place to sleep or not?” asked Kaidan. Shepard’s eyes shifted from side to side, the inside of her cheek caught between her teeth. Calculating. “Without having to murder an entire household?”

Shepard exhaled through her nose. “Fucking fine.” With great effort, she holstered her guns.

“Thank you.” Kaidan looked back to the homesteader, who eyed the two of them with guarded curiosity. “Pardon my companion. She’s not good at first impressions.”

“There more of you?”

He shook his head. “No, Miss. Just us and those two horses.”

The woman narrowed her eyes, scanned the surrounding area - for other intruders, he reckoned - before lowering her rifle. “You can sleep in the barn out back. Just until sunrise. Then you’re gone, rain or shine.”

Kaidan felt his shoulders fall from his ears and released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Thank you, Miss.” He snugged his hat back onto his head. “Our horses thank you, too.”

Shepard’s lack of appreciation didn’t go unnoticed, and the woman kept her stare locked on her. Harshly, she added, “Don’t come near the house.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Bitter sarcasm drowned Shepard’s words. 

Kaidan groaned. With one more tip of his hat to the homesteader, he turned and headed back to their horses. Shepard fell in step alongside, glancing over her shoulder at the woman as they walked. Overhead, the sky had turned black and rain began to fall in earnest. They had been fortunate in their timing, but their luck was about to run out. A few minutes more and the rain would be torrential. 

Shepard greeted her horse with a scratch on the neck before untying him. “Guess I won the bet, eh?” 

Kaidan reckoned he ought to be used to Shepard’s casual approach to life threatening situations by now, but he still found himself mildly surprised. “It wouldn’t have been so difficult if you hadn’t pushed her.”

“I ain’t gonna apologize for drawin’ on someone who’s aimin’ a gun at me.”

Kaidan huffed. “I reckon you ain’t one to apologize for anything.”

“Mmm,” Shepard watched as he untied Pepper, face scrunched up in an imitation of thoughtfulness, “no, yeah, you’re right on that.”

Kaidan shook his head, fed up, and glanced at the cabin. The homesteader remained on the porch, rifle relaxed but still in hand, and watched them as they crossed the property on the way to the barn. “And I was right about her givin’ us shelter. The bet’s a draw.”

“Only ‘cause you got that badge on your chest.” 

“Right, because the law inspires a lot of faith in these parts. She trusted my word.”

“Or she don’t trust shit and she’s gonna kill us while we sleep.” At the front of the barn, Shepard flung her reins over her horse’s head and left him so that she could grab a hold of the door with both hands. It took two hard tugs to break loose, rotten wood groaning. Wind took hold of the door and Shepard jumped out of the way as it swung violently open. 

Kaidan sighed, wiped at his brow with the back of his hand. Shepard was utterly impossible. No amount of reason would ever convince her she was wrong about anything. “I’m goin’ to have another headache by the time we get back to the others.”

Shepard’s sharp bark of laughter startled him. “Poor wittle Deputy, gonna get a headache ‘cause he can’t handle life outside of Vancouver.”

He hadn’t meant to say that part out loud, but it didn’t make it any less true. Following Shepard and her mount, Kaidan led Pepper inside the barn. “It ain’t about what I can handle. It’s you being an ass every second of the damn day.”

“I’ll be damned,” Shepard cocked her head, “Star Boy is capable of insults.”

Kaidan was beginning to regret his wager. If he had been thinking straight, he would’ve asked for her silence in victory. Even as rain began to fall more harshly, pounding on the soft wood roof, sleeping outside sounded preferable to spending another minute with Shepard. 

Shepard left her mount standing under shelter and headed for the blown open door. Kaidan did the same, reached the handle only seconds after she. Already, she had both hands on the handle and pulled against it with her entire body weight. Every ounce of strength she possessed was no match for the wind that kept the door pressed flush against the exterior wall. 

Kaidan crossed his arms, watching as she struggled, heaving and grunting against the invisible force. Managing to move it mere inches before he felt too petty to continue letting her expend so much effort so fruitlessly. He stepped forward and took hold of the edge of the door.

Shepard shot him a nasty, tired look. “I got it. Go take care of your horse.”

“On three.”

With a resigned sigh, she looked forward and counted. On three, they heaved. Heels dug into dirt, slow step after slow step, they dragged the door closed. Kaidan held it closed while Shepard flipped the slat in the door to keep it latched tight.

Grey evening light peeked through numerous gaps in wooden slats of the walls, but it still held up well enough to keep the wind at bay. Kaidan looked up at the roof and felt a drop of rain hit him square between the eyes. He wiped it away. The roof had fared worse than the walls with the passage of time and a dozen holes of varying size and shape dotted the ceiling. 

In his silence, Shepard found a dry stall and led her horse inside, easing his bridle over his head and then setting to work on removing his saddle. In a stall across the aisle from her, Kaidan did the same for Pepper, who happily shook her entire body as soon as he pulled the saddle from her back. She leaned her head into him, asking for him to scratch her poll. Kaidan obliged, smiling as she moved her head up and down, scratching herself against his fingernails. 

It had been a long time since he had taken her on a roving trip for so long, and he was immensely grateful to have her for comfort. Then, as he watched her take comfort in him as well, he caught a glimpse of the browned blood on his knuckles. The teller's blood that had pooled onto his hand when he had severed her spinal cord. Put an end to her misery. Misery he had caused. 

And suddenly, the feel of Pepper’s hair and dirt against his hand wasn’t enough. 

“Watch it.” Shepard said from behind him just before dumping an armful of hay into the stall.

At the sight of food, Pepper immediately stopped scratching on him and dropped her head into the pile of forage. Leaving Kaidan staring at his hand, blinking away the memories. Cold red hair. Bloodied knuckles. Swollen fists over a battered face. His father’s despondent stare.  _ Son, what have you done? _

“Alenko!” Kaidan lifted his head in a daze, eyesight focusing slowly to find Shepard staring at him expectantly, brows raised and leaning against her horse’s stall. A cloth wrapped bundle in her hand. “You gonna stare at your hands all night or you gonna come get somethin’ to eat?”

Kaidan dropped his hands to his sides and stepped out of Pepper’s stall, swung the gate shut behind him and leaned back against it. “Not sure I trust anything you’re willin’ to offer, Shepard.”

“It’s rabbit jerky.” She threw the package at him, hard, and he caught it against his chest. “I’m eating the venison.” Shepard raised a brow. “And I didn’t hear any clucking.”

Kaidan turned the package over in his hands, unwrapped and smelled the meat tentatively. It was strong, but not offensive. An inquisitive bend proved it was also hard as a rock. “You don’t really-”

“Ah!” She held up a finger. “Cluck like a chicken. That was the bet.”

Kaidan crossed his arms. “As fun as-”

“The fuck, Alenko?” Shepard’s head fell back, a long sigh expelled from her throat before she looked back at him. “You can’t be a man of honor if ya’ don’t honor your damn handshakes.”

Kaidan’s lips settled into a thin line, brows knitted firmly together. “Cluck. So you intend to honor your end of the deal, too?”

Shepard smirked. “I already am,  _ Kaidan Alenko _ . Told ya’ it was a stupid thing to ask for. Ain’t satisfyin’ at all, is it?”

“Cluck. Well you were too scared to agree to my first choice.”

“I ain’t scared of shit.” She snapped.

He leveled a challenging stare. “Then prove it.”

Shepard’s look shot daggers. Kaidan bit back a self-satisfied grin. Through gritted teeth, she said, “Fine. Big fuckin’ baby. You get three questions.”

“Twenty.” He countered.

She laughed. Sharply. “Five.”

“Fifteen.”

“Ten. Final offer. An’ if you keep neglecting to make chicken sounds, all bets are off.”

“Bawk. Deal.”

Kaidan hadn’t expected her to follow through on the bet, having been so quick to claim victory while ignoring his. And he certainly didn’t expect her to agree to answer any number of his questions. Actually, he was shocked she was choosing to speak to him at all. But Shepard had chosen her wager well. 

He wanted answers about her relationship with Anderson, about Cerberus, about the doctors and how long she had known about them. How long she had been fighting them. But he was exhausted, drained by the events of the last week. And he couldn’t stand the idea of her laughing at his misery, forcing him to make animal sounds when all he wanted to do was lie down and hope to find an ounce of sleep not haunted by memories of Clay. 

So, he remained standing, arms crossed, taking small bites of rabbit at a time and relishing in the way the salt burned his tongue and the toughness tired his jaw. After a few moments of quiet, Shepard seemed satisfied enough with herself to stop challenging him, and retrieved her own meal from her saddle bags. She then found a rare dry spot of ground and slid to the ground, slumped against the gate to her horse’s stall. Willfully oblivious to his suffering, carefully chewing her venison, and gazing lovingly up at her horse, whose lips playfully flapped against the top of her hat. It dawned on him that in the week that he had spent with Shepard, the only semblance of affection he saw from her was aimed at that horse.

“Cluck, cluck.” Kaidan announced, tone flat. “What’s your horse’s name?”

Shepard slowed her chewing, swallowed, then answered, “Normandy.”

Kaidan was surprised at her prompt reply, but it was his recognition of the name that made his eyebrows rise so quickly, the wrinkle of his forehead pushing up the brim of his hat. “Cluck. As in Normandy, France?” Shepard opened her mouth to answer, but Kaidan cut her off. “Don’t answer that. Not one of my questions. Sheriff Anderson spent time in France when he was younger. He told me Northern France was his favorite part.”

“That’s nice.” Shepard kept her face plain.

Kaidan found inspiration in her omission. “Cluck. Did Anderson sell… ” he paused, struggled to find the right words to force more than a one word answer, “...how did you come to own Normandy?”

“Ya’ know, if you’re gonna talk this much, you ought to give me more convincing chicken sounds.”

He had hit a nerve. Kaidan found himself forcing his mouth to stay straight, though his cheeks desperately wanted to split with a sly grin, to give her a taste of her own ego. “Bawk, ba-bawk. Answer the question, Shepard.”

“Still pathetic, but better.” Shepard shifted in her seat, held up a hand to Normandy and played with the velvety flesh of his muzzle as she spoke. “Anderson owned his dam, bred her to one of Joker’s studs. He had wanted to breed him once he got older, but decided keeping a stud on property was too much of a hassle. Big lunk was an ass in his younger days. Joker didn’t have use for him, so Anderson gave him to me.”

“Bawk, bawk. You must be pretty close to Anderson for him to just give you a horse as nice as that. Not a question.”

Shepard narrowed her eyes. Obviously pained as she took another bite of her meal. Her jaw already purpled from the fight. “You’re at two.”

“Bawk bawk, I know.” Now, Kaidan couldn’t stop himself from smirking. “Still got eight more to go.”

“Alright, if you’re gonna torture me with this shit, you better start making some real fuckin’ chicken noises or I’m done.”

Because she was, so far, holding up her end of the bargain, Kaidan obliged her with a more heartfelt imitation of a chicken. “Bawk-ba-ba-bawwk.” In return, he was graced with the faintest of smiles. “How did you two come to work together?”

Shepard sighed as she stroked Normandy’s muzzle. “That’s a hell of a question. You want it worth one answer or two?”

Kaidan chewed on a piece of jerky. There was so much he didn’t know. About her, about the people she travelled with. About Cerberus. Ten questions wouldn’t get him near as far as he wanted. Here, trapped by the storm, her compliance temporarily won, was the best opportunity he would get. He would have to fill holes with the little information she provided.

“Bawk bawk. One.”

Shepard seemed relieved. “Eight years ago, I got a tip that he had decent bounties available. Followed it.” She gave one last loving squeeze to her horse’s nose and let her hand fall to her lap. Her line of sight following it. Every word came like pulling teeth. “Things snowballed. Regular bounties turned into hunting Cerberus.”

He watched her horse sniff her hair, then turn circles in his stall and begin eating. Based on appearances, the horse had to be mature, but not yet in his teens. A rough estimate put him at seven to ten years, which meant Shepard had to have owned him for at least five. Had to have known Anderson, known about Cerberus, for just as long. 

“Cluck cluck. The house you set on fire, the people you killed there. Were they Cerberus too?”

Then, she looked at him, chewing on her cheek again. Deciding how much she would share. “Yes.” 

“Bawk bawk. Why wouldn’t you have just told me that from the beginning?”

“Wasn’t something you needed to know.”

Kaidan snorted. “Cluck. You’d rather have me believe you run around killin’ indiscriminately?”

She wrinkled her brow, paused before answering, “I don’t much care what you believe.”

“Bawk bawk. Then why lead me to think you kill innocent folks? I mean, killin’ Cerberus the way you do ain’t right, but-”

“I didn’t lead you to think nothin’.” Shepard cut him off. “You heard the stories and made up your own damn mind. That don’t make it my job to change it.”

Over the years, he had heard many stories about The Shepherd. None of them pleasant, many spread by law and Cerberus agents. Echoed by patrons at the saloon and market. Not a single one mentioned her victims wore yellow sashes. A chill ran down his spine, left him shivering in the summer heat. Hackett and Anderson had tried to convey to him how deep Cerberus' influence ran, but nothing they could tell him had been as effective as realizing they had the ability to censor reality. Doctor the truth to suit their needs. 

Story after story, tale after tall tale continued to play through his mind. Each one had him looking for holes. He remembered a girl from school, Josephine, who had skipped town after her parents died to find The Shepherd and join their flock. Cerberus brought her body back the next day, claimed she was found dead. Now, a pit of doubt seeded in his stomach. 

He remembered Carl, deputy to Kaidan’s father when he had been Sheriff, who sought The Shepherd, determined to bring them to justice. A couple days later, his body was found hanging at the edge of town, a scrap of red fabric nailed to his chest. The Shepherd’s calling card, Cerberus said. 

Kaidan thought of the bank teller in Clay, the one who clung to him, terrified that Cerberus would take her because she opened the safe for The Shepherd. Not any other old thief, The Shepherd, specifically. He mulled over her words over and over and over.  _ They’ll take me for this. _

“Bawk-ba-bawk. How did you, ya’ know…” he paused, Shepard giving him nothing, unsure of where to go next. He wanted to ask how she became an outlaw, learned to kill and fight for her life without so much as a tremor. How she found out about Cerberus. Why, as a vagrant, she cared about Cerberus at all. But all of those thoughts died somewhere between his mind and his mouth. “In the cellar, why were you so nice about that woman?”

Shepard licked her lips. “Wasn’t any nicer to her than the doctor.”

“You - bawk bawk - you were. To her and to me. Why?”

Shepard snapped, “‘Cause you weren’t gonna make that decision on your own.” Kaidan didn’t buy it, hugged his arms tighter to his chest, waiting. So, Shepard continued. “And you’re so fuckin’ difficult, I reckoned a lighter approach would do me better.”

Kaidan was beside himself. He made a noise somewhere between a scoff and genuine laughter. “I’m difficult?”

“Yeah, ya’ fuckin’ are.” She asserted. “Can’t fight, can’t follow orders, can’t even remember to ‘bawk’. You weren’t supposed to come down into the cellar.”

“Why - bawk, baw-bawk - why wasn’t I? You wanted me to see what Cerberus did to people. I saw.”

“‘Cause I told ya’ to make a distraction and stay out of the way.”

“Cluck. I don’t believe that’s all of it.”

Shepard groaned, pulled her hat from her head and set it on the ground beside her. Thumped her head back against the stall gate. “I knew goin’ down in there I wasn’t gettin’ any of those folks out, and if you followed, you’d get all fuckin’ sentimental and I’d likely as not have to drag your ass out or leave you to rot with them.”

He stared at his feet. She was right. Travelling with her was forcing him into situations he never could have imagined, and he had no idea how he would act in each new challenge. But Shepard knew exactly what they had been walking into. Could read him well enough to predict his reaction. While he hated the thought - he'd never consider himself easy to read, though Shepard was as astute as she was obtuse - and he was glad he had seen Cerberus’s operation with his own two eyes, part of him did wish he had followed her orders and never gone down into that lab.

“Bawk-ba-bawk.” Kaidan matched the effort of his chicken noises to the quality of her replies. “Thank you. For makin’ that call. I don’t…” he shook his head, removed his hat and scrubbed at his forehead with the back of his hand, “I told her in the bank that I wouldn’t let Cerberus take her. I didn’t even know what that meant. I thought she was worried they’d shoot her.”

Eyes down, he couldn’t see Shepard’s expression. Wasn’t sure he wanted to. Wasn’t sure why he had said it aloud. Sympathy wasn’t what he was after, and he sure as hell didn’t expect any compassion from her, but every time he blinked he could see the woman’s empty eyes watching him. Could hear the disgust in her voice as she had backed away from him in the bank, knowing he would be the reason for her suffering. He knew sure as hell that the guilt wouldn’t disappear, but maybe he hoped saying it out loud would make it easier to close his eyes that night. Loosen the vice on his chest.

“Yeah, well, you oughta try listenin’ next time.” A lackluster chiding.

When Kaidan looked up, Shepard stared at the jerky in her hands as if it was the most interesting piece of art ever created. Without her hat to obscure, he could make out the finer details of her expression. Lips decidedly set into a grimace, but the lines around her eyes gone soft, almost mournful.

“Cluck cluck. You done that before?”

Shepard didn’t look up. “You’re gonna need to be more specific.”

“Cluck. Still counts as one question. You had to kill someone you knew like that before?”

Now, she looked up, any sign of a heart gone from her face. “Yes. And I’m pretty sure you’re out of questions.”

“Bawk-ba-bawwk,” Kaidan kept his chicken noises convincing, then softer, he asked, “because of Cerberus?”

“I don’t have to answer that.” She bit off a piece of jerky with a subtle wince.

She didn’t need to.

“Bawk-bawk, and now you hunt them down.” Kaidan uncrossed his arms and sunk down, found a comfortable position to sit in the rare spot of dry ground he occupied. He stuffed the rest of his ration in his mouth and chewed it slowly. 

No more than a week ago, Kaidan was sure as shootin’ that The Shepherd was a murderous thug who slaughtered innocents like lambs and that Cerberus was nothin’ more than a very connected, very violent, organization of greedy assholes. While he might have been ill informed on both, and he was not entirely wrong about Cerberus, he was beginning to realize he had been wrong about The Shepherd. 

_ The Shepherd  _ was a boogeyman. 

Shepard was on his side.

Kaidan swallowed his last bite. “Bawk-bawk, ba-bawk.” Shepard looked up, a giant hunk of meat stuffed in her cheek. “What’s your name?”

She blinked, chewed some more and swallowed the lot of it. “What part of ‘you’re out of questions’ don’t you understand?”

“Really? You can’t just tell me your name without it being part of some game?”

“My name don’t matter.”

“It’s your name, how could it not matter?”

Shepard pursed her lips, eyes searched his for an answer to a question which he did not know. Finally, she answered, “Avory.”

Kaidan felt his mouth slip into a sideways grin, barely enough to wrinkle his cheek, and Shepard looked away. 

He felt like he had won. But the thrill of victory wore off quickly.

Dark was rapidly approaching and the storm had reached a fever pitch. Wind howled against the wood louder than a pack of starvin’ wolves, rattled the large barn door against it’s closure, and rain pounded on the roof. More and more water fell through the holes above. As Kaidan looked around, he realized only three spots on the barn were both fit for sleepin’ and dry. And their horses occupied two of them. The third was tucked beside Normandy’s stall. A thick stack of straw, canvas sacks spread over top. Clearly used as accomodations at least once before their arrival.

“Well, Avory -”

“Shepard.”

Kaidan breathed a laugh, unsurprised. “Sure. Well, Shepard -”

“Where’s the clucking?”

He sighed. “Cluck cluck. I’m tempted to turn in for the night. There’s only one bed. Unless we tie the horses-”

Shepard shook her head firmly. “They deserve a rest, they stay in the stalls.”

“Bawk, bawk. I’m with ya’.” Kaidan patted the ground beneath him. Hard packed dirt and rock, but he had slept on worse. “You take the bed, then.”

“I ain’t sleepin’.” Kaidan raised a questioning brow and the usual sneer she wore for him crept its way back onto her expression. “Someone’s gotta keep watch and I sure as shit don’t trust you to do it.” With a quiet groan, she grabbed her hat from the dirt and secured it back onto her head as she stood. “Go get your beauty rest, Sta - Alenko.”

Kaidan stood as well, leaving his hat where it lied. “You expect Cerberus to be travellin’ in this weather? In the dark?”

“I ain’t gonna be caught sleepin’ if they are.” She moved to her belongings, pulled the rifle from her scabbard, ensured that it was loaded and sat back down against Normandy’s stall door with it across her lap.

In the back of his head, he could hear his father scold him for taking a bed from a lady. “Ain’t no one goin’ to be ridin’ in this, not even Cerberus.” Shepard looked up at him. “Take a rest.”

“I’ll take the ground, thanks.”

She was the most hard headed creature he had ever been around. He was sure of it. And he once broke a jackass to drive. He felt equally frustrated now. “Just take the damn bed, Shepard.”

Amused, she licked her lips as they stretched into a smirk, and said nothing.

Kaidan groaned. “Fine. If you decide to stop bein’ an ass, wake me and I’ll let ya’ have a turn.”

He turned and grabbed his own rifle, deciding it better to keep it nearby, just in case, and started toward the makeshift sleeping quarters. Sleep would not come easy, he knew, but reckoned he ought to try. 

For not the first time that day, Kaidan found himself feeling resentfully grateful for Shepard. She was a massive thorn in his side, a splinter that wedged deeper and deeper every time he tried to remove it, but she had proven immensely helpful. In the cellar and in the aftermath. While he felt guilty for carrying on any sort of lighthearted conversation after what he had witnessed in Clay, his heart had needed it. Food. A distraction. Even the chicken noises, which he felt a fool for making, managed to elevate his spirits to a plane of somewhat normal existence.

As he removed his suspenders and settled onto the bed of straw, he spared one last glance at Shepard. Wondered if she had any idea. If she had made the bet, chosen the wager, for exactly that purpose. If, maybe, she needed a distraction from the day’s events, too. Kaidan shook his head, rid himself of the thought. Knew better than to expect anything more from Shepard than what she displayed at face value. 

And yet… 

“Alenko,” Kaidan flinched at the sound of her voice, but her eyes were straight ahead. She hadn’t caught him looking at her. “If you snore, I’m stuffin’ your mouth with horse shit.”

Despite himself, he laughed. Soft and weary. For her threat fell flat without her usual edge of promised violence. “Good thing I don’t snore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and of course they're not quite ready to fall into that trope so easily. This chapter was very fun to write for so many reasons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone reading along. My apologies for the slightly delayed update.


	11. Naming Cattle

The storm raged on throughout the night. Rain pelted the tattered roof mercilessly until water saturated the ground and collected in puddles on the surface. Within the barn, there remained only three dry areas: the two stalls, which both horses happily occupied, and the makeshift bed on which Alenko slept. 

More than once, Avory looked over her shoulder at him from the high spot of dirt outside Normandy’s stall where she sat, knees pulled to her chest and chinks laid below to keep her ass dry. She thought about waking him, taking the bed and catching a minute’s shut eye. She thought about squeezing in next to him - with the rain came a chill, her rain-dampened clothing only making it colder, and her dumb ass hadn’t thought to bring an extra layer when they had set out that morning. But she squashed the thoughts as soon as they arose. Nevermind that sleeping on an armed stranger’s property, holed up in a shitty barn, Cerberus on their tail. Exposing that kind of weakness was a fool’s mistake. One she knew better than to make.

She trusted Alenko even less after holding her honesty hostage earlier that evening. Over the years she had survived many interrogations, but none unnerved her so much as Alenko’s. She reckoned because the questions he asked were decidedly personal. Had he asked about Cerberus’s agenda or dragged her through the mud of her own crimes again, she could have gone on for hours without feeling a thing. Instead, he had gone for the jugular. 

Anyone with more brains than a fence post knew not to name a cow meant for slaughter. Alenko had gone ahead and insisted on not only naming the cow, but trying to befriend it. Forced himself under her skin and into her skull. Explaining his attachment to the teller, backing off when he struck too close to her own experience with Cerberus fucks and mercy killings. Learning her horse’s name, learning her name. It felt too close to casual conversation.

Sure, she could have refused to play his game, doubled down on bullheadedness and not answered a single one of his questions. But that would’ve handed him the game. And in some situations, carefully crafted answers gave away less than silence. And she wanted to give him as little ammo against her as possible. No matter how kind he had been in his pursuit, it was still just that. Pursuit. And no matter how gentle, a pain in the ass was still a pain in the ass. 

“Shepard?” 

Speak of the fucking devil. Avory hated that she jumped at the rasp of his voice. Startlingly loud after hours of near silence, only the sound of horses rustling and rain petering off into slow drips from the roof to keep her company. She pivoted on her hip to find Alenko watching from the shadows, barely visible in the cold grey of early morning. Soft ground squelched under his feet as he approached. 

She straightened, adjusted her hold on her rifle. “You’re -” her voice cracked from disuse and she cleared her throat, “you’re a liar.”

Taken aback, Alenko asked, “What?”

“You snore.”

With a breathy snort, he leaned sideways against Normandy’s stall door. “You’re the first to complain.” Avory raised a brow at the implication. In the dim light, she didn’t think he would see her smirk. But then he caught it, and, voice deep and slow and tinged with sleep, he rambled on. “It’s not often I sleep with anyone. Sleep in the same room as anyone, I mean.” He paused, defeated, before adding in good humor, “Must not have been too loud. I don’t taste any horse shit.”

Avory looked away, back to the barn door, coy grin arching her lips. “I was waitin’ for Normandy to drop a fresh one.”

“Right.” He breathed something that resembled a laugh. “You been up this whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“You should get some rest. I’ll take watch ‘til mornin’.”

She shook her head, realized he probably couldn’t see it well, and said, “Not enough time. It’ll be dawn soon.”

He sighed. “You’ve been up all night, you’re gonna need some sleep.”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

He muttered, “And you think I’m difficult.”

“It’s only a couple day’s ride to the springs. I’m fine.” She craned her neck to look up at him. “What’re you doin’ up so early?”

Alenko sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck, sunk to the ground beside her, then stood just as quickly upon feeling the moisture on the ground. Avory couldn’t help a small laugh at his expense, which he ignored. “Hard to sleep for long. I just kept thinkin’ about… well, you know.”

Avory did know. She might have washed the blood from her hands, but she could still smell the rot from Cerberus’s lab on her. Seared into her nostrils. Could still hear the doctor’s voice. Could still feel the burn of failure, bone deep and agonizing. And, just as she had in the cellar, she felt an unnatural desire to offer him platitudes. Advice of some kind. But her well had long since run dry of such things. 

“Get over it.”

“Get over it?” Alenko’s voice cut sharp. “Great advice, Shepard. Can’t believe I didn’t think of that myself. How do you suppose I just get over something like that?”

Avory shrugged.  _ You don’t. _ “You just do.”

“Says the woman who butchers anyone with a yellow sash because of a personal vendetta.” Hostility drained from his voice, replaced by exhaustion. “Believe me, if I could stop thinkin’ about it, I would.”

“Better to do something ‘bout it than belly ache.”

The look he gave her ignited a rare pang of guilt. “I’m still here, ain’t I?”

Because he had a personal reason too, she knew. And she hated that she wanted to know what it was. What Cerberus had done that made him willing to leave the comfort of family and home to seek out and join forces with a criminal he hated. More than that, he genuinely cared about Cerberus’s victims. Strangers he’d never met. Any of his complaints since finding her rose from her actions alone. Specifically, not doing enough. 

“Yeah. You are.” 

“I can’t…what the hell were they doing to those people down there? I thought about it all night and I can’t figure how someone could do that to another person.”

“There’s no understanding what Cerberus does. Tryin’ to find reason in it will drive you mad.”

Though she had a feeling madness wasn’t enough a reason for Kaidan to stop tryin’ to figure it out. Avory turned to look at him. Her eyesight had adjusted to the dark long ago and she could easily make out the features of his profile. Thick eyebrows pressed together in thought, sleep still crusted at his eyes, he stared straight ahead as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Trying only slightly to instigate, she asked, “I give you another migraine yet?”

He lowered his hand and shook his head. “No, but there’s still time.” Avory huffed amusement, looked away, but felt his eyes on her now. “I never did thank you for stoppin’ for me. Lettin’ Wrex help me out.” A pause, just long enough that she could hear her heart beat once in her ears. “Thank you.”

Avory swallowed and fought the urge to shift her position. Made uncomfortable by his sincerity. “We didn’t stop for you, we stopped because of you.” She hazarded a glance and found him still looking at her. Exhaustion softened his stare. “Consider it payback for you helpin’ Garrus.”

“That a ‘thank you’?”

“Not even close.” She met his eye. “But I ain’t itchin’ to shoot you so bad now.”

Alenko exhaled something between exasperation and humor. “I reckon I ought to take what I can get. Slim pickin’s around here.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” Her head fell back against the stall door. “Leave it to me to find a gunslinger who don’t fuckin’ shoot the bad guys. Don’t know why you bothered learnin’ to shoot like that. What a fuckin’ waste.”

It was a few seconds before Alenko answered. “My dad was Sheriff in Vancouver before Anderson moved in. He used to take me shootin’ for sport.”

“If your dad’s as good a shot, not sure why Anderson replaced him.”

“He got in a fight he couldn’t win.” So matter-of-fact, Avory found herself surprised. “Took a bullet to the femur that almost lost his leg. He was forced to retire after that.”

She tipped her head from side to side, stretching neck muscles that went uncomfortably stiff hours ago. “At least he went out with a fight.”

“That was another thing he taught me.”

“Not gettin’ in fights you can’t win or not goin’ out without a fight?”

He looked at her with a lopsided smile. “Both.”

A smile began to creep across her lips, but she stopped its spread by catching her cheek between her teeth. Suddenly, she was very aware of how her stiff posture had melted away. How, even with a rifle in her hands, she felt utterly disarmed. Lulled into a false sense of security like an idiot. Just as suddenly, she straightened and gripped her gun tighter. Alenko might not be as violent as her, but he was just as dangerous.

Avory forced an edge back into her voice as she stood. “We need to get back to the others. Get your horse ready.”

Jarred by her abruptness, Alenko pulled away from the stall wall on which he had been leaning. “Then what?”

“What d’ya mean, then what?” Obstinate for obstinate’s sake.

Avory stuffed her rifle into its scabbard and retrieved her chinks from the ground, fastened them around her waist and thighs in a hurry. Every second more eager to get out of the barn, onto Normandy’s back, and away from Alenko. 

Picking up on her haste, he grabbed his saddle blanket and rig from the ground and entered Pepper’s stall. “After we rejoin the others, what’s our next move?”

“We ride to Vancouver.”

Alenko stilled after slinging his saddle blanket over his horse’s back. “Honest?”

As she secured her holster around her hips, Avory dropped her chin and said. “Yes, dumbass.”

In the first light of dawn, his harsh stare locked on her. “Enough, Shepard. Call me by my name or not at all.” 

Damn if he didn’t surprise her. She struggled to maintain a neutral expression as she made eye contact. “Fine. Alenko.”

Satisfied, he swung his saddle onto Pepper. “And when we get there? There are a lot of innocent people in Vancouver, not just Cerberus. We can’t go in guns blazin’.”

“‘Course not.” Avory grabbed her tack from the ground and carried it into Normandy’s stall. “We meet with Anderson first. Then I reckon I get to kill a bunch of those yellow sash wearin’ bastards.”

Alenko kept his eyes on Pepper as he cinched her up. “I ain’t expectin’ it to be that easy.”

“I know you think killin’ is complicated, but it ain’t.” She worked quickly on getting Normandy saddled as she spoke. “Point and shoot. Boom. Dead. Problem solved.”

Alenko appeared in front of her stall. Having retrieved his suspenders from the bed, he fastened them to his trousers. “Like in Clay? They came back after a couple of days. Not exactly problem solved.”

Avory finished cinching up Normandy and turned to face Alenko, leaned against her horse’s shoulder for support. “Clay’s a lot bigger than Vancouver. They’ve got a lot wrapped up in that place. But Vancouver,” she smoothed Normandy’s mane, watched as Alenko pulled his suspenders over one broad shoulder at a time, “it ain’t a hub. Put up a fight and they’ll write it off.”

Slowly, he nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

From the saddle horn, Avory grabbed her headstall. At the slightest pressure on his poll, Normandy dropped his head and stuck his nose through the bosal. She smiled at his responsiveness. The stud was as fine a horse as she could ever have wished for. Carefully, she pushed his ears forward and under the headstall and, uncomfortably aware of Alenko’s presence, she fixed his forelock so the headstall lied straight on his head. 

“Can I ask you somethin’?”

“I reckon you ain’t ever gonna stop askin’ me somethin’.”

“Probably not.” Alenko agreed. “You can ask me things too, ya’ know.”

“There ain’t nothin’ I want to know about you.”

A partial truth. The majority of their interactions revolved around her. Him asking questions. Prying. Trying to learn more about their situation or about her, personally. Yet in all that time, he revealed nothing. Even when they had been drinking whiskey and playing at fun, he had given very little away. And the more he spoke, the more she wanted to hear him speak. To learn why he refused to shoot to kill when he so clearly had the skill to do so. To know what Cerberus had done to him to make him go so far out of his comfort zone. But nothing, not even her own insatiable curiosity, could convince her to name a cow meant for slaughter. 

After they got to Vancouver, after she killed Cerberus on Anderson’s orders, they would part ways. By that time, she hoped, he would be indebted to her and to Anderson enough that he could be trusted to keep silent. But, and she reckoned more likely, there was a strong possibility that she would need to kill him. 

Alenko had been in her company for nearly a week. Had seen her face, learned her name. Garrus, Tali, Wrex, all of them were at risk if Alenko was left as a loose end. As a friend of Anderson’s, she owed it to him not to kill Alenko without him weighing in, but the odds were not in his favor. Alenko was a burden. Not a friend. And he made it perfectly clear he thought little of their way of life. Had a life of his own. No chances of him joining them once Vancouver was taken care of.

“Ouch, Shepard.” Alenko’s voice was surprisingly light. “Couldn’t let me live in the illusion?”

She narrowed her eyes. “What illusion?”

“Nothin’. Nevermind. Just…” he backed away, “thought it would be nice to not be at each other’s throats the whole time we’re workin’ together, is all.”

“Yeah, well, you thought wrong.” Avory looked over Normandy in approval until she reached his feet. “Fucking hell.”

“What is it?”

Furious with herself for not having been prepared for this side excursion, Avory pounded the side of her fist against her thigh. They had a lot of rocky miles to cover and she hadn’t brought any extra shoes or nails. Normandy was tough, but even her prized mount had his limits. He’d be sored up by the time they reached the springs. 

“Normandy threw a shoe.” She slid her hand up his neck to reach his favorite spot, scratched the roots of his mane. “Sorry, friend. I’ll take you for a good soak when we get there.”

“I can put one on him.”

“If you’ve got a shoe, I’ll do it myself.”

After a few seconds, Alenko appeared with a small canvas pouch, folded in thirds and tied neatly with a bit of leather. He offered it to her, along with a shoe. She eyed it warily. She’d shod horses a few times, though never very well. The fine art of shaping eluded her and her fear of driving a nail into the sensitive tissues deep to the hoof wall meant she preferred pulling shoes to tacking them on.

“You carry that stuff with you all the time?”

“I do Pepper’s feet myself, too.” 

He called her bluff without knowing she was bluffing at all.

“Joker usually does Normandy’s.” Avory pursed her lips. “You any good?”

Confident, not cocky, he shrugged. “Pepper hasn’t had an off day since I’ve shod her.”

Avory looked to Normandy, fingertip tracing the length of her bottom lip twice before she dropped her hand and licked her lips. “Alright, do it.”

She led him into the open area of the barn while Alenko found a bucket and set it upside down in front of them. Normandy was mouthy but good with his feet. With Avory at his head to prevent him from biting Alenko on the ass, he let Alenko pick up his hoof without hesitation. Avory watched over his shoulder, scrutinizing every detail, as he cleaned the hoof then brought his hoof forward to rest on the bucket as he rasped the edges smooth. 

“You a farrier on the side or somethin’?”

Alenko turned around, maneuvered Normandy’s leg between his thighs and held it there by pinching his knees together. The shoe, while not a perfect match, was damn good for a pinch. Good enough that it would work until she could get him back to Joker for a custom fit. 

“Dated one for a while. An apprentice, not a farrier.” He made quick work of the nails. Drove each one perfectly. Smooth and accurate beyond a doubt. Normandy didn’t flinch except to scare a fly off his hide. “Pepper had terrible feet when I bought her and I wanted to make sure I could keep her in good health on my own, so we spent a lot of time together. Picked up a few tricks and tools that have served me well.”

“You bought a horse with bad feet?”

He huffed a quiet laugh and smiled, shook his head. “Yeah, I know. I got plenty of earfuls about it, but-”

“You liked her color.”

“No. I thought she had a quiet eye.”

Despite herself, Avory smiled. Allowed it to stay a while since he couldn’t see, not with his focus on Normandy. If she looked at demeanor, she would have passed up Normandy in a second. But she was a sucker for eye-catchers. Impulsive enough to not care about personality. Full of herself to believe she could solve any problem with enough wet saddle blankets. Choosing a horse with problems -  _ hoof _ problems - that could render it useless because she had a gentle way about her… that was the most ridiculous thing she could imagine. 

Alenko drove in the last nail and brought Normandy’s leg forward once more. Crimped the nail ends and set Normandy’s hoof down with care. Just the way Avory preferred, guiding it all the way to the ground, not letting the horse rip it from his hand. 

She made sure to wipe the smile from her face before he stood. “Seems like your fling taught you well.”

His face scrunched slightly, his mouth opening and closing like his brain wanted to take it in several different directions. It was a funny quality of his that almost made her smile again. 

“Not a fling, then?”

“More than a fling. Just… surprised. That was dangerously close to a compliment.”

“Closer to a thank you than a compli-”

Alenko held up a hand to silence her. At first, she felt anger swell at having been interrupted, but the way he looked toward the barn door replaced anger with interest. She pulled the reins over Normandy’s head and hooked them over the saddle horn. 

Then, following his line of sight to the barn door, she asked in a hushed tone, “What?”

Alenko kept his eyes on the door. “I thought I heard somethin’.”

As quiet as possible, Avory came to stand beside him. Fingers of her right hand twitching over the grip of her revolver. Outside, through the holes in the walls, dawn shifted the waking world from grey to blue, light creeping across the Earth and under the gap of the barn door. 

A shadow shifted. 

Footfalls near silent on softened ground.

A quick glance at Alenko informed her that he was unarmed, his holster and weapons still by Pepper’s stall. Avory stuck an arm out to prevent him from moving forward, but he ignored it, and crept silently toward the door alongside her. There was only one pair of feet they could see, covered in a worn pair of riding boots.

Avory aimed her gun at the ground beside the person’s feet and pulled the trigger. 

From the other side of the door, a woman shouted. “What the hell?” 

Alenko looked at her like she was insane.

Avory called out, “I ain’t playin’. Get the fuck away from here or the next bullet goes in you.”

“This is my property!” The woman yelled back.

Avory had enough time to exchange a glance with Alenko before the slat was lifted and the barn door pried open and, in the opening, the homesteader appeared. Gone was the skirt and chemise she had worn the prior evening. Now, she wore an old pair of trousers and a man’s shirt, several sizes too large and hanging off her frame. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? Shootin’ at people you can’t see. Children live here, you know.”

Alenko raised his brows at her in agreement, and Avory frowned, kept her aim trained on the woman. “What’re you doin’ sneakin’ around out there?”

The woman crossed her arms over her chest. Looked sternly between the two of them. Though unarmed, she was alarmingly unconcerned with the revolver Avory had aimed at her chest. “I had a suspicion, I wanted to confirm it before ya’ll left.”

Alenko asked, “What suspicion?”

She jerked her chin in Avory’s direction. “That she’s The Shepherd.”

Avory’s heart skipped a beat. It had been a long time since she had been recognized. Hiding her identity was something she took very seriously. It enabled her to go into towns, without the mask, and gather information or supplies as needed without it ending in a shootout every time. Most people didn’t even know her gender. And somehow, some homesteader in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere had identified her. And had held onto that knowledge all night.

Avory pulled back the hammer on her revolver.. 

Alenko yelled, “Shepard!” As she pulled the trigger, he shoved her arm and the shot went wide, bullet punching a new hole in the barn wall, several feet to the right of the homesteader. Behind them, the horses startled in their stalls. “You can’t just shoot her!”

Avory stared at him, rage building within. Coldy, she said, “It’s not your call to make.”

“Please!” The woman’s plea cut through the rising tension between them. Desperate, not fearful. “I don’t mean you no harm. I want to go with you.”

Simultaneously, Alenko and Avory exclaimed, “What?”

“I figured it was you last night.” Confusion must’ve been plain on Avory’s face because the woman looked at her like she was an idiot for thinking she had been inconspicuous. “All the guns. The buckskin horse. The red wild rag.” She nodded at the silk tied ‘round Avory’s neck. “And listenin’ to you just now, I know for sure. You’re The Shepherd. And if ya’ll are goin’ to fight Cerberus, I want in.”

Avory felt like she had been struck in the face. Her jaw hung slack, lips parted in shock. For once in her life, she could think of nothing insulting to say. Noticing her dumbfounded state, Alenko took it upon himself to push her arm down, lowering the gun to her side. 

Then, to the homesteader, he asked, “Who are you?”

“Ashley Williams.” She answered without hesitation, and Avory watched her closely. “My father…” for a second, her eyes fell to the ground, her confident posture faltered, but she recovered quickly and kept her chin high as she continued, “Cerberus is responsible for my father’s death. I’d like the opportunity to avenge him.”

Avory found her voice. “How the fuck do you know we got business with Cerberus?”

“Life outside of town is a bit different. You oughta know that. Rumors spread more freely. Scuttlebutt says The Shepherd kills yellow sashes.” She shrugged her otherwise stiff shoulders. “I took a leap of faith.”

She could feel Alenko’s eyes on her. Judging. Waiting for her to try to shoot the woman again. Waiting to stop her. But Avory couldn’t find it in her to take aim, let alone form a rational thought. Nevermind the fact that rumors of her actions, her true actions, were floating around. It had been years since someone she had come across by happenstance recognized her and not instantly tried to capture her, kill her, or faint from sheer terror.

Alenko asked, “Why not say somethin’ last night?”

“The Williams women are a decisive bunch. We do things when we’re ready. Not before or after.”

A dead father. Children in the house. An unarmed property owner in front of her. It would be easy - so easy - to kill her now, take anyone inside the house by surprise. Steal whatever she could fit into her saddlebags. Leave no witnesses. Pony along any worthwhile livestock. 

Self-preservation and old habits mixed together, screamed at her to raise her revolver again. Blow the woman’s head clean off. Alenko would probably fight her. He was faster, but hesitant in every action. She could rush him while he was in shock, end him too… 

“Shepard?” Alenko gently broke her trance. “What do ya’ think?”

Avory blinked rapidly, bringing herself back to attention, and looked over the woman. She was tall, only half a head shorter than Alenko, and carried herself well. She was already dressed for riding and had no problem staring down the barrel of a gun, had hardly flinched when her bullet had found purchase beside her the second time.

“You a good shot?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Another gunslinger would be helpful. “Don’t call me ma’am. Can ya’ prove it?”

“Never been one to bark with no bite.”

Avory’s mouth twitched, amused. Twirled her revolver around her finger as she extended her arm, trapped it in her palm so that the handgrip pointed at the woman. “Let’s see.”

Hesitation vanished in the blink of an eye. Williams took the gun. “Name the target.”

Glancing from side to side, Avory retrieved a ball of dried horse shit from the dirt. Quickly, she tossed it into the air, far above their heads and sailing toward the back of the dimly lit barn.

Williams startled, was jerky in her movements, but managed to cock the hammer and shoot the dung only a few feet from the ground. It split into a million pieces. She looked to Avory, doing little to hide her satisfaction, but still searching for appraisal.

Avory held out her hand. “You willin’ to kill a man?”

“Yes ma’- yes, I am.” Ashley returned the gun. “More than willing if it’s Cerberus.”

She shot a sideways glance at Kaidan. “Better step up, Alenko.”

He frowned at her, then to Ashley, he asked, “Do ya’ have a horse? Supplies? We’re riding to Vancouver.”

“I heard.” Ashley answered. “I’m prepared. I’ve wanted this for a long time, but ya’ll are the first I’ve come across who are willing to do anything about them.”

A decent shot willing to risk life and limb to go up against Cerberus was a tempting addition. Only slightly more so than laying waste to her property and hauling ass for a clean getaway. If Ashley were to come along, be hostage to Shepard’s will, her family would be unlikely to spill any information about Shepard herself. If they were smart. Ashley would be under surveillance, unable to continue living outside of Shepard’s control with such knowledge about her.

She wouldn’t have to kill Alenko.

Wouldn’t have to kill who knew how many children.

She had no need for her belongings.

Avory took a deep breath, blew it out her nose. “Alright then. I guess you can come along.” Alenko looked at her, genuinely surprised. And perhaps, if she gauged him right, slightly offended. “Go get your horse. We leave in five.”

A controlled smile graced Ashley’s face and she nodded. “I’ll be ready in three.” She turned on her heels and strode out of the barn, mud splashing around her feet.

Avory turned to him as she holstered her weapon. “Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?”

Alenko shook his head. “You went from tryin’ to shoot her to inviting her along.”

“If you remember, you wouldn’t let me shoot her.” She sneered. “What else was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know.” A shrug. “You threatened me a whole lot.”

“Would that make you feel better? If I tell her I’ll kill her if she annoys me?”

Kaidan smiled. “Maybe.”

He was messing with her. “Fuck you, Alenko.” Annoyance was thinner than amusement. “She knows who I am, I don’t need to tell her what will happen if she gets in the way.”

“Shepard, I knew who you were. You tied me to a tree and made me eat beans from a bowl like a damn dog.”

Avory breathed a laugh, remembering the sight. Kaidan’s stare darkened. “Are we not laughin’ about that yet?”

“Not even close.” Kaidan asserted. “You knocked me out with my own gun.”

“You were stalking us.”

“You had me outnumbered four to one. I was no threat to you then and you knew it.”

“You named two of my partners. That made you a threat.”

“Only ‘cause you wouldn’t listen to a damn thing I said.”

“You went after Garrus.”

“You held a knife to my throat.”

“You tackled me!” Avory sighed. Arms flailed. “I ain’t apologizin’ to you for any of that. I did what I did.”

“I don’t need an apology, Avory.” He caught his mistake when she shot him an offended look. Corrected, “Shepard.” Then rubbed at the back of his neck. “But an acknowledgement would be nice.”

She stared at him flatly. “An acknowledgement?”

“Yes.” He offered no further explanation.

Lost, Avory continued staring. Struggled to fathom what in the hell it was he wanted from her. He gave her nothing. Wasn’t about to let it go. Under her breath, she muttered, “Fuckin’ fine.” Then, she took a deep breath. “I… that…” she made a noise of frustration, made worse by the fact that Alenko looked so totally amused, “I was a hair meaner to you than I probably needed to be.” 

He raised a brow. “That hard for you?”

“It’s an acknowledgement. Take it or leave it.”

He shook his head slightly, dropped his gaze to his feet momentarily. “I’ll take it. For now. I’m relieved enough you didn’t kill that woman.”

“I can always change my mind.”

“I don’t know, Shepard. You didn’t even reach for your other weapon. Your flock is growin’ awful quick for someone who’s supposed to shoot everyone they see..”

Avory narrowed her eyes. Her other ideas of how to handle the Williams brood rushed to the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed them back. “They call me The Shepherd for a fuckin’ reason, idi- Alenko.”

He huffed softly in amusement. “Just sayin’.”

“Yeah, well, say less. You’re makin’ my trigger finger itch.”

He laughed again, shaking his head at her empty threat as he walked away from her and toward Pepper. She stared at his back, broad with muscle and straight and shuddering ever so slightly from his laughter. He’d be an easy target. 

Each day that passed, he seemed to trust her more and more. It wouldn’t take much at all to slit his throat while he slept. Shoot him in the back one of the many times he offered it to her. Wait until dinner and poison his food. But as she watched him retrieve his holster and fasten the fine leather belt around his hips, she found it harder and harder to picture ending his life. And with heart sinking disgust, Avory realized she, too, had named the damn cow. 


	12. Dry Creek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
I apologize for the delay in update. Real life got busy and stressful out of nowhere. I'm going to start updating once a month instead of every 2 weeks as I had been doing.  
Thanks for sticking with me!

Garrus rubbed sleep from his eyes as the first rays of dawn stretched over the land, illuminating waning storm clouds in shades of bright pink. Water dripped from the rock cover under which he sat. A shallow hole eroded into the dirt from the constant flow of droplets. He had waited there all night. Watching. No matter how hard he squinted, how many times he scanned the horizon through the scope of his rifle, no sign of life appeared. No sign of Shepard. Or Alenko.

He sighed in resignation and pushed himself to standing. As he approached camp, Tali and Wrex looked to him. Hope plain in Tali’s eyes. Wrex was more guarded, but still his chest inflated with a held breath.

Garrus shook his head. “No sign of them.”

Wrex deflated. Filled with something more stubborn than hope. “We shouldn’t have let her go off with him alone.” He ripped off a leg from the pheasant he had killed and cooked the prior evening. “We should go to Clay. Provide backup.”

Tali’s concern was more subdued. “It’s not quite sunrise, yet. We can wait a little longer.”

“No.” Garrus helped himself to the other leg. “We need to move on. Deliver the cash and ride for the springs.”

“What’s wrong, Garrus?” The scarred half of Wrex’s mouth wrinkled. The scarred tissue prevented him from ever displaying a full smile, no matter how he tried. “Afraid to go back?”

Garrus britled, bars of his mustache twitching as he grinded his teeth. “Not a chance. Shepard’s orders were to leave by morning if she wasn’t back. I don’t see her here, do you?”

“Just followin’ orders.” Wrex grumbled. “Typical Vakarian.”

“Following the plan.” Garrus shot back, slow and controlled but dripping with venom. “Shepard is likely already on her way to the springs. I’m not goin’ to waste time goin’ to pick a fight in Clay when they prob’ly just got caught up in the storm.”

His excuse fell flat. He didn’t believe that enough himself to sound remotely convincing. But he would follow Shepard’s orders, and he would not allow Wrex to goad him into doing otherwise. History be damned.

“We should go.” Tali interrupted, ever cheerful even if she was exhausted by bickering. “We’re a day behind. The broker will think somethin’ is up if we don’t get the cash there soon.”

Wrex’s brow pressed down on his eyes and he growled, anger loud and low in his gut. “I’ll ready the horses.” Drumstick caught between his teeth, he snatched the remaining pheasant carcass and abruptly turned on his heels. 

Tali leveled a stare at Garrus. 

“What?”

“You know what.” Tali cocked a hip, hands resting on each flare below her narrow waist.

Garrus decidedly focused on her face, twisted into a disapproving scowl. “There ain’t nothin’ I can do about my family’s history.”

“It’s your history, too, Garrus. You’re a filthy liar if you say otherwise. And an idiot if you  _ think _ otherwise.”

Beneath his mustache, his lip twitched. For as long as Americans had travelled West, the Vakarian family had been at the forefront, their name synonymous with militaristic honor and discipline. Hired guns, lawmen, military. Vakarians were bound by a strict code to protect their charges and follow orders, no matter the command. And while this quality made his name one of legend, not all of his family’s endeavors were looked upon highly.

His father, his uncles, his grandfather, had all used their orders like a shield, hiding behind them even as their commanders' orders turned to atrocities. Even as they forced native inhabitants of the land into reservations, they preached serving a higher purpose. As they hunted down and slaughtered every bison on the plains, they called on Garrus to follow the herds, to aim true. As they turned a blind eye to Cerberus’s dealings, because no one ordered them to do anything about it, they told Garrus he must carry on the legacy of the Vakarian name.

For much of his life, Garrus had followed his father’s orders without question, as Vakarian customs dictated. Had justified their actions as following the letter of the law. There was always someone higher up who gave the orders, and Vakarians followed orders. But Garrus had gotten his start in local law, not the cavalry. While small town politics had their fair share of problems, he had never taken part in his family’s grander misdeeds.

“I’ve never lifted a hand against his people.”

“You never lifted a hand to help, either.”

Garrus diverted his gaze. A distrust of Wrex’s kind had been instilled in him since birth, passed along from father to son as naturally as blue eyes and dark hair. And Garrus’ father had spared no details in the savagery he saw in the Native American nations. When he first met Wrex, he was constantly on edge. Waiting, always, for the larger man to go for his scalp. After discovering who he was, or perhaps catchin’ on to the way Garrus always kept his rifle close when Wrex was around, and Wrex treated him with equal aggression.

Slowly, after time working together, Garrus saw him as human. A partner. Garrus thought himself better. At times, Wrex was still determined to be surly.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Tali.”

“To me?” Tali straightened, crossed her arms over her chest. “Nothing, Garrus. I don’t want you to say anything.”

Garrus watched her leave, scratched at the back of his neck. Looked over his shoulder at the swell of the hill where he had kept watch overnight, empty hope stinging his gut.

Throughout the night they had each taken shifts on guard. None had managed to get a wink of sleep even when they weren’t on duty. Fear of attack wasn’t what kept them on edge. Garrus wished it was that easy. 

It was rare for Shepard to go off on her own, and always a cause for concern when she did. While she was more than capable of taking care of herself, she had a horrible habit of going off plan, creating trouble where there otherwise was none. They could never be certain if she would be gone for one day, returning with a smile and a haul of new supplies (the origins of which he never asked), or six, slumped over on Normandy’s neck and tied into the saddle so she wouldn’t fall off if she were to lose consciousness. 

Garrus reckoned her concern for keeping him, Tali, and Wrex safe made up the majority of her impulse control. And she did not care enough for her own safety, or Alenko’s, to keep her wits about her. Nevertheless, he trusted her to make it back in one piece - at least,  _ mostly _ in one piece- just as much as he trusted she found someone at which she could aim a gun. She always did. 

So, Garrus kicked dirt and rocks on top of the remaining bed of coals until the fire was completely snuffed out, slung his rifle over his shoulder, and went to assist Wrex with the horses.

***

Floorboards creaked as Tali, Garrus, and Wrex entered the Dry Creek Saloon. Swinging doors stirred up a tornado of dust at their feet. At once, three dozen eyes combed over the trio as existing patrons sized them up, took stock of weapons, quality of clothing, and color of their skin. It was a quick assessment. Before the saloon doors swinging came to a close, everyone had gone back about their business. 

In a cowboy town like Dry Creek, they garnered no more interest than any of the other passerbys. Cowboys and outlaws and grifters, each one was a mystery to the other and each one wanted to keep it that way. Each one forgotten as soon as they parted ways. Black, white, Indian, and Chinese, all started on even ground. Color didn’t mean nothin’ compared to a person’s character. So long as a person didn’t steal, lie, cheat, or pry into another’s business, all would be well. 

For that reason, not a law man or yellow sash dared venture within five miles of Dry Creek. Always insistent on swinging around their polished guns and meaningless titles, they lacked the finesse required to survive there. Off on its own, built far away from any one town, Dry Creek’s visitors followed the town’s own unique rules of civility. Unwritten, unspoken, and punishable by death if broken. 

It was a rustic oasis in a civilized desert and one of the few places they could relax in public. Where Wrex could belly up to the bar without garnering too much unwanted attention. Where Shepard could indulge her desire for brawls and share a beer with her opponent after, rather than draggin’ their body outside for the buzzards and fleein’ without payin’ her tab. Where Tali could find quality musical company without strangers attempting to court her. For Garrus, it was another place where his family name could get him stabbed in the back.

“I’m gettin’ a drink.” Wrex shouldered past Tali and Garrus, sights locked onto the bar. 

Already, the bartender had his whiskey pouring.

“Typical.” Tali cocked a hip good naturedly. “I think I’ll join him.”

Garrus drawled a low laugh, crossed his arms. “As you wish.”

“Too good for a drink, Garrus?”

“No, no, just focused, is all.”

“Uptight, you mean.”

“Focused.” He corrected gently. “I intend to keep my wits about me until we meet with Feron.”

Tali chuckled skeptically. “You need to learn to lighten up, Vakarian.” She stepped away from him, toward the bar, and continued over her shoulder. “He’ll find us when he’s ready. Might as well have a beer.”

Garrus watched her go, careful not to let his eyes linger on the sway of her hips for any longer than a few strides. She pulled up a stool alongside Wrex and perched on the edge, posture perfectly straight as always, legs crossed at the ankles. Prim and proper, impossibly delicate for a woman with a sawed off shotgun strapped to her thigh. 

When he first met Tali, she was a wide-eyed yet determined young woman beaming from horseback as she followed Shepard into camp. He had thought she was going to get them killed. Had been sure that Shepard was ransoming her somehow. But Shepard had said she proved herself useful on their journey North, granted her acceptance, even though Garrus disagreed. It had taken a few jobs for Garrus to see why Shepard wanted her around. Even more for Garrus to consider her a friend. He couldn’t remember when his interest in her crossed from friendly to romantic, but he was certain she didn’t return the sentiment.

Tali came from a wealthy ranch family in Mexico. Her father owned enough acreage to build his own country and she stood to inherit it all. It didn’t matter how often she slept in the dirt under the stars, how many banks and Cerberus strongholds she helped them blow to pieces, Tali was too high class for the likes of him.

Forcing his eyes away, Garrus surveyed the rest of the bar. No one paid any of them more mind than a stray dog begging for scraps. It was refreshing. Still, he could not fully relax. It wasn’t in his nature to let down his guard anywhere, let alone surrounded by strangers in a public saloon. Dry Creek was as much a haven for their type as it got, but it was full of criminals all the same. And agents of the Shadowbroker. Averted eyes were still capable of seeing, and there was always somebody watching. 

Feron. 

Garrus spotted him enter through the back. Smooth as a snake through sand, Feron weaved through throngs of people without disturbing a single one. Silent. Invisible to those by whom he did want to be seen. He approached Garrus from the side and then, as if coming by him was a complete accident, clapped a hand on his shoulder. Friendly, if it weren’t so calculated.

Feigning controlled surprise, he said, “Garrus, been a while. How ‘bouts I buy you a drink?”

“What’re you offerin’?”

“A beer to start.” Feron grinned, the smile not reaching his eyes. “A shot, if you play your cards right.”

Garrus twitched his mustache subconsciously, coded words causing his stomach to flip. A beer was good, cold and soothing to the palate. Standard information. A shot burned the throat, warmed the belly, had the ability to end with a deep sleep or a night with your head between your knees. Something more deadly.

They walked together to the bar, elbowed their way beside Tali and Wrex.

Tali regarded Feron with a smile, licked the beer from her lips. “Feron, good to see you.”

“And you, Miss Zorah.” He tipped his hat. “Wrex, staying well fed, I see.”

“You callin’ me fat, little man?”

Tali patted Wrex’s belly. “Not fat, Wrex. You’ve just got...more to love, these days.”

Anyone but Tali would have their hand ripped from their arm for touching him in such a manner. “One day you’ll both get old and soft.” Wrex grumbled, not entirely bad tempered, and tossed back the rest of his drink. “More to love means more to keep in drink. Feron, what’re you buyin’ for us today?”

“Beer.” Feron answered, then to the bartender he held up four fingers. “All around, please, Sir.”

The bartender nodded his acknowledgement.

“We’ve got a nice new mule to show you,” Garrus leaned sideways against the bar, “behind the livery.”

“I trust you didn’t leave this nice new mule unattanded?”

“Don’t worry, she kicks.” Tali replied, sly grin pulling at her lips.

Even in Dry Creek, they preferred to keep their dealings quiet. Honor among thieves only ran so deep, and declaring there was a sack full of cash stashed somewhere was a good way to get it taken. Stashing a sack full of cash amongst a ring of specially crafted dynamite strung together with trip wire, however, was a good way to catch anyone who tried takin’ what wasn’t theirs. And keep it secure while they enjoyed a beverage.

“I’ll have to take a look after our drinks.” As if on cue, the bartender placed four fresh pints in front of them. Feron took an obligatory sip. “Say, where is our other friend?”

“Breakin’ a new colt.” Wrex answered with a grim chuckle.

“Ah. A gentle one, I hope?”

Garrus scoffed to himself, earned a curious look from Tali and Feron. “Not much buck.” Garrus sipped his own beer. “Don’t think it’ll have the grit to ride this country.”

Tali cleared her throat. “He’s young enough to learn, and he’s got the heart.”

Feron feigned humor. “A new mule and a new colt. Lots to discuss on your end, but I’m afraid I have more exciting news.” He chugged half his beer in three, slow swallows, and released a satisfied sigh. Alcohol heavy on his breath, he suggested, “Might we take this outside? Yous can show me that mule?”

Wrex and Garrus shared a look. Unusual, to leave the safety and comfort of the bar and their coded language. Feron was well versed with Tali’s work, and was capable of navigating her perimeters safely. Normally, they would stay at the bar, exchange information, and let Feron handle taking the stolen cash on his own. So as not to draw attention to themselves. Something resembling dread bloomed in Garrus’ belly. Too dull to be fear, too cold to be anxiety. Anymore, it took gunfire for him to be truly afraid of anything. But the shot Feron had for them to take was close. 

“Sure,” Tali smiled graciously, “I’m eager to show her off.”

Feron paid the bartender as Wrex finished off his beer and Tali excused herself from the counter. Garrus left his own drink nearly untouched. Together, the three of them forced nonchalance while Feron exuded it, and exited the bar. Outside, puddles from last night’s storm still soaked the ground, though rapidly shrinking under the sun. Mud splashed around their ankles as they trudged through town to the livery, seated at the edge. It was an old building, no longer used, and a rare building not squatted in. 

Clear from the crowd of the saloon, Feron spoke in a hushed voice, “The Shadowbroker is losing agents. Entire towns are going dark. And when we send someone for recon, they find the entire town has disappeared.”

Garrus fussed with the end of his mustache. “Disappeared?”

Feron met his eye. “Massacred. Burnt to ash. Wiped off the map.”

“Cerberus destroying their own resources?” Tali asked, hands wringing together at her belly button. “Unlikely.”

“A cover up.” Wrex grumbled.

“Two have fallen so far. Red Rock and Hamilton.”

Each town a few day’s ride South of where they were now. The two towns they hit just before Clay. 

Garrus stated with dreadful realization, “They’re going scorched Earth because Shepard rolled through.”

Feron nodded. “It seems that way. They’re putting her name on it.”

“What a load of horseshit!” Wrex bellowed, drawing the brief attention of several standbys along the main street. He quieted after a nudge from Tali. “We don’t touch civilians.”

“The Broker knows that, Wrex, but the civilians don’t.”

They reached the back of the livery and Tali guided them through her intricate web of trip wire, to the center of a grove of trees where she had stashed the cash from the bank in a hollow tree. They had condensed it, removed it from the bank sack and mannied it in plain canvas. Inconspicuous. 

“There’s more. The Cerberus agents doing this, they’re capable. More than capable. Head and shoulders above what we’re used to. Being led by someone named Kai Leng.”

Tali handed Feron the manny of cash. “Who the hell is Kai Leng?”

“Unconfirmed.”

Garrus asked, “We just robbed Cerberus in Clay. Does the Broker have agents there?”

“The Broker has agents everywhere, Vakarian. We’ve already sent word for them to be on high alert, and leave at the first sign of danger.”

Tali looked to Garrus, voice defeated. “What are we supposed to do if they’re killing everyone we try to help?”

“We hit them harder.” Wrex answered gruffly.

Garrus shook his head, arms crossed. “No. We lay a trap.”

“Shepard is not going to want to use Vancouver as a trap. Not with Anderson there. Kaidan won’t like it either.”

“They don’t have much choice.” Wrex said.

“He’s right. From the springs, it would take days to find another town to use. Vancouver will be the closest. And at least there, we have the law on our side.”

Tali scoffed. “If you think one old Sheriff is going to be enough.”

“It will have to be.” Feron jumped in, looked evenly between the three of them. “Cerberus is trying to mount a full attack against The Shepherd. And you all. If you want to come out the other end of this, you need to stick around one town long enough to protect it when they come back.”

Wrex growled in frustration. “We should have gone to Clay. That town is easily defendable, could have stopped this there.”

Garrus agreed. If they had known, they could have mounted a defense there. Clay was surrounded by buttes and only one channel into town. It would have been easy to ward off Cerberus. Vancouver, however, was sprawling, with several different ways in and heavy forests for outsiders to use as cover. Defending Vancouver would be hell. But they hadn’t known. All they could do now was continue on and hope it wasn’t Cerberus and whoever that Kai Leng fellow was that held Shepard and Alenko up from returning.

“We meet Shepard at the springs and tell her what we learned. Then we decide.”

Feron adjusted the load tucked under his arm. “Pleasure, as always. Until next time.”

It wasn’t until he disappeared around the corner of the livery that anyone spoke.

“We need to get goin’.” Garrus stated, eyes still locked on the space where Feron was last visible. “I’ll grab the horses. Wrex and Tali, you take down your trap?”

Tali nodded. “It’ll only take a few minutes.”

“You just hand me the wire. And don’t blow me up.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Wrex.” Tali teased.

Garrus left them to dismantle Tali’s explosive web and set to walk down the main street, to the far end where their horses stood hitched in front of a water trough. As he walked, he noticed a woman standing on the front porch of the saloon. Leaned against the wall, arms crossed, a cigarette dangling from her lips. She watched him as he passed by and Garrus narrowed his eyes. A Dry Creek sign for look away before there’s trouble. After a long moment, she obliged. But as he continued on to the horses, he could feel her eyes burning into his back again.

As he rode by once more, astride Mako and ponying Aralakh, Chikitkka, and Buford, she still stood on the porch. Deciding to ignore her, Garrus met Tali and Wrex in front of the livery. They climbed aboard their mounts, but Garrus kept Buford in hand. 

“I can’t believe Cerberus.” Tali’s sorrowful voice was underlined with anger. “Those bastards!”

“Tali, keep it down.” Garrus warned, once again coming up on the saloon.

“No, Garrus. All of those people…”

“Cerberus will pay, Tali.” Wrex stared determinedly into the horizon. 

Garrus knew they would. Tali knew they would. But it wouldn’t save the people of Clay. It wouldn’t prevent Cerberus from laying waste to every town they touched. All those people in the bank. Common townsfolk who did nothing wrong. All of them would die because of their actions. It didn’t matter if Cerberus would pay later. It didn’t matter that they had only been trying to help those people. Dead was dead. Whether they knew it or not, it was their fault.

If Cerberus was in Clay, if they were burning the town to the ground, if Shepard was caught up in that destruction… Garrus shook his head, forced the thought out of his mind. Shepard was tougher than all of that. This new Cerberus fraction, Kai Leng, being head and shoulders above the rest wasn’t sayin’ much. Cerberus wasn’t exceptional. Aside from their willingness to be horribly violent. Besides, Garrus wasn’t sure that even death could stop Shepard. He reckoned it would only piss her off. 

“This ends in Vancouver.” Garrus said. “No one else gets hurt.”

As they rode out of town, Garrus kept looking over his shoulder. Each time he scanned for others, the only ones he found were their own shadows. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. 


	13. Ashley Williams

Heels down, chin up. Eyes forward, shoulders back. Ashley Williams’ riding position was picture perfect. Every muscle positioned by the book, just as her father had taught. Beneath her, the pale blonde of her horse’s coat shone like gold under the patchy sunlight, white mane glistening like a fresh winter snow. The night before, after her mother and all of her sisters had gone to bed, she had spent an hour brushing the mare out properly. An additional hour after that had been spent oiling her tack. Another forty minutes for her rifle. At least thirty minutes spent packing and repacking her belongings. When starting at a disadvantage, it was important that everything be perfect. Correct without a doubt. So neither the color of her skin or her family’s past could void her capabilities. Another important lesson her father had taught her.

Shepard rode behind both her and Kaidan, and Ashley knew she would be judging her every move. While she was confident in her own abilities, she needed to prove her worth to The Shepherd. Stories of her prowess cast a large shadow, one by which Ashley did not intend to be swallowed. She had spent her entire life in the shadows, as had her father, and she intended to take back the reputation of her family’s name. To drag it back into the light, tooth and nail.

Based on the stories, she also knew that while Shepard did not have an affinity for shooting those not associated with Cerberus, she wouldn’t hesitate if she thought Ashley to be a danger. Or a nuisance. Hell, she had almost shot her in her own damn barn. Had it not been for Alenko’s quick interruption, Ashley would have been left dead on the ground for her sisters to find come morning.

Alenko was a pleasant surprise. Even if he hadn’t introduced himself as law at their first meeting, Ashley could have gathered that he was not a member of Shepard’s crew from appearances alone. She knew the rumored descriptions of each of Shepard’s companions, and Alenko, being neither a woman, a Native American, or a spindly white man, fit none. He was dark skinned, not as dark as her own complexion, but close, with dark eyes and black hair. Handsome, as her nosy sisters had been quick to point out as they watched from the window. Tall and thick with muscle, like any man who had grown up workin’ for a living. He dwarfed The Shepherd in physical size, but not for one second did Ashley believe that gave him any advantage over her.

Ashley cleared her throat and asked. “You been ridin’ with The Shepherd long, Sir?” She was careful to keep her voice clear and loud enough for both Alenko and Shepard to hear; she didn’t want The Shepherd to think she was conspiring.

“No.” He turned to look over his shoulder at Shepard only briefly. “Feels like longer than it’s been.”

She could have guessed. The two had been in disagreement the entirety of the short time she had known them, and she gathered that tension had started before happening across her property. “Are you her captive or something?”

Behind them, Shepard barked a laugh. Alenko’s face twisted into displeasure as he looked between her and Ashley. “No, I ain’t her captive.” He said, somewhat harshly. “What makes you think that?”

Ashley felt her face warm. “I’m sorry, Sir, I didn’t mean nothin’ by it. It’s just…” she looked quickly to Shepard, who had her head angled down, brim of her black hat obscuring everything but the smile she was failing to conceal, then back to Alenko, “I haven’t heard anything about The Shepherd being friendly with lawmen, if you know what I mean. And, well Sir, she is ridin’ behind you too. I reckon that means she’s as willin’ to shoot you as she is me.”

Again, Shepard laughed, but covered it with a cough and a clearing of her throat.

Alenko’s brows remained pinched, though a faint flush of color crept up his neck and over his cheeks. “I s’pose that’s fair.” He shifted in his saddle and looked to Ashley. “Law ain’t too fond of her neither. For the most part. We’re workin’ together until we rid Vancouver of Cerberus.”

“Only Vancouver?” Ashley asked. At Alenko’s raised brow, she continued, “Cerberus is a widespread problem, Sir. We’re stopping after Vancouver?”

Ashley watched as Alenko turned to look at Shepard, who regarded him with a plain expression, only the slightest of wrinkles on her forehead, then back to her. Somewhat sheepish, he said, “We haven’t discussed anythin’ further than Vancouver.”

Twisted in her saddle, Ashley said, “Ma’am - sorry, Shepard, if you’re carrying on after Vancouver, I’d like to stick with you. See this thing through to the end.”

Shepard pursed her lips, cold eyes narrowed, but alight with something Ashley hoped resembled esteem. “I ain’t makin’ any promises.”

Her words came as icy as her expression, sent a chill down Ashley’s spine. Words unspoken more telling than any she uttered. Ashley was welcome to follow, but Shepard didn’t expect her to make it to the end.

Ashley stiffened her upper lip. “I don’t need a promise, only a chance.”

Shepard’s expression softened, and Ashley considered it a win. 

“Miss Williams, what exactly do you know about Cerberus?”

Ashley turned back to Kaidan, who watched her carefully. He wasn’t nearly as guarded as Shepard, but not entirely trusting either. It was clear he intended to keep his cards close to his chest until he knew more about her. 

Ashley was more bold a player. “More than most folks, I imagine.” She spared her perfect equitation to reach behind her and scratch her horse’s butt as she continued, “My father was a black man. Served in the navy. After, he took up post as the Mayor of Clay. First black Mayor any of these folks had ever seen. But Clay was a cowboy town back then, so they didn’t care much as you’d think. As long as he did right by ‘em, they welcomed us.” Ashley straightened, took a deep breath before continuing. Hatred sour on the tip of her tongue. “Then Cerberus showed up.”

“They killed him.” Shepard stated rather than asked.

Kaidan glanced between the two women, expression scrunched in commiseration.

“No.” Ashley paused again, licked her lips. Planning every word carefully. Her father was an honorable man. Strong. Caring. But the choices he made… someone who fought Cerberus tooth and nail, with every ounce of their being, regardless of the consequences, couldn’t understand. And Ashley couldn’t allow such judgement to affect her goals now. “They didn’t have to. Turned the entire town on him.”

Sincerity grounded Alenko’s normally airy rasp, eyes heavy with understanding. “I’m sorry for your loss, Miss.” 

“I’m not looking for sympathy.”

Shepard asked, “Revenge, then?”

Ashley shook her head. “Revenge is a fool’s game. I’m just looking to do right by my father. Make life safe for my family again.” She met Shepard’s eye. The outlaw’s expression was remarkably plain. There was understanding there, but not of the same sympathetic nature as Alenko’s. Hers was glassed over, objective and unfeeling. Like looking into a snake's eyes. “I’ve got three sisters and a mother back home. They won’t be completely safe until Cerberus is gone for good.”

Kaidan offered a sad kind of smile. “That’s very admirable, Miss Williams.”

“Just Ashley is fine, Sir.”

“Okay, Ashley it is. Kaidan will do for me.”

Ashley smiled, gave a quick nod. “Deal.” 

“If Cerberus is causin’ trouble for your family, I’m surprised you’d leave them alone.”

From what she could tell, Kaidan offered no judgement. Still, she felt immediately defensive. “My sister, Sarah, she can take care of things while I’m gone. She’s tough. Once slammed a boy face-first into a tree for not takin’ ‘no’ for an answer.” A small laugh. “I wanted to shoot him, but she’s kind, too. Wouldn’t let me. Still, I was so proud.”

Shepard huffed a laugh. “Good for her.”

Kaidan shared her smile. “How old is she?”

“Fifteen. Parents managed a few years with just me before poppin’ out the rest of my sisters.”

“Fifteen is young for her to know how to handle herself like that.” Again, no judgement from Alenko. Just observation.

Shepard said, “Fifteen is plenty old. I was around that age when I killed a man the first time.” 

Nonchalant. So casual that Ashley had to look to Kaidan to make sure she heard correctly. Apparently, Shepard treating mortality and murder like a casual Sunday stroll was the norm because she returned Kaidan’s mildly alarmed stare with one of confusion. Like a child who didn’t yet know that a hat at the dinner table was considered rude, she was oblivious.

“Are you…” Kaidan shifted his attention away from Shepard and cleared his throat quietly, “ … do you know about Cerberus’s doctors?”

“I do.” When the experiments first started in Clay, the Williams family lost several old family friends to Cerberus. “There’s been one in Clay for years, but she’s as much a myth as a unicorn. No one will talk. People go missin’ and no one does a damn thing. Just close their eyes and pray they aren’t the next to be taken.”

“She’s dead now.”

Ashley’s head snapped to the side. Disbelief plain as she looked between the deputy and The Shepherd. “You two?”

Kaidan’s expression seemed to go slack, as if no longer in the present. 

Shepard, however, kept her bored facade and nodded. 

“Did you find her patients? My mother’s friend was taken a couple weeks back. Nirali. Nirali Bahtia.”

“No one made it out.”

To her right, Kaidan flinched.

Ashley looked straight ahead. “Oh.” 

She thought of Samesh, Nirali’s husband, pleading with Clay’s sheriff to do something. Following Cerberus agents around, clutching at their backs, desperate to find his wife. He had offered them everything. His home. His saloon. His life. To no avail. Anything Cerberus wanted, they took. Anything he offered was already theirs, loaned to him for an undetermined amount of time. 

After a long pause, Ashley asked, “So, if ya’ll don’t mind me asking… how did you two come to work together?”

Again, Alenko and Shepard shared a look that Ashley didn’t quite understand. She wasn’t sure they understood fully themselves, but it was as if neither wanted to speak first. Or give away too much about themselves or the other person. 

After a few moments of silence, Alenko answered, “We have a mutual friend.” Then, shifting the focus, he asked, “Did your mother approve of you leaving with The Shepherd?”

“Not entirely.” Ashley gave a soft laugh, remembering the look of irate frustration on her mother’s face when she had told her. “But she knows her daughters, there was no stopping me. Sarah wanted to come along, too. Only convinced her to stay by telling her she needs to protect the house.”

Shepard asked, “Your whole family knows who I am?”

Alenko turned sharply to look at her, as if to issue a warning, and the two shared a heated glance that Ashley, once again, didn’t quite understand. 

Ignoring it, she answered defensively, “They know of you. As much as anyone, I reckon. They wanted a better peek at you before we left, but I had a feeling you’d shoot to kill if you saw multiple bodies outside the barn.”   
A small cough of a laugh from Shepard told her she had assumed correctly, and was retroactively immensely grateful Sarah hadn’t fought her too hard on the matter. 

“We may not live in Clay anymore, but we keep our ears to the ground. Get more news from strays than townsfolk, so we hear your stories before Cerberus gets ahold of them and twists them around.” Ashley locked eyes with Shepard. “We know who your target is.”

Shepard leveled a stare at Kaidan. “Good to know the truth ain’t completely erased.”

“Although, a lot of stories paint you as more monster than human. Once I heard you had fangs and a tail. And horns.”

Alenko breathed a small laugh. “I’d believe the bit about the fangs.”

“The tail hasn’t been disproved, either.” Shepard replied.

“What about you, Alenko?” Ashley felt some of her rigidity begin to melt away. “I haven’t heard any stories about a rogue Deputy.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to. I’m still operating under the orders of the law, just… outside the norm.”

“Cerberus has control over the law in Vancouver too, then?”

“Not entirely.” Kaidan seemed to slump slightly, as if a heavy weight had just settled on his shoulders. “We’re at odds, but rendered useless. Unable to act against Cerberus in any way that matters. The idea is that Shepard will help us get rid of Cerberus so we can keep them out.”

Ashley glanced at Shepard and asked, “You can free an entire town from Cerberus? And maintain it?”

“I can kill people. Keepin’ it Cerberus free is on him.” She jutted her chin at Alenko.

“And what’ll you do after we leave Vancouver?”

A moment’s silence as Shepard clenched and unclenched her jaw, chewed at the inner lining of her cheek as she stared at Ashley. Alenko’s eyes were on Shepard as well, patiently awaiting her response. “Keep livin’ the outlaw life, I reckon.”

“You mean huntin’ down Cerberus and lookin’ over your shoulder every second of your life?” Alenko asked. 

“Yes.” Shepard kept her voice low, yet carefully light. “I ain’t meant for a life of comfort. Roamin’ the land is more my speed. Climbing mountains and sleepin’ under the stars, providin’ for myself. Everythin’ I need fits on the back of my horse. Explore somewhere new every week.” 

Ashley felt her blood sing in anticipation. All of that sounded like exactly what she wanted, what she craved. She loved her family, her sisters, loved the life they had built for themselves on their modest homestead. With her father gone for the war, and often for work before that, Ashley had been helping raise her sisters since she was just a girl herself. While she didn’t regret a second of it, never felt anything like resentment, the freedom of Shepard’s life sounded exhilarating. To point her mare at the sun and ride until her heart’s content. Doing so while ridding the Earth of Cerberus was even better. A fairy tale with purpose.

Smiling, Ashley recited, “'Tis not too late to seek a newer world. Push off, and sitting well in order smite the sounding furrows; for my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset, and the baths of all the western stars, until I die.”

Shepard raised a cynical brow. “What is that?”

“A poem. Ulysses by Tennyson. My dad’s favorite.”

Alenko must have followed the same line of thought. In an almost wistful voice, he said, “When you put it that way, there’s no reason folks wouldn’t like you.” Ashley cocked her head at him, unsure if he meant to imply exactly what she thought he meant. Catching it immediately, Alenko rushed to add, “I mean you all. Outlaws. Drifters. No reason all folks wouldn’t like that life.”

Being beside him, Ashley could see the red heat of embarrassment creep over his cheeks that Shepard couldn’t from behind, and she laughed internally. A new level of understanding laid down to the tension between them. Ashley casually glanced at Shepard to see if she caught his fluster, if she felt any of her own, but her expression gave nothing away save mild amusement. As likely caused by his general fumble with words as the possible meaning behind them. 

“It’s not an easy way of doin’ things.” Shepard rolled on by as if she caught nothing. “Most folks will give up a lot if it means not havin’ to fight for it.”

Ashley’s brow pinched. “But you could just disappear, never have to cross paths with Cerberus again. You don’t have to fight them to live like that.”

As soon as the words left Ashley’s lips, she felt like she never should have spoken them. She glanced only quickly back at Shepard, whose eyes lost any sort of warmth as her stare burned through her. Alenko gave her a warning glance, and Ashley tried to silently ask what the problem was with a slight widening of her eyes. He said nothing. He didn’t need to. 

Clearly, Shepard was not one to have her motives questioned.

Curt, leaving no room for further questioning, she replied. “No, I don’t.” 

Ashley released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. Caught up in the thrill, the knowledge that she was finally getting a chance to redeem her father, it had been too easy to forget who she was dealing with. A killer of Cerberus was still a killer. Still a woman who almost shot her dead twice in the last twenty-four hours. Focusing once again on maintaining perfect position, Ashley felt lucky she had survived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short! Hopefully the next one makes up for it with some fShenko goodness.


	14. What's Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for backstory reveals...

During twelve hours of riding, Avory Shepard learned more about Ashley Williams and Kaidan Alenko than she ever cared to know. She was far too exhausted from staying awake all night to participate in their conversations. Not that she wanted to participate much, anyway. More than once, she dozed off on top of Normandy as the two discussed their food preferences and families, horses and childhoods. Certain tidbits she locked away in her memory for later use, or vague interest. Like the fact that Williams’ mare’s name was Sugar, named by her youngest sister. Or that Alenko spent most of his adolescent life under his Aunt’s roof - the reason for which, he largely skipped over. 

Avory decided she liked Ashley - far more than she had liked Alenko at their first meeting - and was glad she hadn’t killed the whole William’s lot for some bullshit belongings and a cow. Though Ashley claimed revenge had nothing to do with her leaving home in search of Cerberus’s extinction, Avory knew it had to play at least a small part. And revenge was a motive she could get behind. Williams was bold, though careful and disciplined, and unafraid. Traits that, even when they lent themselves to prying questions, Avory appreciated. She could take Williams at face value. 

Unlike Alenko. Alenko, who disarmed Williams the same way he had disarmed her. Inquiries of the personal nature and that stupid, lopsided grin he made when he thought he was being clever. Avory watched and listened as he figured that the fastest way to Williams' trust was through her family, and how he molded much of his conversation to revolve around the things Williams cared about most. Realized that, to any other outside eye, it must look friendly. The same as their wager induced conversation in the barn.

Even worse was the way that no matter how many questions he asked, she couldn’t quite convince herself that he held malicious intent. And how the very fact that she questioned his lack of motive made her suspicions of him rise even more. Like she could both trust him and not trust her trust of him at the same time. The whole situation had her on edge. And a little pissed off.

Meanwhile, Williams welcomed both of them with little hesitation. Granted, she had the jump on them in some ways, having recognized Avory for who she was at first sight. But the easygoing nature with which the two seemed to get along was unsettling to Avory. A glimpse into the life of normal people. Normal people who didn’t fear for their lives, and the lives of those they cared for, every time a stranger learned their identity. 

“You awake over there, Shepard?”

Her eyes snapped open and she swallowed, angry at herself for having dozed off again. She had felt more awake when they had been setting up camp and tending to the horses. Now, as the three of them sat around the fire and darkness closed around them, her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. Each blink was a struggle to reopen them. 

Stubbornly, she replied, “Just resting my eyes.”

Williams laughed. “My father always used to say that. Two seconds later he’d be snoring louder than the dog.”

Kaidan smiled. “Mine too. Must be a universal thing.”

Avory frowned, found herself too tired to come up with a proper rebuttal, and she had no father to speak of, so she remained bitterly silent.

“Speaking of snoring,” Williams pushed herself to standing, “I’m going to hit the hay. Unless ya’ll want me to take first watch?”

Mildly impressed with her offer, having not expected her to think of having a watch at all, Avory pursed her lips. “No, go get some sleep. We’ve got another twelve hours in the saddle tomorrow.”

“Aye aye, Captain.” Williams jested. “Wake me when it’s my turn.”

Alenko answered before Avory could form another word. “I will. G’night, Ashley.”

She waved over her shoulder at them as she walked away from the fire and toward the small patch of trees in which they had arranged their bedrolls. After yesterday’s storm, the air was thick with moisture and the evening was especially hot. Avory pulled her shirt from where it clung to her chest, suddenly unbearably impatient to reach the springs so that she could bathe for the first time in a week. 

Avory said, “She ain’t gettin’ a watch shift.” 

“I wasn’t plannin’ on waking her for one.” Kaidan met her eye from across the fire, shadows dancing across his face, the light of which turning his brown eyes to the color of honey. Warm with sarcasm. “I know how trustin’ you are of new people.” 

“Good.” She forced herself to sit taller, blinking rapidly to clear the sleep from her eyes. “You should join her. Get some rest.”

He shot her a skeptical look. “You can’t be serious. You’re about to fall asleep where you sit.”

“No I ain’t.”

It was a hollow lie that made him chuckle at her. “If you say so, Shepard.”

She scowled and insisted, “I’m fine.” 

“Sure you are. But I ain’t goin’ to sleep any time soon, anyway. I’ll keep watch tonight.”

Avory scoffed. “Like hell you are.”

Kaidan’s face grew hard, tone deep and serious for only the second time she’d heard yet, and said, “Just once, stop fightin’ me. I’m stayin’ up to keep watch. ” A second’s pause, then, less severe, “Besides, you’ll be asleep soon whether you like it or not, so there’s really no stoppin’ me.”

She hated that he was right. Staying awake for two nights in a row wasn’t in the cards. Even as she looked at him now, her vision blurred and she could feel her body sagging despite her best efforts to sit up straight. 

“Fuckin’ fine.” If she wasn’t looking so closely, she might have missed the way one corner of his lips curled upward in sly satisfaction. She narrowed her eyes, longing to smack it off his face. At the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to actually stand up and do it. She blamed it on her lack of sleep. “Not that it’ll do me much good. I’m gonna sleep like shit knowin’ you’re the one on watch. One Cerberus fuck could come in here and kill us all and you wouldn’t lift a damn finger.” Avory held her right hand in the shape of a pistol, cocked it back, and let it fall to her side.

Her accusation knocked the smirk off Kaidan’s face as well as a slap and his eyes fell to the ground. “I’ve held back for a long time.” Leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped together, he looked at her through the flames. Sweat glistened on his brow, highlighted the sharp point of his nose and the dimple in his chin. “After what I saw in Clay, I’m not holding back anymore. Not against Cerberus, not against anyone.”

Avory felt a small chill crawl over her skin, fine hairs rising in the night. She swallowed hard, conviction in his voice striking heat in her belly like she had just taken a shot of moonshine. “You shouldn’t have been holdin’ back to begin with.” The softness of her voice surprised her and, once again, she blamed her lack of aggression on her exhaustion.

“Maybe not, but I reckon there’s a way around killin’ every man on Cerberus’s payroll. They can’t all be bad people, just… scared.” He looked into the fire. “If they knew what they did to people…”

“Even if they don’t know about the doctors, they do plenty of nasty shit. Not a one of ‘em deserves savin’.”

“I ain’t sayin’ what they deserve, Shepard. That’s the point.” He sighed, rubbed at his brow with the back of his hand. “But mercy? One person can’t be judge, jury, and executioner. It’s too much power for one person. If they lost control, people could get hurt.”

“It’s life and death. It ain’t that complicated.” Avory shook her head and leaned back on her arms. “You let those bastards walk and they come right back to shoot you. There’s too many of ‘em to let them live.”

“Even when they’re out of bullets and pinned down?”

Avory took a deep breath. Knew that he was referring to their first visit to Clay. When she and Wrex emptied their chambers into a group of Cerberus agents cowered behind a wagon. They had been out of bullets, arms up in surrender, begging for a chance to see their children again. Their spouses. Their parents. And they had killed them all without a second thought. 

“Yes,” she answered on an exhale, “even then. Their people ain’t gonna change ‘cause they have a close call with death. It ain’t how they work.” It wasn’t how  _ she  _ worked. “Almost dying, actually dying, it’s just part of the job. If we hadn’t killed them, they’d have been in town when we went back, and I prob’ly woulda killed some of ‘em then.”

“Ya’ know,” Alenko met her eye, “I read a lot of books as a kid. The kind where the hero braves the wild frontier to bring justice, prove himself worthy or save the woman he loves. Usually, the guy shootin’ unarmed men was the bad guy.”

Avory couldn’t help a small, jaded chuckle. Relished her own villainy. “I am the bad guy.”

“No, you aren’t.”

His eye contact forced her to drop hers, only for a second, just long enough to regain her composure. Unwilling to discuss herself, she asked, “That why you followed Anderson’s orders, then? Wrangle the dangerous outlaw and prove yourself worthy? Save your lady in Vancouver?”

He breathed a laugh. “No, nothin’ so romantic. Maybe I was in the beginning. My father was Sheriff when I was a boy. Made him proud when Anderson took me on as a deputy. Eventually.” A note of sadness quickly suppressed. “I’m just tryin’ to do some good. What about you? How’d you get roped into all of this? Helping the establishment hardly seems like your thing.”

Avory huffed in amused agreement. “It ain’t. Law never did me any favors until I had somethin’ they wanted.”

“Your talents as a bounty hunter?”

“Among other things.” He raised a brow at her bitterness, silently pressing for her to continue. With a roll of her eyes, she said, “I ain’t got ties to anythin’. No blood relatives. No property. Nothin’ to lose. I’m a ghost. Can go anywhere and do anything. Not a whole lot of folks with that sort of freedom.”

“I have a hard time believin’ you’d give up all that freedom to devote your life to hunting Cerberus for a shitty paycheck.” She arched a brow at him, surprised by the lightness in his tone. A remarkably comforting mixture of humor and sincerity. “I know what we pay in bounties. It ain’t much.”

“It ain’t about the money.”

“Then what’s it about?”

More stubborn here.

Avory hesitated, watching flames lick at the sky. Mesmerized. Eyes losing focus until the fire blurred into one shapeless, shifting orange blob. She couldn’t help but feel like he was luring her into a trap. A game he invented and for which she knew none of the rules. But she also got the sense that he held no ill intent. That he wouldn’t take advantage of her lack of experience.

“Cerberus is the reason my brother’s dead.”

A few seconds passed before Kaidan asked, softly, “What was his name?”

Middle finger came to trace her bottom lip, curved into a ghost of a smile. “Nick Shepard.” 

Her brother by mutual decision, not birth. Brought together by fate, he always said, to protect each other in a way their parents had failed. Avory never believed in fate. Not even as a child. But it didn’t stop them from providing for one another when the world was cruel to orphaned children. And later, after being swept up into the infamous Reds gang, being the only person in the world each other could trust.

“I claimed his last name after he died.” If he could see her now. His last name twisted into her entire identity. She made a quiet sound of amusement. Her eyes flitted upward, found Kaidan looking at her with a genuine, demure smile. Felt hers widen in response. She hadn’t spoken of Nick in years, though she thought of him plenty. It felt good to say his name aloud. “It used to be Drum.”

“One of their doctors killed him?”

His question snapped her out of her daze. Her finger fell from her lip and she brought her gaze upward to find him looking at her with cautious sympathy, eyes leaden with genuine intrigue. And care. And, somehow, a deep understanding that he already knew the answer to that question. Internally, she recoiled violently. Again, she had let herself relax too much around him. It hadn’t taken liquor or a wager for her to share something personal and it made her want to jump on Normandy’s back and run far, far away. And yet, the warmth of the fire, even in the summer weather and under the steady, soothing heat of Kaidan’s stare, she found herself too molten to run.

“Cerberus didn’t kill Nick. I did.” 

He looked just as surprised to receive a genuine answer as she was to give one. Kaidan did nothing to hide the emotions shifting in his eyes just as the flames shifted in nature. Fluid and smooth and refreshingly simple to read. She was relieved to find nothing so shallow as pity there. No mockery. No condescending platitude or shift to swaddle her like a babe. In his eyes was something deeper than understanding. Something kindred and pained.

A memory.

Avory swallowed. Stared at her boots. Realized too late that he had already connected the dots. Back at Williams’ barn, when he had asked what inspired the small, rare kindness she had shown to the bank teller. The simplest mercy of a quick end to a long suffering. If she’d done that sort of thing before. He didn’t need to ask her to elaborate any further to piece it together. He was smarter than that. 

Though his gaze was carefully measured, not intrusive, she felt completely exposed. Like she had meant to rip open a scab and instead opened her ribcage. Leaving her insides open to scrutiny. And though his Adam’s apple bobbed and his lips parted to offer compassion and every part of his being radiated comfort, Avory couldn’t bear the thought of him digging his fingers into that wound. So, she braced her core and ripped into it herself. 

With no more inflection than she would use to describe the weather, she said, “It was the first Cerberus doc, first Cerberus anything, I came across. When I found him, he had his hands buried in Nick’s guts. Poking him in different spots, asking what he felt. Nick…” Dangerously close to losing herself, she had to take a break. Swallowed against the acid in her throat. Straightened the snarl in her lip. “He was awake for all of it. Even if I could’ve forced the Cerberus asswipe to put him back together, if that was even possible, there was no comin’ back from that. Nick knew that. He begged me to end it.” She didn’t dare look at Kaidan as she exhaled, shakier than she intended. But only for so long as it took her to catch the lapse in control. “So, after Nick was gone, I did the same to the doctor.”

She hadn’t brought the same ferocity to another one since.

Avory looked at Kaidan then, waited for his repulsion to reach new depths and storm off. But it never came. 

Much to her surprise, Kaidan didn’t show an inch of disgust. “So this is about revenge for you” 

“Nick was nineteen when he died.” The defensiveness in her voice surprised her. "I got my revenge a long time ago."

Saddened and containing a depth of mutual understanding that she couldn’t grasp, he said, “You were a kid.”

Silence filled the space between them as seconds stretched into minutes. Each staring into the fire, coming to terms with what she had laid bare. As exhausted as she was, now spent emotionally and physically, Avory felt something inside her break. A trickle that had turned into a full pour. A foreign desire to keep going. To keep talking and talking until she emptied herself completely. To explain away her life until it made sense. Until - maybe, just maybe - someone outside of her flock understood. Until Kaidan understood. This was her life. She was born into this, born  _ for  _ this. And she would die for it.

And then, as if he could feel her wanting, Kaidan said, "I wanted payback like that once. Didn’t know what that meant until I got it."

“You don’t seem like the type.”

Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time he surprised her. 

“You ever think about that sort of thing?”

"What?" Avory thought she was losing her mind, or had dozed off again, but the look on Alenko's face told her that it was he who had a lapse between mind and mouth. So deep in thought he had forgotten to include her in the topic change in his mind. “Payback?”

"Doin' the right thing."

Avory blinked, looked away from him briefly. Death followed her as closely as her own shadow. Anywhere she went, someone got hurt. It was inevitable. Always had been. If she was lucky, made all the right choices, only Cerberus would be affected. But more often there were civilian casualties. Caught in Cerberus’ war parth after she and her flock robbed them. Or killed someone in a yellow sash. 

All of those deaths were on her and  _ those _ deaths, those ones hit harder. Her hands would be stained with their blood until they rotted off in death. But they were already so tainted, what was a few drops more? She could handle the weight that would crush a thousand others. And so she would.

“The way I figure it, I’m the only one who can do what I do. Right and wrong will only slow me down. As long as I get rid of Cerberus, anythin’ I do along the way will be worth it.”

Doubt edged his voice. “And you can live with that?”

“I ain’t got much of a choice.”

“You’ve always got a choice, Shepard.” Her name was strangely intimate as it rolled off his tongue. “You don’t have to keep living by mistakes better made by a kid.”

Defensive anger spiked in her gut. Instinctively, venom filled her mouth, ready to spit. But the way he spoke, the way he suddenly seemed to draw his energy inside himself, dulled the points of her fangs. “That sounds like a personal observation.”

“Maybe.” He conceded. “Just… one day, there’s gonna be an end to all this. It’s my experience that once someone let’s something slide, it tends to pick up speed. You get my meaning?”

Avory narrowed her eyes and sighed. Struggled to follow his line of thought. “Not even a little.”

“I’m just saying… try to leave yourself a way out.”

“That what you’re afraid of? Not havin' a way out of this?”

Surprise overtook his features, quickly reined under control. “I like havin' a backup plan. Thinkin' things through to the end.”

“And you’re sayin’ I don’t?”

“I’m sayin’ when someone spe- important is up on a ledge, you help them.”

Not even her confusion was dense enough to dull the spark in her belly. Measured, she repeated, “Important.”

“What you’re doing out here is important. I may not agree with all your choices, Shepard, but I can understand them. But I’ve seen what cuttin’ corners can do to someone. And I’d hate to see that happen to you.” 

The warmth in her chest growing dangerously hot, Avory desperately sought a change of topic. “That how you ended up at your aunt’s place? Someone cuttin’ corners?”

He blinked. “I didn’t think you were listenin’ to any of that.”

A small shrug. “I’m always listenin’.” 

“Somethin’ like that.” He paused, just long enough for Avory to raise her brows, her turn to expectantly wait for him to continue. “Growin’ up, my closest friend was a girl named Rahna. Her father was wealthy, really wealthy, and involved with Cerberus. Former military. He liked to go by  _ Commander _ Vyrnnus. He owned part of most everythin’ in town. Real controllin’ type. He didn’t approve of us spending time together.”

Avory kinked her upper lip at the way Kaidan began to ramble, disjointed. More thoughts than sentences. “How old were you?”

“We were friends since we were kids, but never had any real problems until we were teenagers.”

“Ah,” Avory gave him a teasing grin, “controlling Cerberus pawn didn’t want his darlin’ daughter rollin’ in the hay with the neighbor boy?”

“No, nothin’ like that.” Kaidan shook his head. “I’m not the sort who does that kind of thing, Shepard. Not lightly, anyway. We always kept our clothes on.” 

“Well if not that, what happened?”

His mouth opened, then closed, as if changing course before speaking another word. “I was the Sheriff’s son and she was Cerberus’ favorite donor’s daughter. I interfered. It was best for everyone that I left town for a while.” He stoked the fire thoughtfully with a stick, avoiding her gaze. “Anyway, you should be gettin’ to sleep, Shepard. Not havin’ a bull session about stuff you don’t care about that happened years ago.”

Avory frowned. “Who says I don’t care?”

Kaidan breathed a short laugh, looked up at her. “You. In the barn. Ain’t nothin’ you want to know about me, ‘member? Unless you were lyin’.”

Avory narrowed her eyes. “Not lyin’. Bein’ an ass, maybe.”

“You? An Ass? Never.”

“I’m curious. Shoot me.”

He stoked the fire too firmly and a log fell over, sending a spray of sparks skyward. “I ain’t lookin’ to dump any baggage. I’ve come to terms with myself.”

“And I ain’t lookin’ to carry any. But seein’ as how I just dumped a whole train load, I reckon it’s only fair.”

“I hardly think you’re one to speak on fair, Shepard.” 

“Kaidan.” 

He met her eye. Took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through his nose. “Vyrnnus was our schoolhouse teacher, too. He cut a lot of corners, treated us like soldiers. A lot of kids went home with wet pants and broken knuckles.” 

When he paused to take a quick look at his own hands, Avory asked, “None of your parents did anythin’ about it?”

“None of ‘em knew. He didn’t need to say he’d kill us, or our folks, if any of us talked. We all knew.”

“So, what?” Avory pushed on. “You finally told your folks about him and he ran you out of town?”

“Not quite. Vyrnnus… as cruel as he was to us, he was worse to Rahna. She was left handed. He hated that about her. One day, at the chalkboard, she went to write with her left hand instead of her right. He broke her arm. Just like that.” Disgust and disbelief as he remembered. “Like an idiot, I stood up. Didn’t know what I was going to do… just something. And Vyrnnus lost it. Beat the crap out of me. Kept shouting how he should have done it years ago. How he would go after my parents next.” He shook his head. “I don’t remember much after that. I got out from under him somehow. I hit him as hard as I could and then I just… kept on hitting him.”

Though the regret on his tongue had her stomach in knots, her brows remained knitted together in confusion. “You wanted to help someone you cared for. Ain’t that considered noble in all those books you used to read?”

“Maybe my intentions were noble, but I lost control.” He glanced up, looking every bit as raw as he sounded. “I killed him, Shepard.”

“Sounds like he deserved it.”

“He didn’t deserv-'' he lowered his voice and said, “All the commotion brought half the town into the schoolhouse. My father had to pull me off of him. But by then…” he rubbed at his forehead, “they probably could have saved him if they got him to the doctor quick enough. But they didn’t.”

Again, her finger came to trace her bottom lip. No longer wistful, but focused. Ten years later and Kaidan still hadn’t found peace of mind over killing, from what she gathered, a shit stain of a person. “What did Cerberus do?”

“They let me go. I reckon they’d had enough of Vyrnnus too. My folks sent me to my Aunt’s place to lie low for a bit.”

Avory arched an eyebrow. “Ten years is more than a bit.”

“It was…” he trailed off, licked his lips before adding, “I wanted to go back on my own terms.”

“And Rahna?”

“Rahna was…” His posture slumped some, elbows coming to rest on his knees. No less tense as he stared into the waning flames. “She and her mom left town.”

Avory watched him carefully. Thoughtfully. Never in her life had she met a person so conflicted over killing anyone. Quite the opposite. Kill or be killed was as natural as breathing. She was brought up in an isolated town on the outskirts of the West, gone poor and desperate when the mines proved fruitless. Every day, there was a duel at noon. And every night someone got too angry or too drunk or too bold at cheating their hand and a body would be carted out of the saloon. So often that burials were neglected, bodies left for the scavengers. Buzzards and rodents and parentless kids fighting over scraps. Hoping the killer forgot to check his pockets. Praying that someone’s carelessness would afford them food.

“You regret it?”

Kaidan looked lost. Like he had never considered the possibility of not regretting it. “I don’t know. I was never sorry he was dead. Just sorry that I had killed him.”

After she and Nick joined the Reds, death became less trivial. Only just so. And only because, then, it was her life on the line. Hers and Nick’s and whatever poor bastard stood on the other end of her gun. Often innocent ones, ones that meant her no harm. Dead bodies carried more weight when she had been the one to kill them. Alenko had stuck his neck out for someone else, someone whose life wasn’t being threatened, and still tortured himself for it.

Why did she find that so endearing?

“So that’s why you’re always holdin’ back?”

“I hold back ‘cause I take human lives seriously. Like most people.”

Avory didn’t take offense. He was right. She was not most people. But she raised an incredulous brow because he didn’t see it. “You had thirty men shootin’ at you in Clay. Any one of them could have killed you and you were still agonizing over whether or not to shoot back.”

“That’s -”

“You’re afraid you’re gonna lose control again.”

“All right. Maybe you have a point. Maybe.” Kaidan leaned forward, grabbed a split piece of wood from the fireside and tossed it into the flames. “I just want to know that when the day comes I do have to shoot a man, it ain’t for nothin’.”

“You didn’t kill Vyrnnus for nothin’.” 

“I know.”

Their eyes met for what felt like an eternity. His expression completely unrecognizable, but profound. Something she felt deep in her spine, slithering up her vertebrae and into her skull. 

Uncomfortable in it’s novelty, Avory allowed a yawn to overtake her. “All right, I’m done. Wake me if you start to get tired. I don’t want you fallin’ asleep on watch.”

She stood, movement slow and stiff, and turned away to the direction of her bedroll.

Behind her, Kaidan asked, “You make a habit of gettin’ this personal with all your captives?”

“My captives don’t get to take watch shifts.”

“You didn’t answer the question, Shepard.” 

Avory stopped, turned and squinted at him over her shoulder. That stupid sly smile pulled at his lips, only half of his mouth upturned in a victory he already claimed. “Just make sure no one kills me while I’m sleepin’.”

Accepting that he would get no definitive answer from her, Alenko just chuckled and said, “I can manage that.”

And Avory turned her back on him and walked to her bedroll in the trees, an involuntary smile curving her lips despite her best efforts to control it.


	15. Give to Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, it's the title chapter.

“Shepard!”

Avory’s lips split into an ear-to-ear grin at the sound of Tali’s voice and she encouraged Normandy into a rocking lope, his long stride easily passing Alenko and Williams’ horses. It had been a long time since their group had been separated for more than a day and, though she would never say so explicitly out loud, Avory had worried over her three crewmates immensely. 

“Tali.” She greeted with a tip of her hat, bringing Normandy to a halt where she stood at the edge of camp and dismounting. “The three of you made it in one piece? Any problems in Dry Creek?”

Tali wringed her hands at her waist. “No problems  _ in _ Dry Creek, but we did learn some… unsettling news. Looks like you found trouble, too.” 

Avory frowned in concern, but held her breath on the matter. Touching a finger to her purpled jaw, she said, “I’ll tell ya’ about it later.”

Alenko and Williams came to a halt just behind her and dismounted.

With a jut of her chin, Tali asked, “Who is the new one?”

Williams gave Avory no time to answer. She stepped forward, hand extended, “Ashley Williams. Eager to join the cause.”

Tali glanced at Avory, who shrugged, then hesitantly took her hand and shook. “Tali Zorah. Welcome.” Her eyes lit up to see Alenko. “Kaidan, glad to see Shepard didn’t maim you in any way.”

He patted Pepper on the neck and smiled. “I live to ride another day.”

Avory looked around, “Garrus? Wrex?”

“Should be close to finished bathing.” Pinching at her nose, Tali snarked, “You two could use a wash, as well. I could smell you arriving before I could hear you.”

Kaidan looked down at himself, attempting to subtly smell his armpits while Williams and Avory shared a chortle at his expense. Avory didn’t need to actively try to smell herself to know she stank. Every inch of her was sticky with sweat and the smell of death and smoke from the Cerberus lab still clung to her hair. 

“There’s another reason I made you two sleep in the barn.” Williams grinned, still immaculate save for some beads of sweat on her forehead.

“Couldn’t agree more.” Avory patted Normandy on the neck, then turned to Alenko. “Get him settled for me, will ya’? I need to take care of somethin’.” 

Kaidan blinked surprise at her. Recovering quickly, he accepted the reins from her and nodded once. “Sure thing, Shepard.” 

“Williams, go with him. And watch the grulla with yours.”

Tali said, “Chiktikka. She can get real mareish with new horses.”

“Yes ma’am.” Ashley heeded the warning, glanced to the herd to identify the horse in question. 

Alenko and a slightly dejected looking Williams accepted her order. They turned and began to lead the three horses to where the others stood, grazing in shade beneath a patch of trees. 

Feeling Tali’s eyes on her, Avory asked, “What?”

Tali blinked. “Nothing, just… that was unexpected.”

“Callin’ me ma’am?” Avory gave an unimpressed rise of her eyebrows. “I know. Feel like I’m fuckin’ fifty years old.”

“That is odd, but I meant you and Kaidan.” Tali gave an exasperated look at Avory’s clear confusion. “Asking instead of ordering. Letting him lead Normandy away… ”

Avory knew she was right. The list of people who she allowed to handle Normandy fit on a thimble, with room to spare. The list of who was allowed to ride him was even shorter. And she had passed him off to Kaidan without a second thought. 

“I want to hear what you three learned.” It wasn’t a lie, not entirely, but she answered too quickly. And Tali clearly noticed the defensiveness that overwhelmed her tone. Avory spared only a fraction of a glance over her shoulder as Alenko walked off with her stud. Anything to avoid Tali’s stare. “Normandy’s enough of an ass, he’ll learn him quick if he does somethin’ wrong.”

“Unless he’s softened on the deputy, too.” Tali teased, hands on her hips.

“Meaning?”

“Come on, Shepard. You left wanting to kill the man. Garrus and Wrex wanted to make a bet on whether or not you’d leave him dead out there, but neither was willing to put money on you lettin’ him live.” Avory couldn’t help but laugh at that, but Tali pressed on. “And now…”

“Shepard!” Wrex interrupted Tali mid-speech and Avory felt her shoulders sag in relief at the sight of him. And the reprieve from Tali’s knowing insolence. Wrex left his soaked hair loose, hanging long over his shoulders and down his back. “Took you long enough. Pickin’ fights without me?”

She hasn't had a chance to check her reflection since Clay. Apparently, her face looked as sore as it felt. “A bigger one than I meant to.”

Garrus walked alongside him, shirtless as well, air drying in the warm evening air. “Well in that case, I’m glad you made it back in one piece. How did Alenko fair?”

“Well, I’d say.” Tali answered, earning an irritated look from Avory.

“Surprisingly helpful.” Avory answered, shooting daggers at Tali. Back to Garrus, she said, “We found another doctor.”

Wrex’s chest swelled as every muscle tightened.

Tali’s mouth fell agape.

Garrus stilled completely, save a small twitch of his mustache. “And?”

“Dead.” All three relaxed somewhat at her answer. “Blown to shit, thanks to Tali.”

“Good.” Wrex grumbled. “One less of those bastards.”

Tali muttered something in Spanish. “Thank the Lord I sent those with Kaidan.”

Garrus wasn’t quite as satisfied. “How did we not know a doctor was in Clay?”

Avory recognized the look that clouded his eye. Deep seated regret. Failure. The same look he wore when they had found Dr. Saleon, the Cerberus doctor whose organ farming had brought them together. The same look he had when he first gazed upon the carnage Cerberus was capable of producing. All the lives they had taken. The lives that his family, and therefore  _ he _ , had allowed them to take before Garrus had enough and intervened.

She was familiar with that unique brand of self-loathing. Knew that nothing good awaited either of them if they followed that path backward. She sought to nip it in the bud. “What matters is we took care of it as soon as we found out.”

“I should have been there.”

“If we knew going in, you would have been.” She insisted, gravely serious. He could question duty and morality later on, in private, but he would not challenge the firmness of her words. “Now they’re dead. Time to focus on the next one.”

Arms folding over his chest, Garrus’s stare fell to the ground. 

“Speaking of the next one…” Tali looked to Wrex, and then back to Avory. “We met with Feron. He shared some less than good news.”

Avory took a breath, dragged her focus from Garrus. “How bad?”

Wrex seized his opportunity from the hesitation of the others. “Cerberus bastards are destroying every town we touch and putting your name on it.”

Avory let her expression go slack. “What the fuck do you mean destroying every town we touch?”

“Exactly what it sounds like, Shepard.” Tali said gently. “The last two towns we hit are gone. Burnt to the ground. Everyone who lived there is dead.”

Shock took her by the shoulders and smacked her across the face. “No. No fuckin’ way.”

Wrex confirmed. “It’s what the broker’s agent said. Hasn’t lied to us yet. It’d be a funny thing to start now.”

Tali’s hands nervously worked over themselves at her waist. “We were worried they were destroying Clay and that’s why you were delayed.”

“But they weren’t. Clay was still standing.” Avory argued. “They had reinforcements, but they weren’t killin’ anyone. Experiments aside. It was business as usual. The only fire was the one we started.” 

Garrus, pulled from his stupor, spoke up. “‘Cause Clay was still useful. Now that their doctor is gone… I reckon they’ll torch the place. Diabolical, but you’ve got to respect their ruthlessness.”

“I’d sooner respect a pile of cow shit.” Avory clenched her fists at her sides, knowing it wasn’t right to get angry with any of them, but unable to stop the rage seeping through the cracks nonetheless.

“Clay is easily defendable.” Wrex suggested. “We can go back. Kill any of those yellow wearin’ fucks that try to hurt the town.”

“Clay is a long two days ride away. Our horses need a break. We wouldn’t make it back in time.” Avory shook her head, dug her nails into her palms. Her breath came short and quick through her nose. She yelled, “Fuck!” Loud enough that both Willaims and Alenko looked her way, respectively slack jawed and concerned. 

All those people. Dead. Because of her. She had killed the doctor, let the dozen of poor bastards in the cellar die in a fiery blast, all for nothing. She had waltzed into town determined to complete her mission, to hit Cerberus where it hurt, and then left Clay to collapse into shambles without so much as a thought as to what destruction she would cause. Who would really be hurt. Like she always did.

And the towns before Clay. Red Rock. Hamilton. Destroyed. Countless dead. Because she wanted to take some money out of Cerberus’ pockets. Money that, likely as not, wasn’t more than a drop in the bucket for them. Wouldn’t make any sort of difference at all.

God fucking  _ damnit _ , if she didn’t want to race back to Clay - alone - and empty every last bullet into a Cerberus target. Any target. Hell, after what Williams’ shared about none of the townspeople being willing to do anything to stop their own suffering, what did it matter if they sacrificed a little more to end the problem for good? If they wouldn’t rise up against Cerberus, they sure as fuck wouldn’t make an effort against her. 

“Shepard?” Garrus reached through the heady fog of her seething rage. “What’s the plan?”

_ Plan _ . 

Life was so much simpler with the Reds. Back when someone else was in charge and all she had to do was find the target, complete the mission, and make it out alive. Back when she wasn’t responsible for anyone but herself and Nick. When she didn’t have people staring at her, waiting on her orders. Depending on her.

Avory forcibly relaxed her hands. Slowed her breath. Dropped her shoulders from her ears. “What’s done is done. We go to Vancouver.”

“Shepard…” Tali said, “If we go to Vancouver, they’ll follow. We’ll be putting all those people at risk. We’ll be putting Anderson at risk.”

Garrus offered a warning as well. “Alenko will be distracted.”

“I fuckin’ know.” Avory snapped. “But it’s the closest option. And with Anderson there, we’ll gain one more body to help.”

Garrus cast a smug look at Tali. “Told you.”

Tali crossed her arms. “Shut it, Vakarian. There was one more thing. Feron says there’s someone new leading these new attacks. Some fella named Kai Leng.”

Garrus pinched his mustache between two fingers. “Said he was competent.”

“Competent.” Avory scoffed. “I’ll believe it when I fuckin’ see it.”

“Speaking of new…” Wrex nodded his chin at Williams. “Who’s the newest one?”

“Ashley Williams.” Avory pulled her hat from her head and scratched at her sweat soaked scalp. Her mind racing. Plans forming. She continued on as if she were not a part of the conversation anymore, already miles away. “Not afraid to be shot at and she’s got a bone to pick with Cerberus.”

Garrus asked, “Can she fight?”

“Couldn’t tell ya’. She shoots alright.”

“Awful bold to take her on, Shepard.” Tali said.

“She gave us a place to sleep and she wanted to help. I’m lettin’ her help. If she’s no good, she’ll die. No sweat off our backs.” Softer, she said, “She knew who I was. Alenko wouldn’t let me shoot her, so here we are.”

Tali’s fire didn’t die completely, but cooled somewhat. Shifted to smugness. 

Silently, Avory pleaded with her not to say anything.

“The deputy is callin’ the shots now?” Wrex asked. “Didn’t realize we were under control of the law.”

_ Fuck _ . 

It didn’t matter if Tali said anything or not. Garrus and Wrex both looked at her now, a mixture of playfulness and deadly serious scrutinization written on their faces. 

Tali gave a smirk and cocked a hip. “He’s also untacking Normandy.”

Wrex grinned, dissatisfaction shifting to amusement. Garrus folded his arms over his chest.

Fed up, Avory placed her hat back on her head. “Alright, I’m goin’ to wash up. You three better take stock of what we have for supplies. We’re gonna need a lot of ammo for Vancouver.”

“Sure thing, Shepard.” Tali said through a shit eating grin.

Together, she and Wrex, shoulders shuddering with deep laughter, turned to leave. Garrus remained, staring at her with that look again. 

Impatient, Avory marched past him. “I’m gettin’ a change of clothes and then goin’ to wash. You want to pester me, you better walk and talk, Vakarian.”

He had no problem following. “What happened out there, Shepard?”

“Found out there was a doctor in Clay and I killed her.” 

“Looks like you took a beating.”

She soured, expression twisted enough to remind her that she had, in fact, taken a beating. Her eye was noticeably swollen, likely blackened, and her voice was still raw from bein’ damn near choked out. “Nothin’ I couldn’t handle.”

“So Alenko didn’t help?”

“No, he did.”

“So he knows, now?”

“Yeah, he knows now.”

“He a permanent member of the flock, then?”

“No. Likely not.”

Garrus’ voice dropped. “You ain’t gonna be able to kill him after this, are you?”

Avory stopped walking. Turned on him. Any intention she had of yelling melted away as she stared up at him. He wasn’t angry. Judgemental, yes. But not angry. Plainly, she said, “Of course I can. But I don’t think I’ll need to.”

“He do somethin’ out there to earn this new trust?”

“Nothin’ specific.” She shifted her gaze sideways. “Just a feeling.”

Reasons she couldn’t fully explain, not even to herself. For all she had shared with him, she should be counting down the days until she could cut his throat. Absentmindedly, she reached for a cigarette from her breast pocket. Felt the empty space and growled in disappointment. All of her papers had been soaked in the rain storm a couple days prior. 

Garrus sighed and handed her one from his own stash. She snatched it greedily. “Your gut is rarely wrong.” Then, as he lit the dart for her, he raised an eyebrow and added, “A feeling, eh?”

Avory took a long, indulgent drag. Stared him down as she exhaled. “Not that kind of feeling.” 

“Ya’ know,” Garrus grinned, “it’d be a good way to blow off some steam. You could use it.”

“I prefer a fight, thanks.”

Eyes drifting to a memory, Garrus’s mustache twitched. “Started off like that for me once.”

“Garrus, you haven’t had unpaid company since I’ve known you.”

Sounding slightly offended, he said, “Not a lot of time for romance out here. You ought to know that.”

“What I know is that no woman will come within ten feet of that mug.”

He swatted at her hand as she reached to pinch his cheek, eliciting a laugh. “I’ll have you know, I did just fine before joinin’ up with you.”

She waved him off. Mood drastically improved now that she had something to puff on. “Excuses.”

Ignoring her completely, he said, “She was a ranch hand. Cockier than a damn rooster in a hen house. We never got along. Swore up and down she could take me in any challenge issued. Ropin’, ridin’. A hand to hand fight.” His tone shifted to something wistful, reminiscent. “Finally, we took a whole day off chorin’ to settle things. I stuck to a nasty buckin’ horse longer, she roped more steers faster. Went back and forth all day until we got to the fightin’.” A chuckle, Garrus pulled at his mustache. “Golly, was she a scrapper. I had the reach, but she had flexibility. We went four rounds, gathered quite a crowd, until we finally called it a draw. We finished it later… and well… I had reach, but she had flexibility.”

Avory narrowed her eyes, but her tone betrayed her amusement. “You’re a dog, Vakarian.”

She started off again in the direction of the already laid out bed rolls, where her belongings would be, and he matched her stride for stride.

“Maybe you ought to find your own sparring partner.”

Memory of Alenko’s weight on her, pressing her into the dirt, flew to the forefront of her memory. The intensity of his stare as he argued against her even with a blade to his throat.  _ Any _ time he argued with her. And the softness with which they melted any time they managed to find common ground. The stabbing heat in her stomach anytime that softness was aimed at her. 

_ Ew. Fuck. _

Disgust hit her just as quickly. Why the fuck was she thinking about his eyes?

“Don’t much see the point.” Convincing herself as much as Vakarian. She dropped the cigarette to teh ground and ground it out with the toe of her boot. “I can scratch my own itches, thank you.”

Garrus chuckled at her obvious fluster. “Whatever you say, Shepard.”

***

Behind pines and thick maple shrubs and bushes full of ripened berries lay an oasis. A pool of glacial blue water, shining like a sea of stars under the full moon light. At the far end, a step up in the rock formation caused a small waterfall, twice as wide as it was tall. The sound of rushing water sent a shiver of anticipation down Avory’s spine. Every passing second not in the water dragged on excruciatingly long. She stood at the water’s edge, her clothing, heavy and damp, clung to her body. Suffocating.

Hurriedly, she undid the buttons on her trousers and peeled the thin woolen fabric down her legs. It stuck to her skin with sweat and dirt and another’s blood. She repeated the process with her blouse and threw it on the ground with an impatient grunt. Then, she untied the knot securing the wrap-around linen fabric over her breasts. A simple design. Functional, less restrictive than stays or corsets, and, most importantly, something she could take on and off by herself.

Naked flesh rose in goosebumps under the clammy night air. Nerves singing, Avory waded into the water. Spring fed and ice cold, she shivered, but persisted. Longing to be clean for the first time in over a week. 

But by the time the water reached her thighs, she found herself holding her arms high above her head, her body lengthened to its limits to postpone the inevitable. Her grip on her bar of soap so tight it threatened to crumble. Before she lost her nerve, she dove in with a splash and a quiet yelp. Submerged herself completely. The water was cold enough to take her breath away. A shock to her system, yet utterly refreshing. She resurfaced with a loud, satisfied sigh and rubbed the water from her eyes. Scrubbed water over her face and felt the thick, grainy film of dirt from her skin.

On her right, a stick snapped in the woods. 

She froze, eyes peering into the darkness of the surrounding vegetation. She was too far from the shore to reach her weapon. 

Another snap. 

Two. 

Drawing nearer.

Every muscle tensed.

Slowly, silently, everything below her shoulders submerged, Avory backed toward her belongings. “Who the fuck is creepin’ around over there?”

Anyone in her crew would know better than to try to sneak up on her for fear of being shot. If it was someone not part of her flock, callin’ them out would make them run. If they were smart. Even naked and outgunned, she stood a better chance than most. If it was a bear… well, she just hoped it was a skittish one. And not a sow with cubs to protect.

“Shepard?” Alenko’s voice sounded just before he appeared from the bushes. At the sight of her in the water, he immediately squeezed his eyes shut and turned his back on her. “Shit. Wrex told me the spring was this way, but he didn’t say you were already here. I’m sorry. I didn’t see nothin’.”

Adrenaline released with a heavy exhale, Avory couldn’t help but laugh. Both at his reaction and the fact that Wrex likely withheld that information on purpose. Likely after speakin’ with Garrus. A prank on them both. 

“Relax, Alenko. Spring is big enough for two. Just keep your back turned and I’ll keep mine.”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll -”

“Just get in the fuckin’ water. I can smell you from here.”

A moment’s silence before he breathed a defeated sigh. Apparently feeling as grimy as she had before getting in the water. “So I keep hearin’.” He admitted, turned to face her once more. Though he kept his eyes decidedly above her chin at all times. 

“You and me both.” 

Having acclimated to the cool temperature, she relaxed up to her neck into the water and propelled herself into the deep. Further from where Alenko stood opposite, giving him more space. Even still, there would only be a span of six feet between them. 

Without much more thought, he set his hat and holster on a rock beside him and then pulled his shirt over his head, revealing parts of himself she had not yet seen. Full moon bright enough to eliminate the need for a lantern, the light cast pale blue shadows over his torso, dramatically enhancing the cut of each muscle in his abdomen. Shoulders and arms thick with muscles from years of hard work. A thin line of scar tissue crossed his chest, collar bone to pec. 

She didn’t realize she was staring until she bit the inside of her cheek a little too hard. 

Kaidan didn’t notice. He set his neatly folded shirt beside his other belongings. “How’s the water?”

“Cold.” Avory forced out, turning so that her back was to him.

“After riding in this heat all week, cold sounds nice. Once Cerberus is dealt with, I’m goin’ to enjoy a proper bath and a shave.” 

“Don’t shave.” Avory blurted as she looked over her shoulder. He was scrubbing at the stubble on his jaw, the buttons of his fly undone, looking at her in a mixture of shock and… something. Something she didn’t want to identify. She quickly turned back around. “It suits you.”

The following rustle of fabric told Avory his pants were removed now as well.

Avory tipped her head back, soaking her hair, relishing in the way the water prickled at her hairline. “We leave for Vancouver tomorrow.”

Water rippled around her as he entered the pool.

“We do?” Kaidan’s voice elevated in surprise, though she couldn’t be sure if it was at her remark or the temperature of the water. “We’re, what, forty miles from town? We can make that in no time.”

“I figger we ride out ‘round noon, after the horses have time to rest, make it in a day and a half. Arrive after dark.”

“Pepper will appreciate it. Normandy though…” a sharp hiss interrupted him, and Avory smiled at his reaction to the water, colder as it got deeper, “he’s an impressive animal. I don’t think he was the least bit tired.”

Avory looked over her shoulder, then quickly away. Alenko was barely sunk in past his waist, nothing unsavory exposed, but she hadn’t intended to look. “He stand alright when you untacked him?”

Alenko coughed a laugh. “Yeah, he’s about as patient as his rider.”

“Stands fine for me.”

Avory scrubbed the bar of soap over her arms and shoulders. Focused on trying to reach every inch of her back rather than the bubbling temptation to look over her shoulder again. Chalked it up to force of habit, desire to make eye contact with whoever she was speaking to and not the curiosity nagging in the pit of her stomach. She blamed Garrus for making her wonder what kind of reach Alenko had.

“I don’t doubt it. You’ve got a hell of a rapport with him, though. You don’t move an inch when you’re on him. It’s like he reads your mind.”

Avory turned intentionally, then, found Alenko soaping himself, his back turned to her. She narrowed her eyes at his back. Uncomfortable with his praise. Direct, whereas before it had been a slip of the tongue. “Never thought I’d hear Deputy Sheriff Alenko give an outlaw a compliment.”

Cautiously, he turned his head to the side, not quite enough to actually see her. “Your horsemanship is worth complimenting. Who taught you to ride?”

Avory faced front. Swallowed. Felt the annoyingly familiar desire to share more with him than she wanted. She began soaping her hair, scrubbing harder than necessary. “Different people. Been on a horse as long as I can remember.” Not a lie, but not a whole truth either. Getting into her childhood was too big a can of worms to open. “Normandy’s one of a kind, though. Started right, never had another rider. All he knows is what I taught him. And he’s a touchy son of a bitch. Makes him difficult for others to handle.”

“I get the feeling you like that about him.”

Avory smied. “I do. I reckon I trained it into him, never lettin’ anyone else work with him.”

“More difficult to watch someone else with your horse?”

“I don’t trust anyone else to do it right.”

Kaidan breathed a laugh. Light and sentimental. “It’s selfish, but… Pepper is much the same.”

“Most mares are.”

It came out snarkier than she intended, and Kaidan clearly took minor offense. “What about you? What’re you doin’ with a stud?”

“Never have the time to get him cut and wait for him to heal.” Avory dunked her head back into the water and rinsed the soap from her hair. “He’s not a dink about it. As long as we keep him tied alone when the mares are in heat, he does just fine.” The testosterone also made him well muscled with a stout jaw that she appreciated, but she kept that bit of equine vanity to herself. Her next words sounded dangerously like an apology. “Pepper’s nice with you, though. Not mareish at all.”

“I can’t take credit for that.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “I got her ‘cause I liked her eye. She’s always been quiet. Around cattle, kids, crowds. Only thing that gets to her is bein’ on her own.”

She chuckled to herself. “Opposite of her owner, then.”

“What?”

“I saw how you walked down main street in Clay.” She shot a teasing grin over her shoulder, though he wouldn’t see it. “Like a pup with his tail between his legs, tryin’ to be brave. And around us, at first. Pretty clear you like bein’ on your own.”

“Never been a big fan of crowds.” He answered quickly. Then, more relaxed, “You watchin’ me, Shepard?” 

Even with her back turned, she could picture the sly, lopsided grin pulling at his lips. Felt the corners of her own mouth twitch upward in turn before she caught herself. She clenched her jaw and forced her face into a scowl. Then turned quickly to her side, shooting him a look of feigned irritation. Upon hearing movement, Alenko looked over his shoulder at her. 

“‘Course I was watchin’ you.” Avory quipped. “Half expected you to run away or plead your case to the town sheriff for backup.”

“Only half?” Still smug, he turned a fraction more, enough that they were able to lock eyes.

She thought she saw his eyes fall to the waterline, just below her collarbone, just for a second.

Avory put forth extra effort into keeping her expression neutral, if not slightly hostile. But each passing second that he looked at her like that, his hair a mess with soap and beginning to curl from moisture, her resolve waned. Frustrated, she shot him a nasty look and flung her arm out of the water. Sent a spray of water at his face. His attempt to avoid it was half-hearted.

“More than half.” She said. “Lucky you proved me wrong.”

Slowly, his smile shifted from insolence to something smaller, more sincere. “You uh… you proved me wrong too.”

She arched a brow. Felt an uneasy flutter in her stomach at the sudden depth of his tone. “I proved you wrong about lots of shit.”

Kaidan didn’t falter at her jest. Shot back, “I guess not  _ all _ outlaws should be considered pig shit.”

Avory laughed and shook her head, eyes shooting up to the sky. “Right. Well, glad we cleared that part up.”

“Yeah, that Tali is a good egg.”

Avory pursed her lips as her eyes fell back to Alenko. Just like that, his smirk was back. She squinted at him for a moment. The only response she could imagine being to swim over and dunk him under the water. Given their current state, however, she opted for more splashing. She flung both hands out of the spring, sent a massive spray of water in his direction. When the water fell, Kaidan was nowhere to be seen. A few seconds later, he emerged, all soap cleared from his hair after submerging himself to avoid her splashing.

Heated, and not entirely from annoyance, Avory turned her back on him again. 

Desperate to ground herself, she asked, “What’ll you do? After we uproot Cerberus from Vancouver?”

A pause, space between filled with the sound of rushing water and chirping crickets in the still night air. 

Finally, Kaidan said, “Keep them out. Finally be able to protect the people in my town. And my folks.”

Avory sighed to herself, his answer predictable. “I’m getting out, don’t turn around.” 

“I… okay.” Kaidan stammered, confused at the blunt shift of mood.

She waded to the edge of the pool where her belongings lie scattered. “Cerberus weaseled their way in a long time ago, how you know somethin’ like them won’t force their way back in?”

“‘Cause I won’t let them.” No hesitation. 

Alenko had one thing going for him: a stubborn belief that whatever he was doing was right, and that he would see it through to the end. She could respect that. She was the same. Still, she would be lying to herself if she said there wasn’t a hard pit of disappointment in her gut. 

After Vancouver, she would keep moving. Would leave the town in the hands of Anderson and Alenko and continue on the path to destroying Cerberus. Not just in small towns, taking small bites out of the heels of cows, but in bigger ways. After learning that they were destroying entire towns, a full slaughter was the only option. She intended to wage war against Cerberus. Find whoever was in charge and go straight for the jugular.

It wasn’t until Williams had asked if she and Alenko were only working together to free Vancouver that she realized she held a small kernel of hope that he wouldn’t stop with Vancouver. And now that she recognized it, and the let down that came with him dashing those hopes, Avory wanted to drown it in a bottle of whiskey.

“You say that,” Avory began to quickly towel herself off, “but people like that sneak into towns like fuckin’ hookworms into feet.” Dry enough, she tossed her towel on top of her dirty clothing and started to pull on her fresh clothes. “Don’t even realize it until it’s too late.”

To her left, she heard the sloshing of water and then the slap of bare feet on wet rock. Alenko was out now, too. She fought the urge to sneak a look. Fought herself in defending her reason why. Even in a silent battle, she knew it wasn’t just because she wanted to make eye contact. So she kept her gaze straight ahead, excessively focused on pulling her shirt over her head and adjusting the hem. 

From his section of shore, Kaidan said, “There’s signs. Especially after Cerberus, folks will be more alert.”

Avory scoffed quietly. Top button of her fly done up, she slipped on her socks and boots. Over her shoulder, she called, “You decent?”

Somewhat taken aback, Kaidan answered, “Yeah.”

As soon as he replied, Avory whirled around to face him. He had his trousers done up, but stood barefoot and bare chested. Belongings gathered in her arms, she marched along a moonlit path through shrubs and bushes to the other rocky shore where he stood. His eyes stayed on her as she approached, alarmed but curious. When she came to stand only a few feet away from him, she dropped her things carelessly. Then she pointed her index finger at him and jabbed him in the chest. 

As she expected, he moved away from the touch, his expression nearing offense. “What are you doing, Shepard?”

“Proving you wrong. Again.” She answered, poking him in the sternum again. And again, he stepped away, his expression holding onto curiosity, though annoyance seeped in from below. “People are like horses.” She poked again and when he didn’t move, she balled her fist, punched him in the chest. He made a noise of surprise, a shallow grunt, held a hand to his chest and took a step back. She followed after him. “Start as light as you want, go as hard as you need. Eventually, they learn it’s easier to give to pressure.” She poked again, light, the same place she had just punched, and he moved away from her quickly. “They become malleable and trainable and easy to be around. Safe. If you threw everything you had at them at once, they’d fight. It’s how folks grow complacent with this shit.”

She continued driving him backward. Pushing with the heel of her hand and pursuing.

“A dead broke horse can be the most dangerous.” Alenko responded, the rasp of his voice less airy than usual. Stepping back further and further. “You expect a colt to throw some bucks, but an old nag… you don’t expect ‘em to do anythin’ else but listen. When they decide they’ve had enough…”

Just as Avory had pushed at him again, already taking a step forward to drive him back, Kaidan stopped retreating. He absorbed her blow. And, unprepared for his sudden stop, her arm folded and Avory damn near bumped into him. A modicum of space between them, her hand flat on his bare chest, her breath caught in her throat. 

“That’s when you get into trouble.” Kaidan finished.

She watched the rise and fall of his chest beneath her hand - short, shallow breaths - three times before her thumb moved on its own accord. Twitched ever so slightly to trace the scar crossing his chest there. She thought she felt him shiver, and realized what she had done. Her hand felt too hot, his breath too close, his stare searing. She recoiled from him as if he were on fire. 

She swallowed, forced composure. “Not every old nag will push back.”

He blinked at her, bewildered. “We don’t necessarily need them to push back, just… stop giving.”

“Yeah well,” Avory took several steps back. Desperate for air. For space. “People are idiots. If they don’t, you’ll just need to push back harder for them.”

Though Kaidan’s back was nearly pressed against the surrounding forest, he didn’t move to follow her. “Yeah… I reckon I will.”

Looking every bit as lost as she felt, he watched as she retreated back to where they had started. Only when she stooped to gather her things did he take a step forward. His expression heavy with something unfamiliar, something terrifying. His mouth fell open to speak again.

Avory didn’t give him the chance. 

She blurted, “I’m goin’.” Kaidan halted his advance. Avory tried to be subtle as she cleared her throat. “Now that you don’t smell so bad, maybe I’ll be able to stomach some supper.”

Alenko blinked at her. Neither moved, despite her announced exit. 

He took one more step forward, close enough that if he reached out, he could touch her. Her heart raced at the prospect. Her legs screamed at her to run. Adrenaline surged and though she knew she was in no physical danger, she felt like she was in a fight for her life.

“Shepard…” Kaidan started. Took another step toward her. 

She wasn’t sure if she suppressed her flinch as well as she thought she did.

Kaidan swallowed. Rubbed at his forehead with the back of his hand. “Try to save some beans for me.” He said, clearly forcing nonchalance. His humor empty. “Eatin’ your rejected peas is gettin’ a little old.”

Relief flooded her veins. 

She breathed a forced laugh. “No promises.”

Avory backed away another few steps, Kaidan’s eyes never leaving hers, until she came across the easily missable path she had taken from camp. When she finally turned, it felt like she had broken through a block of ice. Like she could finally breathe freely. She ducked into the thick vegetation, disappeared from Kaidan’s sight, walking as fast as she could manage without tripping. Branches whipped against her chest and her arms. She hardly felt them. 

All she could feel was the heat of Kaidan’s bare chest under her hand. The way her stomach flipped when his voice dropped. Complete uncertainty in what all of those feelings met. The only thing she could be certain of was that she had failed to prove him wrong again. The only thing she had proven, she had proven to herself. That she was in a great deal of trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. _Oh._
> 
> As always, thank you to anyone reading along.


	16. Red Sky at Morning

Kaidan woke with the scent of mint lingering in his nose and a firmer than normal erection straining against his trousers. He groaned in frustration and rolled onto his side as if to turn his back on the presence and source of both. 

Shepard.

Being back with the group had its perks, like being able to sleep for an entire night, encircled by Tali’s protective barrier with Wrex and Garrus taking turns on a relaxed watch. Unfortunately, it appeared that not even a long night of uninterrupted sleep was enough to calm him from the previous night. It wasn’t the nudity they had shared in such close proximity that stirred him. At least, not completely. The full moon had illuminated the pool of water as if it was midday and, though he had actively tried  _ not _ to see any part of her naked form, glimpses were unavoidable. Quick, blurred peeks of the freckled flesh of her shoulders, the sweep of her collar bone down to where the water clung to the swell of her breasts…

Kaidan made a disgusted noise and adjusted his length into a more comfortable position, rolled onto his back once more. No others remained around him. Only flattened stretches of grass where the rest of the group had slept, their bedrolls already packed away. For the first time in his life, he was grateful to be the last to wake. He tossed back his blanket as he sat, then reached for his boots. He tugged them on with more force than usual.

No, it wasn’t just the nudity. He had felt too dirty for letting his eyes linger, had quickly averted them anytime he  _ did _ catch himself looking at her. It was the way she smelled of mint and  _ something _ \- something citrus and sharp - luring him in only to sting his nostrils in the most pleasant way. It was the way he could still feel her hand burning hot against his chest, even now as he moved off his bedding and worked to stack all of his belongings onto his bedroll. It was the way she had grown flustered, despite her obvious effort to the contrary, any time their eyes met. It was the scars he spotted laced across her back; the most prominent of which, the letter “ _ R _ ” burned into the skin at the top of her right shoulder blade.

Kaidan knelt on the ground and rolled up the oiled canvas. Practiced hands made quick work, but he went slow, careful to keep it as neat as it was secure. That damned “ _ R _ ” burned in his mind as clearly as it stuck out on Shepard’s back. Smooth and raised, skin stretched at the edges, the scarred tissue turned silver under pale moonlight. He had no doubts it had been placed there by a hot iron. Branded. He cinched his bedroll tight. 

In the moment, he had been too disconcerted to ask. Too caught up in her company to truly register what it meant. But now, as he fastened his holster around his hips and secured his hat atop his head, he kicked himself for his reluctance. It was possible, he reckoned, that someone would  _ ask _ to be branded for some reason or another. Such insanity certainly wasn’t out of character for Shepard. However, her particular brand of crazy made it much more likely that she’d ask to be branded on a forearm - hell, maybe even her forehead - somewhere it was easy to show off. So she could thrust it in someone’s face like a badge of honor and use their horror to her advantage. For it to be on her back…

Kaidan shook his head, tossed his bedroll onto his shoulder, and started for the horses. The woman was as wild as any mustang on the plains, he couldn’t fathom anyone believing they owned her with such certainty that they took an iron to her. Though, he knew, life had spared her no cruelty. And as the throbbing in his trousers receded, it was replaced with a tingling heat in his gut that longed to know if the same cruelty was responsible for the gnarled scar across half her face. 

When he arrived at the patch of grass where the horses were kept, they were still loose and grazing. Save for Sugar and Chikitikka. The two mares stood fifty feet opposite each other, tied to trees, their leads just long enough that their lips had to extend to their fullest in order to eat. Chiktikka’s ears were pinned flat against her poll. Sugar’s hindquarter was marked with the clear indentation of a horseshoe. 

Kaidan dropped his bedroll beside his saddle and walked between them, giving Chiktikka a wide berth, and whistling a single low note. Pepper’s head snapped up, eyes immediately on him. Shepard’s voice echoed in his mind,  _ not mareish at all _ . He smiled. Then, as if afraid someone might see, might somehow know  _ what _ had made him smile, he dropped his chin to hide it under the brim of his hat.

He approached Pepper and ran his hand along her neck, brushing her coat free of stray bits of grass. No longer interested in him without the promise of a treat, Pepper dropped her nose back into the graze. Just as well. There was no need to catch or saddle her just yet. He may have slept in later than the rest of the group, but the sun still sat low in the sky. They had a few hours before their noon departure and he wanted to let her rest as long as possible. 

With her head lowered, Kaidan could see the other horses grazing a stone’s throw away. Mako, as usual, stood on the most uncomfortable looking terrain he could find, forcing himself to bend a knee in order to eat. Arlahk stood between Mako and Normandy, stout legs buried in the tallest grass. No fear when his head dropped into the lush green and blinded him to any possible dangers. Buford, never one to stray far from their lead mare, stood idly by Chiktikka, his tail swishing lazily. And then there was Normandy. 

The buckskin paced as he ate. Several strides between each aggressive bite, wandering nowhere in particular but dead set on keeping going. Every few bites, he’d nose one of the geldings out of the way to sniff at what they were eating before stomping a hoof and deciding to move on without taking any for himself. He was jumpy here, without Shepard on his back, his head held high and ears on a swivel. Always looking for a predator.

When he was a kid, Kaidan’s mother had told him animals always took on the appearance of their owners. Or vice versa. He had delighted in finding the similarities like piecing together a puzzle. Like Mrs. Reed, who grew a wispy white mustache in her old age that matched her little white dog’s. And Wayne Summers, who was as thick and red faced as the chestnut mare he rode. He had always wondered if animals took on their owners’ neuroses, too. Watching Normandy now, he held no doubts.

Kaidan smiled and turned his attention back to Pepper. He ran his hand along her back and side and down each of her legs, checking for any new bites or injuries. If the other two mares had gotten into it badly enough to warrant being separated, he feared Pepper had gotten in the middle of it, too. He was relieved to find that her coat passed smoothly under his palm. 

Half-way through his inspection, a breeze picked up. Carried on the wind was the scent of cooking meat. Kaidan’s mouth watered immediately. Another perk of being reunited with the flock; more hands meant less work, and less work meant available hands to hunt. His stomach contracted with a pang of hunger, just painful enough that he instinctively placed a hand on his gut. How long had it been since he ate something not cured or canned? Too long, his stomach answered with a growl. He straightened and resumed checking over Pepper, meticulously slow, afraid that his eagerness for food he would overlook something small. 

Finally, when he was satisfied that Pepper was in good health and she was growing impatient with his coddling, Kaidan let himself walk toward camp. As eager as he was for a hot meal, he knew the warmth in his stomach and the unusually rushed pace of his steps was not for food alone. He was looking forward to seeing Shepard. Even after a violent start, a rough week, and the previous night’s….tension, he found himself enjoying her company more and more. More than he thought possible. More than he rightly should. 

Kaidan tried to explain it to himself, to find reason in it, but there was no explanation to be found. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about Vyrnnus in - well, he hadn’t spoken to anyone about Vyrnnus  _ ever _ . The last person he ever would have expected to tell was Shepard. And yet, she had responded in exactly the way he needed. Without judgement, without blowing it off as insignificant despite the horrors she bore witness to. She had listened with surprising warmth. Somehow, she had given him exactly what he needed despite not knowing himself what that was.

Each time he was alone with her, it was like the deepest parts of himself bubbled to the surface. The tightest controlled parts of himself broke loose. And she didn’t flinch at an inch of it. It was a terrifying high, made life threatening by the face that he wanted  _ more _ .

Kaidan strode into camp with a nonchalance that felt anything but natural. Even the swing of his arms with each step felt stiff. Fortunately, Miss Williams’ recent enlistment gave the group someone else to focus on for the first time in over a week. The others hardly noticed him. 

Around the fire, Tali and Ashley sat on a couple of large boulders. A bowl in each of their laps, they stole bites between words. Garrus sat alone a few feet to their left, rifle at his side, clearly listening in as he slowly ate from his own bowl. At the fire, discussing over the pot of whatever they had cooked up, stood Shepard and Wrex. 

A small smile graced his lips at the sight of her. “Mornin’ Shepard.” He nodded at each of them. “Wrex.”

Wrex grunted in response, stuck a spoon into the pot to give the stew mixture a stir.

Shepard glanced up at him, then quickly away.

Kaidan’s smile disappeared. All the warmth in his gut left him. “Mind if I get a bit of that?” He reached for a clean bowl on the ground, near Shepard’s feet. She didn’t move, didn’t say a word, but she watched him like he was a snake winding too close for comfort. 

Wrex asked, “You as hungry as you were tired?”

He did his best to laugh off the dig. Most of the camp was already packed away. Clearly everyone else had woken some time ago. “Feels that way. A hot meal is a nice change.”

Wrex paused his stirring to add two heaping ladle-fulls into Kaidan’s bowl. “Don’t know how you slept through that racket with the horses.”

“I saw the mares split up.” Kaidan reached again, for a spoon this time. Again, Shepard watched him like a hawk. Her silence was unsettling. “They hurt themselves?”

Wrex shook his head. “Just screamed like a couple of fuckin’ banshees for a while.”

Just as Kaidan was about to lift a spoonful to his mouth, Shepard snatched the bowl from his hand. 

Spoon hovering midair, a drop of broth falling to the ground, he stared after her as she marched away with his meal and found a seat beside Garrus. The man glanced at him briefly, blue eyes suspicious, before handing Shepard a spoon and saying something to her in a voice too hushed for Kaidan to hear. Shepard scowled in response. Kaidan’s eyes fell to the ground. A new, burning heat in his gut that felt like it might reduce him to ash. He almost  _ hoped _ it would burn him up on the spot.

Wrex’s rolling laughter brought his attention back. He grabbed another bowl, filled it, and handed it to him. 

“Thanks.” Gathering himself best he could, Kaidan said, "I haven’t spent much time with any American Indian before, Wrex. I have to say, you’re not what I expected.”

“Right. Because you white men have a wide range of cultures and attitudes, but we all think and act exactly alike.”

“I…” Kaidan dropped his spoon into his stew. “Look, I didn’t mean…”

“You folks say that a lot.” Wrex, too, discarded his spoon into the pot with an angry jerk of his arm. “You never _ mean _ anything, but your actions say otherwise.”

At this point, both Tali and Ashley were catching on to the irritation in Wrex’s voice and Kaidan felt a fool for saying anything at all. Wrex was the first Native American he’d ever spent significant time with, yet they had barely spoken. Most of the time they had spent together thus far had been in near silence during Kaidan’s migraine. 

Living west of the Great Plains, he was not immune to hearing the stories of savage natives that prowled the land in search of white women and scalps. But his parents never bought into that narrative. His mother had been born in the Philippines and had been victim to too many white folks’ ignorance to believe anything they said about anyone with darker skin. His father was too involved with law, knew what hells the government put the native people through, to let Kaidan learn to believe the nonsense the government fed them. And he had fought those actions just as he fought Cerberus. 

Neither effort was very fruitful.

Struggling to regain lost ground, Kaidan said, “I just meant I’m surprised to see you ridin’ with Shepard and fighting Cerberus instead of fighting the states with your people.”

“And who are my people?”

“Blackfoot, right?”

Wrex’s tight expression relaxed in modest surprise. “Pikuni.”

Kaidan exhaled relief. “From North of here?” 

Wrex answered with a short nod. 

“Why did you leave your tribe?”

“I will always be a part of my tribe.” He answered gruffly. “After your government killed all the bison, your government promised us food and supplies. What we got was a quarter of what was promised. And most of that was spoiled.”

Kaidan cringed. His stomach growled again, but he couldn’t bring himself to take a bite.

Wrex continued, “I left my band to take matters into my own hands. Started bounty hunting. Met Shepard along the way.” 

He refused to look at Shepard, though his instinct was to do just that. “What made you join her?”

The other man grabbed the last bowl from the ground and filled it to the top. “When you’re young, you go lookin’ for every fight you can. When you get older, you realize that the best fights find you.” He discarded the ladle for a small spoon and filled his mouth twice, apparently immune to the steaming temperature, and swallowed before speaking again. “Shepard’s still young.”

To his stomach’s delight, Kaidan finally took a bite. A hearty mixture of meat and vegetables that went straight to his head. He nearly groaned. It tasted so good. “And fighting Cerberus?”

“Years ago, we were after the same bounty. She was a tiny young thing, but she was a worthy opponent.” He let roll a single chuckle. “We stole that bounty from each other four times before she finally got him to the Sheriff to collect the reward. Afterward, she found me in the saloon. Bought me a beer and asked where I was headed next. We've been ridin’ together ever since.” 

His nostalgia turned grim. “You’ve seen what Cerberus does to white folk. Imagine what they would do to my people once they’re through with you.” The look in his eye could freeze a man solid. Distant, haunting. Like he had already witnessed enough horror for one hundred lifetimes, and knew he would face thousands more. If Wrex noticed Kaidan’s shiver, he didn’t let on. Gruffly matter-of-fact, he said, “I’m here because Shepard kills shit people and steals a lot of coin.”

There was nothing to be said that could soothe a pain so deep. Kaidan knew that. But glossing over it completely felt wrong. “My mother’s from the Philippines. Growin’ up, she always said she felt like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feels like it’s closer than ever, now.”

Wrex glowered. “At least they still live.” 

Kaidan swallowed another bite, eyes dropping to the coals at his feet. He knew an end when he heard it. “Must make a lot more robbing Cerberus than collecting bounties.”

“We don’t get paid for this, kid.” Wrex was relieved for the change of subject. A closer target. “What we take goes back into arms and supplies or to the Shadow Broker. That’s a lot of coin I can send to my people so they don’t starve to death waiting for your government to follow through.” A shark’s grin stretched across Wrex’s face. All pride. “Our tribe has stock to make it through the next two winters.”

Kaidan felt his jaw go slack despite the food in his mouth. He stole a glance at Shepard, still seated next to Garrus, her breakfast resting idly in her lap. The brim of her hat obscured the top half of her face. Between her knees, her thumb worked over every finger, cracking the joints. “That’s… that’s really somethin’.” He swallowed and looked back to Wrex. “Who is the shadow broker?”

“No one knows.” Wrex, already half way through his meal, pulled the pot from the fire, and topped up his bowl with all that remained. “Puppet master of some kind. Knows everything but doesn’t get involved directly. Started workin’ with ‘em a while back when they decided they didn’t like Cerberus’ dealings.”

Kaidan rubbed at his forehead with the back of his hand. Another asinine detail in what was now his life. “Another secret organization, why not.”

Shrugging, Wrex said, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

The saying had always rubbed him the wrong way. How fragile a partnership must be to be founded on a common enemy. But, he reckoned, it was the only way of making friends in Shepard’s line of work. In her entire life. It was the very same foundation he found himself on now. The connection didn’t make him feel any better.

“I’m not so sure. Makin’ deals with a stranger sounds like more trouble than it’s worth.”

“So far they’ve been worth every penny. Gave us more than enough leads on which towns to hit and when.” Wrex slurped broth from the lip of his bowl. “Hell, without ‘em we probably would’ve wandered into Red Rock lookin’ for a bath and been shit out of luck.”

A crease formed in Kaidan’s brow. “Last I heard the Red Rock bath house is still open.”

“Last we heard, Red Rock is dust. Hamilton, too.”

_ Hamilton _ . An alarm went off in his mind, set a trickle of dread running down his spine. “What are you talkin’ about?”

Wrex remained as calm as a nested hen, his gravel tone steady as ever. “One of the broker’s agents warned us while you and Shepard were takin’ out that doctor. They’re layin’ waste to every town we touch.”

Shock rose the volume of Kaidan’s voice. “What?”

Four pairs of eyes snapped to him from around the fire. 

Wrex didn’t mind. He swallowed another mouthful of breakfast stew. “Red Rock and Hamilton, burnt to the ground.” 

“Hamilton is right next to Vancouver. Where the Jenkins kid was from.” 

Panic bloomed. In an instant, he was back in Vancouver. In the Sheriff’s office with Anderson speaking over the dead kid at his feet.  _ “Said he got away ‘cause he was out checking the hogs. They didn’t see him. But he saw what they did to his parents. His kid sister…” _

Kaidan looked quickly at Shepard. “The one Cerberus killed, the reason I left to find you.” Everyone was staring. No one but Shepard had any idea what he was talking about. “The one talkin’ about adjutants.”

“Adjutants?” Ashley asked no one in particular.

Garrus dismissed her. “Beasts from a scary story Cerberus made up. Nothin’ real.” 

Hackett’s voice crawled into Kaidan’s ear.  _ “But that Cerberus fella’ sure didn’t want that rumor to spread here.” _

Shepard confirmed, “The last two towns we hit before Clay.” 

Kaidan was wracked with disbelief. “You said Cerberus wouldn’t come back to a small town if we wiped them out. Wouldn’t be worth the effort.”

“Normally, they don’t.” Shepard’s hostility sharpened to a point but carefully measured. “Seems Cerberus upped their game.”

_ Game _ . Kaidan rankled. “And what of the people there?”

Shepard was unmoved. “Missing or dead.”

“So, Clay?” He looked between them all. Tali had a mind to drop her gaze to the ground briefly. It did little to hide the guilty expression she wore. Or lessen the twist in his gut. Garrus’ mustache twitched. “They’ll do the same thing there. Kill everybody, destroy an entire town?”

Shepard was completely frozen over. She didn’t even blink. “Likely.”

Red Rock had a population of seventy. Hamilton: two hundred. All those lives, lost. And Clay.  _ God _ , Clay. Nearly seven hundred surrounded the city center. If Cerberus was looking for retribution, the people of Clay were doomed to the same end as those who suffered in that damn cellar. They had interfered with Cerberus dealings there  _ twice _ . And Shepard was responsible for it all. 

No, not all. Kaidan was responsible, too. Pretenses didn’t matter. He had been at Shepard’s side during the bank robbery, done nothing to prevent the slaughter of Cerberus agents. He had encouraged the raid on their lab. They hadn’t done a damn thing to help anyone in Clay. All they’d succeeded in was bringing death and destruction. Because of them, seven hundred people would be sent to their graves. 

Throbbing took root at the back of his head. So intense it might as well have been a woodpecker mining his skull for food. His stomach turned inside his abdomen, spilled acid that melted him from the inside out. All the way down to his toes. For a second, he felt the guilt would rip him apart.

By all appearances, Shepard didn’t have a care in the world. Her face was a mask of cool indifference. 

“How can you be so calm about this?” Anger mixed with exasperation. “Don’t you care at all?”

Ashley, who had been listening intently, her expression one of quiet determination, suddenly turned dark and she looked to Shepard. Every bit as demanding as Kaidan felt.

For a split second, there was a crack in Shepard’s ice. Her mouth agape, he swore there was a hitch in her breath. Like he had wounded her. Then her lips pursed, her eyes narrowed, and she stood. “Unless you can travel through time, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter. They’re dead. We’re not goin’ back to Clay. Not a damn thing has changed.”

Bitter silence filled the air. No one dared so much as to chew as he and Shepard stared each other down. That couldn’t be it. She had to feel something. _She_ _had to_. But with the taste of bile on his tongue, Kaidan knew it wouldn’t matter if she felt the weight of ten thousand deaths on her shoulders. Because she was right.

And he hated that she was right. Going into Clay, they hadn’t known what would happen. Clay was too far to ride back now; Cerberus would get there before they could. It was too late. There was no going back. But there was time to do better. 

Kaidan snapped, “I know that. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. But those people… those deaths can’t be for-”

“I ain’t fuckin’ talkin’ about this.” She marched forward, dangerously close. Embers at her toes, she turned her bowl upside down and emptied its contents into the fire. “Everyone finish eating and get your shit together. I want- ” 

Shepard lifted her chin, those narrowed eyes moving past Kaidan and scanning the forest behind him. 

“Shepard?” Garrus asked as he set his bowl on the ground between his feet. “What is it?”

Picking up on her shift in demeanor, the rest slowly rose to their feet. Garrus reached for his rifle. Wrex tossed his bowl into the pot. Kaidan turned to look as well, set his bowl to the ground carefully and quietly. His hands drifted toward his hips as he straightened. 

There was nothing to see. Complete silence. A light breeze rustled leaves, starting a pattern of dancing shadows on the forest floor and carried unease into their camp. The air was taut with dreadful anticipation. Kaidan’s pulse  _ whooshed  _ in his ears. Shepard’s fingers twitched against her revolver.

A branch snapped in the distance.

Shepard swung her arm wide in a “get back” gesture as she screamed, “Fuck! Everyone down!”

Dishes clattered on hard rock. Gunshots echoed like thunder. The crew scattered, diving behind trees and dropping to the ground as bullets hurled through the air around them. Shepard was the last to take cover behind a thick tree trunk across the way from where Kaidan sat, knees bent and back pressed against a boulder. He’d already drawn his guns. Garrus and Shepard had as well; their weapons were always at the ready, even when they slept. Wrex, Ashley, and Tali, however, had forgone theirs in favor of cover.

There was no reprieve. Bullets ricocheted from multiple directions. By the sheer number of lead raining down on them, they were outnumbered. And they had them at least half surrounded. Cerberus had outnumbered them in Clay, too, without success. But fighting an invisible enemy was impossible. All they could do was wait it out until their attackers had to reload and hope a bullet didn’t find them in the meantime. 

Kaidan shot a concerned look at Wrex. The man barely fit behind the boulder he and Kaidan had chosen for shelter. He doubted anyone else’s cover was much better. His heart moved into his throat.

Garrus lied belly flat in the dirt, steadied his rifle against the log behind which he hid his head. “I can’t get eyes on ‘em!” He yelled just before popping out of cover and shooting at a target no one could see.

Wrex erupted with an angry yell beside him, “Damnit, I need my gun!”

Shepard called out, “Wrex!” And tossed both of her guns to him, one after another. Wrex caught them easily, repositioned to go on the offensive. Once he was ready, she hollered again. “Cover me!”

“With pleasure.” Wrex answered, pulling back the hammer and laying down a hailstorm of opposing fire.

Kaidan and Garrus followed suit, shooting at nothing but the sound of enemy fire. From his peripherals, he saw Shepard sprint out of cover toward the back of camp where their remaining weapons lied. Lead pounded the ground behind her, their opponents not quick enough on the draw to catch up to her. Dirt sprayed up at her heels. It gave her the impression of moving the earth under her feet, rather than moving her feet over the earth. In another time, it might have been beautiful.

Kaidan pulled back into cover to reload. “She’s insane.”

Wrex fell back to the ground beside him, reloading with casual proficiency. He gave a single jaded laugh. “Is that what ya’ call it?”

Garrus continued to fire back at Cerberus. One bullet at a time. A shell flying from the chamber after each shot. Shepard reached the gun pile and scooped three into her arms before diving behind the nearest stump. The opposing fire focused on her. Wood cracked and splinters flew as bullet after bullet pierced the stump. Each one vastly improved the chance that the next would make it through. 

Heart thumping, Kaidan pulled back the hammer on each revolver, scanned the surrounding woods for a tangible target. Flashes of movement. Still far away, but closing in. Waists wrapped in yellow silk. 

“There!” He yelled. “It’s Cerberus!”

He took a shot at one. It skimmed a tree as the agent ducked behind the trunk.

“Of fucking course it’s Cerberus!” Shepard was exasperated, not fearful. “Hold your fire!”

Both men popped off one more shot before Garrus warned with palpable distress, “They’re almost through your cover, Shepard!”

“Let ‘em come!”

Kaidan kept watch on the woods as the others yelled behind him. Cerberus moved efficiently from cover to cover, barely popping out long enough to let him follow their movement, let alone take a worthwhile shot.

Tali’s trill rang clearly above the gunfire. “They’re almost on us!”

He couldn’t see her - she and Ashley had found cover somewhere behind him - but he could hear the joy in her voice. Kaidan had only a moment to be bewildered by it before he understood why. 

One of the Cerberus agents tripped Tali’s perimeter wire. One after another, the ring of specialized dynamite she crafted erupted in a series of explosions. All around their camp, fire blew into the sky. Dirt flew as high as the tree tops. Screams of injured Cerberus agents were drowned out by the next burst. The ground heaved and shook. The smell of burning flesh and hair stung his nostrils. 

Shepard took advantage of the chaos. She launched from behind her stump and took off at a run, tossing rifles at Tali and Ashley along the way. She didn’t slow as she yelled her orders, “You three stay here.” Her mouth split into a feral grin as she ran past the boulder behind which Kaidan and Wrex squatted. “You two, with me.”

Wrex was on her heels immediately. Kaidan’s own feet struggled to find purchase, his mind struggled to keep up - never before had he seen someone smile so frequently as when they held a gun like Shepard - but he followed seconds after. Despite her orders to the contrary, Ashley took up stride behind him.

Garrus yelled after them, “Williams! Get back here!”

His command was strong, but not strong enough. She didn’t look back, clutching her rifle to her chest as she yelled, “I don’t take orders from you!”

Shepard was too far ahead to notice, leaping over fallen trees and the trenches blown into the ground by their perimeter, her shotgun cradled in two hands. Kaidan himself was too busy trying to keep up to suggest Ashley follow orders. Splitting up further was a dangerous idea. One that Shepard and Wrex didn’t seem to care about at all. They weren’t abnormally fast, but they charged into the frey without concern for cover or fear running into oncoming bullets. Kaidan took a more cautious approach, eyes darting back and forth, pausing for cover whenever he did hear a gunshot. Ashley followed his lead. 

Shepard and Wrex disappeared from view within forty-five seconds.

“Shit.” Kaidan muttered, slowing to a walk.

Ashley pulled up beside him, rifle up as she scanned their surroundings. “Where did they go?” 

Gun fire had all but come to a halt. Smoke filled the forest. Fires burned randomly where deadfall had caught fire from the explosions. Amidst the crackling of burning wood, groans from fallen Cerberus agents leaked from the smoke like ghosts haunting a grave. It was eerily still.

Kaidan pulled his silk rag up over his nose. A vain attempt at blocking out some of the smoke and the smell. “This is where I lost sight of them.”

They stood, backs to each other, circling slowly. Both were panting to catch their breath. Sweat dripped from their brows. Ashley’s well manicured bun had come loose; several rogue, curly strands made a halo around her head. Kaidan vibrated with adrenaline. 

A flurry of gunfire exploded from deeper within the woods. Ashley and Kaidan parted, each throwing themselves behind the nearest trees for cover. They looked to one another, confirming that there was, in fact, no bullets aimed in their immediate direction.

“I think we found them.” Ashley remarked.

Her humor was lost on him. As gunshots continued to echo through the woods, his chest tightened. Kaidan stepped out from behind his tree. “Come on. We should keep moving.”

Wanting to conserve energy, Kaidan set out again at a steady jog. Ashley matched his pace. Quick enough they couldn’t carry a conversation, but slow enough they wouldn’t be completely winded by the time they found Shepard and Wrex again. 

Then the gunshots stopped. 

The screams started. 

Ashley paled. They exchanged a brief, panicked look.

Then they broke into a sprint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone sticking with this story. It's slow going, but I have a lot of love for this fic.
> 
> I'm also on [tumblr](https://citadelsushi.tumblr.com/) should you ever want to see more about Avory Shepard, read shorter pieces I don't post here, or just come scream about Mass Effect feelings with me.


	17. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey!  
No, I haven't abandoned this fic. I don't think it would let me even if I wanted to. Updates will be slow because, ya' know, life, but they will still be coming. 
> 
> As always, thank you to anyone who is reading and an extra thank you to those who are kind enough to leave comments. I appreciate the support more than you know.

“Well, crap.” Garrus dropped into cover and pulled back the bolt on his rifle, releasing a spent casing and reloading.

Tali’s explosives bought them a few moment’s reprieve. No doubt Cerberus was taking stock of their damages just out of sight. Soon they would regroup and come back for a second hit. If there were any of them left. There were enough screams from the blasts that Garrus hoped they’d all been wiped out or scared away. Cerberus wasn’t known for their bravery and Garrus had faced worse odds, but he was nearly out of ammunition. From now on, he told himself, no early packing of weaponry.

“Garrus!” Tali scrambled forward, rifle in hand, and skidded into cover behind the same rock Alenko and Wrex had hid behind seconds earlier. She tilted her gun to show the stock, wrapped in leather with loops sewn to hold spare bullets. Only three were filled. “I only have four shots.”

He cursed under his breath. He had six, including the one in the chamber. “Everything is in the pack.”

Garrus looked to the side, opposite of where the others had run. They kept their stash within the perimeter at night, always kept the horses well outside so they wouldn’t wander and blow themselves up. That morning, they had moved supplies closer to the horses to be ready for a quick departure after breakfast. 

“We move for the pack, draw ‘em out. With any luck, we have more bullets left than there are stragglers .” To Tali, he asked, “You doin’ alright?”

Tali scowled. “I can handle myself, Vakarian.”

“I know that, Tali, but imagine Shepard’s reaction if I let anything happen to you.”

Imagine  _ his  _ reaction, he added silently. Shepard would let her rage consume her until she was too tired to feel anything else, as usual. Garrus… well, he didn’t know what he would do if Tali was taken from them, but he was sure it wouldn’t be so productive.

She peered over the boulder, then stood, gun in one hand and the other resting on her hip. “Then maybe it’s time she stopped treating me like I’m some sort of delicate…  _ thing _ .”

Garrus pulled at his mustache and kept his eyes on the horizon. “Now is not really the time, Tali.”

“Williams just got here and she’s already letting her into the thick of it. I’m still assigned a bodyguard.” There was more hurt there than jealousy. 

“Williams disobeyed a direct order.” He stood, brushed dirt from his shirt. “She worries about you.”

She snorted, incredulous. “If I wanted to be worried over, I’d have stayed home. She and my father would have gotten along famously.”

“Doesn’t your father have a bounty on Shepard for taking you with her?”

“Not the point.” Tali’s tone was dismissive. 

Together, they headed for the field where they had left the horses. Chances were they had scattered in the wind after the perimeter blew, but they could deal with finding the animals later. All they really needed now was their pack. 

No more than ten steps into the treeline, gunshots started again. Distant. From where Shepard had led the others. Then closer. Too close. Garrus’s head snapped right, his arm flung out sideways to hold Tali back. Three Cerberus agents stood only twenty feet away. So, some had made it through the explosion. There had to have been an army of them. Tali smacked his arm away and spun, running to find cover of her own. He stepped backward, made himself as small as possible behind a tree. 

Cerberus opened fire.

Tali clutched the rifle in white knuckles. “There’s five over here.”

“Three on my right.” Garrus shouted. 

Eight agents, ten bullets between two of them. That gave them only two misses. Every shot would need to be perfectly placed. “Go.” He said, looking to Tali. “I’ll cover you.”

“Garrus, no.” She was firm. “I’m not leaving you.”

“I’m right behind you.” Though as a bullet sent the bark on his tree flying, he wasn’t as confident as he made himself sound. He sprung out of cover, sent a shot at the offending Cerberus agent. Blood sprayed from his arm. Garrus cursed - anything that wasn’t a kill shot was a miss- and reloaded. “Go, Tali.”

She looked to argue, but he popped out of cover once more and she knew better than to squander the opportunity. She ran, long legs carrying her gracefully over the forest floor toward their goal. Garrus layed down as much cover fire as he could, caring less now about accuracy. Now his only goal was to keep Cerberus down long enough that Tali could make it to safety. 

Tali ran as fast as her feet could carry. It didn’t feel fast enough. Shots boomed so closely her ears rang, so loud she couldn’t hear the crunch of pine needles under her feet, couldn’t tell whether the shots were fading or following after her. Adrenaline flooded her veins so thoroughly she felt her blood supply had been replaced with fire. The world narrowed to a singular purpose. Reach her supplies and finish what her defense perimeter had started.

Sunlight blinded her as she burst through the treeline and into the clearing at the far side of their camp. Snapped ropes dangled from two opposing trees; Chiktikka and Sugar had made it free. The other animals were gone as well. Tali took a second to send a prayer of thanks that they hadn’t tacked up before breakfast that morning. Their saddles still lied in the dirt resting on their pommels, bedrolls attached. Buford’s pack… 

“Damn it to hell!”

Burford’s pack was gone. All their food. All their ammunition. All their gear that didn’t fit on their personal horses. Terror gripped her. Cerberus had snuck so close to them and they hadn’t been any the wiser. How long had Cerberus been watching them? It could have been hours. Longer, even. Had they known her perimeter didn’t extend to the horses? Did they take them? Did they know she kept explosives - 

Tali sprinted for her saddle, flung herself onto the ground beside it, and dug through her saddle bags. “Come on, come on…”She tossed out snacks and gloves and a canteen of water before her fingers wrapped around what she needed. “Yes!”

Sweet relief. The quarter sticks of dynamite were more dope than nitroglycerin, but if utilized correctly would cause significant damage. At the very least, they could likely convince Cerberus they had back up and chase them away. Tali straightened, all smiles, and spun around back the direction from which she came.

A fist collided with her temple. Her vision went white. She fell back, mouth agape, completely silent in her shock. She caught herself with stiff arms, her wrists overextended painfully under her weight. Charges scattered to the ground and rolled out of reach. Her rifle fell to the ground. 

Sight came back to her just as her assailant threw themselves on top of her. Tali fell back and covered her face, catching their blows with her forearms. She struggled underneath their weight. No matter how hard she rolled and shifted and squirmed, she could not displace the agent. Their weight was so firmly planted on her stomach, she could hardly catch a full breath. Eyes squeezed shut, mouth pursed, she tried in vain to roll out of their grip. 

The attacker grabbed at her wrists, prying them away from her face. They locked eyes; Tali’s frantic and determined, the Cerberus agent’s blown wide and wild, utterly mad. A spark ignited in Tali’s stomach as, finally, she remembered a trick she’d seen Shepard use several times. 

Tali bent her knees, planted her feet in the dirt, and thrusted her hips straight up with as much momentum as she could manage. It wasn’t enough to send the agent flying, but they were displaced. Their hands fell to either side of Tali’s head to catch themselves. Tali brought up a knee and drove it into her attacker’s gut and pushed with her other leg. They both somersaulted. 

Tali scrambled on hands and knees to her rifle. It was in her hands by the time the agent made it to their feet. She put a round through the agent’s shoulder. They collapsed, howling. Tali prepared another round and put a final shot through their head. 

She swung the gun around, checking for any encroaching enemies chest heaving. Satisfied that, for the moment, there were none, she reloaded the chamber before standing, then slung the weapon over her shoulder and bent to recover her charges.

When she stood again, the world was spinning. Bells rang so loudly in her ears they burned. She bent at the waist, hands on her knees and drool pooling in her mouth. She spit out the excess, tasted breakfast and copper on her tongue. Footsteps broke through her haze and she groaned, swallowed the vomit in her throat, tucked her charges into her waistband, and raised her gun once more. 

“Tali?”

Elated, she lowered her weapon. “Garrus!”

He ran forward, eyes catching on the dead Cerberus agent. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine.” She insisted. Blood dripped from his nose, a clot already forming in the hairs of his mustache. “And you?”

“I’m empty.” Suspicious, he knelt to pick up the dead agent’s revolver from their holster, opened the cylinder, and dumped spent casings on the ground. “I think they’re out, too. They stopped shootin’ pretty quick.” This group of yellow may have gotten the jump on them, but they were still the same old Cerberus. Quick to shoot their shot, quick to die. As he stood, he said, “There are still some out there. How many do you have?”

“Two. Cerberus took our stores.”

“This day keeps getting better and better.” 

Tali welcomed his sarcasm with a fuzzy smile. “There’s these, too.” She tapped the dynamite tucked in her waistband. “They didn’t check saddlebags.” Garrus smiled about as big as he ever did, a slight upturn of his lips hidden beneath the bars of his mustache, and Tali felt a hint of nausea fade away. “No sign of Shepard?”

Garrus shook his head. “Fire stopped on their side a few minutes ago. I’m sure they’re fine.” Just then, echoes of screams filled the forest. “Although that doesn’t sound great. We should move around and try to cut them off, use what’s left of the charges to take them out.”

“That’d be a great idea,” a female voice cut in from behind, making Tali and Garrus whirl, “if we weren’t already here.”

Three Cerberus agents stood, weapons readied. 

Tali leveled her rifle, shifting aim between them before focusing on the one who spoke. “Glad you liked the idea. Did you miss the part about having two rounds left?”

“We like our odds.” 

From the side, three more agents stepped out from the woods. Shit, they came out of the woodwork like ants. Garrus instinctively stepped closer to Tali. She held her finger against the trigger. 

With a sinister smile, the agent purred, “Let us sweeten the deal. Help us bring in The Shepherd, you two walk free. We’ll even give you all your gear back. And a cut of the bounty.”

“How generous.” Garrus drawled.

“It ain’t an offer to scoff at.” How easy Cerberus cracked under pressure. The agent’s confidence wavered at the first hint of rebuttal. “You think the state’s got a big bounty on her? You ought to see what Cerberus will pay.” 

Garrus narrowed his eyes.

“I think you bastards are bluffing.” Tali scowled.

The agent shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right. We wouldn’t give you any of the cash.”

Her lackeys chuckled darkly. 

Garrus eyed the agents on the side - each brandishing a knife - and the ones at front, their eyes widening slightly each time Tali’s barrel pointed at their chest, their gun hands wavering. His lip twitched. “What the hell would Cerberus want with Shepard?”

“Boss thinks she’d be an asset to the team. One way or another.” 

Again, the lackeys chortled amongst themselves, their shared looks grim enough to make Garrus’s skin crawl.

“I think you’re right, Tali.” He spoke slowly, eyes shifting. Tali held a hair trigger. “I think they are bluffing.” 

Cerberus’ speaker dared, “Go ahead, then. Call it.”

Three things happened simultaneously: Garrus spun on his heels and charged, shoulder first, at the agents to their side. Tali shifted her aim to the agent right of the speaker and blew a hole through their chest with the twitch of her trigger finger. The remaining two frontside agents dropped their, predictably empty, weapons to the ground and rushed Tali.

No time to reload, Tali switched her grip and brandished her gun like a club. She swung it ferociously, ignoring the best she could the way the world spun anew with the sudden movement, and struck the side of an agent’s head with the stock of the weapon. They stumbled backward and fell, clutching their head.

The spokeswoman lunged, took Tali by the shoulders, and both of them fell to the ground in a heap. Tali lost her grip on her rifle and it fell just out of reach. The agent placed her knees on Tali’s elbows, pinning her arms at her sides with the full weight of her body. Tali tried her previous trick again and threw her hips into the air. But there was no contact. This agent wasn’t sitting on her. 

Then, the agent’s hands were around her neck, pinching off her airway. Tali croaked and jerked her head around, desperate to break free. Panic rose along her spine as her lungs screamed for air. Talis hands flailed, searching the ground for something,  _ anything _ she could use. Dirt and grass crumbled beneath her fingertips. Useless. Above her, the agent smiled. Manic.

“Tali!” Garrus yelled between trading punches. 

The distraction cost him a blow to the gut, hard enough he doubled over. He pivoted and straightened, driving his fist up into the nose of another agent. Blood exploded from their nostrils and they crumbled immediately.

Garrus felt his arms be pulled behind his back and wrapped in the grip of a Cerberus agent, trapping him and leaving his front open to assault. The third attacker took full advantage, delivered blow after blow after blow to his face, his sides, his abdomen. Garrus vomited, a mixture of breakfast and blood.

Tali caught sight of him out of her peripherals and tried to scream back, but there was no sound. There was no air. Her feet kicked against an opponent she couldn’t reach. Her fingers stretched to the extent of their ability and - and her fingertips brushed steel! Tali shifted best she could to follow that feeling. 

Sheathed in her boot, a knife. Clumsily, she grasped at the leather strap until it came loose. 

Her body panicked. 

_ Air _ . 

Her mind panicked. 

_ Need air _ . 

To her side, Garrus grunted, held up now almost entirely by the agent on his back. 

_ BREATHE. _

Her fingers inched the blade out of her boot enough to grab the handle. She plunged the blade into the spokeswoman’s leg and, sweet fuckin’ God, it went in deep and stuck. The woman released Tali’s throat immediately and fell backward. Tali gasped, coughing and choking on her own spit as her lungs greedily filled themselves over and over again. She scrambled backward, further from the woman, and grabbed her rifle from the dirt.

“Garrus!” She yelled as she loaded her final bullet into the chamber. “Garrus!” 

He perked slightly at the second call. With the last of his strength, Garrus let his legs go out from under him. The sudden shift in weight and gravity pulled the agent restraining him down as well, and Garrus ducked to let the agent roll over his shoulder and into the one who had been striking him.

Tali pulled the charges from her waistband and threw them.

Garrus caught them, stumbled forward after the agents and stuffed them into the back of the nearest one’s yellow sash. 

Tali took aim.

Garrus dove for cover.

The world flashed white.

***

“Where the hell are they?” Ashley asked, frustration plain.

Kaidan felt it too. They had sprinted at least forty yards in the direction of the screams, ducking at the sound of gunshots and tripping over debris, but had yet to see sign of anyone living. The screams had stopped only a few seconds into their run, leaving Kaidan with a gut sinking feeling that they would be too late.

Ashley came to a sudden stop just before tripping over a body. “Good God.” She muttered.

The corpse lay on its back, a cut so long down their middle it looked like they’d been run over by the blade of a horse plow. Another lied a few feet away, throat ripped open and staining the dirt red. Kaidan moved around them, studying the scene, only to be startled by a third body. Their shoulder was dislocated so badly that it may as well be amputated. Their face so swollen, so disfigured, not even a loved one could identify the individual. Beaten to a bloody pulp.

“Think we found the screamers.” Ashley asked, “You ever seen anything like this?”

Kaidan’s stomach churned and he looked away, over his shoulder at the smoke that filled the space between trees. It did little to soothe his nausea. Fire flickered orange in the distance and, in an instant, he was back in Clay watching the Cerberus cellar burn. The stench of rot and burning flesh hot in his nose. He was answering a call for help with Anderson, sorting through a dozen victims in hopes of finding anyone alive. He was a teenager in Vancouver, blinded by hatred.

He answered, “A couple times” 

Gunfire captured both their attention. Closer than before. Much closer. A quick survey told them it wasn’t intended for them. Yet. Kaidan motioned for Ashley and they moved forward together. Slowly, silently, sticking to cover, they approached. From the sound of it, several weapons fired off against one or two. Kaidan’s heart leapt into his throat. A quick glance at Ashley told him she felt it, too. This was it. They had found them.

Finally, through the trees, Kaidan caught sight of Wrex. His long hair wet from sweat and sticking to his shoulders, back pressed flat against a tree as he reloaded a revolver. Bullets came flying from their left. 

“Wrex!” Kaidan called out, cautious to not sneak up on the man and get himself killed by friendly fire. 

Wrex’s relief was unmistakable, though his voice reeked of impatience when he yelled back, “About time you two caught up. Make yourselves useful, I’m almost out.”

Kaidan and Ashley followed command. They found trees thick enough for protection and shifted so that the trunks shielded their left flank. Peeking carefully out of cover, Kaidan counted eight bodies, all behind cover of their own. Cerberus had come out in force for this ambush. 

Adrenaline surged through his veins, his throat felt tight. He could feel his pulse thumping in his neck, in his stomach, in his ears. 

Ashley was the first to take a shot. Two Cerberus agents poked their heads out of cover and she fired. Two shots, straight through the forehead of each agent. Kaidan blinked over at Williams, who was back in cover, her back pressed against the tree. A self-satisfied smile gracing full lips. 

“Long range is easy with a rifle.” Wrex gruffly called out what Kaidan imagined was his idea of a compliment. 

Like two children competing at target practice, Wrex leaned out of cover, found two targets of his own and took aim. Four shots into the chests of three agents, he arrogantly blew the smoke from Shepard’s revolver.

The remaining five agents launched from cover and advanced, spraying bullets with careless aim as they pushed forward. Forced the three to stay hidden, unable to get a shot in edgewise. Kaidan glanced at Ashley, who didn’t look any less determined despite their situation. It was the look in Wrex’s eye, a modicum of fear that Kaidan had never seen him express before, that made his stomach drop. Seemingly having learned how to cover one another while reloading since their run-in in Clay, there was no break in Cerberus’s fire. 

Kaidan poked his head out of cover just long enough to see the agents were closing in dangerously close before a bullet hit his arm.

“Shit!” He yelled, pulling back behind his tree. 

Ashley called, “Are you hit?” 

Kaidan couldn’t answer. His breathing was too erratic, his pulse louder in his ears than the surrounding gunfire. He looked down at his arm. A crater ripped into the fabric of his shirt. Blood poured from the wound. Pain radiated up clear into his shoulder. Throbbing. Burning. He willed himself to slow his breathing and then, experimentally, he moved his arm. 

“God damnit.” He hissed in pain, nerves screaming down to his fingertips. But it moved, and that would have to be good enough for the time being. Louder, he answered, “I’m fine.” 

“You won’t be for long if we don’t get around them.” Ashley yelled.

Wrex said, “Cover me and I can get them.”

“No!” Kaidan called. “No. Stay in cover.”

He took a deep breath. Ignoring Ashley and Wrex’s demanding stares, he peeked out of cover for a fraction of a second. Only long enough to pinpoint the location of the encroaching agents. He holstered one of his guns, took another breath, and stepped out from cover. 

Gun at his hip, he quick-fired three shots in the blink of an eye. Each hit their mark: left breast. Square in the heart. Kaidan leapt back into cover before they fell. 

A chilling calm washing over him, he popped back out. 

Two more shots. 

Two more agents down. 

All was quiet.

Wrex stepped out from behind his tree. “Hell of a shot, kid.” He said, looking over the fallen bodies. “Didn’t know you had it in ya’.”

“You’re…” Ashley stared at him. “… so fast!” 

She sounded as surprised as he felt.

Just then, an out of breath Shepard jogged into view. She’d slung her shotgun over her shoulder. The split in her lip was freshly open and dripping. Blood was splashed across her face like red freckles. She stopped short, looked up at the three of them, mouth agape. “You didn’t catch up.”

“They had us pinned.” Ashley offered. “Kaidan- “

Shepard glanced at the bodies, then shot a withering look at Ashley. “You were supposed to stay in camp.”

Ashley stood straighter. Held her hands behind her back in militaristic fashion. “Thought I’d be of more use in the field, ma’am.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed, twitched with feral furiosity. “Don’t ‘ma’am’ me, you -”

Kaidan caught sight of movement in the trees. “Shit. Shepard, move!”

Wrex and Ashley dove to the ground, wrestled their weapons into position. But it was too late. Kaidan’s body reacted before his mind had time to process what he was doing. He tackled Shepard to the ground just before a bullet hit the tree at the same height as her head. 

They collapsed to the earth with a thud. Shepard grunted as the air left her lungs all at once, her body forcing her to pant for air it thought it would never taste again. Kaidan rolled to his side and pulled back the hammer, fired once more. The last remaining agent dropped. 

Energy and loaded bullets spent, Kaidan rolled onto his back and let his arm fall limp to the ground. His ears rang in the sudden absence of sound.

It was over. 

He had killed six men. In defense. In a fair fight. It was over so fast, he had a hard time accepting it as truth. It didn’t feel as wrong as he thought it would, as he thought it should.

Shepard sat up, straightening her hat and looking around. Her eyes fell to Kaidan’s arm. “You’re hit.” The alarm in her voice was poorly concealed. She shifted in her seat and grabbed at his arm, leaning over to get a closer look. 

He hissed in pain, sat up and moved to free himself of her grip. But she held fast, and jerking too hard only made him hiss again. 

“It’s nothing.” Kaidan said. He felt far more concerned with how easily instinct had taken over his body. 

Shepard, however, didn’t look convinced. Concern was an unsettling look on her normally guarded face. “I swear. I’m fine.”

She silenced him with a stare. Her fingers were careful, but swift and demanding as she peeled the blood soaked sleeve away from the bullet wound. She didn’t so much as flinch at the blood, still seeping, coating her fingertips. Kaidan watched as she damn near stuck her nose into it, trying to see through the gore. Unimpressed, she sat back and poked her finger into the wound. 

“Damnit!” Kaidan jerked away from her successfully then. “I told you it was nothin’.”

She dropped his arm as if she had shot him anew. A new expression came over her. There was relief there, but also subdued fear. And, as always, a faint hint of anger. But none of those seemed to be directed to him. “You didn’t tell me it only grazed you.”

He hadn’t taken the care to look to be certain. “I’d be a lot worse off if it went through.” Kaidan holstered his weapon and untied the black silk rag from around his neck. “Could you?”

Shepard swallowed, nodded. She took the wild rag from him and wrapped it around his bicep, pulled tight over his wound. Kaidan forced himself to stay still, but his arm trembled as she tied the makeshift bandage. He focused on breathing deep through his nose, out through his mouth. She was close enough to him, his senses filled with mint. The tingling scent brought some comfort. If nothing else, it was better than smoke.

When she finished tying a knot, Shepard pushed herself to standing. Dusted her hands off on her thighs. She looked to Ashley and Wrex, once again the picture of perseverance. “Let’s get back to camp.” She turned to Kaidan. “You comin’?”

Kaidan nodded slowly. Shepard eyed him for a moment before turning away and making for camp, Ashley and Wrex following closely behind. Kaidan watched, his eyes on Shepard’s hands, stained red with blood. His own and the blood of Cerberus. The skin over her knuckles ripped open and swollen red. He spared a quick glance at his own, his palms unjustly clean. The throbbing in his arm receded to a dull ache. The acid in his stomach neutralized. Adrenaline left his body in a sweeping wave and left him completely hollow.

Then, he pushed himself to standing, and followed after the others. 


	18. Threadbare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in two months? Who am I?

Ashley Williams kept her chin up, her mind focused on her breathing; it was easy to maintain pace even as they dodged fallen bodies and jumped trenches blown into the dirt by Tali’s explosive barrier. Shepard led them at a jog. The casual pace of which only drew further attention to the rigidity of her spine, the stiffness of her gait. Shepard was still on the warpath.

Wrex shared her focus. But Alenko, just behind and to Ashley’s right, looked a million miles away. He held his wounded arm stiffly at his side as he jogged along. If it wouldn’t draw attention from Shepard - something Ashley certainly did  _ not _ want at the moment - she would have slowed and nudged him back to Earth. Just as well, she reckoned, Kaidan probably didn’t want attention right then, either.

They burst from the trees and came to a dead stop. At the center of their camp, no living person remained. 

“Garrus!” Shepard called out with thinly veiled distress. “Tali!”

Ashley felt her heart pound against her chest in the following silence. Even Wrex, stoic since she’d joined them, took in the abandoned mess of their breakfast spot with a deep crease in his brow. 

Kaidan cupped his hand beside his mouth and hollered, “Tali!”

Wordlessly, the four of them spread out across the area like they were stepping over fresh graves. Several Cerberus bodies littered the ground as close as ten yards from the fire pit. Their fire still burned, their dishes still sat where they’d left them. No sign of Tali or Garrus remained that was any more telling than another. Ashley spared a glance at Kaidan, whose paleness couldn’t be completely attributed to blood loss.

Wrex kicked a corpse, rolling its nose down into the dirt. An exit wound exploded from the back of the skull. “Bastards got close.”

Ashley wandered to the opposite side of the camp and nudged at a body with the barrel of her rifle. The Cerberus agent was dead as a doorknob, their neck twisted. Not a single bullet hole in ‘em. “Real close.” 

“Must’ve run out of bullets.” Kaidan observed.

“Where the fuck are they?” Shepard circled on her heel, too quick to truly catch sight of anything significant. “Garrus!” When her only reply was the crackle of live wood popping in the nearby flames, she cursed, “Fuck!”

Not unlike approaching a spooked horse, Kaidan moved cautiously in Shepard’s direction. He offered, “They wouldn't have gone far. Wrex and I will go look by the horses.”

Shepard looked at him, bewildered, stuck between offense and comfort. Then, she glanced at Ashley, nothing but fire behind chilling eyes, and Ashley felt herself shrink under the heat. She didn’t want to be left alone with Shepard any more than Shepard did with her. 

“Garrus would’ve gone for more ammo.” She stated, as if the idea to look for them there was her own. “Let’s go.”

Wrex moved forward first, shotgun in hand. Ashley began to move out as well, but her eyes caught on Shepard. For a second, if she squinted, Ashley could have sworn that gratitude crossed Shepard’s expression. Could have sworn that her slow start was intentional hesitation. But Alenko stepped out, brushing past her without a second thought, his cautiousness forgotten, and any semblance of kindness was erased from Shepard’s expression in the blink of an eye. 

Though she started late, Shepard took the lead quickly. Once again, they found themselves chasing after Shepard as she charged into unknown danger. This time, it was less thrilling. Nevertheless, Ashley’s heart found a new home in her throat, making it difficult to breathe despite their easier pace. She’d only been with Shepard’s crew a few days, not long enough to form any true attachments to any of them, but she didn’t want any of them hurt. Or dead. And she sure as hell didn’t want to be the one responsible if they were.

As they reached the area they had left the horses, Ashley said a silent prayer.

“Oh, God.” Kaidan breathed.

Dust and smoke hung in the air so thick she choked on it. The horses were gone, including her own and Tali’s who had been tied. And, much like their camp, Cerberus bodies covered the ground like fresh spring grass. Unlike the ones in camp, however, these were blown to bits. Three were torn apart badly enough that finishing a puzzle with no edges would be easier than trying to piece their bodies together. Whatever had transpired while they were on the opposite side of the woods, it had been a hell of a fight.

In the center of it all, Tali and Garrus stood haphazardly, as if holding each other up.

“Garrus!” Shepard yelled, rushing forward. “Tali!”

Ashley kept her head on a swivel, waiting for another yellow sash to appear, but her shoulders felt one hundred pounds lighter. 

Wrex kept his shotgun in hand as he moved closer to the pair and looked them over. “Looks like you finally did somethin’ worth a damn, Vakarian.” Then, eyes moving past them, he said, “And we’ve got ourselves a survivor.”

The rest of the group followed his line of sight. On the ground, a Cerberus agent was trying to inch away unnoticed. A knife protruded from her thigh and she dragged it along limply.

“Grab her.” Shepard ordered, apathetic, before turning her attention to Garrus and Tali.

She eyed him head to toe, disquieted by his state. Viscera painted his clothing. His nose was twisted and bruising quickly, his mustache hardened by blood. By morning, both eyes would be a nasty shade of purple. Normally rigid straight posture was forgotten in favor of a pained stomach, which he held his hand over. Garrus gave her a look, the kind that couldn’t be read without years of understanding, and Shepard acquiesced.

Instead, Shepard raised a hand, held Tali’s chin gingerly between her fingers, and turned her face side to side. She appraised the damage with ministrations as sisterly as any Ashley had ever experienced with her own siblings. Tali looked about as rough as Garrus, though her injuries were their worst at her throat. Deep red bruises already shaded a collar around her neck. Plum circles, the size of knees, marked her arms. A cut on her forehead continued to trickle blood though all of Garrus’s visible wounds appeared to have slowed minutes ago. 

“Are you okay?”

Tali swatted her hand away - an even more sisterly display - and said, “Fine, Shepard.”

Unconvinced, and much to Tali’s chagrin, Shepard looked at Garrus. “What the fuck happened?”

“Ran out of ammo. Fortunately, so did Cerberus.” He cleared his throat under Shepard’s stare, looking terribly embarrassed. “We tried making it to the pack, but Cerberus beat us to it.”

Wrex swore from beyond, gun aimed at the Cerberus agent. She had since ceased her feeble attempt at escape. “You let them take our horses, too?”

“Shut up, Wrex.” Shepard spat. “We’ll deal with it later.”

“The horses broke loose before we got here.” Garrus seemed crushed under the weight of his failure. Or maybe just disoriented. By the looks of him, he had been damn close to the blast. “Y’all make it back alright?”

“Alenko got shot.” Ashley answered.

Shepard shot daggers at Ashley.

Alarmed, Tali asked, “What?”

Kaidan answered before either woman could. “I haven’t bled out yet, so I reckon I’ll live.” Somehow, his attempt at humor didn’t set off Shepard. “It’ll need stitched before we head out, though.”

“Any idea how they found us?” Shepard asked, primarily to Garrus. 

“I have an idea how we can find out.” Wrex nodded his head and all eyes turned to him.

He nudged the agent’s leg with his toe and she yelled out in pain. The knife was buried deep, the blade completely sheathed in muscle. Only a purple handle was visible.

Shepard swelled with pride. “You did that?”

Tali stood a little taller, suppressed a smile when she nodded.

“Stuffin’ the dynamite down their pants and blowin’ ‘em up was her idea too.” Garrus added.

Shepard smiled. It was genuine, but the context felt sinister. Ashley’s stomach tightened.

“Nice work.” Shepard allowed an iota of contentment. “Now, put some pressure on that.” She pointed at Tali’s dripping head wound. 

Tali damn near rolled her eyes in an expression Ashley was so used to seeing on Sarah her heart lurched. But Garrus handed her a square handkerchief from his pocket and she obliged, holding the fabric to her forehead.

Satisfied, Shepard turned to Wrex and the Cerberus agent. Wrex asked, “You want me to make this one talk?”

“No.” She approached at a leisurely pace, yet every footfall radiated deadly intent. When she reached them, she placed a hand on Wrex’s shotgun and gently lowered the barrel to aim at the ground. Then she knelt in front of the woman and stared so deeply into the agent’s eyes, Ashley imagined she could see directly into her brain. The woman stared back, obstinate. “This one’s on me.”

“I’m not sayin’ shit.”

Shepard coyly wrapped her fingers around the handle of the knife in her leg. Ashley glanced at Garrus and Tali, who looked on with varying levels of approval. She’d heard the stories about The Shepherd’s cruelty. About the poor victims who ended up on the sharp end of her blade. Some of them, she knew, were Cerberus propaganda, the victims their own. But there were others, so many others…. 

Shepard tightened her grip so that the blade moved within the woman’s leg. It was a millimeters difference, but it was enough to make the woman scream. Ashley glanced at Kaidan, who looked as disturbed as she felt. Would Shepard really torture a woman in broad daylight? In front of everyone? Would they allow it?

Apathetically, she asked, “You sure?”

“Shepard,” Garrus stepped forward. “Back in Dry Creek, I thought someone was watchin’ us.”

Her attention did not waver from the agent’s face when she asked, “They here this morning?”

“Didn’t see her.” He shook his head. “I’ll check the bodies.”

“Dry Creek?” The audaciousness of the agent to laugh in Shepard’s face was astounding. “Le’me guess, cowboy. Woman? Black hair? So damn pretty it’ll make your head explode?”

Shepard raised a brow.

Garrus answered cautiously, “So she is one of you?”

“You won’t find her here.” Meeting Shepard’s eye contact head on, she continued, “You don’t have to carve me up. If she’s on your trail, you’ll be dead soon enough.”

Wrex snarled from above. 

Shepard cocked her head. “And who is  _ ‘she’ _ ?”

“The only person in Cerberus who could ever have made it into that shithole without bein’ shot on sight.” The agent laughed again, nihilistic. “Shit, I heard whispers she wanted The Shepherd for somethin’ but - ahh!” 

Shepard ripped the knife from her leg and fresh blood spilled from the wound. “Focus. Before I find a new place to stick this.”

A new sense of panic gripped the agent and she held both hands to her gaping wound. Still, she shook her head. “I ain’t sayin’ shit. I’m better off dyin’ now.”

Shepard pursed her lips and Ashley wondered if she’d ever experienced being the lesser of two fears. “And how did you find us if you’re not with her?”

“Dumb fuckin’ luck.” She sputtered, blood pouring through her fingers. She glanced between Garrus and Tali and said, “The other woman I was with wasn’t kiddin’. Cerberus wants The Shepherd and they’re willin’ to pay. A lot. We were headed to Clay when we saw yous, she thought you’d be her big break.”

Ashley’s stomach soured. The woman on the ground at Shepard’s mercy wasn’t some innocent townsperson caught in the crossfire, she was part of Cerberus. She was actively hunting them. She was complacent, at best, to the disappearance and deaths of the Bahtia’s. At worst, she had a hand in the death of Ashley’s father. A Cerberus piece of shit. Ashley spat the taste of copper from her mouth, no longer caring what fate Shepard decided for the agent.

Shepard stood, wiping the blade clean on her pants. “Where’s our horses?”

“I don’t know, honest.” She answered quickly, voice full of hope. “Some of us packed it on the mule to carry out, but he bolted.”

Tali handed the knife to Tali, then she held out her hand. “Wrex?”

He handed her his gun.

Ashley blurted, “Don’t you want to know what they want with you?”

Shepard took Wrex’s shotgun to the pump and jerked, readying a new shell with minimal effort. “No.” 

She took aim. With the pull of the trigger, the agent’s head disappeared from her body. Shepard handed the gun back to Wrex and turned to face the rest of the group. She noted Ashley’s twisted expression and Kaidan’s beside her. It was the latter that made her falter.

“Said herself she was better off dyin’ now.”

“Compassion of the trade.” Wrex grimly agreed, shouldering his shotgun.

Ashley knew the explanation wasn’t for her. A clean shot to the head was a better death than most saw. It was better than her father received. And a hell of a lot better than any Cerberus agent deserved.

Kaidan, however, was less soothed by her logic. He turned on a heel and strode away without another word.

Shepard watched him go, lips pursed, crestfallen. “You all go gather what’s left from camp. I’ll find the horses.”

Garrus argued, “I can help, Shepard.”

“No,” She stretched both hands behind her and patted her back pockets then fumbled in her breast pocket. Coming up empty, she held a hand out to Garrus. A cigarette appeared in her palm as she continued, “You go make sure Tali takes it easy. And I mean  _ easy _ .” She gave Tali a pointed look as Garrus placed a match in her palm as well. She struck it on the bottom of her boot, lit the cigarette, and took a long drag. “You might ask her to set your nose, though.”

Garrus looked to argue, but even though the fire inside Shepard seemed to have been extinguished, there was a finality in her tone that no one could question.

Ashley felt a wave of self-consciousness crash over her. But she remembered what her father always told her. Be bold, be direct, be not afraid - for fear of confrontation leads to fear of life. And crow was always harder to eat the colder it got. 

“Shepard, ma’am, I want to apologize for not following your orders back there.”

Wrex, for possibly the first time in his life, looked caught off guard. Garrus looked at her with wide eyes and shook his head, as if he was disappointed in her. Or pitied her. Ashley tasted copper at the thought of someone feeling bad for her. 

Shepard didn’t share the same sentiment. “Apologies aren’t worth the paper you wipe your ass with, Williams. Don’t do somethin’ if you’re gonna be sorry for it later.”

Wrex gave a huff in agreement.

Flint struck stone and Ashley shot back, calm, but assertive. “To be clear, ma’am, I’m not sorry for what I did. I’m a good shot. I didn’t leave home to be left in camp when the fighting starts.”

“There was fighting in camp, too, dumbass. Or have you gone blind?” She gestured at the dead agents on the ground. At Garrus and Tali.

She had not. She was well aware of the bruises on both their faces. The ripped clothing from the tussel. The blood striking through the bandage on Tali’s forehead. 

“It won’t happen again.”

Ashley gave Garrus and Tali a sympathetic nod before she turned her back on the four and started walking back to camp. Careful to keep her head high, eyes cast down, making sure she wouldn’t trip and make a further fool of herself. 

As she left, she heard their conversation continue. 

“A little harsh, Shepard. We made out just fine.” Garrus said quietly. 

Shepard responded with a dark laugh. “Of all the fuckin’ things, that is what you scold me for? You could have gotten killed, Garrus.”

“Come on, Shepard. You didn’t expect her to be much help, anyway, otherwise you wouldn’t have left me to protect her.”

Ashley sped up. Knowing Shepard thought her useless was bad enough already, she didn’t want to hear any more. 

She reached camp quickly and found Kaidan seated on a boulder, his shirt off and inspecting his wound. A bottle of whiskey and a large linen pouch sat at his feet.

He looked up at the sound of her footsteps. “Ashley? Everything alright?”

“Fine.” She said curtly. She shot a glance at him, who eyed her with patience, and she sighed. As she plopped onto the rock nearest his, she said, “I helped ya’ll out in the woods. Thought proving myself capable would be a good thing, not piss her off.”

“It’s much easier to piss her off than to not, trust me.”

Ashley scoffed. “At least she trusts you.”

His expression darkened. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I would. She listens to you. Didn’t shoot me because you told her not to. And she doesn’t have someone keep watch over you at night.” Kaidan looked puzzled. “You think I haven’t noticed how there’s always one person on watch with me in their line of sight? I’m not stupid.”

“I know you aren’t.” Kaidan looked up, off into the trees where Shepard still gathered with the other three. “She doesn’t like having new people around, is all.”

"Seems to like you just fine." Bitterness stung her tongue. “How long did it take for you?”

Kaidan paused, rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. “I don’t think it was about time, it was out of necessity. We came across a group of Cerberus running experiments on people. If she wanted to go after them, she had to leave me on my own. Before that…” he shook his head. “Truth be told, I’m still not certain she won’t try to kill me after Vancouver.”

“Then why do you defend her?”

A moment’s pause. “Don’t know that, either, Ashley.”

She could tell he truly didn’t, though it was clear as day to her and everyone else in camp. “She won’t. Kill you.” When he looked at her, confusion wrinkling thick, dark eyebrows, she almost sighed. So juvenile. “Pretty obvious you’re not just a captive anymore.” He blinked at her, giving nothing away. “How’s the arm?”

“I’ll live.” Kaidan answered. 

Ashley watched as he grabbed the bottle of liquor from the ground. “You’re lucky it only grazed you.”

Kaidan nodded. Took the top off the bottle with his teeth, poured a generous amount of alcohol onto the wound. His jaw clenched so tightly, the veins in his forehead stuck out beneath his skin. Clear of blood, Ashley could see there was a large, elliptical shaped chunk gone from his skin. It ripped through the fat, lumpy bits of yellow poked out from below. Ashley cringed looking at it. She’d seen a fair share of injuries in her day, but she was by no means the medic of the family.

Finally, Kaidan had enough and set the bottle to the ground. His hand shook. “You sew?”

Ashley shook her head. “My youngest sister is a master with a thread and needle. I’ve got big hands, better suited for guns.”

Kaidan inhaled a tremulous breath. “Right.” He handed her the linen pouch. “Can you thread a needle for me? My hands are a little shaky.”

Ashley took the pouch and unfolded it. A crude sewing kit, modified to handle flesh and fabric. Ashley plucked a curved needle and a thin, silken strand. She folded it through the eye of the needle and handed it back to him.

Needle pinched between two fingers, Kaidan poured a splash of whiskey over the needle and thread. He made a pained noise as he pierced the skin at the edge of his wound and Ashley cringed, turning away before he pulled the thread through.

“My mom is going to be furious.”

Ashley laughed, caught off guard, and cautioned a peek. “What?”

Smiling through the discomfort as he pulled the strand through his skin, Kaidan said, “When my dad was Vancouver’s Sheriff, he got shot by Cerberus. Almost lost his leg.” He winced as he punctured himself again. “She’ll give me a hell of a tongue lashing when she finds out I got shot doin’ the same.”

Ashley went board stiff. “My dad let Cerberus in.”

Kaidan froze as well. “What?”

_ Shit _ . Ashley glanced to the woods, made sure no one else had come within earshot before she continued. “A lot of them showed up in Clay all at once. They were heavy handed right away, struck down anyone who looked at ‘em funny. My father… he knew there was no point puttin’ up a fight. Not if he wanted to minimize casualties. So he surrendered the town to them. Started payin’ the protection money, let ‘em do whatever they wanted. For a while, there was relative peace. No one else got hurt. But we could sense the winds were changing. Daddy set us up outside of town, but he stayed back to protect the townsfolk, keep dealing with Cerberus.” She shook her head, clenched her jaw. “It didn’t matter that he gave in to every one of their demands, they just kept getting more and more aggressive. Innocent people died. My father had enough. He went to the townsfolk, asked them to take up arms against Cerberus and drive them out. But by then, everyone was too afraid, or complacent, and they turned my father into their scapegoat. They got mad at  _ him _ . Claimed he was the reason Cerberus had to keep killin’ folks.”

“They turned on him?” Kaidan asked softly.

“Cerberus didn’t even have to kill him. A little encouragement and the townsfolk did it for ‘em. I wasn’t there, none of us were, but we all heard the stories. They made a show of it. Humiliated him before they killed him. Cerberus praised ‘em for it and then went right back to murdering them in cold blood.” Ashley’s gaze fell to her feet, but she saw nothing. Everything a blur amidst the hatred clouding her mind. “Folks still come ‘round the property and stir up trouble. They still blame my father for Cerberus havin’ a hold over Clay.”

Ashley’s chest burned under Kaidan’s steady stare. Speaking about her father was a mistake. No one in the group knew what he had done. Now, they would peg her as a Cerberus sympathizer and banish her. Or kill her. Hell, with Shepard’s reputation, she wouldn’t be surprised if her whole family paid the price.

Just as she had crafted an escape plan, Kaidan said, “When my dad got shot, my mom thought he was going to die. I wasn’t there for it. She would’ve been all alone. She couldn’t lose him, so she made him promise he wouldn’t go against them again.”

“So isn’t she already mad at you for comin’ out here?”

Kaidan continued his stitch, staying quiet until he pulled it tight, the edges of skin coming together nicely. “When I get back, I don’t know what she’ll think. But no one here is gonna hold your father’s actions against you.”

“You can’t know that.” Ashely insisted. “The exact opposite has been true my whole life.”

“There’s a time and a place and a method to fighting back against something like this. Not everyone can do it. My dad can’t walk on his own anymore because his cause was just, but his timing was bad.” 

“What’s your point?”

“You have a lot to lose, Ashley. And you’re still out here fightin’ for better. Your dad fought the best way he knew how. There’s no shame in that.”

Ashley’s brow furrowed. “Takes a special kind of thick headed to march into a job where your family’s history might get you killed.”

Kaidan huffed a laugh, his smile easy, “You did it anyway.”

Just then, Shepard emerged from the edge of the forest. Garrus, Wrex, and Tali on either side. Ashley snapped to attention, drawing Shepard’s scrutinizing gaze. She paused for a moment, taking in the scene, before continuing her stride and locking her sights on Ashley. 

“What the hell are you doin’?” 

Ashley opened her mouth, but Kaidan spoke first. “She’s helpin’ me close this up.”

Shepard looked past her to Kaidan, a mixture of blood and brown alcohol dripping down his bare arm as he poked the needle through his skin again. A flash of remorse crossed those ice blue eyes before she regained her composure. Quietly cleared her throat. “Doesn’t look like she’s doin’ much of anythin’.”

“Moral support.” Kaidan quipped, good natured despite his project.

“Alright, Doctor Do Good, can you manage fixin’-” Just then, Kaidan made another pained noise, loud enough that he drew Shepard’s attention once more, causing a hitch in her speech, “fixin’ Garrus’s nose when you’re done.” She gestured near Ashley and told Tali, “Go sit. Do nothing.”

“Sure.” Kaidan agreed.

Ashley, having expected to be tied up and left behind or shot dead, exhaled a short breath of relief that Shepard’s attention had turned elsewhere. She hazarded a glance over her shoulder to see Wrex and Garrus split off and was somewhat amused to find that Shepard lingered. Her eyes locked on Kaidan, her weight subconsciously shifting toward and away from him. Forward and back. Over and over. Until, finally, she rocked back on her heels and retreated back to the woods after the horses. 

Facing front, Ashley mused, “She’s less scary when she’s human.”

Kaidan looked at her, query in his eyes, and spoke a different question aloud, “Tali, you alright?”

“I’d be better if everyone would stop askin’ me that.” She snapped, equal parts resigned and frustrated. 

“You do bruise like a peach.” Ashley said.

Tali’s eyes narrowed at her. 

Like throwing dirt on a grease fire, Kaidan calmly asked, “You need another bandage?” 

Reluctantly, Tali accepted the pad he offered and added it to the one already pressed against her forehead. “Thank you,” She said, looking somewhat sheepish now. “It’s a disease. Or an illness, really. I’m not contagious. It’s in my blood. We don’t know much about it, but my father paid for all the best doctors to come see me when I was a girl and they said my blood doesn’t clot like it’s supposed to.” Tali took a breath, crossed her arms to hide the raised bruises on her arms, “It’s manageable, but I do bruise easily.”

Ashley offered, “You know, if you don’t like the bruises, I could help you cover them up until they go away.” Hope in her eyes, Tali looked up. Ashley took that as a positive and added, “I didn’t bring any makeup with me, but I’m pretty good with it if we can find some.”

Kaidan looked at her, surprised.

“What? Just because I can shoot a man doesn’t mean I don’t like makeup and nice clothes, Alenko.”

Kaidan breathed a laugh, “I don’t doubt you’re skilled at both.”


End file.
